Murderers

There are some wicked stories in the news these days about people who take it upon themselves to end the lives of another person or persons. Something inside the minds of these people allows them to viciously murder someone because that person angered them in some way.

Wives who decide they don't want to be married anymore have lost their lives because of husbands who believe they have the right to kill them. Mothers who decide they don't want the burden of raising their child believe they have the right to murder the child. Where do these people get off thinking they have the right to murder someone who offends them or disrupts their lives?

I understand that we all justify any and every decision we make, whether it be for the good or not, but how do these husbands and mothers justify playing god and deciding who will live and who will die? What is even more frightening is that some murderers carry on with their own lives as though they have done nothing wrong. It's as though they are capable of leaving the past in the past and don't let any sins or crimes they've committed interfere with their future. Are they all so selfish that they can fool themselves this easily?

I saw on a T.V. interview how some high school students bullied a young girl so badly that she couldn't cope and ended up committing suicide. One of the bullies whined to her interviewers how hard it was for her to be judged badly by other students now. She just wished all could be forgiven and forgotten so she could go on her merry way without any consequences for her actions. How can she be so blind?

There's also much in the news about pedophiles in high ranking positions taking sexual advantage of children under their control. I can only imagine that they view themselves as more important than anyone else and their pleasures more important than the ruination of the children they prey on. Again, what is worse than a sick pedophile is how many so-called "normal" people know that the abuse is occurring but choose to ignore it and allow it to go on for years. Not only the pedophile needs to be imprisoned but also anyone who aided and abetted the abuse.

I'm at the point right now where I'm so sick of the ugliness I see on the news that maybe I should stop watching for a while.

Cold in Florida

The great cold north sent down some darned cold winds yesterday that made our southern temperatures plummet. I had to put the furnace on last night, for heaven's sake. Of course, this sort of up and down weather will go on until March so it's no surprise and we'll be up in the 80's by Monday. I'm just happy that the sky is clear and blue and I'm still able to wear my capris. My cold toes made me give up sandals until tomorrow, though. I couldn't stand the humid Florida heat in the summer but whatever we get here during the winter is lovely.

We had a small group this morning for Swedish weaving but I couldn't start mine...I'd thought I had a piece of white fabric here for Tyson's afghan but it's beige and won't do. Barb and I went shopping and I bought 2 pieces, one white for Tyson and one a strong sage for someone else some day. Tyson's will be done this winter.

Then Barb and I went for lunch. It seems that no-one leaves the park for any reason that doesn't end in a restaurant. The Swedish weaving ladies suggested we make a field trip to a fabric store in another town and my first thought was, "And we can have lunch there.". Everyone agreed.

By the way, my car ran beautifully smooth the whole trip until I stupidly mentioned that fact to Barb on the way home. Within a few seconds it gave a sputter. Just one, though. It doesn't pay to tempt the fates.

Tonight a gang of us are playing cards at the clubhouse and you can bet we'll have a good time.

The Honda Saga

I went over to Tampa on Monday and took the car into Tampa Trans, the shop that charged me $2000 to fix the transmission when I got to Florida. Funny, but the car ran really well all the way over there but I wanted it checked out by them anyway. Shelley met me at IHOP which is just a short walk from the shop and then drove me to her house. If nothing else, the trip was worth having a couple of days with Shelley.

Nicole was at the dentist but got home in time for all of us to go out and meet John for lunch. Then it was back to Shelley's to just chill until dinnertime. Sometimes it seems like my life revolves around meals.

On Tuesday, Shelley and I stopped by the shop to see about the car because we hadn't heard from them. The shop owner told me they'd checked the transmission and it was fine but he thought I might have a problem with the head gasket or the fuel injector. He said he didn't have the equipment to check those things, though. All I understood was that it was going to cost a lot of money to have the car fixed if either of those things were malfunctioning. I let my mind shift back to the possibility that I'd be flying home instead of driving.

We left the car there so we could go shopping and Shelley got some terrific buys at Kohls. Then we went to TJMax and she got some more great buys. I only bought a big mug all day. Now, Shelley doesn't like shopping and only went because I asked her to but she ended up saving a fortune on the things she bought. Shopping can be good.

One more sleep at Shelley's and then I left for 3W this morning. The car drove very, very well. Now I'm back to thinking that Mickey was right all along and all the car needed was the additive in the gas tank to clean the fuel injector. It really does seem to be getting better every time I drive it. Also, the local shop who put in 2 sensors (haven't a clue what for) and said it might take some driving for them to kick in...maybe that's why the car is driving better. I don't know but I'm going to have the whole winter to test drive it.

It's cold today for Florida...low 60's and a strong wind. Shelley loves this kind of weather but I'll be happier when it's around 75 degrees. I don't need pool weather, just comfy weather.

Oh yes, and some excellent news. Faye's rental is all settled and she and Gary will be here for 3 months. I'm so happy because I'd about given up hope on them finding a place here. They'll be right across the road from me!! Now to hope she enjoys it enough to come back next year...she'd said this winter would be her last one in Florida.

Well, now maybe I can squeeze in a nap before dinner and Bingo.

March 12, 2004 Thoughts

I've always been a writer of sorts, often emptying my soul with pen and paper, so it didn't surprise me to find the following article hidden inside an old notebook. I assume I'd had another of the ongoing fights with my husband...I'll never know why we fought so much but that's the past, over and done.

"There is beauty here. Even in the mounds of stinking, rotting garbage piles you can find a perfect healthy dandelion that has taken only the good from the depleted soil and managed to thrive.

Even in the most crime-ridden, poverty driven gettoes can we see the shining, smiling face of a child still innocent..for a while.

Even in the rat race of movers and shakers can we see one human being in repose, one who has stepped outside the frantic pace for just a moment to lift his face to the sun.

Funny how easy it is to see the beauty in life. We only have to look beyond the ugliness.

I am a watcher, a seeker of truths but everywhere I look I see untruths. Maybe the truth is not in us.

Do you see what I see? Do you hear what I hear? Then why do we still have hope?

Today is Saturday, March 12, 2004. I'm sitting on the patio of my Florida trailer enjoying a warm, sunny, peaceful day. Saturday afternoons are usually quiet here because many of the residents go shopping. I'm feeling very introspective but will accept what comes. Life is too short to be unhappy but somehow I've managed to..."

And there it ends. At that moment I had no idea that the man I'd been married to since I was 17 would soon begin his year long struggle with esophagus cancer, one he'd lose on July 20, 2005. I do know that, on March 12,2004 he was a strong and healthy man.

I was right about one thing...life is too short to be unhappy. We could have done better if we'd only known how.

It's Heaven

Today is what I bet it feels like in heaven. The sun is shining, the air is lovely and warm and there's a nice fresh breeze blowing. Neighbors walk by as I hang my clothes on the line and stop for a friendly talk. My crisp white sheets are going to smell like heaven when I put them on the bed tonight.

It's hard to understand how some people need money and excitement to consider themselves in heaven when all they really need to do is move to my park.

That's Life

I phoned the shop where they've been trying since Tuesday to fix my car and was told the car wasn't there...he was joking. Then he told me they'd set fire to the damn thing...he was joking but I understood his frustration with "the damn thing". Those good people had inspected every part and test driven it numerous times all without success in finding out what was wrong with it. And they never charged me a dime because they said they won't charge if they can't fix. They are my favorite car repair shop in the world even if they couldn't find the problem.

