PAT'S MOMENTS

Voting

2012-02-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

I've been watching the American republican candidates as they travel the country begging for votes and it makes me glad I don't fall for their bulls..t anymore and it also makes me sad that politicians never change.

Has there ever been an election where the candidate didn't occasionally show up with his shirt sleeves rolled up and not wearing a tie? They are trying to portray themselves as just one of the common people, someone who can identify with our needs and wants and most of us fall for it. Most of us are able to forget that the politician pulls in millions of dollars a year and has never been poor in his life. Most of us think he really does want to make things better for us. I say bulls..t!

Mitt Romney could well beat Obama in the next election and he tries awfully hard to look like one of the masses but he can't erase that "privileged" persona. He can push his sleeves up all he wants but his manicure and upper class bearing insures he'll never be mistaken for a true working man. Not that regular working men don't sneak in a manicure now and then but it's fairly rare.

I wouldn't be surprised if, at one time, he's donned a cowboy shirt and cowboy boots to entice the farm vote. It's embarrassing, really, seeing to what extent these politicians will go to buy a vote. They'd wear a clown suit if there were enough clowns to make it worth their while.

Our elected officials can even be jailed for felonies and still almost count on being re-elected once they get out of jail. Many of us voters blind ourselves to the game so well that we're able to be convinced that a good old boy who dresses down and has the gift of gab is fit to lead us even if he's a criminal. I wonder when we'll wake up and open our eyes.

Mitt Romney isn't a criminal, so far as I know, but he isn't aiming to become president of the United States to do the common good. He's in it to continue robbing the poor to pay the rich...just like all of them.

Gambling

2012-01-31T14:36:00.000-08:00

My daughter, Cindy, and my friend, Sylvia, frown on my love of the casino. I wonder if they ever think that they are taking a gamble every day of their lives just by crawling out of bed in the morning? They are taking a chance that they'll get through the day without accident, either at work or driving.

Getting married is a gamble, too. In the heat of first love, you don't even try to look beyond the skin to see what kind of person lies inside, do you? A lot of people have discovered too late that they married a monster.

Having children is another gamble. Will they be good kids? Will they be healthy kids? Will we still like each other when they're adults?

You gamble big time when you vote. That's one gamble I won't take again because I can't find a decent politician to vote for.

Driving is a terrible gamble. The roads are so dangerous and filled with angry or inept drivers. Personally, I love to drive and just hope the crazies won't notice me out there.

Living is the biggest gamble of all because you know without a doubt that one day, near or far, you're going to lose.

That said, I love to gamble and enjoy the thrill of possiblities so I'm going to keep on trucking. By the way, I won $30 today at the internet casino but I won't tell you how much I lost in the cruise ship casinos.

The Cruise

2012-01-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

Our cruise was with Norwegian Cruise Lines (Norwegian Star), left Sunday, January 22 and returned Sunday, January 29. There were 54 of us from our park and I haven't heard from one who would ever cruise with Norwegian again.

The experience wasn't horrible but there were various problems that caused me to make that decision...one was the fact that the bathroom in our room was smaller than the one in my little trailer here in Florida. Then, with 3 senior ladies in our room, one had to climb up a ladder onto a bunkbed (on Carnival cruises we had 3 separate beds on the floor). Another problem was the layout of the main diningroom where the servers working area was inbetween table groupings which caused more noise and upheaval than we ever had with Carnival. Last, for me, was how curt and unfriendly many of the staff were. The friendliest ones were the cleaning staff.

That said, we did have a wonderful time because we chose to do so. We visited Roatan, Honduras and learned something of it's friendly people. I believe this is a newer stop for the cruise lines because it's still relatively unspoiled.

We visited Costa Maya (never heard of it before) and saw the beauty there amongst the poverty. We took a taxi into the nearby village (beach and vendors!!) and our tour guide from the park, Debbie, traded her used Reboks for a very nice necklace and bracelet that I'd paid $25 for. The vendor wasn't interested in my slip on sandals, I guess. Debbie went back to the ship in bare feet.

We visited Belize and fought our way through terribly aggressive vendors. I'd always thought Belize was sort of a luxury city but discovered it was mainly a very poor one. The city of Belize is built on landfill which is below sea level and it has to be completely evacuated during a severe storm.

Our last stop was Cozumel where we again fought our way through unbearably aggressive vendors until we found a nice tour guide to take us around the island. One of our stops was at a tequila factory where we enjoyed many, many samples of excellent tequila. I'd never tasted it before and was surprised how good the good stuff ($80 per bottle) was. We didn't buy any but we sure did enjoy the tasting.

We had one sea day at the beginning of the cruise and one sea day at the end so we got together with a group of friends and played "65" on those afternoons.

My Cindy wrote that my generation might be the last to enjoy retirement pleasures like this and she could well be right about that. My generation benefited from the unions that we or our spouses belonged to but the present generation might not have it as good. Unions used to be very powerful and influential but, like so many instances of abuse of power, the unions have sort of made a mess of the economy in some cases so they've lost strength.

None of us here in my little Florida park are millionaires but we are comfortable. We enjoy ourselves as long as our health allows and that's the main thing. Life is often what you chose to make of it and it doesn't take riches to make it good. It usually takes attitude...good relatives and friends are a bonus!

Anyway, I sadly said goodbye to Mary today when Don came to pick her up. I love her dearly and completely enjoy her company so it's been a fun 2 weeks having her with me. Our other roommate on the cruise, Sylvia, is another treasure of a friend but she'll be here in the park until April just like me. We were fairly crowded in our stateroom but never had even the tiniest dispute. We laughed at inconveniences and just carried on enjoying every moment we could and that's a sign of a darned good friendship. The two of them even took turns sleeping on that awful bunkbed because my knees couldn't have handled the crawl across it.

Now here I am, alone in my quiet little trailer and honestly enjoying the solitude...until tomorrow when the social whirl begins again. Thank you, Dennis.

Week With Mary

2012-01-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

Mary is one of my closest friends and she came down to spend the week with me before we all go on our cruise. We've been on the go, running the roads like maniacs, since she got here and we're getting very tired. We both had a nap this afternoon, the first one possible to us during the whole week.

Tomorrow we go on a cruise with a whole busload of our park people. We'll go out of Tampa and visit Cozumel, Costa Maya, Belize, and Roatan. I've never heard of Costa Maya or Roatan before but I'll be quite happy to tour around them and see what they're like. Honestly, I'd be happy to even spend the whole 8 days on the ship because it's so much fun there.

Dennis refused to go on a cruise because he said he'd be bored but there just is no way that can happen. The cruise line makes sure that there are fun things going on all day and evening and the meals are always outstanding. Our little group has decided we'll eat breakfast in the dining room every morning instead of going to the buffet. For me, that will mean eating less because I'll only order what I really want instead of taking everything I see on the buffet table.

Mary's husband, Don, comes to pick her up on the Monday after we return and I'm going to miss her. Mary is a sort of relative who has always been a good friend but now is more like a sister to me. She's a great companion and so darned easy to spend time with...we laugh a lot, talk a lot, and respect each other's differences. She's a good friend and I love her dearly.

It's been a busy week but also one of the most fun weeks I'll spend down here. I'm expecting the cruise to be the topper, though, and can't wait to board that ship and start the adventure.

Life is good.

Dishonorable Marines

2012-01-13T04:10:00.000-08:00

The photo seems to show American marines urinating on the bodies of their dead enemies. Why would anyone be surprised that, during a war, one side would have anything but contempt for the other? The sad part is that their humanity suffers in the process and that's why these marines have lost sight of common human decency.

War brings out the hidden savagery in people, allowing them to perform acts that civilization has tried to eliminate from the human psyche. It's similar to mob mentality where people become barbaric simply because they're within a group of people who have given in to their wild side.

Yes, it's horrible that these marines in American uniform committed such a disgusting act but it's not really surprising. War can be dehumanizing.

Good News, Sad News

2012-01-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

Kim had her surgery on Monday and has recovered so well that she was able to come home today. The truth is that she's probably safer at home than in a hospital full of sometimes deadly germs so I'm quite happy that she is home. Nick and Matt are with her now and Cindy will be with her tonight so she couldn't be better cared for.

Now the sort of sad news. I watched a little old lady walking today and realized that years ago I wondered why old people often walk funny. Well, the sad truth is that most of us have aches and pains that hurt when we walk. When you see an elderly person taking time to exit a car it could be because they're afraid of twisting a knee (I do that). Some seniors have back or hip pain that worsens when they're walking. Some have sore feet.

Getting old isn't for sissies but, if you can tolerate the odd ache or pain without giving in to it, you can still have a wonderful quality of life.

My knee pain was making me miserable for most of the summer and fall but it has subsided to a tweek now and then, lurking in the background and just waiting for me to give it a twist so it can claw it's way to the surface. And that's why it takes me forever to crawl out of a car! That's also why I curse a lot trying to crawl out of Kim's sports car!

But today is a good one.

My New Watch

2012-01-08T08:47:00.001-08:00

I'm not a fancy person who needs expensive watches to make me feel successful so I buy a watch every year or two from the flea market in Florida. It's nice to have the change so often, too. I loved this watch as soon as I saw it because of the colors in the band and also because it was stretchy with no clasps.

At first I sort of thought the band looked like it was made of safety pins strung with beads but then thought, no, no-one would sell something like that. Well, when I finally got around to inspecting it closer, the band really was made of safety pins and I think it's adorable! How ingenious to use a simple and readily available product to make a watch band. You know it had to have been made in China because we Canadians and Americans are just too snooty to think of doing such a thing.

I love it and it only cost $12.

Worrying About Kids

2012-01-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

My daughter is having surgery on Monday and it's driving me crazy with worry. The surgery is a common one that must be performed many times daily in every hospital in the world but I don't care. This time it's being performed on my baby.

Whenever any of my kids, grandkids, or greatgrandkids are sick I can't live with myself because the worrying clouds my mind. I seem to be unable to see it all in perspective and, instead, worry myself sick about the tiny chance that something bad could happen. I know that, if it did, I'd die.

I didn't sleep well last night worrying about it. I've cancelled my Monday casino trip because I need to stay by the phone waiting to hear that she is out of surgery and resting well. I really do NEED to hear those words and will be completely on edge until I do.

It doesn't matter how old your babies are, you will worry about them in every way until the day you die. My babies are to blame for every wrinkle on my face and grey hair on my head! But I wouldn't have wanted to live my life without having those babies in the first place. Sigh!

Winter Cold in Florida

2012-01-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

Canada is sending down some of that cold air to Florida for the next few days. I shouldn't blame it on Canada but everyone else here does. Anyway, I added an electric blanket to my bedding when I made the bed this morning so I'm all set. It's a heady feeling to climb into a nice warm bed when the room is a little too cold for comfort and I'm looking forward to bedtime tonight.

These trailers just aren't insulated enough to keep out the cold when the temperature outside is very low. It seeps in through the poorly constructed windows and doors even when the furnace is on. I like it kind of cool so I don't use the furnace if I don't have to. Most winter days in mid Florida are sunny and it doesn't cool off until evening so it's a rare day when my furnace is required.

I'll turn on the electric blanket to a low heat about an hour before bedtime and it will be perfect when I crawl into bed. Simple pleasures, right?

Eucerin Aquaphor

2011-12-31T04:09:00.000-08:00

When I went to the drugstore (Walgreens) the other day for Visine, I also ended up buying "Aquaphor" healing ointment to use on the rash on my face. This rash appears on either side of my nose and on my chin whenever I'm under stress and, believe me, I'm under stress these days. I don't normally use face makeup but the rash was so red that it was embarrassing me and I'd used an old makeup to cover it up. Thinking I should at least buy a fresh new makeup, I stood in front of the cosmetics wondering just which one I should buy.

Along came a very nice and helpful saleslady who offered to help me and, when I told her why I wanted the makeup, she led me to Eucerin "Aquaphor" healing ointment. We both knew I shouldn't cover irritated skin with makeup but I'd tried lots of different creams with not good results. She didn't sound like someone who is just trying to sell a product but someone who really cared about my problem and was doing her best to get me the best product for the job. In any case, I took her advice and bought it.

Honest to heavens, soon after the first application I saw a reduction in the reddening. By the following night, both the reddening and the rough skin was almost gone. "Aquaphor" looks like Vaseline and the ingredients say that it is 41% Petroleum but not what the other 59% is. I've been using Valseline with some success but nothing like what I got with the "Aquaphor".

If the saleslady hadn't recommended it, I never would have thought to buy it but I'm so glad I did. These recurring rashes are terribly bothersome to me and the prescription ointment I accidently left at home doesn't work near as well as the "Aquaphor".

I don't know why it works so well or what the 59% ingredient is but I don't care. It works for me.

Anybody Got A Gun?

2011-12-30T11:17:00.000-08:00

Well, on top of all my bloody problems, now I've got "pink eye". This is the first year I've come to Florida without having 100% health coverage (this year I have $1000 deductible) and it cost me $120 to see a doctor this morning.

I noticed yesterday that the whites of my eyes were terribly bloodshot so I paid $7 to buy Visine. This morning they were still awfully red so I hiked myself over to a clinic, not daring to wait until after the new year, and saw a very nice doctor who gave me a prescription and told me I needed to lose weight. He could have omitted the last part because it has nothing to do with my eyes, damn it.

Off I went to Walmart to fill the prescription and was delighted and amazed to find it only cost me a total of $4. What kind of antibiotic costs $4?? Did the pharmacist think I was a welfare patient? I know I look like a rummy with these red eyes but gosh darn!

I'm staying away from my buddies for the rest of the weekend because "pink eye" can be contageous. Barb braved the germs and did come over to my place for a coffee but I kept my distance.

Now for some interesting news. Joann bought a shabby lazy susan a few years ago for us to use when we play cards. Sometimes there are so many of us we have to use the big round table and most of us can't reach into the middle. Therefore, we put the cards on the lazy susan and move it around from player to player. Last night someone noticed a distinct image of Jesus on the tray. It's in imitation woodgrain but unbelievably real so I bugged Joann to let me put it on Ebay. If someone will pay good money to buy a potato chip with the image of Jesus, our lazy susan might be a big hit. Anyway, we will gain a week of fun out of this even if it never sells. Take fun wherever you find it!

Now, this potentially contageous woman is going to stay home for a few days and play on the computer.

Seahorse Fountain

2011-12-27T13:48:00.001-08:00

This is the cute fountain that Shelley and John got me for Christmas. There was no trouble putting it together and getting it working, either. A seahorse is perfect for my Florida patio!

Also notice the gorgeous flowers growing right next to it! I love Florida...in the winter.

Weeki Wachee

2011-12-27T04:57:00.000-08:00

Shelley and I went to Walmart and, since I finished my shopping first, I sat on the bench by the checkout to wait for her. Before I sat down I noticed an elderly lady sitting there with a wild acting younger man sitting next to her but I sat down anyway. I knew he was on some sort of drugs because he couldn't keep his arms and legs still...they were in constant motion as he leaned close to the lady and told her the same story over and over and over again. I was a little worried for her so I paid close attention, occasionally thinking that maybe I should call for security.

It was apparent that the man was a stranger to her as he explained what a great time he'd had at a girlfriend's house the day before in Weeki Wachee. Unfortunately for him, she had a boyfriend that showed up, too. The guy would ask the old lady if she'd ever heard of Weeki Wachee and she replied no a few times but, after the third or fourth telling of his story, she started to reply that she had heard of it. She might have been senile or she might have been polite.

I'll bet he told her the same story 50 times while I sat there eavesdropping, all the while flailing his arms and legs uncontrollably. He also told her that he liked to come to Walmart so that he could help people. Oh, oh! Then I was worried that he might attach himself to her when she left the store but she had said that she was waiting for her husband so maybe her husband would be more wary of this character.

Shelley finally showed up and we left but I still felt there was something I should have done for that lady. Maybe I was just sticking my nose in where it wasn't wanted but I was worried for her safety. Anyway, I walked away and did nothing.

