I listened to a news report this morning about a 14 year old gay young man who suffered so much bullying by students at his school that he was unable to cope anymore and committed suicide. The fact that he was gay isn't as important as the fact that his teen peers saw his "differentness" and pecked at him maliciously because of it. His being different in any way would have drawn their cruelty because that seems to be part of our human nature and one we should be working to change.
It's difficult to imagine what it's like to be bullied because it never happened to me. I was a fighter who wouldn't have stood still for it but not everyone is able to do that. I had lots of friends in school, too, but what of the "different" child who is very sensitive and doesn't have enough close friends to build him/her up? To be different and feel as though it's you against the world...it can be too much for a young person to live with.
People of all ages can be terribly cruel in their judgements of others but teens are worst of all. They form packs and often have mob mentalities, following the mindset of their pack leaders. If that pack leader chooses to pick on the "different" one, the rest will follow suit and, being a group, will make that poor soul's life miserable. Teens often haven't developed their own consciences enough to stand up to the pack when they do wrong.
I wish they didn't stress that this young man who committed suicide was gay. He was picked on because he was different and didn't fit inside the narrow parameters that most of society call normal. We have a natural aversion to what we consider abnormal and it takes education and maturity to broaden our borders. Unfortunately, human beings like to think that they're better than someone else, anyone else, and there lies our propensity to bully.
I don't think anything much will change because of this young man's death, at least not in the near future. It might take decades or centuries before humans have evolved enough to be more accepting of anything other than the norm. Like I said, it will require education and remodeling but that's an ongoing process. It would be interesting to be able to jump ahead 500 years and see whether we've progressed or regressed on the evolutionary scale.
There is one thing that will shut up any bully, though, and that's the immediate response of his peers who won't tolerate seeing anyone bullied. In the end, it probably comes down to peer pressure that will stop bullying.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Gambling Bug
My daughter phoned me today and one the things we discussed was how wasteful and fruitless gambling was. Of course I agreed but I see nothing wrong with me going to the casino once a month instead of spending the money on cigarettes, booze, or any other frivolous vice that most of us have. Cindy is so like a few other people I know who just can't fathom that anyone could enjoy gambling. I countered with the fact that we all have our vices, things we could live without but that we like and choose to spend our money on.
The only problem with vices like this is if we spend more than we can afford or if we get ourselves into debt by indulging in them. I don't do either so I'm safe as far as I can tell. The casino is a place of entertainment for me that I go to once a month because that's all I can afford. Cindy called it an addiction but I think it's only an addiction if we are unable to stay away from it and our involvement is harming us.
Cindy suggested I'd be better off going to a dinner show once a month instead of to the casino but I really don't see the difference. I think we should do what we like within moderation and not worry about whether or not anyone else likes it. That's what I do and will continue doing.
I think I'll invite Cindy to go to the casino with me when I get back home next spring. I'm not making my monthly trip to the casino in October because that's when I have to send off one of my Florida lot rent payments. See, Cindy, I do gamble what I can afford!
The only problem with vices like this is if we spend more than we can afford or if we get ourselves into debt by indulging in them. I don't do either so I'm safe as far as I can tell. The casino is a place of entertainment for me that I go to once a month because that's all I can afford. Cindy called it an addiction but I think it's only an addiction if we are unable to stay away from it and our involvement is harming us.
Cindy suggested I'd be better off going to a dinner show once a month instead of to the casino but I really don't see the difference. I think we should do what we like within moderation and not worry about whether or not anyone else likes it. That's what I do and will continue doing.
I think I'll invite Cindy to go to the casino with me when I get back home next spring. I'm not making my monthly trip to the casino in October because that's when I have to send off one of my Florida lot rent payments. See, Cindy, I do gamble what I can afford!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
We Live For Home
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” ― C.S. Lewis
I've become a fan of C.S. Lewis' quotes and this is one that makes sense in a way I never thought of before. It's so true that whatever road or career we choose to follow in life, it's all done in order to provide our nest, our home. What we put into that nest, be it children, works of art, or simply comfy furniture, it's the end result of our labors.
I do believe he might mean that a housewife is set in place and supported by a husband who works outside the home but I choose to look at it my own way.
Some people go a little too far and use their homes as status symbols instead of what they are supposed to represent. A home, with family and necessary furnishings, is our haven. It's where we live, where we plan our lives, where we form our families. It's where we carry on the reason for our existence.
Home is a comfort zone where outsiders are allowed entry only with our permission. We have our special chairs or spot on the sofa that suits us perfectly. Our "things" are there. It's where we go to escape the stresses of the world and, when we step inside and close the door behind us, we are where we belong.
Yes, everything that we do outside our home is of less importance than what we do inside because inside is where our heart is. There really is no place like home, is there?
I've gone on lovely vacations in the past, travelled to foreign countries where I revelled in the new experiences but, about 10 days into the trip, I always began to long for home. It was as though I realized that I didn't really belong in those places...they weren't "home" to me. Now, my little trailer in Florida is very close to home for me, though, because it's a place I've settled. I've put down roots and maybe that's the key. You just don't have the time to put down roots when you're vacationing and it might also be a place you won't even return to in the future.
I've lived in my house for 43 years so my roots go deep here. Most of the memories of my life revolve around happenings in this house. And I do have my favorite spot on the sofa. Apparently Nolan is aware that it's my spot because he often points to it and tells me to "sit" (he has a cute little lisp so it sounds more like "shit" but I know what he means).
Looking back, I know that it took a lot of effort and hard work to buy our home. We gave up luxuries in order to have the home that was so important to us...I think it mattered more to me but then it probably does matter more to the woman. Our nesting instinct is so strong that few men can deter us from our goal of raising our families in our own homes.
C.S. Lewis was right. It's all done for the home.
I've become a fan of C.S. Lewis' quotes and this is one that makes sense in a way I never thought of before. It's so true that whatever road or career we choose to follow in life, it's all done in order to provide our nest, our home. What we put into that nest, be it children, works of art, or simply comfy furniture, it's the end result of our labors.
I do believe he might mean that a housewife is set in place and supported by a husband who works outside the home but I choose to look at it my own way.
Some people go a little too far and use their homes as status symbols instead of what they are supposed to represent. A home, with family and necessary furnishings, is our haven. It's where we live, where we plan our lives, where we form our families. It's where we carry on the reason for our existence.
Home is a comfort zone where outsiders are allowed entry only with our permission. We have our special chairs or spot on the sofa that suits us perfectly. Our "things" are there. It's where we go to escape the stresses of the world and, when we step inside and close the door behind us, we are where we belong.
Yes, everything that we do outside our home is of less importance than what we do inside because inside is where our heart is. There really is no place like home, is there?
I've gone on lovely vacations in the past, travelled to foreign countries where I revelled in the new experiences but, about 10 days into the trip, I always began to long for home. It was as though I realized that I didn't really belong in those places...they weren't "home" to me. Now, my little trailer in Florida is very close to home for me, though, because it's a place I've settled. I've put down roots and maybe that's the key. You just don't have the time to put down roots when you're vacationing and it might also be a place you won't even return to in the future.
I've lived in my house for 43 years so my roots go deep here. Most of the memories of my life revolve around happenings in this house. And I do have my favorite spot on the sofa. Apparently Nolan is aware that it's my spot because he often points to it and tells me to "sit" (he has a cute little lisp so it sounds more like "shit" but I know what he means).
Looking back, I know that it took a lot of effort and hard work to buy our home. We gave up luxuries in order to have the home that was so important to us...I think it mattered more to me but then it probably does matter more to the woman. Our nesting instinct is so strong that few men can deter us from our goal of raising our families in our own homes.
C.S. Lewis was right. It's all done for the home.
I Don't Vote
I don't vote and if ever I begin to think this is a mistake all I have to do is listen to the so called public service ads on T.V. All parties are either making promises they will never keep or else they're degrading their opponents but I know they're all cut from the same cloth. We, the public, cannot trust a politician and yet we need them to run the country. It's a catch 22 position that we're in, unfortunately.
Now, I knew they all lie and they'll forget all about the people they represent once they're in power, but someone has to run this country. Our only hope against out and out thievery by our politicians is that we have a free press and people who devote their lives to keeping the thievery down to a minimum. There is not a party which is better or worse than the other...except maybe the NDP. They are worse than I ever would have believed years ago when I supported them wholeheartedly. That is, until they became the ruling party in Ontario and damned near bankrupted the province in their first year in power. No one was more shocked than I was that the "party of the people" was so inept. The NDP forgot who was paying the bills in Ontario and simply gave away our money to every public program that crossed their path. They gave with abandon until the public finally stood up and screamed loudly that the NDP was out of control and it had to stop.
That was when I lost faith and stopped voting. After all, if the "party of the people" couldn't do better by us then no-one could. I had to admit that the Liberals and Conservatists at least knew how to steal but not bankrupt the province.
Against my better judgement, I did vote in our local election last fall because I felt strongly that we needed a new mayor. The old one was inept and the new one that I voted for is secretive. A politician by any name is still a rat.
Now, I knew they all lie and they'll forget all about the people they represent once they're in power, but someone has to run this country. Our only hope against out and out thievery by our politicians is that we have a free press and people who devote their lives to keeping the thievery down to a minimum. There is not a party which is better or worse than the other...except maybe the NDP. They are worse than I ever would have believed years ago when I supported them wholeheartedly. That is, until they became the ruling party in Ontario and damned near bankrupted the province in their first year in power. No one was more shocked than I was that the "party of the people" was so inept. The NDP forgot who was paying the bills in Ontario and simply gave away our money to every public program that crossed their path. They gave with abandon until the public finally stood up and screamed loudly that the NDP was out of control and it had to stop.
That was when I lost faith and stopped voting. After all, if the "party of the people" couldn't do better by us then no-one could. I had to admit that the Liberals and Conservatists at least knew how to steal but not bankrupt the province.
Against my better judgement, I did vote in our local election last fall because I felt strongly that we needed a new mayor. The old one was inept and the new one that I voted for is secretive. A politician by any name is still a rat.
Friday, September 23, 2011
My Girls
My girls grew up in a loving but chaotic household, due to my bouts of depression. Somehow they grew up to be strong, capable, and good women so I always say that their father and I must have done a few things right. Maybe the deep love we had for them helped them get through the chaos.
I got a phone call from Shelley this morning and she was crying as she insisted on telling me it was a happy cry. She'd received her Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree this past spring and was just accepted in grad school to take steps towards earning her Master of Science in Nursing degree. We both cried in happiness but there had never been any doubt in my mind that she'd be accepted.
My girls are all smart as a whip even if I do say so myself. Each one of them is capable of achieving whatsoever they choose to do with their lives and I credit the intelligent genes they inherited from both me and their father. I do flatter myself, don't I?
I realized a long time ago that my spirit was too weak for me to do what was best for myself but that made me determined that my children wouldn't suffer the same fate. I've especially stressed to the female line that they had to be strong and not ever let anyone hold them back. Many thanks to the "crazy" Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's!
My girls were always very much loved but they also were always expected to live up to their capabilities. We were maybe a little too strict with their freedom but we'd seen how much trouble girls can get into if not monitored properly. If I could go back and remove the effects of their living with their sometimes wildly depressed mother, I'd do that but it can't be undone.
My girls grew up in a large extended family that we were all very close to and that taught them to value family even more than usual. My girls have remained the closest of sisters and continue the closeness with their nieces and nephews.
Yes, Dennis and I did something right to have produced three girls who grew up to be three wonderful women.
I got a phone call from Shelley this morning and she was crying as she insisted on telling me it was a happy cry. She'd received her Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree this past spring and was just accepted in grad school to take steps towards earning her Master of Science in Nursing degree. We both cried in happiness but there had never been any doubt in my mind that she'd be accepted.
My girls are all smart as a whip even if I do say so myself. Each one of them is capable of achieving whatsoever they choose to do with their lives and I credit the intelligent genes they inherited from both me and their father. I do flatter myself, don't I?
I realized a long time ago that my spirit was too weak for me to do what was best for myself but that made me determined that my children wouldn't suffer the same fate. I've especially stressed to the female line that they had to be strong and not ever let anyone hold them back. Many thanks to the "crazy" Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's!