I'd had my coffee morning and was jabbering away to the ladies about the car and that I was waiting for Sylvia and Mickey to get back from shopping to take me over to pick it up. I got 2 offers on the spot for a drive over and took Myrna up on her kind offer. She and her husband, Wendell, drove me first to the post office and then to the shop where I got my car and they made inquiries into having their brakes fixed. They'll be in good hands!

Since I needed to get gas and then drive the car a bit to see how it was running, I made my way to the internet casino where I spent about 3 hours relaxing. By the time I left for home, I was up $5. The car, by the way, sputtered a couple of times during the drive.

I am so happy to have my faulty little car back so I don't have to depend on others to drive me around. Sometimes I just feel like taking off by myself, too. I'll take the car to Tampa on Monday to the transmission shop and let them take it apart again... this time I hope they get it right. To be honest, I'm almost accepting that I'll be flying home in April but my biggest problem with that is I'm not sure what the legal status is for leaving a Canadian car in the States. I'm wondering if I can just donate it to a tech school for kids to learn how to take cars apart but I won't worry about that until it either stops working or until March. I've got enough to worry about without burdening myself with "what ifs". I'll also need to contact the insurance company back home if I leave it here. Oh well, all in good time.

Life is...well, maybe not perfect but it is what it is.

American Thanksgiving

Today is the American Thanksgiving and I'm here in my little trailer park in Florida all set to celebrate it. We're having dinner at 2 P.M in the clubhouse where everyone will congregate with their culinary contributions...the park management provides the turkey. I can't wait!

I know I've said it before but this park is like a little village, full of some of the nicest human beings you'll find anywhere. How wonderful to get to be with them for a holiday feast! Our table was set last night after Bingo and so far we have 6 at our table so there is room for at least 2 more to join us. Normally, our table is full but some of our close buddies either aren't going to be here this year or just haven't arrived yet.

Every holiday makes me stop to think how lucky I am to be in this space and time with the people I care about and Thanksgiving is no exception. I am very thankful to be spending it with such good friends who have come to be almost like family to me. I'm thankful for many things today and I know how fortunate I am even if the bloomin' car isn't working. Maybe it will be fixed tomorrow and I'll have even more to be thankful for, though. Just hoping!

The Car

So the car was running very rough on Monday when we went to the casino and it made me think it might not make it all the way over to Tampa on Monday so yesterday I took it into a local shop to have them find the problem. They were very kind and seemed to have my best interests at heart, especially when I told them I'd already paid $2000 on the transmission. They all said that I'd been robbed because the problem didn't sound like transmission trouble.

I waited in their waiting room for a couple of hours while they scanned it, ruling out one after another of potential problems. They suggested I go home because it could be a while before they found anything so I phoned Mickey and Sylvia and they came right over to pick me up. I can't help but wonder about the people who have no-one to help them out.

The car was kept overnight so I phoned this morning and was told they still can't find the problem but to give them a bit more time and they'd call later. I stayed off the computer even though I had lots of work to do and waited until 3 P.M. before calling the shop myself. Guess what? They closed early for the American Thanksgiving and no-one was there. Damn! I don't mind being without a car for a few days but they really should have called to tell me they needed it longer.

Mickey was kind enough to drive me over to Publix so I could get the things I need for the salad I'm taking to our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow in the clubhouse. My friends here are more like family and I wish so much they all lived closer to me in Canada.

My lip is continuing to heal but I still have discomfort from the swelling. It's not the worst thing in the world!

Tonight we play Bingo and I'm still playing on winnings right now so the fates are being kind to me since I spent all that money getting the car fixed. At this rate, I'll need to continuously win at Bingo and the casino for the next 3 or 4 winters, though. And I'm not sure the car will ever be fixed!!

On Being Overwhelmed

My car is still an ongoing problem but not bad enough to keep me off the roads. I thought about what Kim had told me I should have done...fly home, buy a new car and drive back to Florida...and then thought about how I was feeling when I first made it to the park. I was so overwhelmed with stress that there was no way I could have done that.

I do love the 2 day drive to Florida but I was still recovering from the treatments to the skin cancer on my bottom lip, 6 months of stress from that alone. Then there's the normal stress of preparing to leave home for the winter. Add to that the car problems which worsened on the trip down. Then the stress of paying $2000 to fix it and finding it wasn't fixed.

Now comes the arrival at the trailer, the unpacking and finding out that a metal strip had somehow become dislodged from under the back door giving access to who knows what. Mickey had fixed it and came in with me to make sure no snakes had come inside but the ensuing stress of wondering if something was lurking in a dark corner.

Then the normal stress again of just becoming settled in a different home...I was happy to be here but I'm an old gal who doesn't handle any kind of stress well so, considering all I'd been through, I really just wanted to sleep for a week and try to repair myself.

No, Kim. I didn't have the gumption it would have taken to arrange a flight home, settle in again and start shopping for a car. My emotional resources were tapped and I knew it.

So, what did I do? I hugged everyone who welcomed me back and drew strength from that. I joined into activities with buddies who made me laugh so much I could feel the stress fading away by the moment. I took time to sort my feelings and make some decisions. I decided that I'll enjoy this southern winter I've been so fortunate to have and, if the car can't be fixed, I'll fly home in April. All I needed was a bit of time to gather my strengths and now I'm okay again.

Today is Monday, gambling day, so Joann, Barb, and I will go to the internet casino. We'll have our $2 Wendy's lunch and gather as many casino freebies as we can. If we're lucky, we'll win a few bucks. Life is what you make of it!

Scammed

I heard a sad, sad story today about one of our park residents, an 84 year old lady, who fell for a scam perpetuated by greedy, unethical, and ruthless people. She received a phone call telling her that her grandson was in jail and needed $4,000 in order to be bailed out. She was instructed to take the money to a local restaurant and leave it on the seat of her unlocked car. The recipient would then come into the restaurant to talk to her.

It may seem unbelievable that anyone would fall for such a ridiculous scam but this isn't a new trick. It's one that's been inflicted on the elderly and the gullible for a long time.

This lady has a daughter she could have contacted and who would have told her to ignore the call but she chose to deal with this herself (along with an acquaintance who could be involved in the scam but we don't know for sure). She foolishly followed the instructions she was given, the money disappeared and the recipient never came into the restaurant. Pitiful.

How do people like the scammer live with themselves? Where is their conscience and their honor? It makes me sick.

To any of my readers who happen to be elderly, please don't be too trusting. There are people in this world who prey on us simply because we can be vulnerable.

Nolan and the Dust Particles

One of the sweetest things in this world is to watch a child as they are discovering. Kim told me the cutest story about out sweet boy, Nolan, who was 2 years old last July.

Nolan doesn't remember seeing snow last winter but he did see it once this year. He was at Kim's house and standing in front of the patio doors where the sun was shining brightly through when he picked up one of the sofa arm covers and shook it. Kim watched as this dear little boy looked at the dust particles floating around in the sunshine with wonder on his face.

"Snow?", he said in confusion, wondering what it was doing inside the house. Then he stuck his tongue out to catch the "snow" in his mouth.

These moments are so precious. I miss being there to catch them all.