I told Shelley that she never had to worry about me in a situation like that because I'm naturally suspicious and careful of people I don't know. The elderly are often easy targets because most of us can be too trusting, enjoying the "kindness" of strangers without question. You can't do that in this world.

Anyway, little old lady from Walmart, I hope your husband showed up and sent that druggie packing.

Christmas With Shelley & Hers

2011-12-24T12:34:00.000-08:00

This is an especially lovely Christmas for me this year because I'm spending it at Shelley's house. Lisette and Nicole are home from school and Jake and John are here, of course. It warms myt heart to see the interaction between these people...they are the closest of families, having learned from their families on both sides. Family is of utmost importance to all of us.

I brought my Swedish weaving, Tyson's afghan, to work on when I have time. This sweet family likes to sleep in late and I'm an early riser who doesn't like to disturb them with the T.V. so weaving is necessary. Tyson's afghan is starting to shape up and I really do like the effect of the rather gaudy colors of his favorite football team, the Minnesota Vikings. Purple, gold, and white look happy together!

The temperature is in the 80's but the house is filled with Xmas spirit. Shelley and the kids did some baking this afternoon so the house also smells really nice, too. They've already decorated the inside and outside of the house with lights so the warm weather can't stop us from enjoying one of the loveliest and joyful of seasons. Who needs snow??

I taught Jake to play "65" yesterday and he seemed to actually like it once we got started. I think he only played at first out of courtesy for his Gramma. I actually was the only one to screw up by passing him 2 wild cards by mistake. I also brought them a "Rummicubes" game which I believe they'll love once they learn how to play it. It requires a degree of intelligence whereas "65" is mainly luck and memory.

John bought a Xmas jig-saw puzzle to be put out tomorrow. Shelley wants to keep up with her father's traditions of always having a jig-saw puzzle to work on every Xmas day. I remember how none of my grandsons were interested in helping until the year I bought a puzzle consisting of nothing but women's butts in thongs. All of a sudden you couldn't pry them away from it. Wonder why? Anyway, having family traditions make for good memories, no matter what they are.

I love this house. Not only is it beautiful but the family who lives here fills it with love that makes me feel so darned lucky to be here. The only thing more that I could wish for would be for my whole family to be here. I really hate being away from Nolan and Nash because I know they'll be the life of Xmas back home. I sure hope someone posts a lot of pictures!!

Oh well, this will still be a dream Xmas for me and one I'll always remember...what I don't understand is how the heck I managed to change the printing style!!!! Hope it's not permanent because this is Shelley's computer. Sigh!

Toes & Hair Done

2011-12-21T05:27:00.000-08:00

Sylvia and I went out to get our toes done yesterday but I convinced her to wait for me while I had my haircut first. She's such a good soul and so easy to get along with...the best kind of friend. I got the haircut pretty fast and am sort of happy with it but it's a little shorter than I'd prefer. I seem to have that problem with haircuts most of the time.

Then we went for our pedicures and luxuriated in the treatment, feeling very privileged to be able to do this. My pedicurist was a young man who did a very nice job and I commented that when he was married his wife would be a very lucky woman. It got me thinking about how easy it is to please a woman. Just have a job and bring home your pay, smile a lot and agree with her, and give her the occasional backrub or pedicure. We women don't ask for much, really. I could add a few more things to that list but every woman is different and it's up to the man to discover her likes and dislikes. I'm joking, of course, but there is a grain of truth in my words!

I decided to stay away from my friends one more night because I still have a tiny bit of the cold and it would be nasty to pass on any germs. There is so little worth watching on T.V. but I vegetated in front of it for the evening anyway.

Today I have to go out and get the 2 important things I forgot to get yesterday...gas and Tylenol PM. Then it's Bingo with friends tonight.

Christmas Bouquet

2011-12-19T15:44:00.001-08:00

This is the beautiful Christmas bouquet that Kim, Cindy, and Don sent me. I was so pleased to see that they remembered how much I love carnations, too. This will make me happy every time I look at it! Thank you, my darlin's!

New Movies Losing Money

2011-12-19T05:30:00.000-08:00

I heard on the news this morning about how much money some of the new, highly hyped movies are losing due to uninterested patrons. Barb and I watched (me for the umpteenth time) "The Wizard of Oz" yesterday and were completely enthralled once more in the beauty of the old movie made, I think, in 1939. So, why haven't today's movie makers learned to make movies like that?

It seems as though modern movies are geared to titillate by providing more and more sex and mayhem because it's so easy for them. Throw in 2 or 3 people engaged in loveless sex and then have one of them hack the others to pieces and the movie is done. No expertise in making a good movie needed...stupid people will pay big bucks to see it, then go home and forget about it because the appeal was short-lived.

I just bought a new, larger T.V. for the trailer so we got to watch "The Wizard of Oz" in all it's glory. I mentally dissect any movie I watch and did so with this one again. But the bountiful color and fascinating story line faithfully amazed me once again, making me admire all who had a part in making this beautiful movie. I'll watch it many more times, I'm sure, and enjoy it every time. I'm looking forward to watching it with Nolan and Nash and seeing it through their sweet, young eyes. It was a timeless movie, made for young and old, and it will be around when porn is long forgotten.

My New T.V.

2011-12-18T13:53:00.001-08:00

I know I've been saying how much I hate having to do so much for myself since Dennis passed away but, when I do accomplish something new, it makes me feel awfully good about myself. Today, I purchased a new T.V. for the trailer (26"), removed the old one (19") which was very heavy and installed the new one. This may sound like idiot's work but I've never done this before and wasn't sure exactly how to do it. It was simple but I'm most proud of myself for even attempting it. I still hate having to deal with everything by myself, though.

Teaching Them How To Wash

2011-12-18T06:15:00.000-08:00

I'm still steaming from the latest excuse for a pedophile to be naked in the shower with a child....teaching them how to wash themselves!!! I think back to when I was teaching my own children and grandchildren how to bathe and it never involved me touching them. I pointed things out that needed doing. How can anyone believe that Sandusky was only naked in the shower with a 10 year old boy so that he could teach him how to wash himself? If this creature goes free because a juror buys his lies, he'll continue to molest children. How do people like this live with themselves?

I also have a hard time understanding how a lawyer can defend him. How can anyone try to convince a jury to set this pedophile free to continue abusing children? It's a mystery to me how and why Sandusky has been allowed to do this for so many years without someone...his wife, for one...stopping him. Maybe crimes like this will become rare now that the victims feel freer about confronting and charging pedophiles for the abuse they suffered. We can only hope.

Good News on the "Lip"

2011-12-17T06:36:00.001-08:00

Even though the lip has been gradually healing, it's been sort of a slow process. For the last while, the scab would come off leaving a reasonable facsimile of a normal lip underneath but it just didn't quite look or feel right. By the next day it would be covered once again by a thinner scab or scaling. But today, for the first time, the scab or scaling didn't return to a large section of my lip and it feels wonderful. I'm assuming, maybe prematurely, that the rest of the lip will follow suit in short order.

It's been 64 days since the last radiation treatment so much longet than I'd been led to believe before the scabbing would be gone but right now I don't care. My lip is beginning to feel normal for the first time since more than 2 years ago when the first tiny sore appeared. It was then I should have told the dermatologist to treat it but I chose to ignore it and the end result was skin cancer that required serious treatment.

In any case, all that I went through with the treatments was worth it in the long run. I suppose I knew this during and after treatments but it's nice to see the beginning of the end after all this time. When I look back on photos when my lip was at it's worst, I can't believe I held myself together mentally without cracking up. It wasn't easy but it wasn't a disaster. Maybe it even made me a stronger person being able to deal with the whole damn thing.

I guess it's true that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Cell Phones & Driving

2011-12-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

I'm a long time hater of using the telephone so there was no way I'd become tied to a cell phone. I did recently buy one but that was because of problems with my car and I might need a phone to call for help if it broke down.

It used to be that, if you saw a car weaving from the center line to the shoulder of the road, you could honestly assume the driver was drunk but not these days. At least I hope not because I see a lot of this kind of erratic driving every single time I'm on the road. No, the culprit now is the dreaded cell phone. People just don't seem to realize or care that they can't concentrate on their driving while carrying on a conversation on their phone. I even notice that my concentration isn't as good if I'm talking to a passenger.

The other day I was driving down the highway behind a car that continually rolled onto the shoulder before over-correcting and then driving over the center line. I don't pass these drivers without taking caution to make sure they aren't hitting that center line the same time as I pass them so I had enough time to notice a baby car seat in their car. Was there actually a baby in there while it's mother thought more of her telephone call than the safety of her child? It was a young woman driver so it well could have been.

Drivers who talk on their cell phones are self-centered individuals who really have no concern for the dangers they put other drivers in. It's been a proven fact that talking on cell phones while driving has caused many accidents that resulted in death of the driver or innocent people. So why do people continue this dangerous habit? Inconsideration is the only answer.

I've seen women curling their hair while driving. I've seen men reading a map while driving. I know of a person who will remain unnamed who put in her contacts while driving. People have told me they saw men using their computer while driving. What is wrong with these people?

I just hope some of them will see the light and mend their ways. If they do, the roads will be safer for all of us.

Shelley, RN,BSN

2011-12-12T12:46:00.000-08:00

I hope I did that right. Shelley graduated last night with a Batchelor of Science in Nursing degree to go along with her Registered Nurse degree. She also graduated Summa Cum Laude (3.9 average), Nursing Honors, and Nursing Home Society Candidate. I know she's very proud of her accomplishments and so are we, her family and friends. Shelley worked awfully darned hard to achieve what she did.

Along to watch the ceremony was husband, John, daughters Lisette and Nicole, son Jake, friends Rachelle and Janice, brother-in-law George, and sister-in-law Rosie. We sat in awe and respect for the 200 graduates who were receiving various medical degrees, knowing that it hadn't come easy for any of them. They were all to be admired for their dedication to advancing their knowledge which would benefit every patient who passed their way in the future. Many, like Shelley, plan to further their aspirations by returning for even higher degrees. There was a lot to admire last night.

It was a magical evening and I knew that somewhere Shelley's father was taking note and feeling pride in his daughter. I could almost see his smile.

Growing

2011-12-11T06:16:00.000-08:00

It used to be that we only had a few friends at our card table before the new year but this year we've filled it almost to beyond capacity. I really do love this because it shows over and over how well we all get along and enjoy each other's company. I am a little sad that in the new year more of our friends will arrive and that will mean we will have to use separate tables for our games. I hate to lose any of my buddies even to a table right next to mine because I have so much fun with them. When you hear laughter coming from another card table, you feel as though you're missing out on some of the fun.

Spending my winters in Florida has completely changed my life for the better. It isn't just escaping the cold Canadian winter climate but it's given me the opportunity to meet so many nice people. Most of the people come to this park for the same reasons. They just aren't ready to hibernate in the cold and want to take advantage of living in a close community with neighbors who are in similar circumstances. There are a lot of activities available to us that usually aren't at home and we don't have to shovel snow to get to them. No-one here, even singles, have to sit at home alone every day and night because there is group activity every night and most days. You only have to choose which one to participate in.

Growing up I always had close female friends and just took for granted that this would continue forever but my adult years were different. My husband frowned on me having any relationships outside the family so I sort of drifted away from friends of my own. In my senior years I began to balk at being isolated and became good friends with Faye and Mary who are like sisters to me today. Then, coming to this park for the winter where friendships thrive like Florida sunshine, I made many new friendships that I treasure. I honestly don't think I've ever laughed as much in my life as I have since coming here. We're a happy bunch of people, living a darned good life in our golden years.

I do miss my family back home but Shelley lives in Tampa now so I'll get to see her often during the winter. And when I head back home in April, it will be with a happy heart to see the people I love there. I know my winters in Florida are numbered because of age and funds so each one I have is a bonus. Looking ahead to the time when I can't come here anymore, I've already decided that I'll get deeply involved with the senior center. I'm going to enjoy every moment that I can while I can. I think that's a healthy attitude.

Aloe

2011-12-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

For most of my adult years, whenever I was upset, my face would break out in rashes on various locations. Lately, not only have I been plagued with this darned scab on my lip but my face broke out pretty severely, too. I do have a prescription cream from the dermatologist that I use when this happens but it's back home so I was at a loss as to what to do about the rashes. Then I remembered that the juices inside the leaves of the aloe plant is supposed to work miracles on skin conditions and even sores. I happen to have aloe plants growing wild outside my trailer.

I went out and cut off one leaf and brought it in the house, placed it in a baggie to keep in the fridge. First I cut off a small piece and peeled the outer layer back to expose the sort of slimy innards, this is what I applied to the areas that were reddened by rashes...they really looked awful, by the way. Immediately, I noticed the redness fading away and by morning the rashes were almost completely cleared up. I had no idea that aloe was this powerful but I plan on using it all winter and even bringing home one of the baby plants that spring out beside the mother plant.

Isn't nature fascinating?

Winter in Florida

2011-12-07T12:44:00.000-08:00

This has got to be the cutest flower planter that I've ever had. I got it at a yard sale for $1 and knew I'd love it forever. The Christmas cactus that I've set inside it is another story. It cost $5 and seems awfully darned small for that price. Whatever, the planter makes me smile every time I look at it!

Speak Up

2011-12-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

Evil flourishes in secrecy. It is up to all of us to speak up when we've been victimized, whether it be by a powerful individual or a corrupt corporation.

When it was brought to light that Sandusky was sexually abusing young boys under his control, I knew that these episodes weren't restricted to just recent years. Pedophiles are not born that way but they do start experimenting when they are quite young. Most marry and even have children but once they've crossed that invisible line between normal and deviant sexual interest they rarely stop offending.

I very much admire the young men who have stepped forward into the glaring spotlight to tell how he abused them. It can't be easy for them and I'm sure their reasons for exposing Sandusky is to save any children in the future from going through what they did. They are very brave and strong individuals.

How many young lives wouldn't have been messed up by this evil man if people who knew what he was doing had stopped him years ago. I'm not referring to the victims but to the bystanders who turned a blind eye to his horrible behaviour. This is a good example of why we need to speak out against what we know is wrong, regardless of the possibility of being attacked for speaking out ourselves.

Why Penn State University officials didn't put a stop to this years ago can be interpreted as their unwillingness to alienate a man who was useful to them and their school. If so, none of those knowledgable officials should be able to look at their own children and grandchildren without shame ever again.

I, for one, would rip the heart out of any person who sexually abused my babies. Creatures like Sandusky who prey on young children have no right to be part of our society and it's way past time that we jail abusers for the rest of their lives.

From Slavery to the Good Life

2011-12-06T07:53:00.000-08:00

There is a T.V. ad for a website to trace your ancestry and the spokesman claims he found his ancestor who had been a slave who became a businessman before he died. Now, whether or not this spokesman is telling the truth or just acting out a part, the fact is that many slaves did prosper during their lifetimes.

If I was the great granddaughter of someone who had doggedly dragged themselves up from slavery to prosperity, I would be so darned proud of them. And, if I had the misfortune to be enslaved, I would be so proud of any of my progeny who prospered.

Slavery has always been a shameful part of our history because it completely goes against the concept of how human beings should behave. The fact that it has remained shameful tells us just how unacceptable it was to the vast majority of the people. And I'm referring to the white population! If the white population as a whole had agreed with enslaving blacks, it would still be occurring. It was by far the intervention of decent white people that black slaves were freed and allowed to rise or fall by their own hand.

I can't help but admire the tenacity of the freed slaves who did go on to educate themselves and live better lives. They elevated their own status and then provided for their children and grandchildren with the fruits of their labor. They, and the white population which stood behind them, offered a better life for their offspring than they probably would have had in Africa. Many fell by the wayside and continued to lead downtrodden lives but many took advantage of what was offered and went on to be successful in whatever they chose.

When I think of what the strongest impetus was for either failing or succeeding, it had to be pride. Without pride, you can't believe in yourself and those slaves who did succeed are living proof that it doesn't matter what you came from, if your have pride in yourself, you will succeed in life.

