Tired of Medical Intrusion

I have to have an ultrasound tomorrow to see if my spleen is enlarged.  I never knew the spleen had anything to do with platelets but it does and, if it is enlarged, it could be the reason my platelets are low.  I hate having intrusive medical tests like this.  I feel absolutely fine but it was routine bloodwork that found my low platelets.  If my doctors would just leave my poor little 80 year old body alone and stop bothering me with bloodwork and ultrasounds I would be a lot happier.  My opinion is that looking at the innards of an 80 year old will most certainly show a few anomalies.  Those anomalies might just never bother me until my last day on earth but you can bet, once seen by a doctor, they'll want to do more tests.  I hate it!

A few years ago I had an ultrasound or catscan (can't remember which) and was diagnosed with a 3 1/2 cm cyst on my pancreas.  To me that meant imminent death so I cancelled my winter in Florida and had to wait until April for an MRI which showed NOTHING at all.  I was lucky but their mistake meant a miserable winter for me when I was feeling perfectly healthy.

Anyway, I really do think doctors should leave us old folk alone as long as we're feeling good and have no symptoms bothering us.       

Life Matters

There's a section of Facebook that shows only videos, some professional and some amateur.  I tend to ignore the T.V. news articles because most of them are political and I'm totally fed up with politics right now.  I watched an amateur video today that was very interesting.  There was a notation on the top that said the man who made the video committed suicide soon after posting it and that caught my attention.

It happened to be a black man who looked to be in his late 30's and he was speaking from his car.  He first said it was his last day at work because he'd been laid off but he spoke in a quiet and calm voice.  I assumed his main topic would be how losing his job had affected him but he only mentioned that he loved his job.  His topic of conversation was much deeper than that.

You could tell he was speaking from the heart and that it was important for him to have people hear him out.  He said that it was a mistake for us to stress that "black lives" or "police lives" matter.  It was so much more important to understand that it was life that matters.  Now, in my mind, I'm wondering why he would say that and then take his own life but I wanted to hear what he needed to say.

He spoke for a while on how important life was and how we were missing the point when we shrunk it down to black "lives" or police "lives", etc..  I didn't watch to the end of the video because I was afraid he'd break my heart.  Just watching what I did of an intelligent, thoughtful human being who, in the end, found the life he'd been given was too much for him to bear made me stop the video.  I understand suicide.  It defies logic but I know that unbearable pain, mental or physical, can drive us to it.  It rarely solves anything unless it's done as an early escape when natural death is imminent.  Someone once told me that suicide was cowardly because she knew of someone who had committed murder and then committed suicide.  I don't believe that person killed himself to escape punishment for his crime but to escape the gut wrenching mental pain when the reality of what he'd done finally hit him.

At my age, I spend a lot of time wondering why I'm still here when much better people have passed on.  I regret the many ways I wasted the life I've been given and, like most people, sort of wish I'd done a lot of things differently.  I wonder why we treasure newborns, childhood, and young adults but tend to think seniors have lived too long and are only taking up space.  We're all experiencing the miracle of life from beginning to end and each phase should be relished.

And so, when I watched that video and carefully watched the facial expressions of the man as he spoke, I saw his pain and I wished he hadn't been alone.  

  

Where Is The Vaccine?

 I gave Trudeau a lot of credit for how he's handled the pandemic in Canada but I was wrong.  We're a country of 40 million people and certainly not a third world country so why the heck do we not have a facility in this great, huge country to produce the damned vaccine?  We have been receiving some from Belgium but that has stopped because countries that do have facilities have decided to use their product to vaccinate their own citizens first.  I don't like it but I understand it.

Billions, maybe trillions, of dollars have been handed out to some of the richest companies in the country as a stimulus to help (?) them through the lockdowns so why didn't our leaders realize that only by producing our own vaccine could we hope to get the country working again?  Those companies won't survive without customers and their potential customers are sick and dying every single day without the vaccine.  Their customers are also falling so far in debt from loss of employment that they might never be able to pay it off.  Spending money on unnecessary consumer goods will take a long time to become the norm again.

I've read a bit about the "great reset" and, even though I don't believe the virus was planned, I do see how powerful people might be in a perfect position right now to become even richer and more powerful.  They have the resources to take advantage of a distressed market.  Unfortunately, this is going to be off the backs of hard working citizens who have lost their jobs and maybe their life savings.

Something I have a hard time understanding is how Ontario, under complete lockdown, can continue to operate financially.  So many people aren't working and paying taxes.  Most businesses are closed and not paying taxes.  Where is the money coming from to pay for the everyday running of a province of 15 million citizens?  Some say that people living in the next century will still be paying off the debt we're incurring but where is the money coming from today and who is providing it?  