My girls were always very much loved but they also were always expected to live up to their capabilities. We were maybe a little too strict with their freedom but we'd seen how much trouble girls can get into if not monitored properly. If I could go back and remove the effects of their living with their sometimes wildly depressed mother, I'd do that but it can't be undone.
My girls grew up in a large extended family that we were all very close to and that taught them to value family even more than usual. My girls have remained the closest of sisters and continue the closeness with their nieces and nephews.
Yes, Dennis and I did something right to have produced three girls who grew up to be three wonderful women.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Losing Interest
About this time of year I usually start losing interest in my outdoor plants (I have one indoor plant now and I think it's almost dead) but since this summer I've been sort of disinterested in them. I don't know the last time I watered anything and I've depended on the occasional rainfall to bring them back from the near dead. A lot of my disinterest stems from how horribly hot it was this past summer but some of it might be because I'm tired of being responsible for everything all by myself.
Granted, I'm very fortunate that Nick cuts the lawn for me and I've been lucky enough to find good handymen but it would be nice if I didn't have to arrange everything without the benefit of a husband to take on some of the load. I guess I feel whiney today and maybe a little overburdened because of the skin cancer.
I'm a naturally lazy person so having to deal with every detail of my life alone isn't what I'd want if I had a choice. Dennis took care of so many of the chores that he didn't even bother to discuss them with me and that was perfectly fine. If something broke, I'd just tell him about it and it would magically be fixed the next time I looked at it. Now it just sits there broken until I figure out what to do with it. I used to have unlimited time to look after my outdoor plants but now they seem like one more chore on top of all the others so it was easy to let nature take it's course with them...it would rain if they were meant to live.
I feel a little guilty when I look at some of my deck plants and they appear wilted but then I remember that rain is on the way and they'll be okay. Now I hope the rain won't interfere with my trips to the clinic each day but I can't have everything, can I?
Granted, I'm very fortunate that Nick cuts the lawn for me and I've been lucky enough to find good handymen but it would be nice if I didn't have to arrange everything without the benefit of a husband to take on some of the load. I guess I feel whiney today and maybe a little overburdened because of the skin cancer.
I'm a naturally lazy person so having to deal with every detail of my life alone isn't what I'd want if I had a choice. Dennis took care of so many of the chores that he didn't even bother to discuss them with me and that was perfectly fine. If something broke, I'd just tell him about it and it would magically be fixed the next time I looked at it. Now it just sits there broken until I figure out what to do with it. I used to have unlimited time to look after my outdoor plants but now they seem like one more chore on top of all the others so it was easy to let nature take it's course with them...it would rain if they were meant to live.
I feel a little guilty when I look at some of my deck plants and they appear wilted but then I remember that rain is on the way and they'll be okay. Now I hope the rain won't interfere with my trips to the clinic each day but I can't have everything, can I?
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Looking Back on Mistakes Made
All through your life you'll look back on the mistakes or bad things you did and you'll probably have a lot of regrets. I'm one of those people who not only suffer regrets after the fact but also as it's occurring so you'd think that someone like that would be a saint. Not so. Human beings are inherently selfish and self centered critters so we tend to ignore our conscience when we're doing wrong.
When I look back and remember some of my indiscretions, I feel shame once again but there's nothing I can do to change what was done. Now, I'm not talking about cheating on my husband or anything that bad but I mean the cruel or nasty moments in your life you're ashamed to accept you're capable of doing.
I remember one moment when, out of jealousy, I joked about the skin of one of my friends turning brown because she'd become too friendly with a nice black girl in our grade 4 class. I knew as I said it that it was wrong and cruel but I said it anyway. My shame comes more from knowing the black girl heard me and how it must have hurt her.
For most of us, our lives are filled with incidents like this and often much worse (mine, too) and I believe the saving grace is that we know and understand that these were things we shouldn't have done. We have consciences that attempt to keep us from sinking into unhealthy behaviour.
I remember saying cruel words out of spite or bitterness or unbridled anger. Those words can't be unsaid but they can be regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and our transgressions if it matters enough to us and it matters very much to me. I deeply regret any pain I caused anyone over my lifetime but I'll probably err a few times more before I'm done. Honestly, though, I'm trying harder these days not to add to my naughty list. This is a good thing!
When I look back and remember some of my indiscretions, I feel shame once again but there's nothing I can do to change what was done. Now, I'm not talking about cheating on my husband or anything that bad but I mean the cruel or nasty moments in your life you're ashamed to accept you're capable of doing.
I remember one moment when, out of jealousy, I joked about the skin of one of my friends turning brown because she'd become too friendly with a nice black girl in our grade 4 class. I knew as I said it that it was wrong and cruel but I said it anyway. My shame comes more from knowing the black girl heard me and how it must have hurt her.
For most of us, our lives are filled with incidents like this and often much worse (mine, too) and I believe the saving grace is that we know and understand that these were things we shouldn't have done. We have consciences that attempt to keep us from sinking into unhealthy behaviour.
I remember saying cruel words out of spite or bitterness or unbridled anger. Those words can't be unsaid but they can be regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and our transgressions if it matters enough to us and it matters very much to me. I deeply regret any pain I caused anyone over my lifetime but I'll probably err a few times more before I'm done. Honestly, though, I'm trying harder these days not to add to my naughty list. This is a good thing!
Monday, September 19, 2011
This and That
I forgot to mention yesterday that I met a lady at the casino who had me laughing. She apparently is a serial gambler who travels all over Canada and the States to casinos...she must also have a lot of money. Among other things, she told me she calls herself a "slot slut" and I thought that was a hoot. I told Mary we're slot sluts, too, but she was having none of that. When you think of it, the name doesn't apply to us so I'll just have to keep it in my memory for a giggle now and then.
I had my 3rd radiation treatment today and it went fine. It started to rain just as I got back to the car so I lucked out there. Then I drove over to Nick's house for a little visit to see my precious greatgrandsons. They are so sweet. Nash talked a blue streak to me and Nolan entertained me by putting on his own pants. Brilliant children!
Kim phoned when I got home because she'd read my last blog about how my lip was hurting. I explained that it's more an ache and I had it before the radiation treatments. I guess she felt sorry for me because now she's going to take me to a movie this week. I'll have to moan and groan more often.
We're getting some rain tonight and then tomorrow night so I should keep nice and dry when I go for treatment #4 tomorrow morning. I told Faye she doesn't need to come with me to the clinic but I will call her for a ride if it's ever pouring rain when I have to go. Life would be awful without good family and friends.
I had my 3rd radiation treatment today and it went fine. It started to rain just as I got back to the car so I lucked out there. Then I drove over to Nick's house for a little visit to see my precious greatgrandsons. They are so sweet. Nash talked a blue streak to me and Nolan entertained me by putting on his own pants. Brilliant children!
Kim phoned when I got home because she'd read my last blog about how my lip was hurting. I explained that it's more an ache and I had it before the radiation treatments. I guess she felt sorry for me because now she's going to take me to a movie this week. I'll have to moan and groan more often.
We're getting some rain tonight and then tomorrow night so I should keep nice and dry when I go for treatment #4 tomorrow morning. I told Faye she doesn't need to come with me to the clinic but I will call her for a ride if it's ever pouring rain when I have to go. Life would be awful without good family and friends.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Weekend With Mary
I went out to Mary's new house to spend the weekend and we had a great time. We always do...it's so nice to have friends that cause you no grief, just accept you as you are.
I loved the house and property. It's in the country and sits on about 2 1/2 acres, much of which is bush but Don will have that cleared out in no time. The house is a small old brick one but there has been a lot of remodelling done to it. Of course, the remodeller didn't quite finish a lot of projects but the most important things are done. It has new windows, new kitchen and bathroom, new drywall and tile. and new decks front and back. The finishing touches will be easy compared to the work that's already done. And Don has a huge, heated worshop to play in!
They plan on building a large addition in the springtime because the bedroom is currently in a loft. The peacefulness and privacy of the surroundings are lovely. There are large farms on either side so Mary will have all the privacy her little heart desires. I almost envy her this lovely place but it's a little too secluded for my liking.
We put some of her stuff away Saturday (they're hauling stuff out every trip but still living in their house in Paris) and then went to the casino in Windsor which was about another hour's drive. We had supper there and then Mary won a lot of money and I lost all of mine. Surprise!
It was quite late when we got back home so we slept well all night. Mary has 2 futons up in the loft for company but she slept up there, too, because the rest of her furniture is still in Paris.
On Sunday we went out for breakfast and then came back to pick apples for Faye and for Don's horse. There is a very healthy apple tree quite close to the house that was filled apples so Mary got out a ladder to pick as many as she could reach. I just bagged them.
We got back to Paris at about 6 P.M. and said our goodbyes. I was sort of anxious to get home and put some ointment on my lip because it hurt pretty badly. I really love hanging out with Mary and always know it will be fun. I'm already looking forward to visiting her next spring and seeing what they've accomplished on their house over the winter. It will be darned nice, that's for sure.
Tomorrow morning I go back to the clinic for treatment #3 (of 20). I'm not handling the ache I'm feeling right now so I'd better start using Tylenol before it gets me down.
I loved the house and property. It's in the country and sits on about 2 1/2 acres, much of which is bush but Don will have that cleared out in no time. The house is a small old brick one but there has been a lot of remodelling done to it. Of course, the remodeller didn't quite finish a lot of projects but the most important things are done. It has new windows, new kitchen and bathroom, new drywall and tile. and new decks front and back. The finishing touches will be easy compared to the work that's already done. And Don has a huge, heated worshop to play in!
They plan on building a large addition in the springtime because the bedroom is currently in a loft. The peacefulness and privacy of the surroundings are lovely. There are large farms on either side so Mary will have all the privacy her little heart desires. I almost envy her this lovely place but it's a little too secluded for my liking.
We put some of her stuff away Saturday (they're hauling stuff out every trip but still living in their house in Paris) and then went to the casino in Windsor which was about another hour's drive. We had supper there and then Mary won a lot of money and I lost all of mine. Surprise!
It was quite late when we got back home so we slept well all night. Mary has 2 futons up in the loft for company but she slept up there, too, because the rest of her furniture is still in Paris.
On Sunday we went out for breakfast and then came back to pick apples for Faye and for Don's horse. There is a very healthy apple tree quite close to the house that was filled apples so Mary got out a ladder to pick as many as she could reach. I just bagged them.
We got back to Paris at about 6 P.M. and said our goodbyes. I was sort of anxious to get home and put some ointment on my lip because it hurt pretty badly. I really love hanging out with Mary and always know it will be fun. I'm already looking forward to visiting her next spring and seeing what they've accomplished on their house over the winter. It will be darned nice, that's for sure.
Tomorrow morning I go back to the clinic for treatment #3 (of 20). I'm not handling the ache I'm feeling right now so I'd better start using Tylenol before it gets me down.
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Good in Us
We often become cynical of the human race because of all the horrible things a very few of us do but I saw a video today that gave me a boost. It was pretty spectacular, fantastic enough to make the T.V. news (I don't know when it happened, though).
A young man riding a motorcycle was in a collision with a car, subsequently causing the front of the car and the motorcycle to burst into flames. A large group of people, young and old, approached the burning car and a young girl dropped down on the ground to ascertain that the motorcycle driver was under the car and still alive.
The group of very brave and caring people tackled the job of lifting the car up and off the victim and then dragging him to safety. It was an act of bravery that proves once again the good that is in us.
If you'd like to see the video, just key in "people lifting burning car youtube" and see for yourself how amazing we can be!
A young man riding a motorcycle was in a collision with a car, subsequently causing the front of the car and the motorcycle to burst into flames. A large group of people, young and old, approached the burning car and a young girl dropped down on the ground to ascertain that the motorcycle driver was under the car and still alive.
The group of very brave and caring people tackled the job of lifting the car up and off the victim and then dragging him to safety. It was an act of bravery that proves once again the good that is in us.
If you'd like to see the video, just key in "people lifting burning car youtube" and see for yourself how amazing we can be!
Interesting Day
Yesterday was interesting for me in a few ways. I had my first session of radiation on my lip skin cancer and it went well just as I expected. Apparently, there won't be much showing on the sore until the 5th session and that's when the skin starts to redden. They told me there's a topographical cream available if it becomes too painful but most people I've talked to seem to think it won't get that bad. All and all, it's a small price to pay to get rid of something that could become deadly.