Occupy Wall Street...Good or Bad?

I am all for non-violent protests because it's sometimes the only way the masses can get their points across to the tiny minority of leaders in this world. But as soon as I see cars overturned and burned, windows shattered, police officers stoned, or any other kind of violent protest, I refuse to support their cause.

Today's protesters seem to be behaving themselves and acting mainly in a civilized manner but the day is still young. It's an unfortunate circumstance that small businesses in the area will be hurt by their streets being clogged with protesters. It will also make it impossible for any citizen to conduct their personal business during the protest. It's too bad but we must protect our freedom of speech at all costs.

Without the public's freedom to protest, we would all be completely at big business's mercy (they have none) so, as inconvenient as it is to accept these protests, they are necessary for our well-being.

I've been astounded at the numbers of people the protest organizers have managed to bring together. If nothing else, these massive numbers should convince big business that we've about reached the end of our patience and are fed up with being enslaved by this tiny oppressive minority.

Penn State Shamed

I just listened to some Penn State students who are fearing their future might be a little bleaker because of their affiliation with Penn State University. I find this awfully hard to believe because the actions or inactions of their administrators in the ongoing criminal accusations of child abuse on school grounds should never be blamed on the students.

One student said he'd heard that some companies were saying they wouldn't hire any more Penn State graduates and would fire any already working for them. This can't be true because it makes no sense.

On the other hand, the school administrators have an awful lot to answer for because there were rumors going back to the 1990's about Sandusky. They were told in no uncertain terms about Sandusky raping a child in their shower room in the early 2000's so why was this man not stopped before now? How many children lost their innocence to this pervert needlessly because Penn State administrators protected him?

Penn State is indeed a place of shame but not because of it's students. The shame belongs to any and every one who knew Sandusky was abusing young boys and chose to protect the monster instead of the child.

Lovin' Florida

Every year when I arrive at the trailer, the first step to settling in is to make the inside livable. I pre-arrange to have the trailer cleaned inside and out (except for the Florida room) so it's near done when I get there.

My next step is to clean the Florida room myself which takes very little time unless I'm doing the windows but I only do them every two years. Then I can do the fun stuff! I plant and arrange planters around the patio and front of the trailer...I still have a few plants to buy and the geraniums I brought down might or might not live so there's little color yet. Any color you see in the pictures is from plants that survived the Florida summer heat, god bless them!

Once I put out the patio furniture and place tablecloths and plants on the tables, I feel at home. This year I plan to clear out the little garden in front of the patio, lay down mulch, and then put potted plants there. It's been almost impossible for me to plant anything in the Florida sand and have it live.

I got to my park on Friday and have had some great welcomes from old friends. We've played cards, done the casino, and tonight we have a birthday party for one of my best friends, Joann. Life is good for this old gal!

The "Lip" and the "Car"

Life isn't the best for me right now. I should get my car back today but the cost is high...about $2000 to have the transmission fixed. I felt I had no other choice because i need a reliable car to get arounbd while I'm in Florida and then I need to be able to get back home in April. I'd planned to get a new car next summer anyway and the Honda would be sold but I don't want to sell a car that has a serious problem so the transmission had to fixed at whatever cost.

All this stress has brought out a few rashes on my face (this always happens to me if I'm stressed) so, combined with the big scab on my lip (now only half size, though), I look like I've been in a terrible accident. I really need a good rest!!

If the car is ready early enough this afternoon, I'll be heading to the park but if it's too late in the day I'll stay another night with Shelley. It's no hardship staying in this lovely house with lovely family, one of whom is a great cook. I guess I'm lucky in most ways so I'd better stop complaining.

I'm looking forward to getting to the park and meeting up with old friends again. My trailer has been cleaned inside and out so all I need to do is clean up the garden and plant the geraniums I brought down with me...if they're still alive. They're in a clear bag, wrapped in wet paper towels, in the back seat of my car. I can only hope they survived. Oh well!

Now I'll just relax at Shelley's until I know about the car. Not a bad life.

We Made It!

Shelley and I got to her house in Tampa about 7 P.M. last night and I was able to take a quick look at her gorgeous yard just before it got too dark. It's like a dream yard...tiled patios, pool, hot tub, and lush Floridian foliage. The house is huge with tons of latin character.

John, who's growing a beard, mustache, and longer hair, and Shelley gave me a tour of the house which was built in 1925 with a large addition built on some time later. I love the old world charm of this place and hope they won't modernize it too much. If there's any flaw with this house it's the fact that it sits at the corner of a busy street and the traffic noise is bad. There is a line of tall, thick bushes between the property and the busy street but it doesn't seem to help much so the plan is to build a high wall there.

They have a houseguest named Rachel who is a sweetheart...she and I went to an estate sale today while Shelley took Nicole to the dentist to remove her wisdom teeth. John was off to work and Jake was off to school for the day. Jake is getting so tall! I asked him if he'd be embarrassed to go out for dinner with his "barnacle face" Gramma but he said he didn't mind at all. I hope he's not just being polite. I removed the scab today and it still looks awful but slightly better than the last time. I am one of the few people who can honestly say I'm getting better every day...at least in some ways, right?

Being in Florida again is so comfortable for me because it's like coming home again, only it's to my southern home. I'm anxious in a way to get to the park to see all my buddies but I'm very happy to be spending time at Shelley's for the next week. It will give me a chance to become familiar with her house and the surrounding area. I don't venture too far but I still like to be able to drive around and then find my way back.

Well, I still have no appetite and haven't eaten yet today so I'd better get something into my stomach. I'm wondering what will happen to my weight when the appetite returns. That's a scary thought!

Final Preparations

Shelley and I leave early tomorrow morning so today is my final day for cleaning house, packing, and finishing the yard. I've left an awful lot to the last minute but, in total, in won't take much time to complete it all. My lip hasn't healed up as much as I'd hoped it would but I think I had unrealistic expectations.

I'm doing laundry now and then will get the packing done. I need more clothes to take with me because I'm staying at Shelley's house for a week. I'm also taking the large suitcase because I'll need it for the cruise in January so I have lots of room to pack whatever I take tomorrow.

We're having a big family dinner at Kim's tonight so I'll take the food I have left in the fridge to her. That's another thing that's different...my fridge is fairly full so I haven't been careful enough in limiting my food shopping this past month. The problem with my lip has clouded my thinking in every other aspect, not letting me concentrate on the things that need doing before I head south for 5+ months.

Anyway, nothing lasts forever, not even this bloody big scab on my lip. It won't be long before I'm basking in the warmth of Florida and hanging out with fun friends. It will be a nicer world for me once the damned lip has healed.

Nice Weekend

Mary came on Saturday to stay over until Monday and we had such a nice time. We went to the casino around 3:30 and stayed until 10:30. I lost and she won. Then we came home and yakked until 2 A.M. Don't ever wonder what women will find to talk about because we have no problem.

We slept in late on Sunday but did get up and moving before company arrived. First Faye came over, then Kim, Shelley, Nolan, and Cindy. Then Sharon and Jim arrived so we had a really nice family get-together. Of course, most of the attention was on Nolan as he played. He's so adorable that it takes my breath away.