Well, we might never know but we'd better hope we're not indebted to a country or countries that will take us over.

  

Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead

 Well, not really, but he has been impeached for the 2nd time in his 4 year term as president of the United States.  Most of the people in the world are not surprised but Trump still has his die hard followers that would believe in him if he committed murder right in front of him.  Some would even join in with him.  I don't like this aspect of human behaviour.

What finally did him in was when he and his family spoke in front of a huge crowd of his followers who believe the presidential was rigged and Trump should have won.  They riled up these weak minded individuals, telling them to march up to the Capital building and "kick ass".  Trump said he'd be right there with him but, of course, he just watched the mayhem on T.V.  And so his brain dead followers did march up to the Capital building in Washing D.C. and stormed the building, breaking in and looting and damaging property as they roared through the halls looking for Democrats and even Vice President Pence to rip into.  Everything is documented on film so Trump can lie all he wants but the video evidence tells the whole sad story.

I really though he'd get away with it, though, because these political parties stick together no matter what but even Republicans were shocked by how close they came to death at the hands of a president with no morals.  10 Republicans joined the Democrats by voting to impeach Trump and now their lives are threatened by his pathetic followers.  I don't know what has gotten into the average American who is willing to sell their soul to a monster like Trump.  

I likened him to the anti-Christ, a man with no morals and with the ability to lead even the super religious to accept him as their dictator.  Some called him a gift from God.  It's beyond understanding.

Trump may not be president after January 20th but the chaos he has created in the 4 years he was president will go down in the history books.  You can bet that Americans 100 years from now will look upon their ancestors as Neanderthals who refused to see the evil right in front of their eyes.  I hope the U.S. survives this assault on their democracy but Trump just might have set in motion a large group of crazies who have grown larger and more powerful because of his encouragement.  I don't think the U.S. will fully recover from Trump's reign.    

As Bad As 9/11

 

This is Donald Trump's legacy, how he lied and convinced his followers that the election had been stolen from him and that he didn't really lose.  This is how he manipulated his followers to storm the Capital building on Jan. 6th where the law was being followed in handing the election to Joe Biden who had won a legal election, elected by the citizens of the United States.  This is a culmination of every law he broke trying to have the election results, the will of the people, overturned so he could remain president or dictator of the United States.

This is treason and Trump should be dragged out of the White House and thrown in jail.  Every one of his followers who broke into the building should be arrested.  This won't happen but it should. 

The Americans who stuck by Trump over the last 4 years and turned a blind eye to his criminal behavior, his crude behavior, his lies, and especially his close connections with North Korea and Russia should have seen this coming.  Some called him a "gift from God" but most of us recognized an "anti-Christ".

I'm left feeling very remote and unattached to the United States after watching these events today.  This wasn't all Trump and the blame also sits on the shoulders of the people who have supported him.

Trump continues to lie and say he won the election so is he insane or just a pitiful human being who would rather convince his followers to destroy the Constitution than to admit he lost the election?  Regardless, The United States has lost face in the rest of the world for being gullible enough to have elected him as president in 2016.  I've tried to draw the distinction between how the Trump supporters I know are decent people but, in my eyes, blind to what Trump really is but I can't do that any more.  Everyone with half a brain could see that Trump will do anything, even destroy his own country, to get his way.  He's done a good job of that.   

Sick or Tired?

My sleep patterns are so screwed up that I rarely get a good night's sleep unless I take a Melatinin.  I do this every once in a while when I can feel my body becoming way too tired.  Apparently I waited a bit too long to use the Melatonin because yesterday, after a horrible night's sleep, I awoke at 8:15 feeling like I'd been run over by a truck.  I was so exhausted that I felt sick to my stomach. I immediately worried that I might really be sick and not just overtired.

I knew my day was ruined because I was so tired I couldn't even concentrate so I gave in, settled on the recliner with an afghan and slept most of the day and evening.  I figured all this daytime sleeping probably meant sleeping through the night, too, wasn't going to happen but at least I was starting to feel normal.  Strangely, I was tired enough to go to bed at 9 P.M. so I took a Melatonin just to help me sleep, watched a little T.V. and konked out at 10 P.M.  I slept well and was wide awake at 3:15 A.M. but I wasn't exhausted any more so I got up and started my day.  I know it means I'll need a nap or two this afternoon but I'll take another Melatonin tonight and try to reset my sleep clock for a while.

I know there are a lot of people of people with sleep problems just like mine and many of them don't have the option of taking a nap in the afternoon.  My heart goes out to them.  