Succeeding doesn't mean gaining riches, it means gaining satisfaction with the way your life is turning out. It means being happy and content with your status quo.

I'm thinking right now of the children who committed suicide because bullies beat down their self esteem and made them lose pride and confidence in themselves. If only someone had been able to instill confidence in those poor souls, no bully could have affected them. We need to remind our children that the bullies are really the weak and pitiful ones because they can only feel good about themselves if they make someone else miserable.

Pride is a catalyst to success, whether in business or lifestyle. Pride means that you will never give up making a good life for yourself. Pride gives you strength to persevere.

So be proud of yourself! And, to the bullies, if you had any pride in yourselves you wouldn't be bullying.

Murderers

2011-12-05T13:35:00.000-08:00

There are some wicked stories in the news these days about people who take it upon themselves to end the lives of another person or persons. Something inside the minds of these people allows them to viciously murder someone because that person angered them in some way.

Wives who decide they don't want to be married anymore have lost their lives because of husbands who believe they have the right to kill them. Mothers who decide they don't want the burden of raising their child believe they have the right to murder the child. Where do these people get off thinking they have the right to murder someone who offends them or disrupts their lives?

I understand that we all justify any and every decision we make, whether it be for the good or not, but how do these husbands and mothers justify playing god and deciding who will live and who will die? What is even more frightening is that some murderers carry on with their own lives as though they have done nothing wrong. It's as though they are capable of leaving the past in the past and don't let any sins or crimes they've committed interfere with their future. Are they all so selfish that they can fool themselves this easily?

I saw on a T.V. interview how some high school students bullied a young girl so badly that she couldn't cope and ended up committing suicide. One of the bullies whined to her interviewers how hard it was for her to be judged badly by other students now. She just wished all could be forgiven and forgotten so she could go on her merry way without any consequences for her actions. How can she be so blind?

There's also much in the news about pedophiles in high ranking positions taking sexual advantage of children under their control. I can only imagine that they view themselves as more important than anyone else and their pleasures more important than the ruination of the children they prey on. Again, what is worse than a sick pedophile is how many so-called "normal" people know that the abuse is occurring but choose to ignore it and allow it to go on for years. Not only the pedophile needs to be imprisoned but also anyone who aided and abetted the abuse.

I'm at the point right now where I'm so sick of the ugliness I see on the news that maybe I should stop watching for a while.

Cold in Florida

2011-12-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

The great cold north sent down some darned cold winds yesterday that made our southern temperatures plummet. I had to put the furnace on last night, for heaven's sake. Of course, this sort of up and down weather will go on until March so it's no surprise and we'll be up in the 80's by Monday. I'm just happy that the sky is clear and blue and I'm still able to wear my capris. My cold toes made me give up sandals until tomorrow, though. I couldn't stand the humid Florida heat in the summer but whatever we get here during the winter is lovely.

We had a small group this morning for Swedish weaving but I couldn't start mine...I'd thought I had a piece of white fabric here for Tyson's afghan but it's beige and won't do. Barb and I went shopping and I bought 2 pieces, one white for Tyson and one a strong sage for someone else some day. Tyson's will be done this winter.

Then Barb and I went for lunch. It seems that no-one leaves the park for any reason that doesn't end in a restaurant. The Swedish weaving ladies suggested we make a field trip to a fabric store in another town and my first thought was, "And we can have lunch there.". Everyone agreed.

By the way, my car ran beautifully smooth the whole trip until I stupidly mentioned that fact to Barb on the way home. Within a few seconds it gave a sputter. Just one, though. It doesn't pay to tempt the fates.

Tonight a gang of us are playing cards at the clubhouse and you can bet we'll have a good time.

The Honda Saga

2011-11-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

I went over to Tampa on Monday and took the car into Tampa Trans, the shop that charged me $2000 to fix the transmission when I got to Florida. Funny, but the car ran really well all the way over there but I wanted it checked out by them anyway. Shelley met me at IHOP which is just a short walk from the shop and then drove me to her house. If nothing else, the trip was worth having a couple of days with Shelley.

Nicole was at the dentist but got home in time for all of us to go out and meet John for lunch. Then it was back to Shelley's to just chill until dinnertime. Sometimes it seems like my life revolves around meals.

On Tuesday, Shelley and I stopped by the shop to see about the car because we hadn't heard from them. The shop owner told me they'd checked the transmission and it was fine but he thought I might have a problem with the head gasket or the fuel injector. He said he didn't have the equipment to check those things, though. All I understood was that it was going to cost a lot of money to have the car fixed if either of those things were malfunctioning. I let my mind shift back to the possibility that I'd be flying home instead of driving.

We left the car there so we could go shopping and Shelley got some terrific buys at Kohls. Then we went to TJMax and she got some more great buys. I only bought a big mug all day. Now, Shelley doesn't like shopping and only went because I asked her to but she ended up saving a fortune on the things she bought. Shopping can be good.

One more sleep at Shelley's and then I left for 3W this morning. The car drove very, very well. Now I'm back to thinking that Mickey was right all along and all the car needed was the additive in the gas tank to clean the fuel injector. It really does seem to be getting better every time I drive it. Also, the local shop who put in 2 sensors (haven't a clue what for) and said it might take some driving for them to kick in...maybe that's why the car is driving better. I don't know but I'm going to have the whole winter to test drive it.

It's cold today for Florida...low 60's and a strong wind. Shelley loves this kind of weather but I'll be happier when it's around 75 degrees. I don't need pool weather, just comfy weather.

Oh yes, and some excellent news. Faye's rental is all settled and she and Gary will be here for 3 months. I'm so happy because I'd about given up hope on them finding a place here. They'll be right across the road from me!! Now to hope she enjoys it enough to come back next year...she'd said this winter would be her last one in Florida.

Well, now maybe I can squeeze in a nap before dinner and Bingo.

March 12, 2004 Thoughts

2011-11-27T04:20:00.000-08:00

I've always been a writer of sorts, often emptying my soul with pen and paper, so it didn't surprise me to find the following article hidden inside an old notebook. I assume I'd had another of the ongoing fights with my husband...I'll never know why we fought so much but that's the past, over and done.

"There is beauty here. Even in the mounds of stinking, rotting garbage piles you can find a perfect healthy dandelion that has taken only the good from the depleted soil and managed to thrive.

Even in the most crime-ridden, poverty driven gettoes can we see the shining, smiling face of a child still innocent..for a while.

Even in the rat race of movers and shakers can we see one human being in repose, one who has stepped outside the frantic pace for just a moment to lift his face to the sun.

Funny how easy it is to see the beauty in life. We only have to look beyond the ugliness.

I am a watcher, a seeker of truths but everywhere I look I see untruths. Maybe the truth is not in us.

Do you see what I see? Do you hear what I hear? Then why do we still have hope?

Today is Saturday, March 12, 2004. I'm sitting on the patio of my Florida trailer enjoying a warm, sunny, peaceful day. Saturday afternoons are usually quiet here because many of the residents go shopping. I'm feeling very introspective but will accept what comes. Life is too short to be unhappy but somehow I've managed to..."

And there it ends. At that moment I had no idea that the man I'd been married to since I was 17 would soon begin his year long struggle with esophagus cancer, one he'd lose on July 20, 2005. I do know that, on March 12,2004 he was a strong and healthy man.

I was right about one thing...life is too short to be unhappy. We could have done better if we'd only known how.

It's Heaven

2011-11-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

Today is what I bet it feels like in heaven. The sun is shining, the air is lovely and warm and there's a nice fresh breeze blowing. Neighbors walk by as I hang my clothes on the line and stop for a friendly talk. My crisp white sheets are going to smell like heaven when I put them on the bed tonight.

It's hard to understand how some people need money and excitement to consider themselves in heaven when all they really need to do is move to my park.

That's Life

2011-11-25T18:27:00.000-08:00

I phoned the shop where they've been trying since Tuesday to fix my car and was told the car wasn't there...he was joking. Then he told me they'd set fire to the damn thing...he was joking but I understood his frustration with "the damn thing". Those good people had inspected every part and test driven it numerous times all without success in finding out what was wrong with it. And they never charged me a dime because they said they won't charge if they can't fix. They are my favorite car repair shop in the world even if they couldn't find the problem.

I'd had my coffee morning and was jabbering away to the ladies about the car and that I was waiting for Sylvia and Mickey to get back from shopping to take me over to pick it up. I got 2 offers on the spot for a drive over and took Myrna up on her kind offer. She and her husband, Wendell, drove me first to the post office and then to the shop where I got my car and they made inquiries into having their brakes fixed. They'll be in good hands!

Since I needed to get gas and then drive the car a bit to see how it was running, I made my way to the internet casino where I spent about 3 hours relaxing. By the time I left for home, I was up $5. The car, by the way, sputtered a couple of times during the drive.

I am so happy to have my faulty little car back so I don't have to depend on others to drive me around. Sometimes I just feel like taking off by myself, too. I'll take the car to Tampa on Monday to the transmission shop and let them take it apart again... this time I hope they get it right. To be honest, I'm almost accepting that I'll be flying home in April but my biggest problem with that is I'm not sure what the legal status is for leaving a Canadian car in the States. I'm wondering if I can just donate it to a tech school for kids to learn how to take cars apart but I won't worry about that until it either stops working or until March. I've got enough to worry about without burdening myself with "what ifs". I'll also need to contact the insurance company back home if I leave it here. Oh well, all in good time.

Life is...well, maybe not perfect but it is what it is.

American Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

Today is the American Thanksgiving and I'm here in my little trailer park in Florida all set to celebrate it. We're having dinner at 2 P.M in the clubhouse where everyone will congregate with their culinary contributions...the park management provides the turkey. I can't wait!

I know I've said it before but this park is like a little village, full of some of the nicest human beings you'll find anywhere. How wonderful to get to be with them for a holiday feast! Our table was set last night after Bingo and so far we have 6 at our table so there is room for at least 2 more to join us. Normally, our table is full but some of our close buddies either aren't going to be here this year or just haven't arrived yet.

Every holiday makes me stop to think how lucky I am to be in this space and time with the people I care about and Thanksgiving is no exception. I am very thankful to be spending it with such good friends who have come to be almost like family to me. I'm thankful for many things today and I know how fortunate I am even if the bloomin' car isn't working. Maybe it will be fixed tomorrow and I'll have even more to be thankful for, though. Just hoping!

The Car

2011-11-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

So the car was running very rough on Monday when we went to the casino and it made me think it might not make it all the way over to Tampa on Monday so yesterday I took it into a local shop to have them find the problem. They were very kind and seemed to have my best interests at heart, especially when I told them I'd already paid $2000 on the transmission. They all said that I'd been robbed because the problem didn't sound like transmission trouble.

I waited in their waiting room for a couple of hours while they scanned it, ruling out one after another of potential problems. They suggested I go home because it could be a while before they found anything so I phoned Mickey and Sylvia and they came right over to pick me up. I can't help but wonder about the people who have no-one to help them out.

The car was kept overnight so I phoned this morning and was told they still can't find the problem but to give them a bit more time and they'd call later. I stayed off the computer even though I had lots of work to do and waited until 3 P.M. before calling the shop myself. Guess what? They closed early for the American Thanksgiving and no-one was there. Damn! I don't mind being without a car for a few days but they really should have called to tell me they needed it longer.

Mickey was kind enough to drive me over to Publix so I could get the things I need for the salad I'm taking to our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow in the clubhouse. My friends here are more like family and I wish so much they all lived closer to me in Canada.

My lip is continuing to heal but I still have discomfort from the swelling. It's not the worst thing in the world!

Tonight we play Bingo and I'm still playing on winnings right now so the fates are being kind to me since I spent all that money getting the car fixed. At this rate, I'll need to continuously win at Bingo and the casino for the next 3 or 4 winters, though. And I'm not sure the car will ever be fixed!!

On Being Overwhelmed

2011-11-21T05:45:00.000-08:00

My car is still an ongoing problem but not bad enough to keep me off the roads. I thought about what Kim had told me I should have done...fly home, buy a new car and drive back to Florida...and then thought about how I was feeling when I first made it to the park. I was so overwhelmed with stress that there was no way I could have done that.

I do love the 2 day drive to Florida but I was still recovering from the treatments to the skin cancer on my bottom lip, 6 months of stress from that alone. Then there's the normal stress of preparing to leave home for the winter. Add to that the car problems which worsened on the trip down. Then the stress of paying $2000 to fix it and finding it wasn't fixed.

Now comes the arrival at the trailer, the unpacking and finding out that a metal strip had somehow become dislodged from under the back door giving access to who knows what. Mickey had fixed it and came in with me to make sure no snakes had come inside but the ensuing stress of wondering if something was lurking in a dark corner.

Then the normal stress again of just becoming settled in a different home...I was happy to be here but I'm an old gal who doesn't handle any kind of stress well so, considering all I'd been through, I really just wanted to sleep for a week and try to repair myself.

No, Kim. I didn't have the gumption it would have taken to arrange a flight home, settle in again and start shopping for a car. My emotional resources were tapped and I knew it.

So, what did I do? I hugged everyone who welcomed me back and drew strength from that. I joined into activities with buddies who made me laugh so much I could feel the stress fading away by the moment. I took time to sort my feelings and make some decisions. I decided that I'll enjoy this southern winter I've been so fortunate to have and, if the car can't be fixed, I'll fly home in April. All I needed was a bit of time to gather my strengths and now I'm okay again.

Today is Monday, gambling day, so Joann, Barb, and I will go to the internet casino. We'll have our $2 Wendy's lunch and gather as many casino freebies as we can. If we're lucky, we'll win a few bucks. Life is what you make of it!

Scammed

2011-11-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

I heard a sad, sad story today about one of our park residents, an 84 year old lady, who fell for a scam perpetuated by greedy, unethical, and ruthless people. She received a phone call telling her that her grandson was in jail and needed $4,000 in order to be bailed out. She was instructed to take the money to a local restaurant and leave it on the seat of her unlocked car. The recipient would then come into the restaurant to talk to her.

It may seem unbelievable that anyone would fall for such a ridiculous scam but this isn't a new trick. It's one that's been inflicted on the elderly and the gullible for a long time.

This lady has a daughter she could have contacted and who would have told her to ignore the call but she chose to deal with this herself (along with an acquaintance who could be involved in the scam but we don't know for sure). She foolishly followed the instructions she was given, the money disappeared and the recipient never came into the restaurant. Pitiful.

How do people like the scammer live with themselves? Where is their conscience and their honor? It makes me sick.

To any of my readers who happen to be elderly, please don't be too trusting. There are people in this world who prey on us simply because we can be vulnerable.

Nolan and the Dust Particles

2011-11-17T15:12:00.000-08:00

One of the sweetest things in this world is to watch a child as they are discovering. Kim told me the cutest story about out sweet boy, Nolan, who was 2 years old last July.

Nolan doesn't remember seeing snow last winter but he did see it once this year. He was at Kim's house and standing in front of the patio doors where the sun was shining brightly through when he picked up one of the sofa arm covers and shook it. Kim watched as this dear little boy looked at the dust particles floating around in the sunshine with wonder on his face.

"Snow?", he said in confusion, wondering what it was doing inside the house. Then he stuck his tongue out to catch the "snow" in his mouth.

These moments are so precious. I miss being there to catch them all.

Occupy Wall Street...Good or Bad?

2011-11-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am all for non-violent protests because it's sometimes the only way the masses can get their points across to the tiny minority of leaders in this world. But as soon as I see cars overturned and burned, windows shattered, police officers stoned, or any other kind of violent protest, I refuse to support their cause.

Today's protesters seem to be behaving themselves and acting mainly in a civilized manner but the day is still young. It's an unfortunate circumstance that small businesses in the area will be hurt by their streets being clogged with protesters. It will also make it impossible for any citizen to conduct their personal business during the protest. It's too bad but we must protect our freedom of speech at all costs.

