Life After Death

My friend passing away today has made me realize how important it is to write about what happened after my husband passed away last year.

My husband had been sick for a year with esophagus cancer and we'd (my daughters and I) cared for him at home until he passed away. Immediately after his passing there was a feeling of relief that he was finally free from his pain and misery. My eldest grandson came into the house about 15 minutes after his beloved Grampa died so we left him alone with him to say his goodbyes. I began to worry about my grandson because he had only just turned 21 and it must have been a horrible experience for him to lose his Grampa so I returned to the room to make sure he wasn't too upset.

I stood at the end of the bed with my attention riveted on my grandson when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a burst of energy (?) erupt from my husband. I can only describe it as a density of air that had obvious soft, cloud-like edges but which immediately filled the room almost from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. In the same instant I sensed a tremendous feeling of joy, as though he'd finally escaped his poor, failed body. My youngest daughter walked into the room at that moment but we didn't speak. Later, as we sat and talked and waited for the coroner, my daughter said she'd seen a strange sight when she walked into the room. She'd seen something in the air that filled the room from wall to wall and floor to ceiling and it also spread behind me into the adjoining livingroom (I hadn't seen that because it was behind me). I knew I hadn't imagined what I'd seen but it still shocked me that she'd seen it, too. I believe my husband finally gave up his year long fight and what I saw was his spirit springing free. Its interesting that my daughter and I saw this but my grandson, who had been lost in his own thoughts and prayers, saw nothing.

I'm not religious and have no church affiliation but I do believe in life after death. I don't know what form it will take but my experience with my husband gives me hope that the hereafter will be a good place.

I've told this story many times over the past year and I'm sure most people think I imagined it all but I know what I saw. I wasn't waiting for it to happen or even expecting it--it came as a surprise when I was watching and worrying over my grandson--and then my daughter saw it, too. The experience hasn't driven me to join a church or embrace religion but it has made me feel more secure in the thought that my husband is happy and in a better place.

I wonder if he's found a nice little sailboat and a pretty little lake to sail it in???

A Passing

My dear friend passed away today. She'd found out only 2 weeks ago that she had pancreatic cancer and she had to make her peace with the world and say her goodbyes in that short time. At my age I'll probably lose many more friends, some lifelong, before I say my last goodbyes. Each loss will make me feel as though my life is disintegrating. Death is so damn permanent!

I'm feeling very melancholy today and want to pass on a small word of wisdom. Money doesn't matter. Possessions don't matter. Position doesn't matter. Treasure your family and real friends because that is the only thing that matters in the end.

Making Time

I'm a rabid yard saler and Ebay seller...at least I was until Canada Post raised their rates so high I was embarrassed to tell my customers how much their postage would be. Now I'm limiting myself...no yard saleing until I clear out my stock through my flea market table. This has cleared my weekends so beautifully that I now have the time to meet my sister for coffee on Sundays the way we used to do.

Sometimes we get caught up in work or hobbies and forget that the important things in life are our relationships with family and friends. A simple thing like not having the time to have coffee with my sister on Sunday doesn't seem too important until we realize how short life can be. A few years ago my sister and I weren't speaking for a few months...we both have wicked tempers...and I found a message on my answering machine from her husband saying she was in the hospital. On that long ride to the hospital I kept thinking how no disagreement or tiny hurt feelings were important if they kept really loving sisters apart. It terrified me to think we might never have the chance to be friends again. As it turned out, she had her appendix removed and was as thrilled to see me as I was to see her. It taught me a lesson, though...don't take tomorrow for granted.

Today I'm meeting my sister for coffee and we'll yak and laugh and just enjoy the moment.

Gardening...one of life's greatest pleasures!

I just discovered that I can type my blogs in the color of my choice....probably sounds lame to people who understand computers better than I do but every little new thing I find to do on the computer is a thrill to me!

I've been happily busy preparing my flower gardens, planting, watering, and spreading mulch. This is one of life's simple pleasures that I'll enjoy for as long as I can dig in the dirt. Being retired means that we can putter around in our yards or planters whenever we feel the urge to create beauty in the world....wearing ratty looking clothes and ruining what's left of our fingernails. We know what true beauty is. After fiddling around in the garden for hours, I snuggle into the lawn chair with my feet up, a gin and tonic in my hand, and a smile on my face. Life is good!