I Have Stuff

 For years I yard saled, went to auctions, and learned about the value of a lot of things or at least how to research about them.  I thoroughly enjoyed finding little treasures that I, in turn, sold on Ebay or at my flea market table.  It was mostly fun because I didn't need the money to survive but was more of a hobby.  My skills with choosing sort of valuable items grew over the years.

I finally gave up both Ebay and the flea market and did donate lots of stuff to the venders at the flea market but I kept a few things I had fallen in love with, mostly jewelry that I didn't wear but wasn't ready to give away.  I started selling a few things on Marketplace last summer and I guess the selling bug got me again because I've gone on to sell quite a few items, mostly clearing out things I'll never need again.

Being stuck at home most of time now and really enjoying doing research on the computer, I dragged out a few items I'd stashed away and almost forgotten about and decided to sell them on Marketplace.  What has surprised me is that a lot of these things are fairly valuable but I'd never done research on them before, just put aside until I felt like doing something with them.

I found a gorgeous vintage Coro necklace that is worth far more than the $100 I listed it for on Marketplace and I also found a gorgeous vintage copper necklace and earrings that I'll list for the same amount.  This is so much fun for me.  If they don't sell, I'll save them and list them later on.

One of my problems is that I only have cheap magnifying glasses and can't see the markings on anything if they're small enough so I ordered a better magnifying glass from Amazon.  I have lots of fun researching the items I want to sell and having to buy a new magnifying glass is a sensible addition to my hobby.

I'm thinking my yard sale days are not completely over but I'll have to wait until the summer and a Covid vaccine before I can start doing that again.  It will be fun!

    

The Hind End of 2020

Well, only a few hours left of 2020 and some people are thinking tomorroow,2021, will be different but it won't.  The vaccine has given us hope that we'll slowly pull ourselves out of the pandemic but it's not going to come overnight.  I'm guessing we'll still be wearing a mask when we're out in public places even next summer because there are a lot of people who won't have the vaccine and won't wear a mask.  That's the danger that will stay with us for a while yet.

2020 wasn't a very good year for me even excluding the pandemic.  I got sick in early January and it took me months to recover.  Then we had to hightail it home from Florida in mid March because the border was getting ready to close.  Once home, I think most of us were very apprehensive about the unknown with the virus, many hoping it would disappear as fast as it had arrived but it only got worse.  I think it will continue to worsen until the spring when most of us will have received the vaccine.

In August, I was slaughtered by the worst case of sciatica I'd ever experienced in my life and that lasted 1 1/2 months.  I was in constant, unbearable pain to the point where I almost couldn't walk.  And then, also in August, I had a falling out with Cindy that lasted 3 months.  No mother ever wants to have their child deeply upset with them even if I did feel the fault lay with Cindy.  One thing I learned from that episode is that I will never let bad feelings keep me apart from my loved ones for more that 1 day (we often need a day to regain our composure).  The love was always there but we were both hurt by words said and actions taken.  My sole excuse is that I can't and won't be around angry people even if I caused that anger.  Anyway, we did talk it out and I hope we both learned a few lessons.  It just never should have taken 3 months.

The next thing to hit me was finding out I have low blood platelets and, because of Covid, probably won't find out much about that until it's safe to see the hematologist personally.

Okay, lots of crap over the year but we all survived.  None of my kids or grandkids were out of work.  None got sick.  We all did our best to be together even if it was by using Zoom.  I got to see Jackson a few times and revel in the beauty of that precious baby.  I did willingly keep more to myself than I would have preferred because I know my age and my lousy immune system means I'm more vulnerable to the virus but I didn't mind that an awful lot.  I've got tons of interests to fill my time.  My pensions kept coming in so I didn't have to worry about money and I even bought a new 2 year old car...the Nissan Rogue I've wanted for years.

I think the worst thing to happen to my family was that Kim fell off her bike and broke her wrist and it needed surgery.  One of the best was Matt meeting Jackie who gets along great with the family (and with Matt).  These are life events that had nothing to do with 2020 or the epidemic.

When I look back on 2020 it will be with the sad realization that we can't become so complacent that we think we're beyond being brought to our knees the way war torn countries are.  We were downed by a germ.  I will continue to be impressed with how many people accepted wearing a mask and keeping the 6' distance in public.  I will continue to accept that not all people can be trusted to do the right thing.  I will be happy beyond words that Trump will not be president of the United States after January 20, 2021.  I will hope we never see another politician like him ever in anyone's lifetime.

2020 didn't defeat us.  It made us stronger.   