Then I had a nap in the afternoon because, even though I'm not outwardly upset, inside I'm under a lot of stress. I'm sleeping longer through the night, too, and I know it's all related to stress. That's okay, though, because it's something my body needs right now and naps are kind of pleasant.
I went out for dinner with Lisa, Kim, Cindy, and Tyson (Tyson was a pleasant surprise). We went to the Black Forest and the food was excellent as always. I hadn't been there in maybe two years but over a great many years their food never changes and it's always a wonderful place to dine. I was especially pleased to have Tyson with us because I just don't see him often enough. He's been living in North Bay going to university for 4-5 years and I bet I haven't seen him more than once a year in all that time. I adore him!
Back home I watched a bit of T.V. but then hit the sack early...9 P.M. I think I was asleep by 10 and then up at 7 this morning. A good long and much needed sleep to prepare me for whatever stress the day will bring. I can and will do it!
Then I had a nap in the afternoon because, even though I'm not outwardly upset, inside I'm under a lot of stress. I'm sleeping longer through the night, too, and I know it's all related to stress. That's okay, though, because it's something my body needs right now and naps are kind of pleasant.
I went out for dinner with Lisa, Kim, Cindy, and Tyson (Tyson was a pleasant surprise). We went to the Black Forest and the food was excellent as always. I hadn't been there in maybe two years but over a great many years their food never changes and it's always a wonderful place to dine. I was especially pleased to have Tyson with us because I just don't see him often enough. He's been living in North Bay going to university for 4-5 years and I bet I haven't seen him more than once a year in all that time. I adore him!
Back home I watched a bit of T.V. but then hit the sack early...9 P.M. I think I was asleep by 10 and then up at 7 this morning. A good long and much needed sleep to prepare me for whatever stress the day will bring. I can and will do it!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I Keep Hurting Myself
Why is it that when you have a sore that's what you keep hitting? I whack my poor sore lip in my sleep and I whack it when I'm awake, too. I remember breaking my toe a few years ago and the next day whacking it on a chair. Am I a closet masochist?
People aren't meant to suffer pain and we certainly don't fully appreciate the days when we stroll through a day with nothing hurting us. We accept that's the way it should be so, when we reach a ripe old age and body parts start protesting, we become annoyed. We blame the body parts for letting us down now that we once again have the freedom to run the roads and play.
Since my knee has been acting up, I notice younger people with springier steps and feel a wistful envy that I might never attain that again. The knee pain does come and go so I do have some hope of better days ahead, though.
The people I hang out with tend to laugh about our respective aches and pains, especially when we're doggedly pulling ourselves out of a car. It helps to laugh about it because, if we're laughing, it can't be all that bad. It sure beats moaning and groaning about it because then we wouldn't rouse ourselves to continue having fun, would we? There is a big difference between the minor aches that most seniors endure and real pain. For most of us it's just an occasional discomfort that doesn't stop us from enjoying our "twilight" years. We may enjoy them a little slower but, what the heck, at least we're doing it.
I like to inform my younger friends that old age isn't something to fear. It's more something to value because that's when you have the time to mold it your own way. No-one knows how much time they have on this earth but we can pretty well count on today and that makes it very important to make today a good one.
Despite my aches and pains, I enjoy my life. I love my family to bits and I enjoy the company of some darned good friends so my life is pretty full. Now, if I could only stop whacking myself on my sore lip!
People aren't meant to suffer pain and we certainly don't fully appreciate the days when we stroll through a day with nothing hurting us. We accept that's the way it should be so, when we reach a ripe old age and body parts start protesting, we become annoyed. We blame the body parts for letting us down now that we once again have the freedom to run the roads and play.
Since my knee has been acting up, I notice younger people with springier steps and feel a wistful envy that I might never attain that again. The knee pain does come and go so I do have some hope of better days ahead, though.
The people I hang out with tend to laugh about our respective aches and pains, especially when we're doggedly pulling ourselves out of a car. It helps to laugh about it because, if we're laughing, it can't be all that bad. It sure beats moaning and groaning about it because then we wouldn't rouse ourselves to continue having fun, would we? There is a big difference between the minor aches that most seniors endure and real pain. For most of us it's just an occasional discomfort that doesn't stop us from enjoying our "twilight" years. We may enjoy them a little slower but, what the heck, at least we're doing it.
I like to inform my younger friends that old age isn't something to fear. It's more something to value because that's when you have the time to mold it your own way. No-one knows how much time they have on this earth but we can pretty well count on today and that makes it very important to make today a good one.
Despite my aches and pains, I enjoy my life. I love my family to bits and I enjoy the company of some darned good friends so my life is pretty full. Now, if I could only stop whacking myself on my sore lip!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Ready to Radiate
I went to the cancer clinic this morning for my appointment to have the face mask fitted. It appears to be a sheet of clear plastic that was marked to show the location of my ear, nose, eyes, and sore but it will only be on the left side of my face where the sore is. I'll also wear a pliable plastic guard which fits inside my mouth between the sore and my teeth and also covers my upper lip. The nurses who took care of me were a lot of fun. One of them had radiation treatment for a similar sore on her upper lip so she was a mountain of information on what to expect during and after the treatments.
They were able to start my 20 treatment schedule this coming Thursday which means I'll be finished on October 13th. I'm told that the radiation keeps working for 3-6 weeks after I'm finished before the sore actually begins to heal. It will be an open sore for most of the time and I don't want to go to the Florida park while it's open so I plan on staying at Shelley's house for possibly a week once we get to Florida. As of now, she plans to come up here right before Kim's surgery and then drive down with me on November 3rd.
The clinic opens at 9 A.M. so I asked if my treatments could be as early as possible and they were able to accomodate me for most of them. The 2 times I have a treatment in the afternoon is when I am evaluated by the doctor right after.
This won't be an easy chapter in my life but I know I can handle it.
They were able to start my 20 treatment schedule this coming Thursday which means I'll be finished on October 13th. I'm told that the radiation keeps working for 3-6 weeks after I'm finished before the sore actually begins to heal. It will be an open sore for most of the time and I don't want to go to the Florida park while it's open so I plan on staying at Shelley's house for possibly a week once we get to Florida. As of now, she plans to come up here right before Kim's surgery and then drive down with me on November 3rd.
The clinic opens at 9 A.M. so I asked if my treatments could be as early as possible and they were able to accomodate me for most of them. The 2 times I have a treatment in the afternoon is when I am evaluated by the doctor right after.
This won't be an easy chapter in my life but I know I can handle it.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Scamming Seniors
I'm not sure why scammers find it so easy to get money from seniors. Most of the seniors I know could spot a scammer a mile away and would never hand over money to them but that doesn't seem to be the case with some seniors.
I wonder if it's the lonely ones who become victims. There are a lot of lonely old people who might fall victim just because a person has been kind and polite to them. It's sort of the same reason why some women (of all ages) become victims of men who promise them the moon.
When you see these scammed seniors interviewed by police or reporters, they don't seem to be addle brained but just too trusting. I think that the more these scams are reported to the public the more aware seniors will be and therefore on guard. It's a shame that there is so little respect for the elderly in our culture that we need to be careful who we trust.
I have noticed that when I've made unusually large withdrawals from the bank, the teller will tactfully ask what it's for and I'm not insulted by that. It's a good thing for all of us to look out for each other.
I wonder if it's the lonely ones who become victims. There are a lot of lonely old people who might fall victim just because a person has been kind and polite to them. It's sort of the same reason why some women (of all ages) become victims of men who promise them the moon.
When you see these scammed seniors interviewed by police or reporters, they don't seem to be addle brained but just too trusting. I think that the more these scams are reported to the public the more aware seniors will be and therefore on guard. It's a shame that there is so little respect for the elderly in our culture that we need to be careful who we trust.
I have noticed that when I've made unusually large withdrawals from the bank, the teller will tactfully ask what it's for and I'm not insulted by that. It's a good thing for all of us to look out for each other.
Waste
I'm feeling very sad today thinking about how many lives have been senselessly lost because of war. And I envision the leaders of the troops sitting back in safety as they send their delusional followers off to fight their wars, wars waged in the name of religion or greed. Won't we ever learn?
Saturday, September 10, 2011
9/11 10 Years Later
Just as we should never forget the horrors of the holocaust, we should never forget the insanity of September 11, 2001 when the United States was viciously attacked by suicidal terrorists.
That a small group of religious fanatics who I'm sure believe in their god with all their hearts could even think to climb on an airplane loaded with innocent men, women, and children and deliberately cause that plane to crash is beyond my comprehension. And not only to take the innocent lives on the plane but to crash it into a building filled with thousands more innocent lives is beyond our understanding. What kind of religion would spur their members to commit mass murder like this?
We can have no defence against insanity and that's what happened that day...pure insanity. I'm simply amazed that there hasn't been a repeat of this insanity since that day. Maybe it's because even the most diehard terrorists realize that they have been driven by maniacal prophets instead of their gods.
There is no doubt that we've escaped further devastating terrorist attacks because of the diligence of the United States military and for that I'm very thnkful. I still believe that the United States should keep their troups out of foreign lands but that's another story.
I'll never forget the absolute shock of watching the news on T.V. that fateful day and seeing the second plane hit the Twin Towers and burst into flames. I was so in shock that it just wouldn't compute. I literally could not believe this was happening in the United States, our strong and protective neighbor. With realization that this was really happening at that moment, my next thought was how many people would lose their lives. Hard on the heels of this realization came the horrific images of the towers collapsing and I believe I was truly in physical shock at that moment.
The scenes were more horrible than any horror movie but it was reality we were seeing. Masses of people covered in white soot stumbled away from the wreckage with looks of terror on their faces. Armies of police officers and firefighters were racing in to help in any way they could. You knew that this was a moment in history that you would never forget or ever should. This was human nature at it's worst and the reason we should never forget is that it will teach us to be on guard to prevent it ever happening again...like the holocaust. These two shameful events in history are proof of what human beings are capable of doing if we allow ourselves to degrade to our base instincts. We are and can be better than that.
There have often been stories that the holocaust never really happened and that was perpetuated by people who prefer to believe that no-one could commit such atrocities. But they can. Stories are circulating that the destruction of the Twin Towers was actually done by the United States government but that's so foolish. I agree that our government leaders are capable of inflicting damage on it's citizens in order to serve their own purposes but not something like this. This was done by religious zealots who had been brainwashed by their spiritual leaders to take as many American lives as they possibly could.
I'll be watching the televised events of 9/11 this weekend and feeling again the helplessness I felt on that day 10 years ago. I'll be watching and wondering again how people with a deep faith in their god could commit mass murder. And I'll once again feel an uneasy suspicion about the Moslem religion and how many of it's followers now reside in my country.
That a small group of religious fanatics who I'm sure believe in their god with all their hearts could even think to climb on an airplane loaded with innocent men, women, and children and deliberately cause that plane to crash is beyond my comprehension. And not only to take the innocent lives on the plane but to crash it into a building filled with thousands more innocent lives is beyond our understanding. What kind of religion would spur their members to commit mass murder like this?
We can have no defence against insanity and that's what happened that day...pure insanity. I'm simply amazed that there hasn't been a repeat of this insanity since that day. Maybe it's because even the most diehard terrorists realize that they have been driven by maniacal prophets instead of their gods.
There is no doubt that we've escaped further devastating terrorist attacks because of the diligence of the United States military and for that I'm very thnkful. I still believe that the United States should keep their troups out of foreign lands but that's another story.
I'll never forget the absolute shock of watching the news on T.V. that fateful day and seeing the second plane hit the Twin Towers and burst into flames. I was so in shock that it just wouldn't compute. I literally could not believe this was happening in the United States, our strong and protective neighbor. With realization that this was really happening at that moment, my next thought was how many people would lose their lives. Hard on the heels of this realization came the horrific images of the towers collapsing and I believe I was truly in physical shock at that moment.
The scenes were more horrible than any horror movie but it was reality we were seeing. Masses of people covered in white soot stumbled away from the wreckage with looks of terror on their faces. Armies of police officers and firefighters were racing in to help in any way they could. You knew that this was a moment in history that you would never forget or ever should. This was human nature at it's worst and the reason we should never forget is that it will teach us to be on guard to prevent it ever happening again...like the holocaust. These two shameful events in history are proof of what human beings are capable of doing if we allow ourselves to degrade to our base instincts. We are and can be better than that.