One More Day in the Life

I've been awfully sore since I returned from Florida this spring....the reason being I've had to do all the heavy labor that my husband used to do. He passed away last summer after spending 12 months battling cancer (and "battling" is an understatement). I often wonder if he'd be proud of what I've been able to accomplish since he passed away or if he'd be resentful of my successes without him.

There have been times I've had to decide if what I need in the basement or upstairs is worth another trip. I've carted boxloads of things all over the house, and into and out of the car. I've dug so many weeds out of the vegetable garden and flower gardens that I considered it might actually be better to cultivate them. Not much was done around here last year because we home cared my husband throughout his illness so I'm learning that nature takes over in more ways than one if left to follow its own course.

But hard work usually brings contentment at the end and then its time to reap the rewards. This summer I'll be able to sit out in the yard and watch the flowers grow and the vegetables ripen. I'll never forget that it was Dennis' hard labor that originally created my little oasis but I'll also have a better appreciation of my own abilities to carry on.

Touring a Funeral Home

My sister-in-law e-mailed me today to say that she and her husband toured a funeral home which had just opened. Now, there's nothing wrong with doing that if you might be needing such services in the near future but for two healthy, busy people to find a funeral home open house interesting....well, I just think they need a new hobby!

My husband passed away last summer and I was forced to meet with a funeral home representative to make arrangements. For those who might not know, things are done differently now. The representative was wonderful to deal with...very dignified, capable, and kind. We (my three daughters and I) chose a package that covered all the details we preferred not to dwell on but had to be considered. This "package" made the process easier for all of us.

During the funeral, the room was filled with loving and caring family and friends who were there to support us in our time of loss and to show their respect for my husband. Again, this funeral was a little different. Two of our grandsons stood before us and spoke about what their grandfather had meant in their lives...including many very funny stories. My granddaughter played her Grampa's guitar and sang, along with two more granddaughters, two more grandsons and the girlfriend of one of them. Their chosen song was "I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life". We all laughed, cried, and hoped he had, too.

NATIVE UPRISING IN CALEDONIA

I've lived in Canada all my life--within 15 miles of Caledonia, Ontario. And all of my life there have been rumblings among the natives about how their ancestors were cheated out of their land over a hundred years ago.

My great grandfather owned a business less than a hundred years ago and, when he fell on hard times, he was forced to sell out. Does that give me a right to build tire fires outside the business now and demand it be given back to me?

Most of us have strong sympathy for the native culture because we "white" people almost destroyed it--but that was a century or two ago. Its time the natives who are complaining start building their own lives instead of depending on government handouts. When we see them in fatigues and face scarves and calling themselves "warriors", we know they're really a gentle people who have lost the integrity of their ancestors. When we see natives from other provinces and even other countries joining the barricade, we wonder how many natives have employment they can walk away from so easily. We also wonder why the police didn't step in the first day and put a stop to it--arresting the lawless demonstrators who chose to defile our air with the toxic fumes of burning tires and close a main highway through the town.

These natives are arrogant to think they are more important in the scheme of things than their white/black/brown neighbor. They show a great deal of disrespect for others when they care so little about the inconvenience and financial hardships caused by their actions.

Do I think we'll see a resolution to the Caledonia standoff in the near future? No--because the Canadian government is weak and unable to make a conclusive decision in this mess.

New to Blogging

This is a brand new life experience for me. Being a computer novice, so to speak, I just discovered "blogging" a few months ago. I'm 65 years of age and absolutely full of aspirations to learn and do so many new things--there isn't enough time in my day. I thought maybe I could use this format to instill a little hope in the younger generation that getting old can be a positive thing.

Yesterday I spoke to a long time family friend who feels he's just "found himself". After working hard for 30 years, he's finally discovered that the perfect employment for him is to create masterpieces in glass--window panes, to be exact. I couldn't help but feel pride and respect for this sweet man as he described how long it had taken for him to find the job that made him the happiest. Most of us struggle our whole lives chasing the almighty dollar in jobs we hate and forget that the moments we're living are the only moments we're allowed. The moral of this little message is...be happy!