There's not much food in my house so Mary and I ordered pizza for supper. It was the first pizza I'd had in ages and I enjoyed it to the fullest. Mary stayed up later than me...I crashed before 10 P.M. and had a lovely night's sleep, getting up early to have coffee ready when Mary woke up. She's out there now making her instant oatmeal breakfast. I'm a lousy hostess!

Today Faye is going home with Mary to stay a few days and help her in her yard. I need to go to the bank for U.S. money and to pick up maps from CAA. I can't believe I'll be out of this cold weather in just a few days!!

Can't Get Motivated

It's like my damn lip is on my mind about 23+ hours a day and I can't get myself motivated to get my house in order to leave for Florida. I don't have tons of things to do but by now I've usually got most of it done and then I can easily finish up the day before I leave...but not this year.

My lip hurt a lot today and it's very hard for me to concentrate on anything when I'm in pain. It would be nice if there was someone else in the house so I could whine for sympathy. I don't like to burden my daughters but I may have to if this stupid thing keeps hurting because I'm really getting teed off with "the lip".

You'd think I'd be feeling pretty good and pampered because I had a pedicure, manicure, leg wax, face wax, and eyebrow wax today. This was a big deal for me because my usual pampering is a pedicure once a month but today's pampering was in preparation for leaving for Florida...I do this only once a year. But I felt cheated today because it's hard to enjoy any pampering when you hurt.

I think I'd be unbearable to be around if I hurt every day. Sigh!

Feeling Kind of Off

I'm not exactly feeling sick, just tired with a bit of an upset stomach. Luckily, I have nothing pressing to do so I just stayed in my jammies and went back to bed this morning. Now it's 2:30 P.M. and I'm still in my jammies but feeling better.

It's one of those ratty days in late October where we get some rain and overcast skies. The cold dampness makes me long for Florida but I'll be there soon. Shelley and I are leaving next week. I'll stay a week at her house and then go to my trailer park where I get to socialize and have fun every day all winter long and where there is no chance of snow. They say that grandchildren are your reward for reaching old age but I think you can add Florida, too.

My lip really has started to heal now but it still looks awful. It's supposed to take another 4 weeks before it's completely healed and I can deal with that. I consider myself lucky that I got treatment and that I'm otherwise fairly healthy. I saw some pretty sad cases while I was at the cancer clinic and it made me thankful that all I was dealing with was a small, shallow skin cancer that I'd been assured was almost 100% curable. Life isn't fair and you never know what you'll have to face so you need to be thankful for what is good.

Well, I just might get dressed now because I know it will make me feel even better. Funny how staying in jammies too long almost makes you feel like an invalid and I'm not that!

It Can Happen Anywhere

A few days ago, my Tampa daughter mentioned that she'd heard gunshots and then sirens close to her house. She said there'd been no mention in the news, though, so it couldn't have been too serious. Remember, this is Tampa in the United States where gunfire is pretty common. I snidely remarked that if anyone heard gunshots in my hometown in Canada, it would make the front pages of the newspaper because it would be such a rarity.

Well, snide and holier than thou remarks often come back to bite you in the ass and this was no exception. Shortly after, we had a drive by shooting here where a house was peppered with bullets. Yes, this is an anomaly in my hometown but it just goes to show you that gun violence is growing even here in Canada.

There can be no question that the availability of guns to criminals is what increases gun violence. If they didn't have guns, they'd use some other weapon but it would be one that had less chance to be lethal. We have been seeing more knife fights in Canada but someone attacked by a knife has a better chance of defending themselves than if the assailant had a gun.

We used to have a drug house on our street and I often worried about gunfights while they were there. When the house was finally raided, they did find guns and that's not surprising because the house was used for criminal activity. This is a quiet family neighborhood so having a drug house among us was like having a snake in the henhouse. None of us were really safe.

Toronto is a madhouse for gun violence with someone being murdered every weekend. I hate to see my town follow in the footsteps of it's larger neighbor but it is happening, even though on a smaller scale. I have never before heard of a house being shot at like this but I'm sure it will happen again in the future.

In my humble opinion, the only people who should be able to own a handgun are military and police. I even hate the idea of people owning hunting rifles because there is no need for it and to call hunting a sport is ridiculous. The poor animal being hunted has no defence against a gun.

I hate violence of any kind but I know we're a violent species who will always find some way to justify hunting and killing. It's a shame.

Great Day

Kim and Cindy picked Shelley up at the airport and they all got to my house before 4 P.M. It's such a pleasure to see all my girls together and so obviously madly in love with each other. Shelley looked and felt good so her bout with food poisoning must be about out of her system now. She had an interesting seat mate on the plane, too, one of Bob Marley's sons.

The girls ended up going out to pick up Swiss Chalet for their dinner while their poor Momma with the big scabby lip stayed home and had a Boost. They brought dinner back for Nick who arrived after work with Natasha, Nolan, and Nash. Don, Cindy's boyfriend came over, too, so it was a merry household. We yakked and played with the babies until tiredness overtook them all and they went home. Shelley is staying at Kim's.

Shelley picked up some non-stick bandages while she was out for me to attach under my scab tonight so they'll soak up any leakage...sorry for grossing anybody out. There really isn't all that much but it keeps me awake cleaning it up.

It's so peaceful in the house now. That's one of the perks of being a Gramma/GG...the children ultimately go home with their parents. I do love seeing them, though, and enjoy every minute I'm with them.

As I watched all the loving and noisy activity around me tonight, I thought how sad and lonely it would be to never have children or grandchildren (or greatgrandchildren) in your life. I love my family and my extended family. Life has been good to me me in many ways and I know how fortunate I am. But this solitary peace and quiet is pretty nice, too.

Sick of My Kids

I'm not actually sick of my kids but I'm sick of my kids being sick. Shelley isn't really well and she's boarding 2 planes tomorrow to fly up here. Kim has a few problems and so does Cindy. I hate this!

It gives a mother the most helpless feeling when her children aren't perfectly healthy and it doesn't matter whether they're 5 or 50. I want my babies healthy, happy, and safe and I want them that way forever. If ever I could perform magic, it would be to keep them this way.

Now, none of them are seriously ill and I have that to be thankful for but I want them disgustingly healthy and sassy, the way they should be.

Well, that's enough of that or I'll really get myself all worked up.

Looking Forward

In only a few weeks, I'll be in Tampa and enjoying my daughter's hospitality in her new house. It's a fascinating property that was built in 1929 and full of character. I've become a little familiar with the area because Shelley and John had a rental there last year so I can toddle off by myself to a few of the more familiar spots, such as Walmart!

I'm even starting to get into park mode, really thinking about the group of nice friends I have there and looking forward to seeing them again. We have a lot of traditions in place such as evening card games and Sunday morning breakfast at a local restaurant. I love the socializing especially because the people I hang out with are all treasures. There are cliques, of course, but they tend to blend easily with different groups so you get a lot of variety in your everyday friendships.

My lip is still gross but it should be okay by the time I get there, maybe not perfectly healed but at least not an embarrassment. I know no-one would care one bit about it but I'm really anxious to see healthy skin again. My big floppy hat came in the mail yesterday so I'm heading to Florida with lots of coverage.

It does worry me somewhat about the upcoming cruise in January but I'll just play it by ear and try not to expose myself to too much sun. That might mean forgetting about shore tours but that's definitely not the worst thing in the world. One thing I'll miss is the blissful feeling of warm sunshine on my face. That's forever a no-no. Who would ever have thought it?