Without the public's freedom to protest, we would all be completely at big business's mercy (they have none) so, as inconvenient as it is to accept these protests, they are necessary for our well-being.

I've been astounded at the numbers of people the protest organizers have managed to bring together. If nothing else, these massive numbers should convince big business that we've about reached the end of our patience and are fed up with being enslaved by this tiny oppressive minority.

Penn State Shamed

2011-11-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

I just listened to some Penn State students who are fearing their future might be a little bleaker because of their affiliation with Penn State University. I find this awfully hard to believe because the actions or inactions of their administrators in the ongoing criminal accusations of child abuse on school grounds should never be blamed on the students.

One student said he'd heard that some companies were saying they wouldn't hire any more Penn State graduates and would fire any already working for them. This can't be true because it makes no sense.

On the other hand, the school administrators have an awful lot to answer for because there were rumors going back to the 1990's about Sandusky. They were told in no uncertain terms about Sandusky raping a child in their shower room in the early 2000's so why was this man not stopped before now? How many children lost their innocence to this pervert needlessly because Penn State administrators protected him?

Penn State is indeed a place of shame but not because of it's students. The shame belongs to any and every one who knew Sandusky was abusing young boys and chose to protect the monster instead of the child.

Lovin' Florida

2011-11-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

Every year when I arrive at the trailer, the first step to settling in is to make the inside livable. I pre-arrange to have the trailer cleaned inside and out (except for the Florida room) so it's near done when I get there.

My next step is to clean the Florida room myself which takes very little time unless I'm doing the windows but I only do them every two years. Then I can do the fun stuff! I plant and arrange planters around the patio and front of the trailer...I still have a few plants to buy and the geraniums I brought down might or might not live so there's little color yet. Any color you see in the pictures is from plants that survived the Florida summer heat, god bless them!

Once I put out the patio furniture and place tablecloths and plants on the tables, I feel at home. This year I plan to clear out the little garden in front of the patio, lay down mulch, and then put potted plants there. It's been almost impossible for me to plant anything in the Florida sand and have it live.

I got to my park on Friday and have had some great welcomes from old friends. We've played cards, done the casino, and tonight we have a birthday party for one of my best friends, Joann. Life is good for this old gal!

The "Lip" and the "Car"

2011-11-10T08:36:00.000-08:00

Life isn't the best for me right now. I should get my car back today but the cost is high...about $2000 to have the transmission fixed. I felt I had no other choice because i need a reliable car to get arounbd while I'm in Florida and then I need to be able to get back home in April. I'd planned to get a new car next summer anyway and the Honda would be sold but I don't want to sell a car that has a serious problem so the transmission had to fixed at whatever cost.

All this stress has brought out a few rashes on my face (this always happens to me if I'm stressed) so, combined with the big scab on my lip (now only half size, though), I look like I've been in a terrible accident. I really need a good rest!!

If the car is ready early enough this afternoon, I'll be heading to the park but if it's too late in the day I'll stay another night with Shelley. It's no hardship staying in this lovely house with lovely family, one of whom is a great cook. I guess I'm lucky in most ways so I'd better stop complaining.

I'm looking forward to getting to the park and meeting up with old friends again. My trailer has been cleaned inside and out so all I need to do is clean up the garden and plant the geraniums I brought down with me...if they're still alive. They're in a clear bag, wrapped in wet paper towels, in the back seat of my car. I can only hope they survived. Oh well!

Now I'll just relax at Shelley's until I know about the car. Not a bad life.

We Made It!

2011-11-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Shelley and I got to her house in Tampa about 7 P.M. last night and I was able to take a quick look at her gorgeous yard just before it got too dark. It's like a dream yard...tiled patios, pool, hot tub, and lush Floridian foliage. The house is huge with tons of latin character.

John, who's growing a beard, mustache, and longer hair, and Shelley gave me a tour of the house which was built in 1925 with a large addition built on some time later. I love the old world charm of this place and hope they won't modernize it too much. If there's any flaw with this house it's the fact that it sits at the corner of a busy street and the traffic noise is bad. There is a line of tall, thick bushes between the property and the busy street but it doesn't seem to help much so the plan is to build a high wall there.

They have a houseguest named Rachel who is a sweetheart...she and I went to an estate sale today while Shelley took Nicole to the dentist to remove her wisdom teeth. John was off to work and Jake was off to school for the day. Jake is getting so tall! I asked him if he'd be embarrassed to go out for dinner with his "barnacle face" Gramma but he said he didn't mind at all. I hope he's not just being polite. I removed the scab today and it still looks awful but slightly better than the last time. I am one of the few people who can honestly say I'm getting better every day...at least in some ways, right?

Being in Florida again is so comfortable for me because it's like coming home again, only it's to my southern home. I'm anxious in a way to get to the park to see all my buddies but I'm very happy to be spending time at Shelley's for the next week. It will give me a chance to become familiar with her house and the surrounding area. I don't venture too far but I still like to be able to drive around and then find my way back.

Well, I still have no appetite and haven't eaten yet today so I'd better get something into my stomach. I'm wondering what will happen to my weight when the appetite returns. That's a scary thought!

Final Preparations

2011-11-01T05:45:00.000-07:00

Shelley and I leave early tomorrow morning so today is my final day for cleaning house, packing, and finishing the yard. I've left an awful lot to the last minute but, in total, in won't take much time to complete it all. My lip hasn't healed up as much as I'd hoped it would but I think I had unrealistic expectations.

I'm doing laundry now and then will get the packing done. I need more clothes to take with me because I'm staying at Shelley's house for a week. I'm also taking the large suitcase because I'll need it for the cruise in January so I have lots of room to pack whatever I take tomorrow.

We're having a big family dinner at Kim's tonight so I'll take the food I have left in the fridge to her. That's another thing that's different...my fridge is fairly full so I haven't been careful enough in limiting my food shopping this past month. The problem with my lip has clouded my thinking in every other aspect, not letting me concentrate on the things that need doing before I head south for 5+ months.

Anyway, nothing lasts forever, not even this bloody big scab on my lip. It won't be long before I'm basking in the warmth of Florida and hanging out with fun friends. It will be a nicer world for me once the damned lip has healed.

Nice Weekend

2011-10-31T05:24:00.000-07:00

Mary came on Saturday to stay over until Monday and we had such a nice time. We went to the casino around 3:30 and stayed until 10:30. I lost and she won. Then we came home and yakked until 2 A.M. Don't ever wonder what women will find to talk about because we have no problem.

We slept in late on Sunday but did get up and moving before company arrived. First Faye came over, then Kim, Shelley, Nolan, and Cindy. Then Sharon and Jim arrived so we had a really nice family get-together. Of course, most of the attention was on Nolan as he played. He's so adorable that it takes my breath away.

There's not much food in my house so Mary and I ordered pizza for supper. It was the first pizza I'd had in ages and I enjoyed it to the fullest. Mary stayed up later than me...I crashed before 10 P.M. and had a lovely night's sleep, getting up early to have coffee ready when Mary woke up. She's out there now making her instant oatmeal breakfast. I'm a lousy hostess!

Today Faye is going home with Mary to stay a few days and help her in her yard. I need to go to the bank for U.S. money and to pick up maps from CAA. I can't believe I'll be out of this cold weather in just a few days!!

Can't Get Motivated

2011-10-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

It's like my damn lip is on my mind about 23+ hours a day and I can't get myself motivated to get my house in order to leave for Florida. I don't have tons of things to do but by now I've usually got most of it done and then I can easily finish up the day before I leave...but not this year.

My lip hurt a lot today and it's very hard for me to concentrate on anything when I'm in pain. It would be nice if there was someone else in the house so I could whine for sympathy. I don't like to burden my daughters but I may have to if this stupid thing keeps hurting because I'm really getting teed off with "the lip".

You'd think I'd be feeling pretty good and pampered because I had a pedicure, manicure, leg wax, face wax, and eyebrow wax today. This was a big deal for me because my usual pampering is a pedicure once a month but today's pampering was in preparation for leaving for Florida...I do this only once a year. But I felt cheated today because it's hard to enjoy any pampering when you hurt.

I think I'd be unbearable to be around if I hurt every day. Sigh!

Feeling Kind of Off

2011-10-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly feeling sick, just tired with a bit of an upset stomach. Luckily, I have nothing pressing to do so I just stayed in my jammies and went back to bed this morning. Now it's 2:30 P.M. and I'm still in my jammies but feeling better.

It's one of those ratty days in late October where we get some rain and overcast skies. The cold dampness makes me long for Florida but I'll be there soon. Shelley and I are leaving next week. I'll stay a week at her house and then go to my trailer park where I get to socialize and have fun every day all winter long and where there is no chance of snow. They say that grandchildren are your reward for reaching old age but I think you can add Florida, too.

My lip really has started to heal now but it still looks awful. It's supposed to take another 4 weeks before it's completely healed and I can deal with that. I consider myself lucky that I got treatment and that I'm otherwise fairly healthy. I saw some pretty sad cases while I was at the cancer clinic and it made me thankful that all I was dealing with was a small, shallow skin cancer that I'd been assured was almost 100% curable. Life isn't fair and you never know what you'll have to face so you need to be thankful for what is good.

Well, I just might get dressed now because I know it will make me feel even better. Funny how staying in jammies too long almost makes you feel like an invalid and I'm not that!

It Can Happen Anywhere

2011-10-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, my Tampa daughter mentioned that she'd heard gunshots and then sirens close to her house. She said there'd been no mention in the news, though, so it couldn't have been too serious. Remember, this is Tampa in the United States where gunfire is pretty common. I snidely remarked that if anyone heard gunshots in my hometown in Canada, it would make the front pages of the newspaper because it would be such a rarity.

Well, snide and holier than thou remarks often come back to bite you in the ass and this was no exception. Shortly after, we had a drive by shooting here where a house was peppered with bullets. Yes, this is an anomaly in my hometown but it just goes to show you that gun violence is growing even here in Canada.

There can be no question that the availability of guns to criminals is what increases gun violence. If they didn't have guns, they'd use some other weapon but it would be one that had less chance to be lethal. We have been seeing more knife fights in Canada but someone attacked by a knife has a better chance of defending themselves than if the assailant had a gun.

We used to have a drug house on our street and I often worried about gunfights while they were there. When the house was finally raided, they did find guns and that's not surprising because the house was used for criminal activity. This is a quiet family neighborhood so having a drug house among us was like having a snake in the henhouse. None of us were really safe.

Toronto is a madhouse for gun violence with someone being murdered every weekend. I hate to see my town follow in the footsteps of it's larger neighbor but it is happening, even though on a smaller scale. I have never before heard of a house being shot at like this but I'm sure it will happen again in the future.

In my humble opinion, the only people who should be able to own a handgun are military and police. I even hate the idea of people owning hunting rifles because there is no need for it and to call hunting a sport is ridiculous. The poor animal being hunted has no defence against a gun.

I hate violence of any kind but I know we're a violent species who will always find some way to justify hunting and killing. It's a shame.

Great Day

2011-10-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

Kim and Cindy picked Shelley up at the airport and they all got to my house before 4 P.M. It's such a pleasure to see all my girls together and so obviously madly in love with each other. Shelley looked and felt good so her bout with food poisoning must be about out of her system now. She had an interesting seat mate on the plane, too, one of Bob Marley's sons.

The girls ended up going out to pick up Swiss Chalet for their dinner while their poor Momma with the big scabby lip stayed home and had a Boost. They brought dinner back for Nick who arrived after work with Natasha, Nolan, and Nash. Don, Cindy's boyfriend came over, too, so it was a merry household. We yakked and played with the babies until tiredness overtook them all and they went home. Shelley is staying at Kim's.

Shelley picked up some non-stick bandages while she was out for me to attach under my scab tonight so they'll soak up any leakage...sorry for grossing anybody out. There really isn't all that much but it keeps me awake cleaning it up.

It's so peaceful in the house now. That's one of the perks of being a Gramma/GG...the children ultimately go home with their parents. I do love seeing them, though, and enjoy every minute I'm with them.

As I watched all the loving and noisy activity around me tonight, I thought how sad and lonely it would be to never have children or grandchildren (or greatgrandchildren) in your life. I love my family and my extended family. Life has been good to me me in many ways and I know how fortunate I am. But this solitary peace and quiet is pretty nice, too.

Sick of My Kids

2011-10-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not actually sick of my kids but I'm sick of my kids being sick. Shelley isn't really well and she's boarding 2 planes tomorrow to fly up here. Kim has a few problems and so does Cindy. I hate this!

It gives a mother the most helpless feeling when her children aren't perfectly healthy and it doesn't matter whether they're 5 or 50. I want my babies healthy, happy, and safe and I want them that way forever. If ever I could perform magic, it would be to keep them this way.

Now, none of them are seriously ill and I have that to be thankful for but I want them disgustingly healthy and sassy, the way they should be.

Well, that's enough of that or I'll really get myself all worked up.

Looking Forward

2011-10-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

In only a few weeks, I'll be in Tampa and enjoying my daughter's hospitality in her new house. It's a fascinating property that was built in 1929 and full of character. I've become a little familiar with the area because Shelley and John had a rental there last year so I can toddle off by myself to a few of the more familiar spots, such as Walmart!

I'm even starting to get into park mode, really thinking about the group of nice friends I have there and looking forward to seeing them again. We have a lot of traditions in place such as evening card games and Sunday morning breakfast at a local restaurant. I love the socializing especially because the people I hang out with are all treasures. There are cliques, of course, but they tend to blend easily with different groups so you get a lot of variety in your everyday friendships.

My lip is still gross but it should be okay by the time I get there, maybe not perfectly healed but at least not an embarrassment. I know no-one would care one bit about it but I'm really anxious to see healthy skin again. My big floppy hat came in the mail yesterday so I'm heading to Florida with lots of coverage.

It does worry me somewhat about the upcoming cruise in January but I'll just play it by ear and try not to expose myself to too much sun. That might mean forgetting about shore tours but that's definitely not the worst thing in the world. One thing I'll miss is the blissful feeling of warm sunshine on my face. That's forever a no-no. Who would ever have thought it?

Anyway, I do have lots of things to look forward to. Life is good!

Update on the Lip

2011-10-21T05:27:00.001-07:00

The scab is still unsightly but, lo and behold, there is one little healed spot on the edge and that is enough to give me hope that one day soon I'll be presentable for public viewing. I've asked Shelley to bring me up a nurses' mask so that I'll have something to cover up with when we drive to Florida. There's no way I can hold my bladder for the 2 day drive and will have to venture into crowded rest stops and I don't want to scare people.

The fact that there is already a healed spot, however small, already makes me think I won't even need the mask but I like to be prepared. It's kind of comforting to know I'll be leaving the country with our family nurse, too, not that I expect any problems with the lip.

A few of my Florida friends are already at the park, getting themselves settled in and beginning the "3W Lifestyle". It's nice to know I'll be there in just a few weeks and hanging out with some of the nicest people on this earth. I'll get to celebrate the American Thanksgiving, too, so that's one more chance for turkey. Because of "the lip", I couldn't really enjoy our own Thanksgiving earlier this month.

This will be a do-nothing day for me. I'll use it to do odds and ends but nothing too demanding. Hmm! Sounds like most of my days, doesn't it?

Friends

2011-10-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

Barb and Norma came over this morning for a visit and I can't express how very much I enjoyed their company. I've recognized for a long time now how female friends are extremely important in my life because they understand me and I understand them. No man, husband or friend, can possibly identify with a woman enough to truly understand her.

I enjoy male friends, too, but it's a totally different friendship, kind of like having an exotic pet. They're interesting in their own way but you don't have a whole lot in common. I've often thought I'd like to have a feminine gay man friend because that would be a really fascinating connection.

Norma, Barb, and I had a lot of laughs and that's one of the nicest things about having good lady friends. We laugh at similar episodes in our lives and it helps to know these things didn't happen to just ourselves. We did a little male bashing, too, but that's par for the course when a group of women get together. We're united in not understanding why men behave the way they do! For instance, why would a man deliberately walk on a freshly washed floor with dirty shoes? I've never heard of a woman doing that but then she's usually the one who washed the floor in the first place. I even feel guilty walking across a just washed floor in a store or public washroom. It goes against the grain.