There have often been stories that the holocaust never really happened and that was perpetuated by people who prefer to believe that no-one could commit such atrocities. But they can. Stories are circulating that the destruction of the Twin Towers was actually done by the United States government but that's so foolish. I agree that our government leaders are capable of inflicting damage on it's citizens in order to serve their own purposes but not something like this. This was done by religious zealots who had been brainwashed by their spiritual leaders to take as many American lives as they possibly could.
I'll be watching the televised events of 9/11 this weekend and feeling again the helplessness I felt on that day 10 years ago. I'll be watching and wondering again how people with a deep faith in their god could commit mass murder. And I'll once again feel an uneasy suspicion about the Moslem religion and how many of it's followers now reside in my country.
Friday, September 09, 2011
Faye Needs Younger Friends
Faye is 76 years old but half that age in interests and energy. She called to ask me if I'd like to wander around Aberdeen St. tomorrow because some special event was going on. Old fogey that I am, I considered that the street would be crowded because it's a Saturday and because it's a special event so I turned down her offer. She said she needs younger friends. Now, Faye has lots of friends of all ages so she has lots to pick from. Unfortunately for her, she'd prefer to run the roads with her old friends and some of us have bad knees.
We always tell Faye that she'll be sharing her 100th birthday with Don and Sheila because none of the rest of us will make it there. Don, at 76, still rides horses. Sheila, at 76, still has her own black hair and moves like a teenager. Faye is going to miss those of us who don't make it!
I'm really angry with my knees because they hold me back in ways I'd never anticipated. I've always loved to walk and sightsee but now I have to think about how much pain I can tolerate or how far I dare venture. I don't like this at all. The thing with my knees is that the pain can disappear for months on end and then come back with a vengeance so I'll just have to save myself for the good days.
Some good news for me: I got my out-of-country insurance quote for Florida. I'll be leaving here Nov. 5th and returning April 15th and my insurance will cost $774. I have a good broker who always gets me a good rate. My skin cancer won't be covered, of course, but that's not a problem. If it returns while I'm in Florida, I'll just come home early to have it treated.
We always tell Faye that she'll be sharing her 100th birthday with Don and Sheila because none of the rest of us will make it there. Don, at 76, still rides horses. Sheila, at 76, still has her own black hair and moves like a teenager. Faye is going to miss those of us who don't make it!
I'm really angry with my knees because they hold me back in ways I'd never anticipated. I've always loved to walk and sightsee but now I have to think about how much pain I can tolerate or how far I dare venture. I don't like this at all. The thing with my knees is that the pain can disappear for months on end and then come back with a vengeance so I'll just have to save myself for the good days.
Some good news for me: I got my out-of-country insurance quote for Florida. I'll be leaving here Nov. 5th and returning April 15th and my insurance will cost $774. I have a good broker who always gets me a good rate. My skin cancer won't be covered, of course, but that's not a problem. If it returns while I'm in Florida, I'll just come home early to have it treated.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Haircut
I knew what I wanted because I had it all figured out how it could be achieved. But, because I have a hard time explaining myself, I had Mary get her haircut first so I could pour through some style books and find something similar to what I wanted. I poured and I poured but couldn't find the picture that was in my mind. I poured some more and found something slightly similar but one that would have to be explained to Marion so she could make the necessary changes. It looked pretty cute on a dark haired teen so why wouldn't it look cute on a grey haired 71 year old lady?
Marion listened intently as I showed her the picture and explained how it needed some adjustments to meet my requirements. Straightfaced, she asked if I understood I'd be getting a mullet. "A MULLET!", I yelped. That was not what I had in mind.
Trying to pacify me, Marion made a few suggestions which I okayed. And then she cut my hair.
I don't like my hair and I have no-one to blame but myself. It probably would look good on a dark haired teen.
Note: Faye said I should have used the word "pored" instead of "poured" but Donna was on my side. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is on Faye's side so she's right again, damn it!
Marion listened intently as I showed her the picture and explained how it needed some adjustments to meet my requirements. Straightfaced, she asked if I understood I'd be getting a mullet. "A MULLET!", I yelped. That was not what I had in mind.
Trying to pacify me, Marion made a few suggestions which I okayed. And then she cut my hair.
I don't like my hair and I have no-one to blame but myself. It probably would look good on a dark haired teen.
Note: Faye said I should have used the word "pored" instead of "poured" but Donna was on my side. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is on Faye's side so she's right again, damn it!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
OPSEU Pickets United Way!
Opseu union workers who are presently on strike and picketing our community colleges apparently can't tell the difference between their beef with the colleges and the disruption they cause in other areas.
Mohawk College was supposed to hold it's annual parking lot garage sale this Saturday as a benefit for United Way but was unable to persuade the union not to disrupt it. The college, which does not benefit in any way from the sale, decided it was in the best interests and safety of the public to cancel the event.
Personally, I think it should have been allowed to go on and the public could have gotten a close look at how OPSEU strikers behave when they are making their demands and holding the taxpayer hostage. Remember that it's our tax money that pays the bills for our community colleges and it's a handful of strikers who are preventing us from using our own property.
I'm not totally anti-union because I believe they do serve a purpose in making life better for the workers but sometimes their power goes to their heads and they behave like criminals. They either forget or disregard the fact that they are not the only people in the world and that there are others with rights equal to their's.
In a way, it makes sense that if a worker feels he/she isn't receiving enough pay or benefits from their job then they should just go find another one instead of preventing their employer from conducting business. It seems illegal somehow. I can understand that a large group of employees could decide to withhold their services but how can it be legal for them to prevent the business from hiring others to do the jobs? Those OPSEU jobs pay darned well and there must be many people who would jump at the chance for one of them.
Again, I'm not really anti-union but maybe they've gotten a little too greedy and obnoxious and forgotten about the rest of us.
Mohawk College was supposed to hold it's annual parking lot garage sale this Saturday as a benefit for United Way but was unable to persuade the union not to disrupt it. The college, which does not benefit in any way from the sale, decided it was in the best interests and safety of the public to cancel the event.
Personally, I think it should have been allowed to go on and the public could have gotten a close look at how OPSEU strikers behave when they are making their demands and holding the taxpayer hostage. Remember that it's our tax money that pays the bills for our community colleges and it's a handful of strikers who are preventing us from using our own property.
I'm not totally anti-union because I believe they do serve a purpose in making life better for the workers but sometimes their power goes to their heads and they behave like criminals. They either forget or disregard the fact that they are not the only people in the world and that there are others with rights equal to their's.
In a way, it makes sense that if a worker feels he/she isn't receiving enough pay or benefits from their job then they should just go find another one instead of preventing their employer from conducting business. It seems illegal somehow. I can understand that a large group of employees could decide to withhold their services but how can it be legal for them to prevent the business from hiring others to do the jobs? Those OPSEU jobs pay darned well and there must be many people who would jump at the chance for one of them.
Again, I'm not really anti-union but maybe they've gotten a little too greedy and obnoxious and forgotten about the rest of us.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I'm Going to be Radiated!
Faye went with me to the cancer clinic today so I could find out if radiation would be done on my lip. The doctor (old and cute) said that the skin cancer was a small one (looks big to me, though) and he would do 20 daily radiation treatments on it which will take a month to complete. I am so happy!
Apparently you can only receive radiation once so if the skin cancer returns in that spot (10% chance) it would have to be removed surgically. He is only going to treat the sore on the one side of my lip and not the whole lip because the right side is only pre-cancerous. It might never get any worse but I'll need to watch it and, if it does become skin cancer, then that part of my lip can receive radiation treatments.
This whole summer has been a sort of misery for me because of this lip and the original treatment (Aldara) that I suffered through. This was supposed to be my "easy" summer but it didn't turn out that way. I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I'm only dealing with a skin cancer that has such a high cure rate and not something deadlier, though.
One other thing that I am very thankful for is our Canadian health care system which, although sometimes imperfect, has been a godsend to me this summer. My dermatologist probably did what she thought was best for me (but it wasn't), my family doctor quickly referred me to the cosmetic surgeon who, in turn, quickly had the skin cancer biopsied. Quickly again, he made the decision that I might be better off having radiation treatments and he referred me to the cancer clinic. I was in there 3 working days later. Don't ever let anyone tell you that our health care system isn't damn good for the citizens of this country. And don't expect perfection because that doesn't exist anywhere.
Anyway, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel as though I can easily deal with what is to come. Oh yes, they weighed me at the clinic and I've only lost a couple of pounds over the summer. I didn't let a sore lip stop me from eating!
Apparently you can only receive radiation once so if the skin cancer returns in that spot (10% chance) it would have to be removed surgically. He is only going to treat the sore on the one side of my lip and not the whole lip because the right side is only pre-cancerous. It might never get any worse but I'll need to watch it and, if it does become skin cancer, then that part of my lip can receive radiation treatments.
This whole summer has been a sort of misery for me because of this lip and the original treatment (Aldara) that I suffered through. This was supposed to be my "easy" summer but it didn't turn out that way. I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I'm only dealing with a skin cancer that has such a high cure rate and not something deadlier, though.
One other thing that I am very thankful for is our Canadian health care system which, although sometimes imperfect, has been a godsend to me this summer. My dermatologist probably did what she thought was best for me (but it wasn't), my family doctor quickly referred me to the cosmetic surgeon who, in turn, quickly had the skin cancer biopsied. Quickly again, he made the decision that I might be better off having radiation treatments and he referred me to the cancer clinic. I was in there 3 working days later. Don't ever let anyone tell you that our health care system isn't damn good for the citizens of this country. And don't expect perfection because that doesn't exist anywhere.
Anyway, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel as though I can easily deal with what is to come. Oh yes, they weighed me at the clinic and I've only lost a couple of pounds over the summer. I didn't let a sore lip stop me from eating!
Monday, September 05, 2011
Truly Friends Again
Sharon and Jim did come up this morning and they brought me a Tim's coffee, too. We chatted for about an hour before Jim decided he needed to go sit in his car and have a nap so I asked Sharon if we could have a talk.
She didn't remember hanging up on me that fateful day but just thought she'd been a little curt. I was very tactful but managed to make her understand that she had hung up the phone on me 3 times that day and how it had made me feel. The last thing I wanted was for Sharon to be so hurt that I was confronting her that she'd run out the door but that didn't happen. She accepted her bad temper but didn't accept that she took it out on everyone around her. When I politely insisted that she did, she didn't put up a big argument.
I told her that no matter what she did, had temper tantrums or committed mass murder, I would always love her with all my heart but I wouldn't stand by and let her mistreat me. As we spoke, I watched her carefully to make sure I wasn't hurting her and it didn't seem to be the case. We both agreed that it was good to get things out in the open so we knew where we stood.
We kissed and hugged goodbye and made plans to meet for coffee next Sunday. And it was all done by me standing firm in not accepting rudeness but also being able to explain this to my sister without alienating her. I did good.
She didn't remember hanging up on me that fateful day but just thought she'd been a little curt. I was very tactful but managed to make her understand that she had hung up the phone on me 3 times that day and how it had made me feel. The last thing I wanted was for Sharon to be so hurt that I was confronting her that she'd run out the door but that didn't happen. She accepted her bad temper but didn't accept that she took it out on everyone around her. When I politely insisted that she did, she didn't put up a big argument.
I told her that no matter what she did, had temper tantrums or committed mass murder, I would always love her with all my heart but I wouldn't stand by and let her mistreat me. As we spoke, I watched her carefully to make sure I wasn't hurting her and it didn't seem to be the case. We both agreed that it was good to get things out in the open so we knew where we stood.
We kissed and hugged goodbye and made plans to meet for coffee next Sunday. And it was all done by me standing firm in not accepting rudeness but also being able to explain this to my sister without alienating her. I did good.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Friends Again
My sister phoned me again this morning. She's phoned occasionally since our rift and I've always been polite to her but deep down inside I kept hoping for an apology for the way she'd treated me. I guess I have to accept that the apology won't be coming.
We chatted for a while, playing catch up on what's been happening in our lives over the past few months and she asked if I'd meet her for coffee today or tomorrow. I countered with an invitation for her and Jim to come to my house for coffee tomorrow and she half way accepted. She'll call tomorrow and let me know for sure.