Anyway, I do have lots of things to look forward to. Life is good!

Update on the Lip

The scab is still unsightly but, lo and behold, there is one little healed spot on the edge and that is enough to give me hope that one day soon I'll be presentable for public viewing. I've asked Shelley to bring me up a nurses' mask so that I'll have something to cover up with when we drive to Florida. There's no way I can hold my bladder for the 2 day drive and will have to venture into crowded rest stops and I don't want to scare people.

The fact that there is already a healed spot, however small, already makes me think I won't even need the mask but I like to be prepared. It's kind of comforting to know I'll be leaving the country with our family nurse, too, not that I expect any problems with the lip.

A few of my Florida friends are already at the park, getting themselves settled in and beginning the "3W Lifestyle". It's nice to know I'll be there in just a few weeks and hanging out with some of the nicest people on this earth. I'll get to celebrate the American Thanksgiving, too, so that's one more chance for turkey. Because of "the lip", I couldn't really enjoy our own Thanksgiving earlier this month.

This will be a do-nothing day for me. I'll use it to do odds and ends but nothing too demanding. Hmm! Sounds like most of my days, doesn't it?

Friends

Barb and Norma came over this morning for a visit and I can't express how very much I enjoyed their company. I've recognized for a long time now how female friends are extremely important in my life because they understand me and I understand them. No man, husband or friend, can possibly identify with a woman enough to truly understand her.

I enjoy male friends, too, but it's a totally different friendship, kind of like having an exotic pet. They're interesting in their own way but you don't have a whole lot in common. I've often thought I'd like to have a feminine gay man friend because that would be a really fascinating connection.

Norma, Barb, and I had a lot of laughs and that's one of the nicest things about having good lady friends. We laugh at similar episodes in our lives and it helps to know these things didn't happen to just ourselves. We did a little male bashing, too, but that's par for the course when a group of women get together. We're united in not understanding why men behave the way they do! For instance, why would a man deliberately walk on a freshly washed floor with dirty shoes? I've never heard of a woman doing that but then she's usually the one who washed the floor in the first place. I even feel guilty walking across a just washed floor in a store or public washroom. It goes against the grain.

I think the most enjoyment I get these days is spending a few hours with lady friends and this includes my daughters and granddaughters because I consider them friends, too. We have a sisterhood that no male can ever really join, and maybe they're not even interested because we're a mystery to them, too.

Anyway, it was a fun visit that I hope will be repeated many times in the future.

9 Year Old Designated Driver

Ever wonder why some people have such distorted views of right and wrong? Well, a little 9 year old girl who was driving her drunken father around town in the middle of the night was surprised when she was stopped by a cop and retorted, "Why did you stop me? I'm a good driver.".

Heaven only knows how this sick and selfish man has warped his little girl's thinking. Apparently they both think it's completely legal and appropriate for him to be drunk and using his 9 year old child to chauffeur him. He bragged about it on camera at a gas station they'd gone to at 3 A.M. Who taught him that this okay?

We can teach our children good morals and ethics but they also learn the wrong ones from us. They learn from watching the behaviour of their parents. When we lie or cheat, they are watching. Our transgressions can serve as their excuses for their own bad behaviour. If a father is capable of putting his child into a position like this and then being stupid enough to brag about it, what other examples has he set for her?

I had to laugh when one of his friends was interviewed and said that she wasn't happy that he was being presented in the news as a criminal because he was a good father. What???

Common sense, where art thou?

Hurting

I haven't had a lot of pain with this lip but when I do it depresses the heck out of me. The scab is really loose today but I'm trying to keep it on, especially since it hurt so horribly when some of it came off the other day. It hasn't healed underneath yet and that's why it's hurting me. I think this might require Tylenol 3 and an early bedtime. I hate this.

I had bloodwork done today and discovered I've lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks because I'm hardly eating. Eating hurts too much so not only am I in pain but I'm also starving to death. I need to find a solution soon or I'm going to get very, very cranky.

Designing a Life

It's possible to design your life...within reason. First you work with what you have and then decide the next step.

When I was a young girl, I was called "Patsy" and I always hated it. The year I was 12, I started a new school and decided to give my name as "Pat". Of course, it worked. Most of the kids at the school had never seen me before so they just accepted my new name as one I'd always had. Nowadays, some of my favorite relatives call me "Patsy" and I love it. Funny.

I love people. The more I have to hang around with, the better. And you know, your first impressions of someone will never be accurate because everyone seems to go around wearing their safety facade in front of strangers. It takes a little time to discover the person inside and they're usually more interesting than you'd initially thought.

Since my husband passed away, I've designed my life to suit my circumstances. Family comes first, of course, but I've developed some very nice friendships that add immensely to my life. I've learned that the more I open myself up, the more fulfilled my life is becoming.

I think it's been a long, long time since I had much control over my own life and, now that I do, I'm finding that it doesn't take a heck of a lot to make me happy. If you have peace in your life, you have the clarity of mind to choose what else to add to it to make it better. It seems I'm making some good choices because I'm a happy lady. I may have learned late in life but at least I learned.

Goals

For the duration of my radiation treatments, my goal was to finish the 20th and final one. Immediately after reaching that goal, my new goal was to complete the 2 weeks before the healing would begin. I'm doing that now (12 days to go) and already planning on setting another new goal which will be an additional 4 weeks before the sore is completely healed.

It's good to have goals and it's also possible to have many at the same time. I often wish I could go back in time and have the sense to make university my goal. I've told all of my babies that my biggest regret in life is not getting a better education. All other regrets fade in comparison because, with a good education, life is infinitely better in every way.

I've seen a lot of wasted brainpower in my life. The best example was my husband, an absolutely brilliant man who was pushed into dropping out of school when he was only 16 years old. He did have a dream and that was to be an engineer. By not being able to pursue that goal, it changed his whole life.

Goals make us stretch our limits. Once achieved, we'll stagnate if we don't set another goal in order to grow in spirit and in knowledge. I watch a lot of talk shows on T.V. and see people who have no goals other than to get as much government aid as they can and then just make it to the end of their lives. It's such a waste of the time you're allotted.

I have a small, side goal today. I'm going to start a Swedish afghan in brilliant, happy colors to donate to a hospice in the city. It doesn't require much effort on my part but it's an honorable goal, anyway. I brought up all the wild colors of yarn that I have and also a piece of deep turquoise fabric so this one will be lots of fun to work on.

I can't imagine waking up in the morning without a few things already in place to work on. Starting a day without any goals at all would be so boring! Getting housework done isn't a fun goal but just something that needs doing so it's usually last on my list. I prefer to work towards goals where I have fun in the process.

Marilee's Afghan is Finished!

It's finished and just in time. Marilee leaves for home on Sunday so I'm hoping it will fit in her suitcase otherwise I'll have to mail it to her.

I know I've said it before but I only give these afghans to the people I love so, if you have one, you know you're loved by at least one person in this world. They usually take about 2 months to finish unless you're working on them most of the day every day so there's no way I'd do all that work and then sell one to a stranger. I get a lot of pleasure out of seeing the pattern and colors come alive and I always hope the recipients love them as much as I do.