I think the most enjoyment I get these days is spending a few hours with lady friends and this includes my daughters and granddaughters because I consider them friends, too. We have a sisterhood that no male can ever really join, and maybe they're not even interested because we're a mystery to them, too.

Anyway, it was a fun visit that I hope will be repeated many times in the future.

9 Year Old Designated Driver

2011-10-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder why some people have such distorted views of right and wrong? Well, a little 9 year old girl who was driving her drunken father around town in the middle of the night was surprised when she was stopped by a cop and retorted, "Why did you stop me? I'm a good driver.".

Heaven only knows how this sick and selfish man has warped his little girl's thinking. Apparently they both think it's completely legal and appropriate for him to be drunk and using his 9 year old child to chauffeur him. He bragged about it on camera at a gas station they'd gone to at 3 A.M. Who taught him that this okay?

We can teach our children good morals and ethics but they also learn the wrong ones from us. They learn from watching the behaviour of their parents. When we lie or cheat, they are watching. Our transgressions can serve as their excuses for their own bad behaviour. If a father is capable of putting his child into a position like this and then being stupid enough to brag about it, what other examples has he set for her?

I had to laugh when one of his friends was interviewed and said that she wasn't happy that he was being presented in the news as a criminal because he was a good father. What???

Common sense, where art thou?

Hurting

2011-10-17T15:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a lot of pain with this lip but when I do it depresses the heck out of me. The scab is really loose today but I'm trying to keep it on, especially since it hurt so horribly when some of it came off the other day. It hasn't healed underneath yet and that's why it's hurting me. I think this might require Tylenol 3 and an early bedtime. I hate this.

I had bloodwork done today and discovered I've lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks because I'm hardly eating. Eating hurts too much so not only am I in pain but I'm also starving to death. I need to find a solution soon or I'm going to get very, very cranky.

Designing a Life

2011-10-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

It's possible to design your life...within reason. First you work with what you have and then decide the next step.

When I was a young girl, I was called "Patsy" and I always hated it. The year I was 12, I started a new school and decided to give my name as "Pat". Of course, it worked. Most of the kids at the school had never seen me before so they just accepted my new name as one I'd always had. Nowadays, some of my favorite relatives call me "Patsy" and I love it. Funny.

I love people. The more I have to hang around with, the better. And you know, your first impressions of someone will never be accurate because everyone seems to go around wearing their safety facade in front of strangers. It takes a little time to discover the person inside and they're usually more interesting than you'd initially thought.

Since my husband passed away, I've designed my life to suit my circumstances. Family comes first, of course, but I've developed some very nice friendships that add immensely to my life. I've learned that the more I open myself up, the more fulfilled my life is becoming.

I think it's been a long, long time since I had much control over my own life and, now that I do, I'm finding that it doesn't take a heck of a lot to make me happy. If you have peace in your life, you have the clarity of mind to choose what else to add to it to make it better. It seems I'm making some good choices because I'm a happy lady. I may have learned late in life but at least I learned.

Goals

2011-10-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

For the duration of my radiation treatments, my goal was to finish the 20th and final one. Immediately after reaching that goal, my new goal was to complete the 2 weeks before the healing would begin. I'm doing that now (12 days to go) and already planning on setting another new goal which will be an additional 4 weeks before the sore is completely healed.

It's good to have goals and it's also possible to have many at the same time. I often wish I could go back in time and have the sense to make university my goal. I've told all of my babies that my biggest regret in life is not getting a better education. All other regrets fade in comparison because, with a good education, life is infinitely better in every way.

I've seen a lot of wasted brainpower in my life. The best example was my husband, an absolutely brilliant man who was pushed into dropping out of school when he was only 16 years old. He did have a dream and that was to be an engineer. By not being able to pursue that goal, it changed his whole life.

Goals make us stretch our limits. Once achieved, we'll stagnate if we don't set another goal in order to grow in spirit and in knowledge. I watch a lot of talk shows on T.V. and see people who have no goals other than to get as much government aid as they can and then just make it to the end of their lives. It's such a waste of the time you're allotted.

I have a small, side goal today. I'm going to start a Swedish afghan in brilliant, happy colors to donate to a hospice in the city. It doesn't require much effort on my part but it's an honorable goal, anyway. I brought up all the wild colors of yarn that I have and also a piece of deep turquoise fabric so this one will be lots of fun to work on.

I can't imagine waking up in the morning without a few things already in place to work on. Starting a day without any goals at all would be so boring! Getting housework done isn't a fun goal but just something that needs doing so it's usually last on my list. I prefer to work towards goals where I have fun in the process.

Marilee's Afghan is Finished!

2011-10-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's finished and just in time. Marilee leaves for home on Sunday so I'm hoping it will fit in her suitcase otherwise I'll have to mail it to her.

I know I've said it before but I only give these afghans to the people I love so, if you have one, you know you're loved by at least one person in this world. They usually take about 2 months to finish unless you're working on them most of the day every day so there's no way I'd do all that work and then sell one to a stranger. I get a lot of pleasure out of seeing the pattern and colors come alive and I always hope the recipients love them as much as I do.

I brought up my sewing machine and threads to pack in the car for Florida but the sewing machine isn't working right. Maybe it's time to buy a new one. It is so frustrating to try to sew on a machine that's not co-operating. I know I can buy one in Florida for much less than I'd pay here in Canada so that will be my big purchase down there this winter.

My next project will be bright turquoise fabric and a large assortment of brilliant colors for the yarns. I actually have two smaller pieces (2 yds. each) and they'll be donated to a hospice here at home when they're done. I thought that brilliant colors like that would be cheery for the patients.

Inbetween working on those smaller afghans, I want to make a regular sized one for Tyson and Sarah in purple and gold on white fabric. Those are the colors of his favorite football team, the Minnesota Vikings. I'm also going to try to do lettering (MV) on the ends.

From here on in, though, I won't be putting in so many hours on my Swedish weaving, especially when I get to Florida. My lip should be healed in a month or so and I'll be able to go out in public.

Done!

2011-10-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

I finished the last radiation treatment on my lip today and the scab is digging into my chin. Even with an irritation like this, I'm feeling pretty darned good because my path is on the way to recovery with just the next two weeks blocking my way. The technician told me it will be 6 weeks before the scab disappears altogether but that doesn't bother me. I'll end up going to my park in Florida with my battle scar but my friends won't mind.

I've felt healthy through the whole process and had very little discomfort, too, so I can't complain about a dumb scab, can I? I told Kim that I could hand out candy for Halloween and the kids would think I was wearing a mask. It's ugly for sure but sometimes we just have to bear with the nasty in order to reach the nice. I've kept a separate blog with pictures but it was meant for other people with skin cancer to see what happens when you are treated for it. I've resisted putting a picture of myself on this blog because it's pretty gross but I may do it soon just to show my million readers (LOL!) what I've been able to overcome.

Kim tells me I've been brave but that's not it at all. What I did was to get all the information I could and then deal with it because I had to do so. That's not bravery but common sense. I really believe that most of us can handle anything as long as we know the facts and especially if we know it's not permanent.

There were times I wanted to punch my radiologist out when he'd remind me that my skin cancer was small and shallow. As I sat there looking at him with my scabby Ubangi lip hanging there, it never felt small to me. Of course, the skin cancer itself is nowhere near the size of the scab. Another thing I didn't like was taking a picture of myself every morning. Do you realize that close-up pictures of a 71 year old woman's face shows a lot of wrinkles? I'd prefer not to see them that clearly.

I wish I hadn't developed skin cancer but I'm glad that it was treatable. I also wish I was thin and beautiful but, unfortunately, that's unattainable so I'll settle for the good in my life and be damned thankful there is so much of it.

Marilee's Afghan

2011-10-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

Marilee, Kyran, and Faye dropped by this morning for coffee and Marilee got to see the Swedish weaving afghan I'm making for her. It's very close to finished and I'm hoping it will be done by Sunday when she leaves for home.

These afghans are so lovely when they're finished and I always give them to people I love. It doesn't make sense for me to put in the thousands of hours needed to complete one and then sell it to strangers for peanuts. I'd much rather one of my loved ones get to enjoy it. My enjoyment is in the creation.

I told Marilee how much our little weaving group at the park in Florida help each other. There's always someone with a novel idea on how to do something a little differently and usually nicer. It doesn't matter how many afghans you've made, you can always learn some new tricks to keep your interest fresh. Donna, who comes to my house here for our Swedish weaving get-togethers, has already come up with some great ideas that I'm looking forward to implementing. All it takes is imagination and an interest in the craft.

I should be finished Marilee's afghan by Saturday so I'll post pictures then.

Ready to Wind Down

2011-10-11T15:31:00.000-07:00

I had my 18th radiation treatment today...2 to go...and requested a prescription for Tylenol 3 just in case I have another day like Sunday. I took one at about 11:15 A.M. because the scab under my lip was more than a little irritating and darned near fell asleep standing up before 1 P.M. One of the side effects of Tylenol 3 is that it makes you drowsy. I have treatment #19 tomorrow morning and I'm supposed to take a tablet before going to it but I'm slightly worried it will make it dangerous to drive. I shouldn't have any problem getting to the clinic but if I'm drowsy when I leave, Faye will bring Marilee or Kyran to pick me up and drive my car home.

Kim brought my Diet Pepsi (she says she feels like my drug pusher), dish detergent and milk after work so I'm well looked after by my wonderful family. I also had the last half of Cindy's care package for dinner tonight. I'm one lucky lady.

Mary phoned and offered to take me to the casino but I'm hibernating until this stupid thing starts to heal. The date I have in mind is October 27th and that's what keeps me going.

There is a saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There's another saying that you find out who your friends are when you're in need. I am truly blessed.

Follow Your Intuition

2011-10-11T04:47:00.000-07:00

I feel very strongly about following your intuition because it's all of your senses working to tell you something, maybe something you can't pinpoint.

A family in Florida took their boat out in rough water when they shouldn't have. 6 of the 7 passengers survived when the boat was overturned by a rogue wave. Now, the owner of the boat should have been experienced enough to know the water was too rough but so should some of his passengers. Common sense should have existed somewhere in that group.

We've had a few people drown in our bay when boaters chose to take the chance when common sense (and even weather reporters) told them it wasn't safe. Funny, but the people who drown are usually passengers on the boat and not the operator.

We once got on a very small fishing boat (I don't know how anything that small could be called a fishing boat, though) and headed out into the ocean to an island. I was terrified when I saw the size of the boat we were about to board but felt forced to go along with everyone else. It was to be a day trip to visit the family of in-laws (Gerald and Barb) and the boat captain was Barb's father.

Anyway, we clambered onto the boat and set out, me frightened the whole way knowing it wasn't safe. Well, the boat did capsize just as we got to the island but we were against massive rocks and the waves kept slamming the boat into them. The men on the boat worked to upright it and I, a non swimmer, managed to cling to the rocks just as the boat hit somewhere around me. If it had hit me I would have been crushed but luck was with me.

We met some memorable people that day but in the back of my mind was the thought that we had to get back on the boat in order to go home. I have no memory of the return trip at all so I must have zoned out in terror. We obviously made it home but I know I should have followed my instincts and refused to board in the first place. It was just by chance that the boat didn't capsize in deep water and that no-one drowned.

I think we're all fitted with radar to protect us but too often we choose to ignore the signals. My radar is relentless and often zings inside my head so loudly that I can't think. Almost every time, I heed it and the times I haven't later turned out to be dangerous ones.

Your instincts and your intuition are there for a good purpose so it's best to pay close attention to them.

No Stamina

2011-10-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

At the best of times I don't expend any more enrgy than I have to but since I've spent most of the summer and fall so far on the sofa my energy level is seriously low. Yesterday I did about 2 hours light labor outside and nearly died from exhaustion. Any heavy lifting just tuckers me out something fierce so I stopped before lifting the 14 rail planters off the deck. They need to be placed on their sides on the patio so that they won't split during the winter. I'll save that job for another day.

I have never been physically strong and I'm also too lazy to go to a gym to build up my strength so I have no-one to blame but myself. Luckily, I don't need to possess much physical strength to get by each day but the few times it's necessary wears me out.

This isn't good but it's what it is. A sedentary life has few rewards.

Driving Drunk

2011-10-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

I read a Facebook message today about a 33 year old man who was killed by a drunk driver and it just makes me sick. People become incapacitated every day by alcohol or drugs and then selfishly get behind the wheel of their cars, not caring one bit that they might kill some innocent person.

I did that once. Years ago I had taken my own car down to the boat club where my husband already was and we partied with friends. I can get drunk on 1 or 2 drinks but somehow I let myself drink until I was pretty drunk. My husband and I had an argument and I got in the car, knowing I shouldn't but just wanting to get home, and stupidly/selfishly/criminally drove there.

I remember trying to be very careful but a drunk is a hazard no matter how careful they are. I was filled with guilt about what I was doing but kept going anyway. My vision was straight ahead only because I couldn't see peripherally...this must be a result of drunkenness. Can you imagine driving down the street with no peripheral vision? Insanity.

I did make it home with no accidents but that was just by chance. Knowing how utterly stupid I'd been, I swore on my grandchildren's lives that I'd never do such a thing again and I didn't. The memory will always haunt me, though, because I feel I'm much smarter than that and I do have a strong conscience. I could so easily have killed some innocent person that night and the thought makes me physically ill.

When it became the fashion for friends to select a designated driver, I thought how wonderful that was. It's just too bad that everyone who drinks and drives doesn't have a concern for others. It might help if drunk driving penalties were stricter...lose your car and spend at least 6 months in jail, regardless of whether or not it's the first offence. Some people will only play by the rules if the penalty for ignoring them is a serious one.

It's too late for the 33 year old man who had his whole life ahead of him and family and friends whose hearts are broken. A man who chose to drive drunk is still alive and kicking, probably using a public defender to try to convince the court that he had a bad childhood and shouldn't have to pay for his crime. Life isn't always fair, is it?

Perfect Fall Day

2011-10-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

It is one of those perfect fall days, warm and sunny, when I should be outside working in the garden but I've developed a fear of the sun now. I can put sunscreen on most of my face but I can't apply it to my lip yet and that scares me. So, I'll just open the doors and windows and take pleasure in the fresh air that way.

If I had to stay home over the winter and suffer through snow and cold, I'd be more upset but I know that in just 4 short weeks I'll be headed south to enjoy what I've missed out on all summer. I'm expecting to be somewhat healed by the time I leave and then will forever after need to wear sunscreen all over my face and lips. I should have been doing this all along and it's not the worst thing in the world, is it?

Kim is bringing me Diet Pepsi after work. I am sort of an addict and haven't been able to get my own for a while now because I won't go into stores or restaurants with this icky lip. I'm not worried about my looks but by grossing people out when they see me. My neighbor, Alison, works at the cancer clinic and sees me every day and when I complain about how awful I look she tells me that my beauty comes through anyway. She's so sweet and so full of sh.t but it's nice to hear comforting words like that.

Friday has become my laundry day and that's about all the work I've done so far. My next job is to clean the bathroom...that will take all of 15 minutes and then I can start working on Marilee's afghan. It's no wonder I haven't lost an ounce even with the difficulty in eating. I sit on my butt in front of the computer or T.V. for most of the day so I'm not expending much energy.

One good thing I have to say about this ordeal I'm going through is that I do have a good attitude about it in most ways because I know my healing will start in a few weeks. I see many cancer patients at the clinic who are undergoing treatment for different cancers that aren't as easy to cure as mine and I know how lucky I am. When I look back and remember how often I sunbathed or just spent hours in the sunlight but used no protection for my skin at all, I know how foolish I was. This could have been prevented if I'd taken warnings about sun exposure seriously but we all think it won't happen to us, don't we? Well, I can now speak with experience and I wouldn't want to see anyone else have to go through what I have with skin cancer. It does have an excellent cure rate but it isn't worth taking chances with sun exposure.