My feelings for my sister haven't changed much since our rift. I love her but I'm slightly uncomfortable around her because of her temper that she takes out on everyone and anyone if she's mad enough. It's made me just want to stay away from her for a while but I know it isn't forever.
It's always more fun to be around people who are light at heart, happy in their own skin and who can laugh at whatever problems arise. It makes me tense if the person I'm with looks about to explode with anger at any given moment if something happens to irritate them. I don't want to waste my time with people like that.
I used to have a temper like that. It's hard for me to even believe that's true but it is. Over the years I've learned to control outbursts because that benefits everyone involved, including me. Maybe a bad temper stems from frustration in other areas of your life but these days I operate mostly in a calm atmosphere. I've also learned techniques to deal with my temper on the rare occasions that it rears it's ugly head. I stop, step back, and wait until I've gained control before I react. I've finally grown up! I understand that years ago I felt my whole life was in upheaval so there were very few calm and sane times when I could gain some form of control over myself. My life is so different now and, with it, the maturity and peace to become a better person.
I hope Sharon and Jim come up tomorrow. Maybe we can get back to the friendship that developed a few cracks a few months ago. I know we love each other and that's what is most important.
We chatted for a while, playing catch up on what's been happening in our lives over the past few months and she asked if I'd meet her for coffee today or tomorrow. I countered with an invitation for her and Jim to come to my house for coffee tomorrow and she half way accepted. She'll call tomorrow and let me know for sure.
My feelings for my sister haven't changed much since our rift. I love her but I'm slightly uncomfortable around her because of her temper that she takes out on everyone and anyone if she's mad enough. It's made me just want to stay away from her for a while but I know it isn't forever.
It's always more fun to be around people who are light at heart, happy in their own skin and who can laugh at whatever problems arise. It makes me tense if the person I'm with looks about to explode with anger at any given moment if something happens to irritate them. I don't want to waste my time with people like that.
I used to have a temper like that. It's hard for me to even believe that's true but it is. Over the years I've learned to control outbursts because that benefits everyone involved, including me. Maybe a bad temper stems from frustration in other areas of your life but these days I operate mostly in a calm atmosphere. I've also learned techniques to deal with my temper on the rare occasions that it rears it's ugly head. I stop, step back, and wait until I've gained control before I react. I've finally grown up! I understand that years ago I felt my whole life was in upheaval so there were very few calm and sane times when I could gain some form of control over myself. My life is so different now and, with it, the maturity and peace to become a better person.
I hope Sharon and Jim come up tomorrow. Maybe we can get back to the friendship that developed a few cracks a few months ago. I know we love each other and that's what is most important.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
My Maternal Great Grandparents
I really enjoy surfing the web, researching or just "searching". I don't know names on my father's side but I do have some information from my grandmother's side of the family. Below is what I found just by keying in my great-grandfather's name and his occupation.
12713-91 Thomas STEVENSON, 34, harness maker, Canada, Hamilton, s/o Thomas & Isabella, married Ida RICHARDSON, 28, Canada, Hamilton, d/o James & Ida, witn: John GREY & Mary CURSER, both of Hamilton, 4 April 1891 at Hamilton
This meant so very much for me to find because it's impossible for me to trace much of my ancestry. It was an emotional shock to see the ancient notice of the marriage of my great-grandfather and my great-grandmother. I'd never known the names of my great-great-grandparents and here they were. I'd been told that my great-grandmother's name was Ida Marie and knew that one of my aunts had been named after her.
My grandmother, Theresa, was born in 1894 and went on to have 3 daughters...Ida, Arvella (known as Isabel), and Rose. It thrills me that the "Isabel" (my mother) came from my great-grandfather's mother.
I've often identified with adoptees who know little or nothing of their ancestry because I know nothing about my family on my father's side. It will always make you feel as though a part of you is missing. Just learning this little bit about my maternal great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents makes me very happy.
Thomas and Isabella Stephenson, parents of my great-grandfather, Thomas.
James and Ida Richardson, parents of my great-grandmother, Ida Marie.
You are all part of me, my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren.
Note: Further research found the following article naming businesses back when my great-grandfather had his...
Harness Makers Fraser, Johnson & Co., John street north ; Thomas Clohecy, Kerrick street ; Coy & Co., King street west ; Wm. Dunlop, John street south ; John Finlayson, King street east ; Jos. Jolley & Sons, John street south ; Robert Kirkpatrick, Mar ket street ; W. E. Murray, Marnab street north ; Philp & Son, Yoi k street; Thomas Stevenson, Jo.in street south.
Finding this little bit of history and ancestry just thrills me to no end. I've been to the building where he ran his harness shop and it's now a bar. I told the manager a story I'd been told by my grandmother about how my great-grandfather had buried money in the backyard but couldn't find it when he'd tried to dig it back up. It could still be there or it could have been stolen many, many years ago.
Apparently GG Thomas was fairly well off because, besides owning the building that his business was in, he also owned the building next to it where he called home. I lived there for a while when I was a baby and the story goes that my great-grandmother was coming downstairs with some coins for me when she tripped and fell to her death.
Drama, good and bad, occurs in all lives and all generations.
12713-91 Thomas STEVENSON, 34, harness maker, Canada, Hamilton, s/o Thomas & Isabella, married Ida RICHARDSON, 28, Canada, Hamilton, d/o James & Ida, witn: John GREY & Mary CURSER, both of Hamilton, 4 April 1891 at Hamilton
This meant so very much for me to find because it's impossible for me to trace much of my ancestry. It was an emotional shock to see the ancient notice of the marriage of my great-grandfather and my great-grandmother. I'd never known the names of my great-great-grandparents and here they were. I'd been told that my great-grandmother's name was Ida Marie and knew that one of my aunts had been named after her.
My grandmother, Theresa, was born in 1894 and went on to have 3 daughters...Ida, Arvella (known as Isabel), and Rose. It thrills me that the "Isabel" (my mother) came from my great-grandfather's mother.
I've often identified with adoptees who know little or nothing of their ancestry because I know nothing about my family on my father's side. It will always make you feel as though a part of you is missing. Just learning this little bit about my maternal great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents makes me very happy.
Thomas and Isabella Stephenson, parents of my great-grandfather, Thomas.
James and Ida Richardson, parents of my great-grandmother, Ida Marie.
You are all part of me, my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren.
Note: Further research found the following article naming businesses back when my great-grandfather had his...
Harness Makers Fraser, Johnson & Co., John street north ; Thomas Clohecy, Kerrick street ; Coy & Co., King street west ; Wm. Dunlop, John street south ; John Finlayson, King street east ; Jos. Jolley & Sons, John street south ; Robert Kirkpatrick, Mar ket street ; W. E. Murray, Marnab street north ; Philp & Son, Yoi k street; Thomas Stevenson, Jo.in street south.
Finding this little bit of history and ancestry just thrills me to no end. I've been to the building where he ran his harness shop and it's now a bar. I told the manager a story I'd been told by my grandmother about how my great-grandfather had buried money in the backyard but couldn't find it when he'd tried to dig it back up. It could still be there or it could have been stolen many, many years ago.
Apparently GG Thomas was fairly well off because, besides owning the building that his business was in, he also owned the building next to it where he called home. I lived there for a while when I was a baby and the story goes that my great-grandmother was coming downstairs with some coins for me when she tripped and fell to her death.
Drama, good and bad, occurs in all lives and all generations.
Friday, September 02, 2011
Nolan the Talker
I've been around long enough to know that it might not be the worst thing in the world if our babies are late talkers because, once they start, you can't shut them up. I see Nolan about once a week and his vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds. It doesn't seem to matter that his vocabulary is limited because he'll just keep yakking the same words over and over again.
He repeats everything you say so we have to watch our language around him. I tend to curse occasionally so I'm pretty worried that I'll be the one he learns those words from. It's thrilling for me to hear his progress because he's only with me for an hour or two but it must give his parents a headache.
Nick phoned this morning to tell me when he'd be cutting my lawn and all I could hear in the background was a steady stream of Nolan chatter. Sounds adorable to me but the noise ended when I hung up the phone. Nick is still immersed in it until Nolan has a nap.
I remember with my own babies always wishing away their childhood so that they'd be able to care for themselves but I soon learned that I should have enjoyed every moment of their neediness because it ended all too soon. No, diapers and bottle feeding aren't fun but that time is so fleeting. I don't think any mother will ever forget the sweet moments when they were bottle or breast feeding their child and the child stared into their eyes with complete trust. Those are indelible moments.
Nolan is only 2 years old so he is very dependant on the adults who care for him and will be to some extent for many years to come. I'm looking forward to the day he can carry on a real conversation but I know that will be another milestone on his road to independance. Still, with maturity comes his own ability to keep himself safe and happy and that's what we all want for him. Bless his sweet and precious little heart!!
He repeats everything you say so we have to watch our language around him. I tend to curse occasionally so I'm pretty worried that I'll be the one he learns those words from. It's thrilling for me to hear his progress because he's only with me for an hour or two but it must give his parents a headache.
Nick phoned this morning to tell me when he'd be cutting my lawn and all I could hear in the background was a steady stream of Nolan chatter. Sounds adorable to me but the noise ended when I hung up the phone. Nick is still immersed in it until Nolan has a nap.
I remember with my own babies always wishing away their childhood so that they'd be able to care for themselves but I soon learned that I should have enjoyed every moment of their neediness because it ended all too soon. No, diapers and bottle feeding aren't fun but that time is so fleeting. I don't think any mother will ever forget the sweet moments when they were bottle or breast feeding their child and the child stared into their eyes with complete trust. Those are indelible moments.
Nolan is only 2 years old so he is very dependant on the adults who care for him and will be to some extent for many years to come. I'm looking forward to the day he can carry on a real conversation but I know that will be another milestone on his road to independance. Still, with maturity comes his own ability to keep himself safe and happy and that's what we all want for him. Bless his sweet and precious little heart!!
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Relief
It's sort of amazing how a touch of relief for whatever reason can change everything about you. After I saw the doctor yesterday, I walked back to my car with a springier step and a smile on my face. It felt as though a load had been lifted from my shoulders that had been weighing me down. I know the news was only a slight reprieve and maybe won't happen at all but it gave me hope, something I hadn't had in a while.
I felt so much more at ease all evening and then slept like a lamb all night. The lessening of tension did that for me. I've felt this sensation many times in my life so it's quite familiar to me. When we worry, our bodies tighten up in preparation to face whatever the danger is and when the danger is lessened, our bodies loosen up. It happens all the time in one way or another.
I'm still facing radiation treatment on my lip but it's a far lesser worry for me than surgery so I expect to sail through the treatment if I'm allowed it. For now, I'll just bask in the comparative relaxation my body is enjoying.
I felt so much more at ease all evening and then slept like a lamb all night. The lessening of tension did that for me. I've felt this sensation many times in my life so it's quite familiar to me. When we worry, our bodies tighten up in preparation to face whatever the danger is and when the danger is lessened, our bodies loosen up. It happens all the time in one way or another.
I'm still facing radiation treatment on my lip but it's a far lesser worry for me than surgery so I expect to sail through the treatment if I'm allowed it. For now, I'll just bask in the comparative relaxation my body is enjoying.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Lip News
I saw the cosmetic surgeon today and he gave me some good news. It is squamous skin cancer but he thinks it can be treated with radiation instead of surgery. I'm euphoric. I'll have to go to the cancer clinic and be assessed there but I'm so hoping that it can be done. The doctor said it would take a few treatments but that is nothing compared to having surgery.
This has all got me thinking about the whole process I've been through with this lip. I did let it go too long without having the dermatologist look at it (more than a year) and that was very foolish of me because I know better. She thought that it would be cured by spraying with liquid nitrogen and that's what she did just before I left for Florida last fall. And it almost worked, but not completely.
In the spring, she sprayed it again to no avail and then decided to have me apply Aldara for 8 weeks before she'd excise the spot. I used the Aldara for 5 treatments and it ended up making both lips raw, scabbed and bleeding. At that point, she told me to lay off the Aldara until the whole mess had shrunk by half and then to restart using it.
I had already decided to see my family doctor because I couldn't bear the thought of a dermatologist cutting into my lip and he'd sent me to a cosmetic surgeon. Luckily, just before seeing the cosmetic surgeon, I accidently knocked off the huge scab on my lip so he was able to see the original small sore. He did what my dermatologist should have done and sent me for a biopsy. And all of this led to my appointment with him today.