I brought up my sewing machine and threads to pack in the car for Florida but the sewing machine isn't working right. Maybe it's time to buy a new one. It is so frustrating to try to sew on a machine that's not co-operating. I know I can buy one in Florida for much less than I'd pay here in Canada so that will be my big purchase down there this winter.

My next project will be bright turquoise fabric and a large assortment of brilliant colors for the yarns. I actually have two smaller pieces (2 yds. each) and they'll be donated to a hospice here at home when they're done. I thought that brilliant colors like that would be cheery for the patients.

Inbetween working on those smaller afghans, I want to make a regular sized one for Tyson and Sarah in purple and gold on white fabric. Those are the colors of his favorite football team, the Minnesota Vikings. I'm also going to try to do lettering (MV) on the ends.

From here on in, though, I won't be putting in so many hours on my Swedish weaving, especially when I get to Florida. My lip should be healed in a month or so and I'll be able to go out in public.

Done!

I finished the last radiation treatment on my lip today and the scab is digging into my chin. Even with an irritation like this, I'm feeling pretty darned good because my path is on the way to recovery with just the next two weeks blocking my way. The technician told me it will be 6 weeks before the scab disappears altogether but that doesn't bother me. I'll end up going to my park in Florida with my battle scar but my friends won't mind.

I've felt healthy through the whole process and had very little discomfort, too, so I can't complain about a dumb scab, can I? I told Kim that I could hand out candy for Halloween and the kids would think I was wearing a mask. It's ugly for sure but sometimes we just have to bear with the nasty in order to reach the nice. I've kept a separate blog with pictures but it was meant for other people with skin cancer to see what happens when you are treated for it. I've resisted putting a picture of myself on this blog because it's pretty gross but I may do it soon just to show my million readers (LOL!) what I've been able to overcome.

Kim tells me I've been brave but that's not it at all. What I did was to get all the information I could and then deal with it because I had to do so. That's not bravery but common sense. I really believe that most of us can handle anything as long as we know the facts and especially if we know it's not permanent.

There were times I wanted to punch my radiologist out when he'd remind me that my skin cancer was small and shallow. As I sat there looking at him with my scabby Ubangi lip hanging there, it never felt small to me. Of course, the skin cancer itself is nowhere near the size of the scab. Another thing I didn't like was taking a picture of myself every morning. Do you realize that close-up pictures of a 71 year old woman's face shows a lot of wrinkles? I'd prefer not to see them that clearly.

I wish I hadn't developed skin cancer but I'm glad that it was treatable. I also wish I was thin and beautiful but, unfortunately, that's unattainable so I'll settle for the good in my life and be damned thankful there is so much of it.

Marilee's Afghan

Marilee, Kyran, and Faye dropped by this morning for coffee and Marilee got to see the Swedish weaving afghan I'm making for her. It's very close to finished and I'm hoping it will be done by Sunday when she leaves for home.

These afghans are so lovely when they're finished and I always give them to people I love. It doesn't make sense for me to put in the thousands of hours needed to complete one and then sell it to strangers for peanuts. I'd much rather one of my loved ones get to enjoy it. My enjoyment is in the creation.

I told Marilee how much our little weaving group at the park in Florida help each other. There's always someone with a novel idea on how to do something a little differently and usually nicer. It doesn't matter how many afghans you've made, you can always learn some new tricks to keep your interest fresh. Donna, who comes to my house here for our Swedish weaving get-togethers, has already come up with some great ideas that I'm looking forward to implementing. All it takes is imagination and an interest in the craft.

I should be finished Marilee's afghan by Saturday so I'll post pictures then.

Ready to Wind Down

I had my 18th radiation treatment today...2 to go...and requested a prescription for Tylenol 3 just in case I have another day like Sunday. I took one at about 11:15 A.M. because the scab under my lip was more than a little irritating and darned near fell asleep standing up before 1 P.M. One of the side effects of Tylenol 3 is that it makes you drowsy. I have treatment #19 tomorrow morning and I'm supposed to take a tablet before going to it but I'm slightly worried it will make it dangerous to drive. I shouldn't have any problem getting to the clinic but if I'm drowsy when I leave, Faye will bring Marilee or Kyran to pick me up and drive my car home.

Kim brought my Diet Pepsi (she says she feels like my drug pusher), dish detergent and milk after work so I'm well looked after by my wonderful family. I also had the last half of Cindy's care package for dinner tonight. I'm one lucky lady.

Mary phoned and offered to take me to the casino but I'm hibernating until this stupid thing starts to heal. The date I have in mind is October 27th and that's what keeps me going.

There is a saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. There's another saying that you find out who your friends are when you're in need. I am truly blessed.

Follow Your Intuition

I feel very strongly about following your intuition because it's all of your senses working to tell you something, maybe something you can't pinpoint.

A family in Florida took their boat out in rough water when they shouldn't have. 6 of the 7 passengers survived when the boat was overturned by a rogue wave. Now, the owner of the boat should have been experienced enough to know the water was too rough but so should some of his passengers. Common sense should have existed somewhere in that group.

We've had a few people drown in our bay when boaters chose to take the chance when common sense (and even weather reporters) told them it wasn't safe. Funny, but the people who drown are usually passengers on the boat and not the operator.

We once got on a very small fishing boat (I don't know how anything that small could be called a fishing boat, though) and headed out into the ocean to an island. I was terrified when I saw the size of the boat we were about to board but felt forced to go along with everyone else. It was to be a day trip to visit the family of in-laws (Gerald and Barb) and the boat captain was Barb's father.

Anyway, we clambered onto the boat and set out, me frightened the whole way knowing it wasn't safe. Well, the boat did capsize just as we got to the island but we were against massive rocks and the waves kept slamming the boat into them. The men on the boat worked to upright it and I, a non swimmer, managed to cling to the rocks just as the boat hit somewhere around me. If it had hit me I would have been crushed but luck was with me.

We met some memorable people that day but in the back of my mind was the thought that we had to get back on the boat in order to go home. I have no memory of the return trip at all so I must have zoned out in terror. We obviously made it home but I know I should have followed my instincts and refused to board in the first place. It was just by chance that the boat didn't capsize in deep water and that no-one drowned.

I think we're all fitted with radar to protect us but too often we choose to ignore the signals. My radar is relentless and often zings inside my head so loudly that I can't think. Almost every time, I heed it and the times I haven't later turned out to be dangerous ones.

Your instincts and your intuition are there for a good purpose so it's best to pay close attention to them.

No Stamina

At the best of times I don't expend any more enrgy than I have to but since I've spent most of the summer and fall so far on the sofa my energy level is seriously low. Yesterday I did about 2 hours light labor outside and nearly died from exhaustion. Any heavy lifting just tuckers me out something fierce so I stopped before lifting the 14 rail planters off the deck. They need to be placed on their sides on the patio so that they won't split during the winter. I'll save that job for another day.

I have never been physically strong and I'm also too lazy to go to a gym to build up my strength so I have no-one to blame but myself. Luckily, I don't need to possess much physical strength to get by each day but the few times it's necessary wears me out.

This isn't good but it's what it is. A sedentary life has few rewards.

Driving Drunk

I read a Facebook message today about a 33 year old man who was killed by a drunk driver and it just makes me sick. People become incapacitated every day by alcohol or drugs and then selfishly get behind the wheel of their cars, not caring one bit that they might kill some innocent person.