 

Nan's Christmas

Nan, my grandmother (I was too cool to call her Nana), started preparing for Christmas some time in early fall when she'd take a taxi to the open air market on York St, to buy everything she'd need for her fabulous Christmas cake.  I've never tasted better!

She'd work away in her tiny kitchen mixing all the ingredients and then covering the cake with cheese cloth...I don't know why unless it was to keep it from drying out.  Just before Christmas she'd place a thick layer of that thick icing (fondant?) over it and decorate it with little edible beads.  I loved the cake but always removed the icing.

We had an old cast iron wood stove in the kitchen/livingroom that served to keep us warm and for Nan to cook on.  She would prepare the tastiest Christmas dinner...turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and some veggie along with her home-made plum pudding for dessert on that old stove.  None of her skills were passed down to either my mother or me.  

Mom had bought Nan a beautiful Duncan Fyfe diningroom set (they've always been very expensive so I have no idea how she could afford it) and it would be pulled into the center of the room and decorated beautifully for our dinner.  For as long as I can remember she'd invite old Bob, a single retired teacher, to every dinner celebration and he'd enjoy his dinner, never say a word, and leave for home after with a huge goodie bag from Nan.  He was one of her bootlegging customers, too, and I don't think I ever heard him speak.

I remember we all ate way too much because Nan was an excellent cook and it was kind of hard to move after dinner.  Nan and Mom would do all the clean-up...I was a little princess who was never expected to do any housework and this is something that made me ill prepared to look after my own home when I got married.

Nan was more like a mother to me than a grandmother and I never appreciated her when she was alive.  It was her who fought the Children's Aid who tried to take me away from my unwed mother when I was born...hard to believe we were so backward in those days (1940).  Mom and I moved in with Nan and Bobba (this is what I called my grandfather and I think it might have been how I said Grampa when I was very little and it stuck) and I lived there until I got married in 1957.  Then my little family continued to come to Nan's for Christmas dinners.

My grandmother was my most important family member and it's her I want to see first when I pass away.  I want to apologize for being a bitchy, self-centered teenager to my generous, loving, good hearted Nan. 

A Covid Christmas

 My family did it's best to follow the rules of having the city shut down on Christmas day because of Covid.  Kim worked half day yesterday and picked me up on her way home to spend overnight and Christmas day with her.  As bad luck would have it, she'd injured her right wrist (might be a torn ligament) at work and was in quite a bit of pain.  Despite that, we arrived home to a turkey that Matt and Jackie had cooked and Kim prepared the rest of our lovely Christmas Eve dinner which we had at 6 P.M.  It was only Kim and me at the table because Matt and Jackie were off visiting her family but we used Zoom to at least be able to see and talk to Nick, Bev, and the boys.

Matt was up before 5 A.M. Christmas morning and the rest of us dragged ourselves up or down for coffee.  We used Zoom again to watch Nick, Bev, and the boys open their presents and we opened ours, too.  Kim got me a lovely journal to write down memories of my life with the grandchildren and greatgrandchildren over the years.  I use the blog to mainly tell them all about their ancestors before me.  I think both the blog and journal will be useful in teaching our young ones where they came from.

Cindy and Don had spent Christmas Eve with Aeron's little family...Cindy slept over but Don came back home to care for the dogs...and then their whole family spent Christmas day together.

Kim and I facetimed with Shelley who was spending Christmas at her beach house with John and Jake...Nicole and Sam were on their way there.  I never did hear about Lisette and Danny, though.

I was going to Uber home in the afternoon but Kim insisted on driving me.  It had snowed quite a bit the night before but I was most afraid of the ice under the snow.  Kim, with her sore wrist, helped me to a safe spot to wait while she got the car but we'd forgotten that her car would be covered in snow and ice so she had to clear it off before we could leave.  Sometimes the bad luck just follows us around...I was too far away to help her!

The roads weren't too bad so we got to my place safely and Kim, with her sore wrist, helped carry all my stuff up to my apartment.  That woman is an angel for sure!  I ended up napping a lot until going to bed early.  This is why I've been awake since 1 A.M. and up since 4 A.M.  No problem because I can nap later today but hope that doesn't continue this stupid cycle.

Something that angered me this morning was to see Christmas dinner photos of huge family gatherings, people who either didn't care about their and our safety or else they still think Covid is a hoax like Trump says!!  Those of us who were careful not to gather in large groups will have people like this to thank if any of us get the damned virus.  In any case, we will definitely see the numbers of people infected and dead rise dramatically in the next two weeks.  How can refusing to follow the simple rules of not gathering in large numbers be worth the agony this is going to cost?