I'm left wondering what would be happening if I'd stuck with the dermatologist and not gone to my family doctor. What if he hadn't sent me to the cosmetic surgeon? Would I still be suffering from using that bloody Aldara??
I guess I'm lucky to have a family doctor I can trust and who I know will send me to the right specialist. It seems that I did the right thing by going to him with my concerns and didn't just accept the treatment I was getting from the dermatologist. It pays to get a second or third opinion, doesn't it?
This has all got me thinking about the whole process I've been through with this lip. I did let it go too long without having the dermatologist look at it (more than a year) and that was very foolish of me because I know better. She thought that it would be cured by spraying with liquid nitrogen and that's what she did just before I left for Florida last fall. And it almost worked, but not completely.
In the spring, she sprayed it again to no avail and then decided to have me apply Aldara for 8 weeks before she'd excise the spot. I used the Aldara for 5 treatments and it ended up making both lips raw, scabbed and bleeding. At that point, she told me to lay off the Aldara until the whole mess had shrunk by half and then to restart using it.
I had already decided to see my family doctor because I couldn't bear the thought of a dermatologist cutting into my lip and he'd sent me to a cosmetic surgeon. Luckily, just before seeing the cosmetic surgeon, I accidently knocked off the huge scab on my lip so he was able to see the original small sore. He did what my dermatologist should have done and sent me for a biopsy. And all of this led to my appointment with him today.
I'm left wondering what would be happening if I'd stuck with the dermatologist and not gone to my family doctor. What if he hadn't sent me to the cosmetic surgeon? Would I still be suffering from using that bloody Aldara??
I guess I'm lucky to have a family doctor I can trust and who I know will send me to the right specialist. It seems that I did the right thing by going to him with my concerns and didn't just accept the treatment I was getting from the dermatologist. It pays to get a second or third opinion, doesn't it?
Monday, August 29, 2011
Variegated Impatiens
This is how my variegated impatience recovered from the wind battering it took the other day. It's one of my favorite plants and has to be wintered inside. This plant came from cuttings that Faye gave me because I'd given up on toting my own back and forth from Florida. It needs dappled sunshine, not too much shade but not too much sun, either. Every year I move it around my backyard until I find the best spot for it to flourish.
Aeron's Blog
Cindy and Don had a barbecue yesterday so that our immediate family could meet his children. Not only were we able to form a nice bond between us but it turns out that Don is excellent on the barbecue.
Don has 3 sons who are as nice as they can be, friendly and polite, who could ask for more. They seem to have a really nice relationship with their father, too, and that says a lot about a divorced father.
Don's son, Matt, brought his 4 month old black Lab, Luke, and we were all amazed at how calm and intelligent this young pup was. He will no doubt grow up to be a fabulous animal because he's showing signs already.
Now for the Aeron part. We had nice and easy conversations going all afternoon among the different generations but Aeron's went something like this...yak, yak, yak, sorry Gramma, yak, yak, yak, sorry Gramma, etc., etc., etc. The reason being that she sprinkles in too many "F" words while she's talking. It sounds just awful coming from that outrageously beautiful face. I noticed the same from a few of our young people yesterday and thought how sad that these intelligent young folk dirty their language up with that word so often.
Cindy had baked and prepared a terrific barbecue for us all and she'd way overdone the portions so there was a lot left. I brought home some roasted potatoes and pork tenderloin for my dinner tonight. The desserts were so good but I didn't dare bring any of them home. Not good for me!
I love family get-togethers, partly because I believe that every time we're together the bond grows stronger. I don't see enough of Tyson, Kyle, and Aeron but then I don't see enough of any of my grandchildren. I love them so very much and I think they must know that by now. It was wonderful for me to have spent as much time as I did with them when they were younger because not many grandparents have the time or opportunity to do that. I lost out on that with Lisette, Nicole, and Jake because they always lived so far away.
I can picture Aeron's beautiful face with the most beautiful smile in the world and I'm trying not to think about her potty mouth. I love her.
Don has 3 sons who are as nice as they can be, friendly and polite, who could ask for more. They seem to have a really nice relationship with their father, too, and that says a lot about a divorced father.
Don's son, Matt, brought his 4 month old black Lab, Luke, and we were all amazed at how calm and intelligent this young pup was. He will no doubt grow up to be a fabulous animal because he's showing signs already.
Now for the Aeron part. We had nice and easy conversations going all afternoon among the different generations but Aeron's went something like this...yak, yak, yak, sorry Gramma, yak, yak, yak, sorry Gramma, etc., etc., etc. The reason being that she sprinkles in too many "F" words while she's talking. It sounds just awful coming from that outrageously beautiful face. I noticed the same from a few of our young people yesterday and thought how sad that these intelligent young folk dirty their language up with that word so often.
Cindy had baked and prepared a terrific barbecue for us all and she'd way overdone the portions so there was a lot left. I brought home some roasted potatoes and pork tenderloin for my dinner tonight. The desserts were so good but I didn't dare bring any of them home. Not good for me!
I love family get-togethers, partly because I believe that every time we're together the bond grows stronger. I don't see enough of Tyson, Kyle, and Aeron but then I don't see enough of any of my grandchildren. I love them so very much and I think they must know that by now. It was wonderful for me to have spent as much time as I did with them when they were younger because not many grandparents have the time or opportunity to do that. I lost out on that with Lisette, Nicole, and Jake because they always lived so far away.
I can picture Aeron's beautiful face with the most beautiful smile in the world and I'm trying not to think about her potty mouth. I love her.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Touch of Fall
There is a definite touch of fall in the early morning air these days. It always seems to make it's appearance in late August when some of us are getting tired of hot days...I say "some of us" because I know there are people who thrive in hot weather all the time.
It's perfect sleeping weather and I'm still sleeping with the windows open wide. I got a little cool around dawn so maybe it's time to put the quilt back on the bed. It's sat neatly on a side chair since some time in early July, waiting for cooler weather when it would be needed.
Just as the hot air of summer makes us lethargic, the cooler days of fall make us energetic, ready to handle all those chores we put off because we couldn't handle working in heat and humidity. Of course, winter cold is what follows those lovely fall days and that's when I once again head to the warmth of Florida. This year I'll be leaving later than usual because of my lip surgery and Kim's surgery. We both need to be well on the mend before I venture down south.
Cindy is having a barbecue this afternoon for her and Don's family. He seems like such a nice man and they appear to be very happy together. I guess time will tell and I'll just hope it all works out in the end. Good relationships depend on a lot of things but the most important one is caring enough about the person you're with that you consider their wants and needs above your own. That's a lot easier said than done because other factors can color your actions.
Well, it's now time for me to do something useful. I spend/waste a lot time in the mornings playing on the computer. And that's okay.
It's perfect sleeping weather and I'm still sleeping with the windows open wide. I got a little cool around dawn so maybe it's time to put the quilt back on the bed. It's sat neatly on a side chair since some time in early July, waiting for cooler weather when it would be needed.
Just as the hot air of summer makes us lethargic, the cooler days of fall make us energetic, ready to handle all those chores we put off because we couldn't handle working in heat and humidity. Of course, winter cold is what follows those lovely fall days and that's when I once again head to the warmth of Florida. This year I'll be leaving later than usual because of my lip surgery and Kim's surgery. We both need to be well on the mend before I venture down south.
Cindy is having a barbecue this afternoon for her and Don's family. He seems like such a nice man and they appear to be very happy together. I guess time will tell and I'll just hope it all works out in the end. Good relationships depend on a lot of things but the most important one is caring enough about the person you're with that you consider their wants and needs above your own. That's a lot easier said than done because other factors can color your actions.
Well, it's now time for me to do something useful. I spend/waste a lot time in the mornings playing on the computer. And that's okay.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Quiet Saturday Morning
I crawled out of bed after 8 A.M. this morning which is very unusual for me but I knew I didn't have a busy day ahead of me so it didn't matter.
Matt and Sandra came by with a Tim Horton's coffee for me and picked up the afghan I'd made for them. They loved it like I knew they would. Sandra is so sweet and I really hope they make it as a couple. They seem so happy together that I'm sure they will.
They were on their way to buy a new car for Sandra and it worries me that they don't have someone older and wiser with them. I told them not to make any firm decisions today but to go home and decide over the next few days. I can't do them any good at all by going with them to the car dealership because I know nothing about cars or how to wrangle the price. When I buy a car again it will be with Cindy's help.
Faye dropped over, too, with the pictures she'd taken of her last 2 afghans. They didn't do justice to the real beauty of the finished products but I put them on my "Swedish Weaving" blog (swedishweavingclub.blogspot.com) so anyone interested could see more examples of our craft. I had to figure out how to scan the pictures and get them on the blog and you'd better believe my brain was on fire. It's really difficult for me to learn new things on the computer but I think it keeps my brain active, anyway.
Now I'm just playing on the computer and killing time before going grocery shopping later this afternoon. Right now, the stores will be filled with families who don't have the luxurythat I do of shopping through the week. But I need fruit in the house so I'm braving the grocery store today.
The day is sunny and warm with a light breeze. Life is good.
Matt and Sandra came by with a Tim Horton's coffee for me and picked up the afghan I'd made for them. They loved it like I knew they would. Sandra is so sweet and I really hope they make it as a couple. They seem so happy together that I'm sure they will.
They were on their way to buy a new car for Sandra and it worries me that they don't have someone older and wiser with them. I told them not to make any firm decisions today but to go home and decide over the next few days. I can't do them any good at all by going with them to the car dealership because I know nothing about cars or how to wrangle the price. When I buy a car again it will be with Cindy's help.
Faye dropped over, too, with the pictures she'd taken of her last 2 afghans. They didn't do justice to the real beauty of the finished products but I put them on my "Swedish Weaving" blog (swedishweavingclub.blogspot.com) so anyone interested could see more examples of our craft. I had to figure out how to scan the pictures and get them on the blog and you'd better believe my brain was on fire. It's really difficult for me to learn new things on the computer but I think it keeps my brain active, anyway.
Now I'm just playing on the computer and killing time before going grocery shopping later this afternoon. Right now, the stores will be filled with families who don't have the luxurythat I do of shopping through the week. But I need fruit in the house so I'm braving the grocery store today.
The day is sunny and warm with a light breeze. Life is good.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Improving or Deteriorating?
I wish I'd had half the confidence when I was younger that I do now. I often find myself talking to strangers many places I go and I'm not sure if this is a good thing or if I'm becoming a chatty old lady.
I think I first started to question myself last winter when I gave detailed Swedish weaving lessons to perfect stangers in the Walmart fabric aisle. It doesn't matter that they all stopped me and questioned what I was using the fabric and yarn for that I had bought, it just kind of makes me think I went too far with my spur of the moment training session.
I went to the casino today and wasn't in there 5 minutes before getting into a conversation with a lady and her husband about skin cancer. I informed them that her husband who has skin cancer can have it treated by a cosmetic surgeon and OHIP will pay for it. Now, where do I get off giving medical and financial advice to people I don't know?
While at the casino, I had conversations with many other gamblers but they really did talk to me first. Because I'm a senior, I have no fear that the men I talk to will think I'm a loose woman. LOL!
No-one wants to be bothered by a chatty old lady who won't shut up and go away so I'm going to have to learn to be quiet once in a while instead of spouting off whatever I'm thinking. I'll try to save myself for my blog.
I think I first started to question myself last winter when I gave detailed Swedish weaving lessons to perfect stangers in the Walmart fabric aisle. It doesn't matter that they all stopped me and questioned what I was using the fabric and yarn for that I had bought, it just kind of makes me think I went too far with my spur of the moment training session.
I went to the casino today and wasn't in there 5 minutes before getting into a conversation with a lady and her husband about skin cancer. I informed them that her husband who has skin cancer can have it treated by a cosmetic surgeon and OHIP will pay for it. Now, where do I get off giving medical and financial advice to people I don't know?
While at the casino, I had conversations with many other gamblers but they really did talk to me first. Because I'm a senior, I have no fear that the men I talk to will think I'm a loose woman. LOL!
No-one wants to be bothered by a chatty old lady who won't shut up and go away so I'm going to have to learn to be quiet once in a while instead of spouting off whatever I'm thinking. I'll try to save myself for my blog.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Loyalty
My neighbor posted (on Facebook) a newspaper clipping of the funeral of an American navy seal. It was a picture of the coffin and above it was a photo showing the young man kneeling beside his dog. Lying in front of the coffin was the dog in the picture. He refused to leave his owner even at the funeral.