I did that once. Years ago I had taken my own car down to the boat club where my husband already was and we partied with friends. I can get drunk on 1 or 2 drinks but somehow I let myself drink until I was pretty drunk. My husband and I had an argument and I got in the car, knowing I shouldn't but just wanting to get home, and stupidly/selfishly/criminally drove there.

I remember trying to be very careful but a drunk is a hazard no matter how careful they are. I was filled with guilt about what I was doing but kept going anyway. My vision was straight ahead only because I couldn't see peripherally...this must be a result of drunkenness. Can you imagine driving down the street with no peripheral vision? Insanity.

I did make it home with no accidents but that was just by chance. Knowing how utterly stupid I'd been, I swore on my grandchildren's lives that I'd never do such a thing again and I didn't. The memory will always haunt me, though, because I feel I'm much smarter than that and I do have a strong conscience. I could so easily have killed some innocent person that night and the thought makes me physically ill.

When it became the fashion for friends to select a designated driver, I thought how wonderful that was. It's just too bad that everyone who drinks and drives doesn't have a concern for others. It might help if drunk driving penalties were stricter...lose your car and spend at least 6 months in jail, regardless of whether or not it's the first offence. Some people will only play by the rules if the penalty for ignoring them is a serious one.

It's too late for the 33 year old man who had his whole life ahead of him and family and friends whose hearts are broken. A man who chose to drive drunk is still alive and kicking, probably using a public defender to try to convince the court that he had a bad childhood and shouldn't have to pay for his crime. Life isn't always fair, is it?

Perfect Fall Day

It is one of those perfect fall days, warm and sunny, when I should be outside working in the garden but I've developed a fear of the sun now. I can put sunscreen on most of my face but I can't apply it to my lip yet and that scares me. So, I'll just open the doors and windows and take pleasure in the fresh air that way.

If I had to stay home over the winter and suffer through snow and cold, I'd be more upset but I know that in just 4 short weeks I'll be headed south to enjoy what I've missed out on all summer. I'm expecting to be somewhat healed by the time I leave and then will forever after need to wear sunscreen all over my face and lips. I should have been doing this all along and it's not the worst thing in the world, is it?

Kim is bringing me Diet Pepsi after work. I am sort of an addict and haven't been able to get my own for a while now because I won't go into stores or restaurants with this icky lip. I'm not worried about my looks but by grossing people out when they see me. My neighbor, Alison, works at the cancer clinic and sees me every day and when I complain about how awful I look she tells me that my beauty comes through anyway. She's so sweet and so full of sh.t but it's nice to hear comforting words like that.

Friday has become my laundry day and that's about all the work I've done so far. My next job is to clean the bathroom...that will take all of 15 minutes and then I can start working on Marilee's afghan. It's no wonder I haven't lost an ounce even with the difficulty in eating. I sit on my butt in front of the computer or T.V. for most of the day so I'm not expending much energy.

One good thing I have to say about this ordeal I'm going through is that I do have a good attitude about it in most ways because I know my healing will start in a few weeks. I see many cancer patients at the clinic who are undergoing treatment for different cancers that aren't as easy to cure as mine and I know how lucky I am. When I look back and remember how often I sunbathed or just spent hours in the sunlight but used no protection for my skin at all, I know how foolish I was. This could have been prevented if I'd taken warnings about sun exposure seriously but we all think it won't happen to us, don't we? Well, I can now speak with experience and I wouldn't want to see anyone else have to go through what I have with skin cancer. It does have an excellent cure rate but it isn't worth taking chances with sun exposure.

Use sunscreen. Don't bake yourself in the sun. A tan is nice but not if it's covered in radiation burns. No-one is invulnerable.

Heaven

Nick came over this morning to cut the grass and brought Nolan and Nash with him. My first thrill was hearing 2 year old Nolan rushing up the front steps as fast as his little legs could carry him and joyfully saying, "GG, GG!", over and over. He ran into my arms for a hug and then raced off to play with his toys. I'm not sure if he was so happy to be here to see me or play with those toys and I don't care. I was just very happy he was here.

Natasha brought 7 month old Nash in in his car seat. As usual, he sat there with a sweet little contented smile on his face, happy with the world. He is like a little Budha, fat and serene. He's sitting up now so I put him on the floor with some toys but he was more interested in chewing on his shoe. I can't remember when I was able to bend myself in two like that!

Nolan contentedly played with his cars, especially anything to do with "Bob the Builder". In time, Nash started rubbing his face so I cuddled him up to me and he fell asleep. Talk about heaven. There isn't much in this world that can compare with a sweet little sleeping baby nestled into you. Nash also doesn't mind sitting on your lap when he's awake and leaning back on you while he watches the antics of his energized brother. I've always wanted a real cuddler and now I have one.

Nick said something about not being my #1 interest anymore but I explained that I want to savor every moment I can with his little ones because they grow up and change so fast. Nick won't change much over the winter but Nash will be walking and talking when I get home in April and Nolan will be carrying on conversations.

I think of these babies as gifts in my old age. I always wanted to be a Gramma but I never thought ahead to the possiblity of being a Great-Gramma.

I was a little worried that Nolan would be afraid of this big old scab on my lip so I pointed it out to him and said that I had a boo-boo. Every so often, he'd look at me with a sad look on his face and say that his GG had a boo-boo. No fear, just concern. Maybe I worry too much.

Of course, I adored my Nicky being here, too. He'll never really know how strong my love is for him because he probably takes it for granted and that's the way it should be. It's unquestionable and eternal.

I had the 16th radiation treatment on my lip today and now there are only 4 to go. I finish next Thursday and will be thrilled to death to have it over. The healing won't really begin for 10-14 days after the last treatment but the end is in sight.

A Day in the Life

Well, my car decided to die on me yesterday but I did make it to the garage. Paul, a relative of some sort who does any repairs needed on my car, was just closing up but was kind enough to put my car inside his shop and then drive me home. I fretted about that damn car all evening and it wore me out so much that I fell asleep at 8:30 and slept until 8 this morning. Stress really does wear you out.

Faye came over this morning to drive me to the clinic for my radiation treatment...my lip looks ghastly and hurts...and then came back home with me for coffee. I called Paul to ask what he'd found out but had to wait for him to call me back with the results and the cost. I'd sort of thought it would be pretty cheap but it ended up costing over $400. Apparently the spark plug job I'd had done in Florida in April hadn't been done right. They'd used the wrong wires and put the distributor cap in incorrectly. I suppose I could go back to that garage and raise hell but what's the use?

Faye and Donna were over in the afternoon for our Swedish weaving so Faye drove me over to pick up the car. I'm really happy to have my cute little car back but it is getting old and now I have one more reason to trade her in next summer. I become terribly attached to my cars, though, and it will be hard to let this one go because I've had it since 2002.

My lip is hurting me almost constantly now and Tylenol has become my good friend. I've got 6 treatments to go and then I can relax and wait for it to heal. In everyone's life, a little rain must fall. It will be nice when my sunny days return.

I Don't Know What To Call This

I had my 13th of 20 radiation treatments today and my lip looks horrible. The good news is that the doctor said everything is going fine and my skin cancer was so small and shallow that it's highly unlikey that it will come back. Thank you, very much!!