Use sunscreen. Don't bake yourself in the sun. A tan is nice but not if it's covered in radiation burns. No-one is invulnerable.

Heaven

2011-10-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

Nick came over this morning to cut the grass and brought Nolan and Nash with him. My first thrill was hearing 2 year old Nolan rushing up the front steps as fast as his little legs could carry him and joyfully saying, "GG, GG!", over and over. He ran into my arms for a hug and then raced off to play with his toys. I'm not sure if he was so happy to be here to see me or play with those toys and I don't care. I was just very happy he was here.

Natasha brought 7 month old Nash in in his car seat. As usual, he sat there with a sweet little contented smile on his face, happy with the world. He is like a little Budha, fat and serene. He's sitting up now so I put him on the floor with some toys but he was more interested in chewing on his shoe. I can't remember when I was able to bend myself in two like that!

Nolan contentedly played with his cars, especially anything to do with "Bob the Builder". In time, Nash started rubbing his face so I cuddled him up to me and he fell asleep. Talk about heaven. There isn't much in this world that can compare with a sweet little sleeping baby nestled into you. Nash also doesn't mind sitting on your lap when he's awake and leaning back on you while he watches the antics of his energized brother. I've always wanted a real cuddler and now I have one.

Nick said something about not being my #1 interest anymore but I explained that I want to savor every moment I can with his little ones because they grow up and change so fast. Nick won't change much over the winter but Nash will be walking and talking when I get home in April and Nolan will be carrying on conversations.

I think of these babies as gifts in my old age. I always wanted to be a Gramma but I never thought ahead to the possiblity of being a Great-Gramma.

I was a little worried that Nolan would be afraid of this big old scab on my lip so I pointed it out to him and said that I had a boo-boo. Every so often, he'd look at me with a sad look on his face and say that his GG had a boo-boo. No fear, just concern. Maybe I worry too much.

Of course, I adored my Nicky being here, too. He'll never really know how strong my love is for him because he probably takes it for granted and that's the way it should be. It's unquestionable and eternal.

I had the 16th radiation treatment on my lip today and now there are only 4 to go. I finish next Thursday and will be thrilled to death to have it over. The healing won't really begin for 10-14 days after the last treatment but the end is in sight.

A Day in the Life

2011-10-04T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, my car decided to die on me yesterday but I did make it to the garage. Paul, a relative of some sort who does any repairs needed on my car, was just closing up but was kind enough to put my car inside his shop and then drive me home. I fretted about that damn car all evening and it wore me out so much that I fell asleep at 8:30 and slept until 8 this morning. Stress really does wear you out.

Faye came over this morning to drive me to the clinic for my radiation treatment...my lip looks ghastly and hurts...and then came back home with me for coffee. I called Paul to ask what he'd found out but had to wait for him to call me back with the results and the cost. I'd sort of thought it would be pretty cheap but it ended up costing over $400. Apparently the spark plug job I'd had done in Florida in April hadn't been done right. They'd used the wrong wires and put the distributor cap in incorrectly. I suppose I could go back to that garage and raise hell but what's the use?

Faye and Donna were over in the afternoon for our Swedish weaving so Faye drove me over to pick up the car. I'm really happy to have my cute little car back but it is getting old and now I have one more reason to trade her in next summer. I become terribly attached to my cars, though, and it will be hard to let this one go because I've had it since 2002.

My lip is hurting me almost constantly now and Tylenol has become my good friend. I've got 6 treatments to go and then I can relax and wait for it to heal. In everyone's life, a little rain must fall. It will be nice when my sunny days return.

I Don't Know What To Call This

2011-10-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

I had my 13th of 20 radiation treatments today and my lip looks horrible. The good news is that the doctor said everything is going fine and my skin cancer was so small and shallow that it's highly unlikey that it will come back. Thank you, very much!!

Now I have an appointment with the dermatologist for my other skin problems and I can guarantee I won't be left too long in the waiting room looking like this. My dermatologist specializes in skin cancer but is also moving her business more towards cosmetic stuff like Botox and lasering. She won't want me scaring off her other patients!

Anyway, I can handle this and it will be over soon.

Jammy Day

2011-10-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

I did something today that I haven't done in ages...I stayed in my jammies all day. It was rainy out and I wasn't going to be leaving the house because of my icky lip so I decided to just leave my jammies on. I remember when I used to enjoy the odd time I was able to do this but I just felt kind of unkempt all day. I'm not sick so I didn't need to sleep and walking around in jammies while I made my lunch and dinner just didn't feel right.

My lip hurt a lot today so I'll ask the doctor tomorrow for a topical analgesic. There's no sense in hurting when there is help available.

I've also had the furnace on for the last couple of days because I'm afraid to get a chill and catch a cold. I can't continue the radiation treatments if I'm sick and there's no way I want to stop them before their scheduled finish on October 13th. It's supposed to start warming up again tomorrow, though, so I can turn the furnace off then. I usually don't worry at all about catching a cold because I rarely get one. About once a year is normal for me. I haven't had a cold in over a year and my goal is to at least make it to Shelley's in November before one catches up with me. It's very comforting to have a nurse in training to be a nurse practitioner in the family.

Well, I think I'll stop playing on the computer and take it easy until bedtime. LOL!

Found

2011-10-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know I've been in this house for a lot of years but it's still kind of odd to find something I had no idea was there or even where it came from. I rearranged my closet (kind of a walk-in) a few years ago so the item I found must have been noticed by me then so I don't know why it surprised me to find it yesterday.

There is a large queen sized quilt still hanging in the dry cleaner's bag at one end of the closet and I moved it slightly while hanging up some clothes. Behind it was a keyboard. Now where the heck had that come from and why was it in my closet? It's at times like this that I wonder if Alzheimers (spelled right?) is setting in. How many people have a keyboard in the back of their closet??

I brought it downstairs and managed to foist it off on Cindy (but she forgot the framed print I also gave her)...she can do whatever she wants with it, even drop it off at the local Salvation Army if she chooses. I'd thought I'd gotten rid of most of the extraneous stuff I had in this house but here was a bloomin' keyboard that I had absolutely no need for! I'm sort of wondering how much more is in the house that will surprise me when I discover it.

We do accumulate too many things along the way that we might need for a moment but not a lifetime. I really do need to have another yard sale in the spring and scour this house more carefully.

Racism

2011-10-01T06:31:00.000-07:00

Today I received another racist e-mail and it got me thinking how much racism still abounds in our world. We do tend to look askance at what we're not familiar with and I'm just as guilty in my own way. I am uncomfortable about Moslems and probably always will be unless I get to know some of them well.

I remember seeing news reports in the 1960's about "white only" restaurants, schools, and drinking fountains in the southern States and thinking how awful this must make black people feel. As far as I know, this never happened in Canada so I'd never seen it in person. I also remember seeing the photos of those very brave children, protected by police, integrating white schools while madly raving white people were held back from attacking them. I was ashamed of my own race.

There's no doubt that racism has never been wiped out and probably never will be, at least not in the next century. We imperfect humans are prejudiced against many types of people...fat, old, skinny, homely, and anything other than what is considered the norm in our tiny little circles. We are definitely narrow minded and it takes a lot to drag us out of such limited thinking. Knowledge helps so there should be a lot of emphasis in our schools placed on acceptance. A weekly class on world religions and customs should be mandatory in every school because we tend to fear what we don't understand.

We often hear of the ignorant immigrant who comes into our country and demands that we change our ways and conform to his/hers but that is rare. Most immigrants come to this country because it is better than the one they left and they're happy to be here. They want to add to our culture, not change it.

I love the diversity of culture and races which makes our country a more interesting one. It can be a struggle for many of us, including me, to understand some of our immigrants but it's worth making the attempt because we'll all benefit in the end. All I expect is that any immigrant should come here with the intention of joining us and working with us to better our country. That's what my ancestors did when they emigrated to Canada from Ireland about a hundred years ago and it should be no different today.

Well, I talk a big game but I have my own prejudices to overcome. I'm trying.

My New Hat

2011-09-30T07:04:00.001-07:00

Isn't it pretty? I needed a wide brimmed hat to protect my face from the sun (especially in Florida) and had gone shopping a while ago to look for one but summer stuff is scarce right now. Today, at the clinic, I saw this one at the volunteers' desk and went over to ask how much it cost. Darned if all their hats aren't donated and free to cancer patients so that's how I got it. I'll see what I can find in Florida and bring them back to the clinic as my donation for their kindness. I'm not crazy about wearing a hat but I'll do it because I have to do it.

It's a crazy day out there...first overcast and threatening rain but interspersed with sunshine. The air feels like autumn now and you can see more fall color in the trees. I'm staying inside today to get laundry and floors done. I meant to do them on Tuesday but only got as far as getting out the vacuum cleaner before I lost interest. Well, today's the day.

By the way, anyone been watching the "XFactor"? It's just as good, maybe better than American Idol. I love seeing the undiscovered talent that abounds out there. I've also become addicted to watching "Dancing With The Stars", thanks to Mary and Faye. I don't watch much other than reality T.V. anymore and have never been a soap fan.

Well, I guess I'd better wash these floors before I lose interest again.

I Don't Like Pain

2011-09-29T04:31:00.000-07:00

After 10 radiation treatments on my lip with 10 more to go, my lip is now hurting enough to cause me more than a little discomfort. It's all for a good cause but I don't handle pain well and it tends to get me down. So far I've rarely needed to even take a Tylenol but the poor sleep I had last night tells me I should have taken one yesterday. This isn't a strong, biting pain but even a steady ache can get pretty annoying after a while. The discomfort now seems to be coming from the effects of the radiation so it can only get worse...10 treatments to go and I'm told the effects worsen for 2-3 weeks after the treatments end.

I know I'm lucky that all I'm dealing with is skin cancer. Every day that I go to the cancer clinic for my 90 seconds of radiation, I see so many people in various stages of what could be more severe cancers so I do know how fortunate I am. The staff at the clinic are out and out wonderful. If there is a bright spot in a cancer clinic, it has to be the staff there who are angels in their own way.

Skin cancer is one of the easiest to cure (90%) but it isn't something to take lightly. I'd never even heard of someone with skin cancer on their lip until I developed a small sore there that wouldn't heal. That is one of the clearest signs of skin cancer and I knew that but let it go longer than I should have. The doctors still refer to my sore as a small one but it sure doesn't feel that way when I see an eruption across 2/3 of my bottom lip...that is since the treatment, of course, and not as horrible as it might sound. The original sore was really quite small but treatment also affects the healthy skin around it because the doctors want to make sure they kill all of the cancer cells.

Once I'm healed, I will always have to protect the treated skin (and all the rest, too) with sun block. I've already bought lipstick with an SPF15 and that will be a pain to have to wear because I seldom wear lipstick. But life and circumstances change all the time and if my only complaint is having to wear lipstick then I'm a lucky soul, aren't I? I'm kidding about it being my only complaint, though. I'll have lots more!

Anyway, I'm off this morning to have treatment #11 of 20 and that's not the worst thing in the world, is it?

Bullied to Death

2011-09-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

I listened to a news report this morning about a 14 year old gay young man who suffered so much bullying by students at his school that he was unable to cope anymore and committed suicide. The fact that he was gay isn't as important as the fact that his teen peers saw his "differentness" and pecked at him maliciously because of it. His being different in any way would have drawn their cruelty because that seems to be part of our human nature and one we should be working to change.

It's difficult to imagine what it's like to be bullied because it never happened to me. I was a fighter who wouldn't have stood still for it but not everyone is able to do that. I had lots of friends in school, too, but what of the "different" child who is very sensitive and doesn't have enough close friends to build him/her up? To be different and feel as though it's you against the world...it can be too much for a young person to live with.

People of all ages can be terribly cruel in their judgements of others but teens are worst of all. They form packs and often have mob mentalities, following the mindset of their pack leaders. If that pack leader chooses to pick on the "different" one, the rest will follow suit and, being a group, will make that poor soul's life miserable. Teens often haven't developed their own consciences enough to stand up to the pack when they do wrong.

I wish they didn't stress that this young man who committed suicide was gay. He was picked on because he was different and didn't fit inside the narrow parameters that most of society call normal. We have a natural aversion to what we consider abnormal and it takes education and maturity to broaden our borders. Unfortunately, human beings like to think that they're better than someone else, anyone else, and there lies our propensity to bully.

I don't think anything much will change because of this young man's death, at least not in the near future. It might take decades or centuries before humans have evolved enough to be more accepting of anything other than the norm. Like I said, it will require education and remodeling but that's an ongoing process. It would be interesting to be able to jump ahead 500 years and see whether we've progressed or regressed on the evolutionary scale.

There is one thing that will shut up any bully, though, and that's the immediate response of his peers who won't tolerate seeing anyone bullied. In the end, it probably comes down to peer pressure that will stop bullying.

Gambling Bug

2011-09-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

My daughter phoned me today and one the things we discussed was how wasteful and fruitless gambling was. Of course I agreed but I see nothing wrong with me going to the casino once a month instead of spending the money on cigarettes, booze, or any other frivolous vice that most of us have. Cindy is so like a few other people I know who just can't fathom that anyone could enjoy gambling. I countered with the fact that we all have our vices, things we could live without but that we like and choose to spend our money on.

The only problem with vices like this is if we spend more than we can afford or if we get ourselves into debt by indulging in them. I don't do either so I'm safe as far as I can tell. The casino is a place of entertainment for me that I go to once a month because that's all I can afford. Cindy called it an addiction but I think it's only an addiction if we are unable to stay away from it and our involvement is harming us.

Cindy suggested I'd be better off going to a dinner show once a month instead of to the casino but I really don't see the difference. I think we should do what we like within moderation and not worry about whether or not anyone else likes it. That's what I do and will continue doing.

I think I'll invite Cindy to go to the casino with me when I get back home next spring. I'm not making my monthly trip to the casino in October because that's when I have to send off one of my Florida lot rent payments. See, Cindy, I do gamble what I can afford!

We Live For Home

2011-09-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” ― C.S. Lewis

I've become a fan of C.S. Lewis' quotes and this is one that makes sense in a way I never thought of before. It's so true that whatever road or career we choose to follow in life, it's all done in order to provide our nest, our home. What we put into that nest, be it children, works of art, or simply comfy furniture, it's the end result of our labors.

I do believe he might mean that a housewife is set in place and supported by a husband who works outside the home but I choose to look at it my own way.

Some people go a little too far and use their homes as status symbols instead of what they are supposed to represent. A home, with family and necessary furnishings, is our haven. It's where we live, where we plan our lives, where we form our families. It's where we carry on the reason for our existence.

Home is a comfort zone where outsiders are allowed entry only with our permission. We have our special chairs or spot on the sofa that suits us perfectly. Our "things" are there. It's where we go to escape the stresses of the world and, when we step inside and close the door behind us, we are where we belong.

Yes, everything that we do outside our home is of less importance than what we do inside because inside is where our heart is. There really is no place like home, is there?

I've gone on lovely vacations in the past, travelled to foreign countries where I revelled in the new experiences but, about 10 days into the trip, I always began to long for home. It was as though I realized that I didn't really belong in those places...they weren't "home" to me. Now, my little trailer in Florida is very close to home for me, though, because it's a place I've settled. I've put down roots and maybe that's the key. You just don't have the time to put down roots when you're vacationing and it might also be a place you won't even return to in the future.

I've lived in my house for 43 years so my roots go deep here. Most of the memories of my life revolve around happenings in this house. And I do have my favorite spot on the sofa. Apparently Nolan is aware that it's my spot because he often points to it and tells me to "sit" (he has a cute little lisp so it sounds more like "shit" but I know what he means).

Looking back, I know that it took a lot of effort and hard work to buy our home. We gave up luxuries in order to have the home that was so important to us...I think it mattered more to me but then it probably does matter more to the woman. Our nesting instinct is so strong that few men can deter us from our goal of raising our families in our own homes.