Well, I'm glad Christmas is over and I for one will be hunkering down in my sweet little apartment, being as careful as I can not to endanger myself or anyone else.  Health workers and nursing home residents are still being vaccinated so I think it might be a while yet before my turn comes.  We're receiving regular shipments of the 2 vaccines but not in very large quantity.  We've heard that paramedics won't be considered as front line health care workers so won't receive the vaccine in the first group.  I don't understand this because it's the paramedics that handle and take those infected to the hospital.  I hope that dumb rule changes quickly so they can do their jobs better protected from the virus.

One of my good friends from Michigan has the virus and I'm very worried about her.  Carol S. is about 75 years old and lives in an assisted living home where a few staff and residents have become infected.  I fear I'll know more with the virus before this all ends.

Today I'll count my blessings that the virus hasn't hit any of my family.

Hamilton is in Lockdown Again

 I've watched the infection numbers rising and knew we were headed for another lockdown but this time I think it will last for most of the winter.  How many businesses, large and small, will be able to survive this?  How many people will lose their jobs, their homes, their lives this winter?  If I can be so depressed watching from the sidelines, how depressing must it be for the families being hit like a tidal wave by it?

I laid in bed last night feeling a sense of dread that I've struggled to keep at bay and realized I'm gradually losing that battle.  Life is terrifying right now and it's become evident that the Covid vaccine can't be given fast enough and to enough people to reverse what's happening.  Most of what we've all taken for granted as a normal life will be gone by spring and it will never be normal again.  It will be very different.

When a health official said that the virus will always be with us, I tried to tell myself it would be similar to the occasional flu or a cold always being with us but that's not what she meant.  She meant it will be in our air every single day from now on.  The Coronavirus is a killer that hits the old and the weak the hardest.  Old age and illnesses are inevitable even for the youth of today.  

We have approximately 40 million people in Canada and we're vaccinating only a few thousand with every shipment of the vaccine which arrives maybe weekly.  More people are becoming infected than we're vaccinating.  The only good I see from this is that the health care workers are first in line to be vaccinated so at least we'll have someone to care for the rest of us as we get sick.  The downfall is that there are not nearly enough health care workers to care for us right now, not to mention the future.

I know I'm sounding like a doomsday prophet but that's how I feel.  It's not necessarily how this will all pan out and I most certainly hope we'll come out at the end with even a semblance of what we've lost.  I'm on the early list to be vaccinated because of my age but the virus is killing off people in their middle ages, too.  Maybe it's them who should be vaccinated first instead of trying to save us old folk who have lived a long life already.  So many thoughts and worries going through my head about a situation over which I have no control!

Well, this is a blog that has been written like a diary for my children, grandchildren, etc. to read if they care to know what went on in their ancestor's mind.  I write it because I would have loved it if my own ancestors had kept a diary for my reading.  Just everyday ramblings from a regular person living a regular life.  As I've aged, I've noticed how much I resemble my own grandmother, not in looks but in personality, and I would love to know more about what she thought about everything.

My Nan was born in 1894 to a harness maker, Thomas Stevenson and his wife, Ida Marie (?) .  They owned 2 houses right next to the railway bridge on Main St., just above Hunter St., in Hamilton when I was born in 1940...don't know where they lived before that.  Nan married very young and had a daughter, Ida, but her husband died of T.B. only a couple of years after.  

Nan went on to have another daughter, my mother Isabel, out of wedlock in 1918 (can you just imagine how difficult that was for her in those days?) and then married a big, beautiful Irishman, Patrick (Paddy) soon after and had another daughter, Rose.  They stayed together, living in clean poverty, until they died.  My grandfather (Paddy) treated me like a granddaughter always.

I've stressed to my grandchildren how there was never a word of racism in my family...young ones today seem to think we old ones are barbarians who they have to educate!! 

Kim asked me to keep a diary but I told her that's how I use the blog so I'll try to put in more information on what little I know about my family tree.  There were a few missing husbands/fathers in that tree.

Enough for now.  I need to play some of my computer games!    

Christmas Spirit Lost

I'm going to blame this horrible year of 2020 as the reason I've lost my Christmas spirit.  I won't see most of my family on Christmas Eve but, thank heavens, Kim has arranged for me to spend Christmas day with her and hopefully her adult family.  I just can't be around Nolan and Nash because they're the worst little germ carriers.  Maybe it's Christmas without little ones that has made me lose the Christmas spirit.

I had no fun shopping for presents because I tried to stay out of the stores and gave money instead of nice gifts.  It just felt so cold and unchristmasy.  I've given money before but not to everyone.