Now I have an appointment with the dermatologist for my other skin problems and I can guarantee I won't be left too long in the waiting room looking like this. My dermatologist specializes in skin cancer but is also moving her business more towards cosmetic stuff like Botox and lasering. She won't want me scaring off her other patients!

Anyway, I can handle this and it will be over soon.

Jammy Day

I did something today that I haven't done in ages...I stayed in my jammies all day. It was rainy out and I wasn't going to be leaving the house because of my icky lip so I decided to just leave my jammies on. I remember when I used to enjoy the odd time I was able to do this but I just felt kind of unkempt all day. I'm not sick so I didn't need to sleep and walking around in jammies while I made my lunch and dinner just didn't feel right.

My lip hurt a lot today so I'll ask the doctor tomorrow for a topical analgesic. There's no sense in hurting when there is help available.

I've also had the furnace on for the last couple of days because I'm afraid to get a chill and catch a cold. I can't continue the radiation treatments if I'm sick and there's no way I want to stop them before their scheduled finish on October 13th. It's supposed to start warming up again tomorrow, though, so I can turn the furnace off then. I usually don't worry at all about catching a cold because I rarely get one. About once a year is normal for me. I haven't had a cold in over a year and my goal is to at least make it to Shelley's in November before one catches up with me. It's very comforting to have a nurse in training to be a nurse practitioner in the family.

Well, I think I'll stop playing on the computer and take it easy until bedtime. LOL!

Found

I know I've been in this house for a lot of years but it's still kind of odd to find something I had no idea was there or even where it came from. I rearranged my closet (kind of a walk-in) a few years ago so the item I found must have been noticed by me then so I don't know why it surprised me to find it yesterday.

There is a large queen sized quilt still hanging in the dry cleaner's bag at one end of the closet and I moved it slightly while hanging up some clothes. Behind it was a keyboard. Now where the heck had that come from and why was it in my closet? It's at times like this that I wonder if Alzheimers (spelled right?) is setting in. How many people have a keyboard in the back of their closet??

I brought it downstairs and managed to foist it off on Cindy (but she forgot the framed print I also gave her)...she can do whatever she wants with it, even drop it off at the local Salvation Army if she chooses. I'd thought I'd gotten rid of most of the extraneous stuff I had in this house but here was a bloomin' keyboard that I had absolutely no need for! I'm sort of wondering how much more is in the house that will surprise me when I discover it.

We do accumulate too many things along the way that we might need for a moment but not a lifetime. I really do need to have another yard sale in the spring and scour this house more carefully.

Racism

Today I received another racist e-mail and it got me thinking how much racism still abounds in our world. We do tend to look askance at what we're not familiar with and I'm just as guilty in my own way. I am uncomfortable about Moslems and probably always will be unless I get to know some of them well.

I remember seeing news reports in the 1960's about "white only" restaurants, schools, and drinking fountains in the southern States and thinking how awful this must make black people feel. As far as I know, this never happened in Canada so I'd never seen it in person. I also remember seeing the photos of those very brave children, protected by police, integrating white schools while madly raving white people were held back from attacking them. I was ashamed of my own race.

There's no doubt that racism has never been wiped out and probably never will be, at least not in the next century. We imperfect humans are prejudiced against many types of people...fat, old, skinny, homely, and anything other than what is considered the norm in our tiny little circles. We are definitely narrow minded and it takes a lot to drag us out of such limited thinking. Knowledge helps so there should be a lot of emphasis in our schools placed on acceptance. A weekly class on world religions and customs should be mandatory in every school because we tend to fear what we don't understand.

We often hear of the ignorant immigrant who comes into our country and demands that we change our ways and conform to his/hers but that is rare. Most immigrants come to this country because it is better than the one they left and they're happy to be here. They want to add to our culture, not change it.

I love the diversity of culture and races which makes our country a more interesting one. It can be a struggle for many of us, including me, to understand some of our immigrants but it's worth making the attempt because we'll all benefit in the end. All I expect is that any immigrant should come here with the intention of joining us and working with us to better our country. That's what my ancestors did when they emigrated to Canada from Ireland about a hundred years ago and it should be no different today.

Well, I talk a big game but I have my own prejudices to overcome. I'm trying.

My New Hat

Isn't it pretty? I needed a wide brimmed hat to protect my face from the sun (especially in Florida) and had gone shopping a while ago to look for one but summer stuff is scarce right now. Today, at the clinic, I saw this one at the volunteers' desk and went over to ask how much it cost. Darned if all their hats aren't donated and free to cancer patients so that's how I got it. I'll see what I can find in Florida and bring them back to the clinic as my donation for their kindness. I'm not crazy about wearing a hat but I'll do it because I have to do it.

It's a crazy day out there...first overcast and threatening rain but interspersed with sunshine. The air feels like autumn now and you can see more fall color in the trees. I'm staying inside today to get laundry and floors done. I meant to do them on Tuesday but only got as far as getting out the vacuum cleaner before I lost interest. Well, today's the day.

By the way, anyone been watching the "XFactor"? It's just as good, maybe better than American Idol. I love seeing the undiscovered talent that abounds out there. I've also become addicted to watching "Dancing With The Stars", thanks to Mary and Faye. I don't watch much other than reality T.V. anymore and have never been a soap fan.

Well, I guess I'd better wash these floors before I lose interest again.

I Don't Like Pain

After 10 radiation treatments on my lip with 10 more to go, my lip is now hurting enough to cause me more than a little discomfort. It's all for a good cause but I don't handle pain well and it tends to get me down. So far I've rarely needed to even take a Tylenol but the poor sleep I had last night tells me I should have taken one yesterday. This isn't a strong, biting pain but even a steady ache can get pretty annoying after a while. The discomfort now seems to be coming from the effects of the radiation so it can only get worse...10 treatments to go and I'm told the effects worsen for 2-3 weeks after the treatments end.

I know I'm lucky that all I'm dealing with is skin cancer. Every day that I go to the cancer clinic for my 90 seconds of radiation, I see so many people in various stages of what could be more severe cancers so I do know how fortunate I am. The staff at the clinic are out and out wonderful. If there is a bright spot in a cancer clinic, it has to be the staff there who are angels in their own way.

Skin cancer is one of the easiest to cure (90%) but it isn't something to take lightly. I'd never even heard of someone with skin cancer on their lip until I developed a small sore there that wouldn't heal. That is one of the clearest signs of skin cancer and I knew that but let it go longer than I should have. The doctors still refer to my sore as a small one but it sure doesn't feel that way when I see an eruption across 2/3 of my bottom lip...that is since the treatment, of course, and not as horrible as it might sound. The original sore was really quite small but treatment also affects the healthy skin around it because the doctors want to make sure they kill all of the cancer cells.

Once I'm healed, I will always have to protect the treated skin (and all the rest, too) with sun block. I've already bought lipstick with an SPF15 and that will be a pain to have to wear because I seldom wear lipstick. But life and circumstances change all the time and if my only complaint is having to wear lipstick then I'm a lucky soul, aren't I? I'm kidding about it being my only complaint, though. I'll have lots more!

Anyway, I'm off this morning to have treatment #11 of 20 and that's not the worst thing in the world, is it?