C.S. Lewis was right. It's all done for the home.

I Don't Vote

2011-09-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

I don't vote and if ever I begin to think this is a mistake all I have to do is listen to the so called public service ads on T.V. All parties are either making promises they will never keep or else they're degrading their opponents but I know they're all cut from the same cloth. We, the public, cannot trust a politician and yet we need them to run the country. It's a catch 22 position that we're in, unfortunately.

Now, I knew they all lie and they'll forget all about the people they represent once they're in power, but someone has to run this country. Our only hope against out and out thievery by our politicians is that we have a free press and people who devote their lives to keeping the thievery down to a minimum. There is not a party which is better or worse than the other...except maybe the NDP. They are worse than I ever would have believed years ago when I supported them wholeheartedly. That is, until they became the ruling party in Ontario and damned near bankrupted the province in their first year in power. No one was more shocked than I was that the "party of the people" was so inept. The NDP forgot who was paying the bills in Ontario and simply gave away our money to every public program that crossed their path. They gave with abandon until the public finally stood up and screamed loudly that the NDP was out of control and it had to stop.

That was when I lost faith and stopped voting. After all, if the "party of the people" couldn't do better by us then no-one could. I had to admit that the Liberals and Conservatists at least knew how to steal but not bankrupt the province.

Against my better judgement, I did vote in our local election last fall because I felt strongly that we needed a new mayor. The old one was inept and the new one that I voted for is secretive. A politician by any name is still a rat.

My Girls

2011-09-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

My girls grew up in a loving but chaotic household, due to my bouts of depression. Somehow they grew up to be strong, capable, and good women so I always say that their father and I must have done a few things right. Maybe the deep love we had for them helped them get through the chaos.

I got a phone call from Shelley this morning and she was crying as she insisted on telling me it was a happy cry. She'd received her Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree this past spring and was just accepted in grad school to take steps towards earning her Master of Science in Nursing degree. We both cried in happiness but there had never been any doubt in my mind that she'd be accepted.

My girls are all smart as a whip even if I do say so myself. Each one of them is capable of achieving whatsoever they choose to do with their lives and I credit the intelligent genes they inherited from both me and their father. I do flatter myself, don't I?

I realized a long time ago that my spirit was too weak for me to do what was best for myself but that made me determined that my children wouldn't suffer the same fate. I've especially stressed to the female line that they had to be strong and not ever let anyone hold them back. Many thanks to the "crazy" Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's!

My girls were always very much loved but they also were always expected to live up to their capabilities. We were maybe a little too strict with their freedom but we'd seen how much trouble girls can get into if not monitored properly. If I could go back and remove the effects of their living with their sometimes wildly depressed mother, I'd do that but it can't be undone.

My girls grew up in a large extended family that we were all very close to and that taught them to value family even more than usual. My girls have remained the closest of sisters and continue the closeness with their nieces and nephews.

Yes, Dennis and I did something right to have produced three girls who grew up to be three wonderful women.

Losing Interest

2011-09-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

About this time of year I usually start losing interest in my outdoor plants (I have one indoor plant now and I think it's almost dead) but since this summer I've been sort of disinterested in them. I don't know the last time I watered anything and I've depended on the occasional rainfall to bring them back from the near dead. A lot of my disinterest stems from how horribly hot it was this past summer but some of it might be because I'm tired of being responsible for everything all by myself.

Granted, I'm very fortunate that Nick cuts the lawn for me and I've been lucky enough to find good handymen but it would be nice if I didn't have to arrange everything without the benefit of a husband to take on some of the load. I guess I feel whiney today and maybe a little overburdened because of the skin cancer.

I'm a naturally lazy person so having to deal with every detail of my life alone isn't what I'd want if I had a choice. Dennis took care of so many of the chores that he didn't even bother to discuss them with me and that was perfectly fine. If something broke, I'd just tell him about it and it would magically be fixed the next time I looked at it. Now it just sits there broken until I figure out what to do with it. I used to have unlimited time to look after my outdoor plants but now they seem like one more chore on top of all the others so it was easy to let nature take it's course with them...it would rain if they were meant to live.

I feel a little guilty when I look at some of my deck plants and they appear wilted but then I remember that rain is on the way and they'll be okay. Now I hope the rain won't interfere with my trips to the clinic each day but I can't have everything, can I?

Looking Back on Mistakes Made

2011-09-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

All through your life you'll look back on the mistakes or bad things you did and you'll probably have a lot of regrets. I'm one of those people who not only suffer regrets after the fact but also as it's occurring so you'd think that someone like that would be a saint. Not so. Human beings are inherently selfish and self centered critters so we tend to ignore our conscience when we're doing wrong.

When I look back and remember some of my indiscretions, I feel shame once again but there's nothing I can do to change what was done. Now, I'm not talking about cheating on my husband or anything that bad but I mean the cruel or nasty moments in your life you're ashamed to accept you're capable of doing.

I remember one moment when, out of jealousy, I joked about the skin of one of my friends turning brown because she'd become too friendly with a nice black girl in our grade 4 class. I knew as I said it that it was wrong and cruel but I said it anyway. My shame comes more from knowing the black girl heard me and how it must have hurt her.

For most of us, our lives are filled with incidents like this and often much worse (mine, too) and I believe the saving grace is that we know and understand that these were things we shouldn't have done. We have consciences that attempt to keep us from sinking into unhealthy behaviour.

I remember saying cruel words out of spite or bitterness or unbridled anger. Those words can't be unsaid but they can be regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and our transgressions if it matters enough to us and it matters very much to me. I deeply regret any pain I caused anyone over my lifetime but I'll probably err a few times more before I'm done. Honestly, though, I'm trying harder these days not to add to my naughty list. This is a good thing!

This and That

2011-09-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention yesterday that I met a lady at the casino who had me laughing. She apparently is a serial gambler who travels all over Canada and the States to casinos...she must also have a lot of money. Among other things, she told me she calls herself a "slot slut" and I thought that was a hoot. I told Mary we're slot sluts, too, but she was having none of that. When you think of it, the name doesn't apply to us so I'll just have to keep it in my memory for a giggle now and then.

I had my 3rd radiation treatment today and it went fine. It started to rain just as I got back to the car so I lucked out there. Then I drove over to Nick's house for a little visit to see my precious greatgrandsons. They are so sweet. Nash talked a blue streak to me and Nolan entertained me by putting on his own pants. Brilliant children!

Kim phoned when I got home because she'd read my last blog about how my lip was hurting. I explained that it's more an ache and I had it before the radiation treatments. I guess she felt sorry for me because now she's going to take me to a movie this week. I'll have to moan and groan more often.

We're getting some rain tonight and then tomorrow night so I should keep nice and dry when I go for treatment #4 tomorrow morning. I told Faye she doesn't need to come with me to the clinic but I will call her for a ride if it's ever pouring rain when I have to go. Life would be awful without good family and friends.

Weekend With Mary

2011-09-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

I went out to Mary's new house to spend the weekend and we had a great time. We always do...it's so nice to have friends that cause you no grief, just accept you as you are.

I loved the house and property. It's in the country and sits on about 2 1/2 acres, much of which is bush but Don will have that cleared out in no time. The house is a small old brick one but there has been a lot of remodelling done to it. Of course, the remodeller didn't quite finish a lot of projects but the most important things are done. It has new windows, new kitchen and bathroom, new drywall and tile. and new decks front and back. The finishing touches will be easy compared to the work that's already done. And Don has a huge, heated worshop to play in!

They plan on building a large addition in the springtime because the bedroom is currently in a loft. The peacefulness and privacy of the surroundings are lovely. There are large farms on either side so Mary will have all the privacy her little heart desires. I almost envy her this lovely place but it's a little too secluded for my liking.

We put some of her stuff away Saturday (they're hauling stuff out every trip but still living in their house in Paris) and then went to the casino in Windsor which was about another hour's drive. We had supper there and then Mary won a lot of money and I lost all of mine. Surprise!

It was quite late when we got back home so we slept well all night. Mary has 2 futons up in the loft for company but she slept up there, too, because the rest of her furniture is still in Paris.

On Sunday we went out for breakfast and then came back to pick apples for Faye and for Don's horse. There is a very healthy apple tree quite close to the house that was filled apples so Mary got out a ladder to pick as many as she could reach. I just bagged them.

We got back to Paris at about 6 P.M. and said our goodbyes. I was sort of anxious to get home and put some ointment on my lip because it hurt pretty badly. I really love hanging out with Mary and always know it will be fun. I'm already looking forward to visiting her next spring and seeing what they've accomplished on their house over the winter. It will be darned nice, that's for sure.

Tomorrow morning I go back to the clinic for treatment #3 (of 20). I'm not handling the ache I'm feeling right now so I'd better start using Tylenol before it gets me down.

The Good in Us

2011-09-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

We often become cynical of the human race because of all the horrible things a very few of us do but I saw a video today that gave me a boost. It was pretty spectacular, fantastic enough to make the T.V. news (I don't know when it happened, though).

A young man riding a motorcycle was in a collision with a car, subsequently causing the front of the car and the motorcycle to burst into flames. A large group of people, young and old, approached the burning car and a young girl dropped down on the ground to ascertain that the motorcycle driver was under the car and still alive.

The group of very brave and caring people tackled the job of lifting the car up and off the victim and then dragging him to safety. It was an act of bravery that proves once again the good that is in us.

If you'd like to see the video, just key in "people lifting burning car youtube" and see for yourself how amazing we can be!

Interesting Day

2011-09-16T04:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was interesting for me in a few ways. I had my first session of radiation on my lip skin cancer and it went well just as I expected. Apparently, there won't be much showing on the sore until the 5th session and that's when the skin starts to redden. They told me there's a topographical cream available if it becomes too painful but most people I've talked to seem to think it won't get that bad. All and all, it's a small price to pay to get rid of something that could become deadly.

Then I had a nap in the afternoon because, even though I'm not outwardly upset, inside I'm under a lot of stress. I'm sleeping longer through the night, too, and I know it's all related to stress. That's okay, though, because it's something my body needs right now and naps are kind of pleasant.

I went out for dinner with Lisa, Kim, Cindy, and Tyson (Tyson was a pleasant surprise). We went to the Black Forest and the food was excellent as always. I hadn't been there in maybe two years but over a great many years their food never changes and it's always a wonderful place to dine. I was especially pleased to have Tyson with us because I just don't see him often enough. He's been living in North Bay going to university for 4-5 years and I bet I haven't seen him more than once a year in all that time. I adore him!

Back home I watched a bit of T.V. but then hit the sack early...9 P.M. I think I was asleep by 10 and then up at 7 this morning. A good long and much needed sleep to prepare me for whatever stress the day will bring. I can and will do it!

I Keep Hurting Myself

2011-09-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when you have a sore that's what you keep hitting? I whack my poor sore lip in my sleep and I whack it when I'm awake, too. I remember breaking my toe a few years ago and the next day whacking it on a chair. Am I a closet masochist?

People aren't meant to suffer pain and we certainly don't fully appreciate the days when we stroll through a day with nothing hurting us. We accept that's the way it should be so, when we reach a ripe old age and body parts start protesting, we become annoyed. We blame the body parts for letting us down now that we once again have the freedom to run the roads and play.

Since my knee has been acting up, I notice younger people with springier steps and feel a wistful envy that I might never attain that again. The knee pain does come and go so I do have some hope of better days ahead, though.

The people I hang out with tend to laugh about our respective aches and pains, especially when we're doggedly pulling ourselves out of a car. It helps to laugh about it because, if we're laughing, it can't be all that bad. It sure beats moaning and groaning about it because then we wouldn't rouse ourselves to continue having fun, would we? There is a big difference between the minor aches that most seniors endure and real pain. For most of us it's just an occasional discomfort that doesn't stop us from enjoying our "twilight" years. We may enjoy them a little slower but, what the heck, at least we're doing it.

I like to inform my younger friends that old age isn't something to fear. It's more something to value because that's when you have the time to mold it your own way. No-one knows how much time they have on this earth but we can pretty well count on today and that makes it very important to make today a good one.

Despite my aches and pains, I enjoy my life. I love my family to bits and I enjoy the company of some darned good friends so my life is pretty full. Now, if I could only stop whacking myself on my sore lip!

Ready to Radiate

2011-09-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

I went to the cancer clinic this morning for my appointment to have the face mask fitted. It appears to be a sheet of clear plastic that was marked to show the location of my ear, nose, eyes, and sore but it will only be on the left side of my face where the sore is. I'll also wear a pliable plastic guard which fits inside my mouth between the sore and my teeth and also covers my upper lip. The nurses who took care of me were a lot of fun. One of them had radiation treatment for a similar sore on her upper lip so she was a mountain of information on what to expect during and after the treatments.

They were able to start my 20 treatment schedule this coming Thursday which means I'll be finished on October 13th. I'm told that the radiation keeps working for 3-6 weeks after I'm finished before the sore actually begins to heal. It will be an open sore for most of the time and I don't want to go to the Florida park while it's open so I plan on staying at Shelley's house for possibly a week once we get to Florida. As of now, she plans to come up here right before Kim's surgery and then drive down with me on November 3rd.

The clinic opens at 9 A.M. so I asked if my treatments could be as early as possible and they were able to accomodate me for most of them. The 2 times I have a treatment in the afternoon is when I am evaluated by the doctor right after.

This won't be an easy chapter in my life but I know I can handle it.

Scamming Seniors

2011-09-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why scammers find it so easy to get money from seniors. Most of the seniors I know could spot a scammer a mile away and would never hand over money to them but that doesn't seem to be the case with some seniors.

I wonder if it's the lonely ones who become victims. There are a lot of lonely old people who might fall victim just because a person has been kind and polite to them. It's sort of the same reason why some women (of all ages) become victims of men who promise them the moon.

When you see these scammed seniors interviewed by police or reporters, they don't seem to be addle brained but just too trusting. I think that the more these scams are reported to the public the more aware seniors will be and therefore on guard. It's a shame that there is so little respect for the elderly in our culture that we need to be careful who we trust.

I have noticed that when I've made unusually large withdrawals from the bank, the teller will tactfully ask what it's for and I'm not insulted by that. It's a good thing for all of us to look out for each other.

Waste

2011-09-11T08:11:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling very sad today thinking about how many lives have been senselessly lost because of war. And I envision the leaders of the troops sitting back in safety as they send their delusional followers off to fight their wars, wars waged in the name of religion or greed. Won't we ever learn?

9/11 10 Years Later

2011-09-10T05:19:00.000-07:00

Just as we should never forget the horrors of the holocaust, we should never forget the insanity of September 11, 2001 when the United States was viciously attacked by suicidal terrorists.

That a small group of religious fanatics who I'm sure believe in their god with all their hearts could even think to climb on an airplane loaded with innocent men, women, and children and deliberately cause that plane to crash is beyond my comprehension. And not only to take the innocent lives on the plane but to crash it into a building filled with thousands more innocent lives is beyond our understanding. What kind of religion would spur their members to commit mass murder like this?

We can have no defence against insanity and that's what happened that day...pure insanity. I'm simply amazed that there hasn't been a repeat of this insanity since that day. Maybe it's because even the most diehard terrorists realize that they have been driven by maniacal prophets instead of their gods.

There is no doubt that we've escaped further devastating terrorist attacks because of the diligence of the United States military and for that I'm very thnkful. I still believe that the United States should keep their troups out of foreign lands but that's another story.

I'll never forget the absolute shock of watching the news on T.V. that fateful day and seeing the second plane hit the Twin Towers and burst into flames. I was so in shock that it just wouldn't compute. I literally could not believe this was happening in the United States, our strong and protective neighbor. With realization that this was really happening at that moment, my next thought was how many people would lose their lives. Hard on the heels of this realization came the horrific images of the towers collapsing and I believe I was truly in physical shock at that moment.