I've ordered a lot from Amazon and last week found out 2 of the Christmas ornaments I ordered for 2 of my grandchildren had somehow been lost.  This meant I had to brave the germy stores so out I went, stopping first at the bank.  Now, Scotiabank has just changed the format of it's ATM's and I could not for the life of me figure out how to get it to work so, instead of being able to use the drive-through, I had to go into the bank.

Now, with Covid, we have to line up outside the bank and wait until only a certain number of clients are inside.  I was cold, frustrated, and asked if one of the people working there would show me how to use the new system on the ATM which was inside the bank.  A young man kindly tried to walk me through it but neither of us could get it to work.  I was angry and trying not to take it out on anyone but I had to go outside and get in line IN THE COLD!

It wasn't too long a wait but by then I also couldn't breathe because I'd been wearing the damn face mask for so long.  Anyway, I got my money and left, hoping I don't have to get any more until after the new year when my temper has cooled down.

I went into a nice little store that sold all kinds of collectibles but they had no tree ornaments with 2020 on them.  I went to Walmart even though I had vowed I'd stay out of that store during the Christmas season...this was my second trip inside there in just a few days!  The had NO Christmas tree ornaments at all but I did pick up a few groceries.  

I just couldn't go into the mall because I felt it was too dangerous and germy so I went home and ordered 2 more ornaments from Amazon.  I worried they wouldn't get here before Christmas but they should arrive on Friday.  I was so exhausted from just an hour or so shopping in stores that I napped for a couple of hours.  It's the mask that wears me out because it interferes with my oxygen intake.

A phone call woke me from my nap and it was the hospital I'd cancelled my appointment with a week or so ago because they'd had a Covid breakout.  I was given a new appointment but it's one where I don't have to go in and the doctor will just phone me.  That made me feel like they're not too worried about me and it relieved me a lot.  All of my family doctor's appointments for check-ups have been a phone call since Covid and I like that.  I suppose the doctor would ask to see me if there was anything serious with my health.

2020 has been one of the worst years of my life and of many other people, too.  It isn't the seclusion so much as seeing most people wearing face masks, worrying about who touched something you're touching, no hugs, being afraid to be too close to my greatgrandsons, etc.  Our society has changed before our eyes and I, for one, am having a hard time dealing with it.  Always, deep in the back of my mind where I try to keep it at bay, are the worries I have for the families who have lost their livelihood because of the virus.  I remember all too clearly how Dennis and I struggled to pay our bills when our children were young and he was never without a job, thank heavens.  It would have been pure hell for us if we'd had to go through what these families today are going through.  

Canada started vaccinating people with the Pfizer vaccine this week, starting with health care workers, and I'm hoping to see our infection rate dropping soon.  I don't expect this to happen quickly but at least we'll have some protection as more people  receive the vaccine.  The neediest will receive it first and then down the line until everyone who wants the vaccine should have it by next fall.  The problem with the vaccine is that there will be many who won't get it for different reasons and I'm afraid they'll be looked upon as pariahs by the rest of us.  Already we're hearing that people who are vaccinated will receive a card to carry which will allow them access to places, such as movie theatres, that the people not vaccinated will not be allowed to enter.  I don't like the idea of this but I do understand the virus will continue to endanger us for a long time yet.  It just sounds kind of like the Jews in pre-war Germany who had to wear something visible to show they were Jews.

This is a terribly long blog and I really have to get off the computer so I'll end it here.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and joy to any other religions that celebrate December.

  

The Vaccine is Coming...Or Is It?

 We've been told that the Pfizer vaccine is close to being shipped to Canada as soon as Health Canada approves it in a few days.  The vaccine should arrive next week but today I heard on the news that Trump is trying to pass a law keeping Pfizer from sending any vaccine out of the States until every American has been vaccinated.  Of course, what this very stupid man doesn't understand is that the best way to eradicate the virus is to make sure every country needs to start vaccinating at about the same time or no-one will be safe.  I hope he isn't successful because this will create another wedge between the U.S. and the other countries in the world.

In Canada, if the vaccine does get here, I'm in the first group to qualify for it because I'm 80 years old.  I'm happy about this because I know my age group is in the worst danger of catching the virus but I won't be able to relax until my loved ones have been vaccinated, too.  Right now I'm not sure if anyone in my family will refuse the vaccine.

I'm wondering if the foolish people who refuse to wear a mask in public will have the vaccine.  It seems to me that, if you're stupid enough to refuse to wear a mask, you would also be stupid enough to refuse the vaccine.  I'm quite ready to be a guinea pig because I'm too old to take the chance of waiting the virus out.  I doubt I'd be so quick to get it if I was in my 20's and I honestly don't think I'd give it to a child.  We need more testing time before we do that.