I can't seem to stop crying over the emotions this caused to flood through me. You see vivid expressions of loyalty occasionally between human beings but you seem to see it more often in how our dogs in particular take care of us.
That picture said more than you could explain in a thousand words. I think, no, I know that dogs were placed on this earth to teach us self centered humans. This little dog is so genuine in his attachment and grief. There is no thought of sending flowers, notes of condolence, or carefully chosen words for him to honor the man he loves. He just follows his instincts and stays close for as long as he's allowed.
His grief is honorable in it's simplicity.
I can't seem to stop crying over the emotions this caused to flood through me. You see vivid expressions of loyalty occasionally between human beings but you seem to see it more often in how our dogs in particular take care of us.
That picture said more than you could explain in a thousand words. I think, no, I know that dogs were placed on this earth to teach us self centered humans. This little dog is so genuine in his attachment and grief. There is no thought of sending flowers, notes of condolence, or carefully chosen words for him to honor the man he loves. He just follows his instincts and stays close for as long as he's allowed.
His grief is honorable in it's simplicity.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Matt & Sandra's Swedish Weaving Afghan
This was done in record time because I spent so much time indoors during the hot weather. I'm very happy with the way it turned out, too. Matt insisted on the short fringe on the bottom and, because it was already in place, I couldn't do the embroidery stitch which is supposed to go above the fringe with the zigzag stitching above that. Matt said that the longer fringe would itch his nose when he was napping.I used the ecru monk's cloth with 3 different yarns...turquoise, turquoise variegated, and dark brown. It was good to have the plain dark brown where it outlined the pattern, too. The variegated yarn added some brilliance, too.
On reaching the end, I had to fill in and chose a completely different border pattern which lined up with the center pattern. I also adjusted it a bit to my liking.
I'm sure they'll be happy with the afghan and I know they'll appreciate the love that goes along with it.
Lovely Morning
I woke up this morning feeling refreshed but I still can't get myself motivated to do any work. We're expecting a rainstorm and the winds are pretty wild right now but the air is warm and summery still.
I have a couple of projects I should look after but I just feel so lazy. Matt's afghan is finished and only needs the side hems stitched and I'm very close to finishing Mary's tablecoth. I'll probably sit on my butt and work on it for a while until I feel like doing something else. I want to go out for lunch but my stitched up lip looks too gross to inflict on other diners.
I guess I'm lucky that there really isn't anything pressing for me to do and I can afford the luxury of doing nothing but it doesn't feel nice. I feel like I'm wasting time and that makes me feel guilty...just not guilty enough to do actual work. I know it's the problem with my lip that's making me put so much on hold. My personality is such that I tend to do that until the problem is taken care of before I really get on with my life. Another personality flaw...so what!
Marilee messaged me while I was on Facebook this morning playing games and we caught up a bit. She's going to Florida for the month of March and I'm really looking forward to having her there. I sure have been blessed with having some wonderful sisters-in-law.
I'm just looking out on the deck to where I moved a gorgeous pot of variegated impatiens/sweet potato vine so I could see it better and the damned wind has beaten the living bejeezus out of it. Could my timing be any worse? I hope it hasn't killed the poor thing.
Oh well, time to do some work...maybe.
I have a couple of projects I should look after but I just feel so lazy. Matt's afghan is finished and only needs the side hems stitched and I'm very close to finishing Mary's tablecoth. I'll probably sit on my butt and work on it for a while until I feel like doing something else. I want to go out for lunch but my stitched up lip looks too gross to inflict on other diners.
I guess I'm lucky that there really isn't anything pressing for me to do and I can afford the luxury of doing nothing but it doesn't feel nice. I feel like I'm wasting time and that makes me feel guilty...just not guilty enough to do actual work. I know it's the problem with my lip that's making me put so much on hold. My personality is such that I tend to do that until the problem is taken care of before I really get on with my life. Another personality flaw...so what!
Marilee messaged me while I was on Facebook this morning playing games and we caught up a bit. She's going to Florida for the month of March and I'm really looking forward to having her there. I sure have been blessed with having some wonderful sisters-in-law.
I'm just looking out on the deck to where I moved a gorgeous pot of variegated impatiens/sweet potato vine so I could see it better and the damned wind has beaten the living bejeezus out of it. Could my timing be any worse? I hope it hasn't killed the poor thing.
Oh well, time to do some work...maybe.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Nolan
Yes, picture #1 is blurry but it's so hard to get a good picture of this kid because he never stops moving. I got to spend some time with him this morning because his Daddy was cutting my grass.
Picture #2 was when he was obsessed with his shoe not being on correctly...very much the way his father was when he was that age.
Picture #3 is the first work of art I've received from my beloved greatgrandson.
Picture #4 is where I chose to hang it, over my stove. Not many people could do this but I can because my cooking instrument is almost 100% microwave.
Being Thankful
There are many, many days that I place my hands together in a praying motion and give thanks to my husband, Dennis, for providing me with my cozy little house and my fair standard of living. I never forget how hard he worked all of his life and how little time he had to enjoy the fruits of his labor before passing away at only 68 years of age.
This morning the same thought came to mind but along with it the wholehearted thankfulness that I live in Canada and can count on our government health services to look after my medical needs without bankrupting me.
I've tried, without luck, to make my American friends understand this but most that I come in contact with have good health care through the companies they've retired from. They are very frightened of losing what they have if the United States attempts to implement a health care system similar to ours. But most, if not all, of these people have co-pays which could amount to 20% of whatever health service they require. Just think if they had a surgery costing $20,000...their out of pocket cost would be $4,000.
I have no idea what the final cost will be for my lip cancer treatment but you can bet it will be pretty high and I'll never see a bill for any of it. This is minor stuff as far as medical expenses go but I see often where a friend or family here in Canada needs a medical service and, again, will never see a bill.
For Canadians, we can at least save our worrying for our health problems and not for how it's going to affect our income.
This morning the same thought came to mind but along with it the wholehearted thankfulness that I live in Canada and can count on our government health services to look after my medical needs without bankrupting me.
I've tried, without luck, to make my American friends understand this but most that I come in contact with have good health care through the companies they've retired from. They are very frightened of losing what they have if the United States attempts to implement a health care system similar to ours. But most, if not all, of these people have co-pays which could amount to 20% of whatever health service they require. Just think if they had a surgery costing $20,000...their out of pocket cost would be $4,000.
I have no idea what the final cost will be for my lip cancer treatment but you can bet it will be pretty high and I'll never see a bill for any of it. This is minor stuff as far as medical expenses go but I see often where a friend or family here in Canada needs a medical service and, again, will never see a bill.
For Canadians, we can at least save our worrying for our health problems and not for how it's going to affect our income.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Biopsy
Faye went with me to the hospital today where I had a biopsy on my lip. It was the cosmetic surgeon who did it and he said it can't be anything but skin cancer. There goes my last hope. The biopsy didn't hurt at all but the doctor put in dissolving stitches and the site has hurt ever since the freezing wore off.
I see him again on the 31st when I assume he'll give me a date for the full surgery. I'm really hoping it will be in September so I can get this all over with and get on with my life. I'm really fed up with it and am looking forward to when it's only a fading memory.
It's hard for me to concentrate on anything when I'm hurting so it's a good thing I've finished Matt's afghan. It just needs to have the sides sewn up and I can give it to him and Sandra so I'll do that tomorrow. Then I'm going to try to finish Mary's tablecloth that I started last year. I dropped it for a while because I was bored with weaving green yarn on a green fabric...it's for a Xmas tablecloth.
I don't think I'm depressed or even sad anymore about this lip. I'm more determined to get it looked after so I can find something else to worry about. I do think I'll probably make more check-up visits to the dermatologist in the future, though, just to be on the safe side.
I see him again on the 31st when I assume he'll give me a date for the full surgery. I'm really hoping it will be in September so I can get this all over with and get on with my life. I'm really fed up with it and am looking forward to when it's only a fading memory.
It's hard for me to concentrate on anything when I'm hurting so it's a good thing I've finished Matt's afghan. It just needs to have the sides sewn up and I can give it to him and Sandra so I'll do that tomorrow. Then I'm going to try to finish Mary's tablecloth that I started last year. I dropped it for a while because I was bored with weaving green yarn on a green fabric...it's for a Xmas tablecloth.
I don't think I'm depressed or even sad anymore about this lip. I'm more determined to get it looked after so I can find something else to worry about. I do think I'll probably make more check-up visits to the dermatologist in the future, though, just to be on the safe side.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
My New Vacuum Cleaner
My old vacuum cleaner, a 20+ year old Kenmore, lost suction last week so I went out and bought a new one (Kenmore, also) that cost $280 on sale. What a shocker, but I figured it would be the last vacuum cleaner I will ever buy so I should get a good one. What I didn't notice in the store is that the vacuum cleaner weighs a ton and it will be impossible for me to cart it up to the second floor or down to the basement.
I took a good look at my old vacuum cleaner and decided to change the bag. It wasn't completely full but maybe it was clogged somehow. I got out a new package of bags I'd bought at a vacuum cleaner store because bags for my model are not available anymore. They didn't fit!
Now my only choice was to take the old bag, empty it and see if the vacuum cleaner would work. If it did, I could just leave it in the basement and use it for there and the second floor because it's not too heavy to cart up and down the stairs. Heaven knows, I don't vacuum those floors very often.
The problem with emptying the old bag is that I knew there were dead centipedes in it and I didn't want to accidently touch one so I put on a gardening glove to do the job. I also made a point of not looking too closely as I pulled stuff out. The bag was crammed solid with hair especially but lots and lots of what could be plaster dust from cleaning the basement furnace room. I was amazed that the bag held together while it was being emptied so they must be very well made. I never saw a centipede, either.
I put the emptied bag back in the vacuum cleaner and it works perfectly. I'm kind of proud of myself for braving the appearance of dead centipedes and following through with attempting to fix the darned thing. I am woman, I am headstrong.
I took a good look at my old vacuum cleaner and decided to change the bag. It wasn't completely full but maybe it was clogged somehow. I got out a new package of bags I'd bought at a vacuum cleaner store because bags for my model are not available anymore. They didn't fit!
Now my only choice was to take the old bag, empty it and see if the vacuum cleaner would work. If it did, I could just leave it in the basement and use it for there and the second floor because it's not too heavy to cart up and down the stairs. Heaven knows, I don't vacuum those floors very often.
The problem with emptying the old bag is that I knew there were dead centipedes in it and I didn't want to accidently touch one so I put on a gardening glove to do the job. I also made a point of not looking too closely as I pulled stuff out. The bag was crammed solid with hair especially but lots and lots of what could be plaster dust from cleaning the basement furnace room. I was amazed that the bag held together while it was being emptied so they must be very well made. I never saw a centipede, either.
I put the emptied bag back in the vacuum cleaner and it works perfectly. I'm kind of proud of myself for braving the appearance of dead centipedes and following through with attempting to fix the darned thing. I am woman, I am headstrong.
Toronto Exhibition
I've always loved the Toronto Exhibition but I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been there. I love it for the same reason I love carnivals, fairs, and parties...the garishness and happy noise thrills me.
The reasons I haven't actually attended the Ex very often are as follows: as a child I couldn't afford it; my husband didn't like it; I didn't have anyone to go with; now my knees won't let me do all that walking. Sometimes we just wait too long to do the things we enjoy.
As you get older, you become more aware that time is not on your side anymore so if there's something you really want to do, do it. I guess my biggest adventure these past few year has been my yearly trek to Florida where I know darned well how lucky I am to be able to spend my winters. I was talking to a friend the other day, saying that my Florida park just won't be the same once my closest friends stop going there and that's when I will probably spend my winters in the Canadian cold. I'll always have wonderful memories of my time there, though.
Of course, there are other places I wouldn't mind travelling to but now I have to consider this darned knee. One of my big regrets is that I didn't go to Italy when Shelley was living there but my best holiday was when Dennis and I went to China on business. That's an experience that few of us get to have and it sort of made up for the trips I never took.
As far as the Toronto Exhibition goes, I can live without it now but in the back of my mind will be sweet memories of that garish, gaudy, loud place. I did enjoy it.