The scenes were more horrible than any horror movie but it was reality we were seeing. Masses of people covered in white soot stumbled away from the wreckage with looks of terror on their faces. Armies of police officers and firefighters were racing in to help in any way they could. You knew that this was a moment in history that you would never forget or ever should. This was human nature at it's worst and the reason we should never forget is that it will teach us to be on guard to prevent it ever happening again...like the holocaust. These two shameful events in history are proof of what human beings are capable of doing if we allow ourselves to degrade to our base instincts. We are and can be better than that.

There have often been stories that the holocaust never really happened and that was perpetuated by people who prefer to believe that no-one could commit such atrocities. But they can. Stories are circulating that the destruction of the Twin Towers was actually done by the United States government but that's so foolish. I agree that our government leaders are capable of inflicting damage on it's citizens in order to serve their own purposes but not something like this. This was done by religious zealots who had been brainwashed by their spiritual leaders to take as many American lives as they possibly could.

I'll be watching the televised events of 9/11 this weekend and feeling again the helplessness I felt on that day 10 years ago. I'll be watching and wondering again how people with a deep faith in their god could commit mass murder. And I'll once again feel an uneasy suspicion about the Moslem religion and how many of it's followers now reside in my country.

Faye Needs Younger Friends

2011-09-09T06:49:00.001-07:00

Faye is 76 years old but half that age in interests and energy. She called to ask me if I'd like to wander around Aberdeen St. tomorrow because some special event was going on. Old fogey that I am, I considered that the street would be crowded because it's a Saturday and because it's a special event so I turned down her offer. She said she needs younger friends. Now, Faye has lots of friends of all ages so she has lots to pick from. Unfortunately for her, she'd prefer to run the roads with her old friends and some of us have bad knees.

We always tell Faye that she'll be sharing her 100th birthday with Don and Sheila because none of the rest of us will make it there. Don, at 76, still rides horses. Sheila, at 76, still has her own black hair and moves like a teenager. Faye is going to miss those of us who don't make it!

I'm really angry with my knees because they hold me back in ways I'd never anticipated. I've always loved to walk and sightsee but now I have to think about how much pain I can tolerate or how far I dare venture. I don't like this at all. The thing with my knees is that the pain can disappear for months on end and then come back with a vengeance so I'll just have to save myself for the good days.

Some good news for me: I got my out-of-country insurance quote for Florida. I'll be leaving here Nov. 5th and returning April 15th and my insurance will cost $774. I have a good broker who always gets me a good rate. My skin cancer won't be covered, of course, but that's not a problem. If it returns while I'm in Florida, I'll just come home early to have it treated.

Haircut

2011-09-08T16:59:00.000-07:00

I knew what I wanted because I had it all figured out how it could be achieved. But, because I have a hard time explaining myself, I had Mary get her haircut first so I could pour through some style books and find something similar to what I wanted. I poured and I poured but couldn't find the picture that was in my mind. I poured some more and found something slightly similar but one that would have to be explained to Marion so she could make the necessary changes. It looked pretty cute on a dark haired teen so why wouldn't it look cute on a grey haired 71 year old lady?

Marion listened intently as I showed her the picture and explained how it needed some adjustments to meet my requirements. Straightfaced, she asked if I understood I'd be getting a mullet. "A MULLET!", I yelped. That was not what I had in mind.

Trying to pacify me, Marion made a few suggestions which I okayed. And then she cut my hair.

I don't like my hair and I have no-one to blame but myself. It probably would look good on a dark haired teen.

Note: Faye said I should have used the word "pored" instead of "poured" but Donna was on my side. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is on Faye's side so she's right again, damn it!

OPSEU Pickets United Way!

2011-09-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

Opseu union workers who are presently on strike and picketing our community colleges apparently can't tell the difference between their beef with the colleges and the disruption they cause in other areas.

Mohawk College was supposed to hold it's annual parking lot garage sale this Saturday as a benefit for United Way but was unable to persuade the union not to disrupt it. The college, which does not benefit in any way from the sale, decided it was in the best interests and safety of the public to cancel the event.

Personally, I think it should have been allowed to go on and the public could have gotten a close look at how OPSEU strikers behave when they are making their demands and holding the taxpayer hostage. Remember that it's our tax money that pays the bills for our community colleges and it's a handful of strikers who are preventing us from using our own property.

I'm not totally anti-union because I believe they do serve a purpose in making life better for the workers but sometimes their power goes to their heads and they behave like criminals. They either forget or disregard the fact that they are not the only people in the world and that there are others with rights equal to their's.

In a way, it makes sense that if a worker feels he/she isn't receiving enough pay or benefits from their job then they should just go find another one instead of preventing their employer from conducting business. It seems illegal somehow. I can understand that a large group of employees could decide to withhold their services but how can it be legal for them to prevent the business from hiring others to do the jobs? Those OPSEU jobs pay darned well and there must be many people who would jump at the chance for one of them.

Again, I'm not really anti-union but maybe they've gotten a little too greedy and obnoxious and forgotten about the rest of us.

I'm Going to be Radiated!

2011-09-06T13:12:00.001-07:00

Faye went with me to the cancer clinic today so I could find out if radiation would be done on my lip. The doctor (old and cute) said that the skin cancer was a small one (looks big to me, though) and he would do 20 daily radiation treatments on it which will take a month to complete. I am so happy!

Apparently you can only receive radiation once so if the skin cancer returns in that spot (10% chance) it would have to be removed surgically. He is only going to treat the sore on the one side of my lip and not the whole lip because the right side is only pre-cancerous. It might never get any worse but I'll need to watch it and, if it does become skin cancer, then that part of my lip can receive radiation treatments.

This whole summer has been a sort of misery for me because of this lip and the original treatment (Aldara) that I suffered through. This was supposed to be my "easy" summer but it didn't turn out that way. I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I'm only dealing with a skin cancer that has such a high cure rate and not something deadlier, though.

One other thing that I am very thankful for is our Canadian health care system which, although sometimes imperfect, has been a godsend to me this summer. My dermatologist probably did what she thought was best for me (but it wasn't), my family doctor quickly referred me to the cosmetic surgeon who, in turn, quickly had the skin cancer biopsied. Quickly again, he made the decision that I might be better off having radiation treatments and he referred me to the cancer clinic. I was in there 3 working days later. Don't ever let anyone tell you that our health care system isn't damn good for the citizens of this country. And don't expect perfection because that doesn't exist anywhere.

Anyway, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel as though I can easily deal with what is to come. Oh yes, they weighed me at the clinic and I've only lost a couple of pounds over the summer. I didn't let a sore lip stop me from eating!

Truly Friends Again

2011-09-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Sharon and Jim did come up this morning and they brought me a Tim's coffee, too. We chatted for about an hour before Jim decided he needed to go sit in his car and have a nap so I asked Sharon if we could have a talk.

She didn't remember hanging up on me that fateful day but just thought she'd been a little curt. I was very tactful but managed to make her understand that she had hung up the phone on me 3 times that day and how it had made me feel. The last thing I wanted was for Sharon to be so hurt that I was confronting her that she'd run out the door but that didn't happen. She accepted her bad temper but didn't accept that she took it out on everyone around her. When I politely insisted that she did, she didn't put up a big argument.

I told her that no matter what she did, had temper tantrums or committed mass murder, I would always love her with all my heart but I wouldn't stand by and let her mistreat me. As we spoke, I watched her carefully to make sure I wasn't hurting her and it didn't seem to be the case. We both agreed that it was good to get things out in the open so we knew where we stood.

We kissed and hugged goodbye and made plans to meet for coffee next Sunday. And it was all done by me standing firm in not accepting rudeness but also being able to explain this to my sister without alienating her. I did good.

Friends Again

2011-09-04T07:28:00.001-07:00

My sister phoned me again this morning. She's phoned occasionally since our rift and I've always been polite to her but deep down inside I kept hoping for an apology for the way she'd treated me. I guess I have to accept that the apology won't be coming.

We chatted for a while, playing catch up on what's been happening in our lives over the past few months and she asked if I'd meet her for coffee today or tomorrow. I countered with an invitation for her and Jim to come to my house for coffee tomorrow and she half way accepted. She'll call tomorrow and let me know for sure.

My feelings for my sister haven't changed much since our rift. I love her but I'm slightly uncomfortable around her because of her temper that she takes out on everyone and anyone if she's mad enough. It's made me just want to stay away from her for a while but I know it isn't forever.

It's always more fun to be around people who are light at heart, happy in their own skin and who can laugh at whatever problems arise. It makes me tense if the person I'm with looks about to explode with anger at any given moment if something happens to irritate them. I don't want to waste my time with people like that.

I used to have a temper like that. It's hard for me to even believe that's true but it is. Over the years I've learned to control outbursts because that benefits everyone involved, including me. Maybe a bad temper stems from frustration in other areas of your life but these days I operate mostly in a calm atmosphere. I've also learned techniques to deal with my temper on the rare occasions that it rears it's ugly head. I stop, step back, and wait until I've gained control before I react. I've finally grown up! I understand that years ago I felt my whole life was in upheaval so there were very few calm and sane times when I could gain some form of control over myself. My life is so different now and, with it, the maturity and peace to become a better person.

I hope Sharon and Jim come up tomorrow. Maybe we can get back to the friendship that developed a few cracks a few months ago. I know we love each other and that's what is most important.

My Maternal Great Grandparents

2011-09-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy surfing the web, researching or just "searching". I don't know names on my father's side but I do have some information from my grandmother's side of the family. Below is what I found just by keying in my great-grandfather's name and his occupation.

12713-91 Thomas STEVENSON, 34, harness maker, Canada, Hamilton, s/o Thomas & Isabella, married Ida RICHARDSON, 28, Canada, Hamilton, d/o James & Ida, witn: John GREY & Mary CURSER, both of Hamilton, 4 April 1891 at Hamilton

This meant so very much for me to find because it's impossible for me to trace much of my ancestry. It was an emotional shock to see the ancient notice of the marriage of my great-grandfather and my great-grandmother. I'd never known the names of my great-great-grandparents and here they were. I'd been told that my great-grandmother's name was Ida Marie and knew that one of my aunts had been named after her.

My grandmother, Theresa, was born in 1894 and went on to have 3 daughters...Ida, Arvella (known as Isabel), and Rose. It thrills me that the "Isabel" (my mother) came from my great-grandfather's mother.

I've often identified with adoptees who know little or nothing of their ancestry because I know nothing about my family on my father's side. It will always make you feel as though a part of you is missing. Just learning this little bit about my maternal great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents makes me very happy.

Thomas and Isabella Stephenson, parents of my great-grandfather, Thomas.

James and Ida Richardson, parents of my great-grandmother, Ida Marie.

You are all part of me, my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren.

Note: Further research found the following article naming businesses back when my great-grandfather had his...

Harness Makers Fraser, Johnson & Co., John street north ; Thomas Clohecy, Kerrick street ; Coy & Co., King street west ; Wm. Dunlop, John street south ; John Finlayson, King street east ; Jos. Jolley & Sons, John street south ; Robert Kirkpatrick, Mar ket street ; W. E. Murray, Marnab street north ; Philp & Son, Yoi k street; Thomas Stevenson, Jo.in street south.

Finding this little bit of history and ancestry just thrills me to no end. I've been to the building where he ran his harness shop and it's now a bar. I told the manager a story I'd been told by my grandmother about how my great-grandfather had buried money in the backyard but couldn't find it when he'd tried to dig it back up. It could still be there or it could have been stolen many, many years ago.

Apparently GG Thomas was fairly well off because, besides owning the building that his business was in, he also owned the building next to it where he called home. I lived there for a while when I was a baby and the story goes that my great-grandmother was coming downstairs with some coins for me when she tripped and fell to her death.

Drama, good and bad, occurs in all lives and all generations.

Nolan the Talker

2011-09-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

I've been around long enough to know that it might not be the worst thing in the world if our babies are late talkers because, once they start, you can't shut them up. I see Nolan about once a week and his vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. It doesn't seem to matter that his vocabulary is limited because he'll just keep yakking the same words over and over again.

He repeats everything you say so we have to watch our language around him. I tend to curse occasionally so I'm pretty worried that I'll be the one he learns those words from. It's thrilling for me to hear his progress because he's only with me for an hour or two but it must give his parents a headache.

Nick phoned this morning to tell me when he'd be cutting my lawn and all I could hear in the background was a steady stream of Nolan chatter. Sounds adorable to me but the noise ended when I hung up the phone. Nick is still immersed in it until Nolan has a nap.

I remember with my own babies always wishing away their childhood so that they'd be able to care for themselves but I soon learned that I should have enjoyed every moment of their neediness because it ended all too soon. No, diapers and bottle feeding aren't fun but that time is so fleeting. I don't think any mother will ever forget the sweet moments when they were bottle or breast feeding their child and the child stared into their eyes with complete trust. Those are indelible moments.

Nolan is only 2 years old so he is very dependant on the adults who care for him and will be to some extent for many years to come. I'm looking forward to the day he can carry on a real conversation but I know that will be another milestone on his road to independance. Still, with maturity comes his own ability to keep himself safe and happy and that's what we all want for him. Bless his sweet and precious little heart!!

Relief

2011-09-01T05:23:00.000-07:00

It's sort of amazing how a touch of relief for whatever reason can change everything about you. After I saw the doctor yesterday, I walked back to my car with a springier step and a smile on my face. It felt as though a load had been lifted from my shoulders that had been weighing me down. I know the news was only a slight reprieve and maybe won't happen at all but it gave me hope, something I hadn't had in a while.

I felt so much more at ease all evening and then slept like a lamb all night. The lessening of tension did that for me. I've felt this sensation many times in my life so it's quite familiar to me. When we worry, our bodies tighten up in preparation to face whatever the danger is and when the danger is lessened, our bodies loosen up. It happens all the time in one way or another.

I'm still facing radiation treatment on my lip but it's a far lesser worry for me than surgery so I expect to sail through the treatment if I'm allowed it. For now, I'll just bask in the comparative relaxation my body is enjoying.

Lip News

2011-08-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

I saw the cosmetic surgeon today and he gave me some good news. It is squamous skin cancer but he thinks it can be treated with radiation instead of surgery. I'm euphoric. I'll have to go to the cancer clinic and be assessed there but I'm so hoping that it can be done. The doctor said it would take a few treatments but that is nothing compared to having surgery.

This has all got me thinking about the whole process I've been through with this lip. I did let it go too long without having the dermatologist look at it (more than a year) and that was very foolish of me because I know better. She thought that it would be cured by spraying with liquid nitrogen and that's what she did just before I left for Florida last fall. And it almost worked, but not completely.

In the spring, she sprayed it again to no avail and then decided to have me apply Aldara for 8 weeks before she'd excise the spot. I used the Aldara for 5 treatments and it ended up making both lips raw, scabbed and bleeding. At that point, she told me to lay off the Aldara until the whole mess had shrunk by half and then to restart using it.

I had already decided to see my family doctor because I couldn't bear the thought of a dermatologist cutting into my lip and he'd sent me to a cosmetic surgeon. Luckily, just before seeing the cosmetic surgeon, I accidently knocked off the huge scab on my lip so he was able to see the original small sore. He did what my dermatologist should have done and sent me for a biopsy. And all of this led to my appointment with him today.

I'm left wondering what would be happening if I'd stuck with the dermatologist and not gone to my family doctor. What if he hadn't sent me to the cosmetic surgeon? Would I still be suffering from using that bloody Aldara??

I guess I'm lucky to have a family doctor I can trust and who I know will send me to the right specialist. It seems that I did the right thing by going to him with my concerns and didn't just accept the treatment I was getting from the dermatologist. It pays to get a second or third opinion, doesn't it?

Variegated Impatiens

2011-08-29T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is how my variegated impatience recovered from the wind battering it took the other day. It's one of my favorite plants and has to be wintered inside. This plant came from cuttings that Faye gave me because I'd given up on toting my own back and forth from Florida. It needs dappled sunshine, not too much shade but not too much sun, either. Every year I move it around my backyard until I find the best spot for it to flourish.