The first (regular) person to receive the vaccine (Pfizer) was a 90 year old lady in the U.K. and that was just today.  She didn't drop dead right away so I have a little more hope now that the vaccine will be relatively safe.  Our first shipment is the Pfizer vaccine and I'm assuming that's what I'll be getting.  The Moderna would have been my preference because it's more effective.  Apparently, Canada will be receiving a few other vaccines which I really don't want to take because they're much less effective.  Moderna and Pfizer are top of the line right now.

I have hope for our future.  I can see a day soon when our lives will be back to maybe a new normal but at least one where we don't fear the air we breathe.  

 

Covid Breakdown

 The truth be known, I've been shoving down and ignoring the sadness in my life for a while now and that's something I believe we all do or we couldn't exist.  I thought what I was doing was rising above all that is wrong but I was kidding myself.  The wrong is still there and it's making itself known.  I've got a lot to be sad about...the issues with my daughter, my new health problem, the damn isolation from Covid, and knowing my time on earth is pretty darned limited.  Those things should not be beating me down because I have other, wonderful things going on in my life, too, but I let the bad stuff rise too close to the surface yesterday.

I don't think I'm feeling sorry for myself but just wanting normalcy to return, just like everyone else.  The big difference is that we seniors don't have a lot of time to waste waiting.  Maybe that's the hardest part for me.  

Every single day and almost every single minute on the news we're bombarded with facts and figures about Covid and there doesn't seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel until everyone receives the vaccine.  The Americans are driving me crazy with so many people following the example of Trump, refusing to wear a mask or keep their distance.  They've been warned not to travel during their Thanksgiving but their airports are filled with travelers.  They've been warned not to congregate in large numbers but their beaches are crammed.  Do all of these people care so little about their safety or the safety of people they'll come in contact with?  I can't fathom the selfishness and stupidity of it all.

Some idiot claimed that Trump was doing a great job because only 250,000+ Americans have died from Covid.  What the hell!!!!  How brain dead can you be???  The human race is doomed if idiots like this keep procreating.

I just realized I'm angry now.  That's an improvement over being beaten down so that's a good thing.  It's a survival technique to get angry and fight back rather than give up and pout.

Being Happy in an Imperfect World

I work at being happy.  Maybe I should use the phrase "content with my lot" because that more accurately describes how I feel.  No life is perfect and we all have crosses to bear but we also have great beauty in our lives if we don't close our eyes to it.  It's easy to ignore the good in your life when you're besieged by sometimes sad and unbearable issues but that's when we have to work harder to dwell on the good.

One of my great blessings showed up yesterday to teach me how to use some of the details in my new car.  That's my Matt!  He was very kind and very patient with me as he taught me things like how to understand the back up camera, how to tell when my tires were low (one of the sensors wasn't working so I have to take the car in tomorrow to fix that), and he set a bunch of things I didn't even know the car offered me.  I can only take in so much detail at once so he kept it to a minimum.  He also loves my car!

Of all my grandchildren, it's always been Matt who gave me more of his time and company.  He was such a little hellion when he was little...who would have expected he'd be the one to care the most?  Matt has a lovely new girlfriend that we're all very happy with, too.  It really matters when you can relax that your children or grandchildren have made good choices with their life mates and mine seem to be doing just fine.

Today is when I usually take my Sunday drive but it's a not so nice day to go driving.  It's cloudy, windy, damp, and everything i hate about late fall in Canada.  Nonetheless, I'm still happy to be safely at home with my "socialist" health care system!

Yes, no life is perfect but we all have perfect moments and that's what I choose to dwell on and not the bad stuff in my life.  

Platelets Very Low

 I had just 2 more minor doctor's appointments before I'd be free of them for the winter but it was not to be.  I had my bloodwork done yesterday and my platelets have dive bombed which means I'll have to go back to the hematologist.  I'm not sure what it means but my family doctor will fill me in tomorrow.  What I slightly think might happen is that I'll need a blood transfusion.  I have CLL and I know that can become quite serious at any time so I'm worried but not frightened.

I'm not sure what causes our platelet count to fall rapidly and, to be honest, I'm not even sure what they are.  I get a count on my white blood cells and my red blood cells so what the heck are platelets?  I feel no different that I did last year but I have noticed a lot of bruising lately and that does have something to do with low platelet count.  I believe I've always bruised easily, though.

Oh well, we know that old age isn't for sissies.