Note: Kim called and said she'd go to the Exhibition with me. It's too bad that my knees say no thanks but I told her we could go to one of the fall fairs instead. My favorite is the Simcoe fair and that's the second weekend of October. Hopefully, I'll be well healed by then if I have the surgery in early to mid September.
The reasons I haven't actually attended the Ex very often are as follows: as a child I couldn't afford it; my husband didn't like it; I didn't have anyone to go with; now my knees won't let me do all that walking. Sometimes we just wait too long to do the things we enjoy.
As you get older, you become more aware that time is not on your side anymore so if there's something you really want to do, do it. I guess my biggest adventure these past few year has been my yearly trek to Florida where I know darned well how lucky I am to be able to spend my winters. I was talking to a friend the other day, saying that my Florida park just won't be the same once my closest friends stop going there and that's when I will probably spend my winters in the Canadian cold. I'll always have wonderful memories of my time there, though.
Of course, there are other places I wouldn't mind travelling to but now I have to consider this darned knee. One of my big regrets is that I didn't go to Italy when Shelley was living there but my best holiday was when Dennis and I went to China on business. That's an experience that few of us get to have and it sort of made up for the trips I never took.
As far as the Toronto Exhibition goes, I can live without it now but in the back of my mind will be sweet memories of that garish, gaudy, loud place. I did enjoy it.
Note: Kim called and said she'd go to the Exhibition with me. It's too bad that my knees say no thanks but I told her we could go to one of the fall fairs instead. My favorite is the Simcoe fair and that's the second weekend of October. Hopefully, I'll be well healed by then if I have the surgery in early to mid September.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Bit of Depression
As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm a little bit depressed. I know exactly why and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except see it through and hope the depression lifts after all is said and done. It's the lip.
I've had a sore on my bottom lip for over a year that just won't heal completely, just keeps scabbing over, and it's been tentatively diagnosed as squamous skin cancer. This is not the very serious cancer, melanoma, but it does have to be treated. I'm having a biopsy on Monday that I'm assuming is going to hurt. Since I don't handle pain very well, this by itself is enough to cause me to be depressed. But, once the biopsy is done and if it turns out to definitely be skin cancer, I have to have it excised. This involves a V cut which will reach to the top of my chin. Very depressing. I don't handle pain or icky stuff well at all.
This will be done by a cosmetic surgeon so I'm not too concerned about it leaving an ugly scar but it will look and feel awful while it's healing. I think my second biggest concern is how the heck you keep an incision like that clean inside your mouth and how the heck you brush your teeth without causing excruciating pain. I did do some research on the internet and was mollified somewhat by the pictures showing a man with a similar sore right after surgery and then 3 months later. You could barely see where it had been done.
All of this is enough to depress anyone but, since I have a history of clinical depression, I have to be on guard. As of now, I know this isn't clinical depression because I feel strong and confident most of the time but I would dearly love to run away from my present problems. That can't happen and I know I'll have to just put up with whatever comes my way in the next few months. I guess the mark of a healthy short term depression is that I'm mainly upbeat and determined to deal with it to the best of my ability.
One of the biggest worries of anyone living alone is that they also have to face illness alone, too. My daughters and friends are wonderful and will check up on me often but I'll still be dealing with fear and pain all by myself most of the time.
Now, if only I could find a senior handyman who also serves well as a nurse (and maybe a cook and housekeeper, too), I might consider marrying again.
I've had a sore on my bottom lip for over a year that just won't heal completely, just keeps scabbing over, and it's been tentatively diagnosed as squamous skin cancer. This is not the very serious cancer, melanoma, but it does have to be treated. I'm having a biopsy on Monday that I'm assuming is going to hurt. Since I don't handle pain very well, this by itself is enough to cause me to be depressed. But, once the biopsy is done and if it turns out to definitely be skin cancer, I have to have it excised. This involves a V cut which will reach to the top of my chin. Very depressing. I don't handle pain or icky stuff well at all.
This will be done by a cosmetic surgeon so I'm not too concerned about it leaving an ugly scar but it will look and feel awful while it's healing. I think my second biggest concern is how the heck you keep an incision like that clean inside your mouth and how the heck you brush your teeth without causing excruciating pain. I did do some research on the internet and was mollified somewhat by the pictures showing a man with a similar sore right after surgery and then 3 months later. You could barely see where it had been done.
All of this is enough to depress anyone but, since I have a history of clinical depression, I have to be on guard. As of now, I know this isn't clinical depression because I feel strong and confident most of the time but I would dearly love to run away from my present problems. That can't happen and I know I'll have to just put up with whatever comes my way in the next few months. I guess the mark of a healthy short term depression is that I'm mainly upbeat and determined to deal with it to the best of my ability.
One of the biggest worries of anyone living alone is that they also have to face illness alone, too. My daughters and friends are wonderful and will check up on me often but I'll still be dealing with fear and pain all by myself most of the time.
Now, if only I could find a senior handyman who also serves well as a nurse (and maybe a cook and housekeeper, too), I might consider marrying again.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Rules To Live By
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Life is too short to be anything...but happy"
I got this message in an e-mail this morning and it struck me that we should all live by these rules. Life would be much better if we would.
The hardest time of my life, and it wasted way too many years, was when my mind dwelt on the injustices in my life instead of the blessings. I couldn't let go of my miseries and I allowed them to almost ruin my life. These days that doesn't happen because I've retrained my thinking, making it easier to let go of the bad and enjoy the good. I have to admit that it took years of counseling to get me to this point but the good news is that it's even possible.
There was a large article in the newspaper today, written by a lady who suffers from depression and explained how she will not be ashamed about her condition and is seeking help to deal with it. I applaud her. I also wrote my own "letter to the editor" about my feelings on the subject. Mental illness of any kind is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a disorder, sometimes chemical and sometimes an inability to cope.
My senior years are spent laughing often and enjoying every little thing I can. I have made it a point to apologize when I'm wrong or when I've made a mistake...it makes me feel better and it has to make the aggrieved one feel a little bit better. But the most important thing I've learned and been able to take to heart is to let go of what I can't change. Letting go gives us a physical release of tension that is hard to explain. There is relief mixed sometimes with sadness but it's always empowering.
Age has many benefits but one of the best is that it gives us lots of time to develop into a nicer and stronger person, one who can face the day with a better understanding of how to get the most out of it.
I'm 71 years old (can't believe I made it this far) and I'm a happy lady. I guess you'd call that success, don't you think?
Update: I got a call from the Spectator that my letter to them would be published on Monday.
I got this message in an e-mail this morning and it struck me that we should all live by these rules. Life would be much better if we would.
The hardest time of my life, and it wasted way too many years, was when my mind dwelt on the injustices in my life instead of the blessings. I couldn't let go of my miseries and I allowed them to almost ruin my life. These days that doesn't happen because I've retrained my thinking, making it easier to let go of the bad and enjoy the good. I have to admit that it took years of counseling to get me to this point but the good news is that it's even possible.
There was a large article in the newspaper today, written by a lady who suffers from depression and explained how she will not be ashamed about her condition and is seeking help to deal with it. I applaud her. I also wrote my own "letter to the editor" about my feelings on the subject. Mental illness of any kind is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a disorder, sometimes chemical and sometimes an inability to cope.
My senior years are spent laughing often and enjoying every little thing I can. I have made it a point to apologize when I'm wrong or when I've made a mistake...it makes me feel better and it has to make the aggrieved one feel a little bit better. But the most important thing I've learned and been able to take to heart is to let go of what I can't change. Letting go gives us a physical release of tension that is hard to explain. There is relief mixed sometimes with sadness but it's always empowering.
Age has many benefits but one of the best is that it gives us lots of time to develop into a nicer and stronger person, one who can face the day with a better understanding of how to get the most out of it.
I'm 71 years old (can't believe I made it this far) and I'm a happy lady. I guess you'd call that success, don't you think?
Update: I got a call from the Spectator that my letter to them would be published on Monday.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Learning by the Book
I'm watching "The Big Bang Theory" and Sheldon apparently once tried to learn how to swim by reading a book on how to do it. This reminded me of how my husband did the same thing when deciding he wanted to learn how to sail.
He read a few books, felt he now was capable of sailing, went out with a friend (not sure if the boat was his friend's or if they rented it) and proceeded to capsize it. Still positive that his book reading was all he needed, he and his brother, Wayne, took Wayne's son, Brent, and my daughter, Shelley, out in a rented sailboat in Florida and capsized it.
Mary and I were pretty darned stupid to let those idiots take our children out in a sailboat at all considering neither of the men knew what they were doing but Dennis was very convincing. He probably should have been a salesman.
Anyway, they were rescued by a passing boatman and brought back to our motel by paramedics. Dennis was furious that all of this embarrassment had befallen him but never in his life would he admit that learning to sail by reading a book was foolhardy. He always blamed Wayne for the mishap, too.
In time, he did learn how to sail but all of us, except him, knew that it was because of hands on experience and not those books that made him a good sailor.
He read a few books, felt he now was capable of sailing, went out with a friend (not sure if the boat was his friend's or if they rented it) and proceeded to capsize it. Still positive that his book reading was all he needed, he and his brother, Wayne, took Wayne's son, Brent, and my daughter, Shelley, out in a rented sailboat in Florida and capsized it.
Mary and I were pretty darned stupid to let those idiots take our children out in a sailboat at all considering neither of the men knew what they were doing but Dennis was very convincing. He probably should have been a salesman.
Anyway, they were rescued by a passing boatman and brought back to our motel by paramedics. Dennis was furious that all of this embarrassment had befallen him but never in his life would he admit that learning to sail by reading a book was foolhardy. He always blamed Wayne for the mishap, too.
In time, he did learn how to sail but all of us, except him, knew that it was because of hands on experience and not those books that made him a good sailor.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Dead Calls
I live alone and get at least 5 or 6 phone calls per day with no-one on the other end of the line. They either say nothing at all or hang up if I take the time to say hello the second time. I'm wondering what this is all about.
A year or so ago I put my name and phone number on the no call list. Not that it did much good because I still get another 5 or 6 calls per day with people soliciting. I've given up being polite and telling them I'm not interested and now I just hang up on them. I'm really wondering if the dead calls are those taped solicitations that have kept my number in the system but the message has been deleted. Most of the time I see an 800 number on the caller ID and I've decided to write it down next time and call them back.
Everyone seems to hate these unsolicited calls so it makes me wonder just how much business they garner. Personally, I never buy from unsolicited callers or door-to-door salespeople so they're really wasting their time on me.
A year or so ago I put my name and phone number on the no call list. Not that it did much good because I still get another 5 or 6 calls per day with people soliciting. I've given up being polite and telling them I'm not interested and now I just hang up on them. I'm really wondering if the dead calls are those taped solicitations that have kept my number in the system but the message has been deleted. Most of the time I see an 800 number on the caller ID and I've decided to write it down next time and call them back.
Everyone seems to hate these unsolicited calls so it makes me wonder just how much business they garner. Personally, I never buy from unsolicited callers or door-to-door salespeople so they're really wasting their time on me.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Maybe Surgery
I saw the cosmetic surgeon today and was a bit disappointed, but not surprised, to have him say he thinks it's skin cancer on my lip, too. I'm having a biopsy done next Monday which will be the deciding factor on whether or not surgery is required. The surgery is kind of ugly with the lip being cut in a V almost down to the top of my chin but the finished product leaves almost no scar after 3 months.
I'm not one bit worried about a bit of a scar but I am worried about how to keep the site clean until it heals. I'm assuming that I won't be able to eat well so maybe that means I'll lose a few pounds. Every time I think, "why me?", I count my blessings that it wasn't something worse. I'll get through this.
The surgeon told me not to use the Aldara again and I'm very thankful for that. It is a wicked concoction that I hope I never have to use ever again.
Into each life comes trials and tribulations and this is one of mine.
I'm not one bit worried about a bit of a scar but I am worried about how to keep the site clean until it heals. I'm assuming that I won't be able to eat well so maybe that means I'll lose a few pounds. Every time I think, "why me?", I count my blessings that it wasn't something worse. I'll get through this.
The surgeon told me not to use the Aldara again and I'm very thankful for that. It is a wicked concoction that I hope I never have to use ever again.
Into each life comes trials and tribulations and this is one of mine.
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