  

Thank Heavens the Ride Has Stopped

 Well, the next president of the United States is Joe Biden.  There are many states where the count is uncomfortably close and there's also talk by Trump and his followers that the election was rigged against him.  I hope with all my heart that it wasn't but there will be investigations to prove it one way or another.  The idea of an American election being rigged scares me to death because I truly believe that would be the end of our democracy.

I can see where there might be a few individuals who might have hidden or destroyed ballots but I certainly don't want to believe a team of nefarious Democrats deliberately interfered with the election.  It's too scary to think that's possible.

I feel bad for the Republicans who revered Trump and who fear the Democrats because this time must be horrible for them.  To be honest, that's how I and many others felt when Trump was elected president in 2016.  But now there will be a change and we all can only hope it will be for the better.  The country is still being run by politicians and I still think very few of them can be trusted to do what's best for their country.

We all knew Trump would not accept defeat graciously because he isn't that sort of person.  He plans to fight tooth and nail to overthrow the election results and somehow hang on to the presidency.  It's pitiful and embarrassing to see this and it will, in the end, do damage to the Republican party because it will go from "pitiful and embarrassing" to "laughable" if it goes on too long.

Whoever would have thought the president of the United States would behave in this manner?  But we've said that a lot during these past 4 years.

Disappointed

 Like most anti-Trump people, I'm disappointed that so many voted for him.  I'm disappointed that the Democrats didn't win the election by a landslide but I also acknowledge that Biden isn't well and, if he had won, the presidency would soon have been handed over to Kamala Harris who I think is too young to do the job.

I couldn't stay awake to see the end of the election but woke up at 2 A.M. and just had to check in and see who had won.  The worst case scenario filled the screen...it was almost a tie.  I watched Trump come on and declare he was the winner and wanted to stop all remaining votes from being counted even though this has been common practice as long as the mail-in votes were not dated after November 3rd.  I saw his cockiness return after earlier seeing a human side to him when he was more unsure of losing the election.  

It's completely possible that after all votes have been counted he will still be president and that, of course, worries me for the future of the U.S. but, having seen how approximately half of the U.S. voted for him,  I also have to acknowledge that the people have made their choice and they want that blustering, egotistical liar to run their country.  I don't understand it but I do believe in majority rights.

And now to turn on my T.V. and see if there are any updates. 

Flu Shot

 I've been getting the flu shot every year for a few years now.  The reason I stopped for a while is because the earlier two years I had the shot, I got seriously ill about a month later and I attributed it to the flu shot.  Everyone told me I was wrong, of course, but the fact remains that I had quite a few sick free winters after I stopped.

But now my immune system isn't normal and my age is a factor so I gave in and get the flu shot plus had the pneumonia shot.  But, last winter didn't I get pneumonia and wasn't well all winter long.  It does make me wonder because I've never had pneumonia before in my life.

And so I had my annual flu shot yesterday, developed severe pain in my arm last night along with nausea and again it makes me wonder.  My arm is still so sore today that I can't lift it quite half way without it hurting badly.  I don't think this is normal but I'll just keep an eye on it and hope it doesn't get worse.

Today is the day I pick up my new car and I'm still so excited about that.  I know I got a great deal and, even with my age, there's a chance I will have at least 5 years driving ahead of me.  Funny to think of it that way.  I really don't want to live to be 100 but I do want a bit more quality time before I go to my great reward.  Kind of thought I was on my way there last night, though.  LOL!

I got very little sleep last night due to the pain in my arm so I'll need a nice nap after I bring "Roguey" home.

Bought My Rogue

 When I bought my Nissan Altima in 2012, I really wanted the Nissan Rogue but it cost about $5,000 more and I just couldn't bring myself to pay that much.  Well, the Altima has been a wonderful car all these years and has given me no trouble whatsoever and for that I'm thankful.  But it is now a 9 year old car and I have some money siting in an account that I haven't touched so I believe this is the time to get what I want.

It's interesting that the price of my 2019 Nissan Rogue is now very similar to what I paid for the Altima back in 2012.  The Altima was a used car with only 6,000 miles on it and I felt I got a great deal on that car.  The Rogue has 12,000 kms which is about 8,000 milesand it's beautiful.  I think COVID helped me get this exceptional price and for that I'm also thankful.

Kim isn't very happy because she thinks an 80 year old woman shouldn't be buying a car but I'm hoping for at least another 5 years of driving and I really don't drive too far.  I love the convenience of having my own car, too.  I'm sure my whole family thinks I'm being foolish but this is something I really want and I'm glad I took the steps to get it.

Maybe I'll give it to Nolan when I'm done driving!