Teenage Momma

Kim was born when I was only 17 years old and I was as far away from being a responsible mother as a girl could be.  I'd rarely even babysat so I knew nothing about babies and there I was with a 9 1/2 pound baby girl whose existence lay in my hands.  Dennis had just turned 21 but was fully employed and a very responsible young man...but he knew nothing about babies, either, and came from a generation when the man of the family was only expected to bring home a paycheck and occasionally play with the children.  He didn't change diapers, feed the baby, or get up in the night for one.  I don't fault him because that was what was expected in those days.

It's nice to see that parenting style has changed and fathers now do everything except breast feed their babies.  This is a win/win/win situation for all involved.  The father gets to bond completely with his offspring, the baby has more Daddy time, and the mother gets some much needed rest.  

But my Kimmie survived and grew into one of the most wonderful women I've ever been privileged to know.  I guess she had to be strong to survive her precarious babyhood!  

Attitude

One of my Facebook friends always seems to have the woes of the world on their shoulders and it's not only sad to see but also off-putting.  My daughter's gramma-in-law just passed away at 93 and that woman was a smiling wonder.  At 93 you can bet she had physical ailments and tragedies at times in her life but she radiated happiness and enthusiasm and, partly because of that, she was a joy to be around.  My own mother-in-law was like that, too.

Everyone suffers through bad events regularly throughout their lives but, if it's that way daily, then it just might have something to do with your attitude.  The way you respond and deal with those bad days says a lot about you.  If you're weak you'll let it diminish you but if you have just a little backbone you'll survive and flourish from the experience.

People like Lela and Ferne are inspiring to everyone around them.  We all struggle through life but the best way to win the fight is to have a positive attitude and then nothing can really defeat us.  I love my daughter, Kim's, favorite saying..."Live, Love, Laugh".  How could you fail with that kind of attitude?  

California Killings

I listened to a wise psychologist on the news this morning who explained that disturbed people would watch all the publicity this story got and want it for themselves.  That innocent people lost their lives to a deeply angry and psychotic individual wouldn't matter to them as long as they got the attention and publicity they felt they deserved.  This is egotism taken to the extreme.

I often wonder why psychotics like this don't just take their own lives instead of first taking the lives of others but, of course, suicides don't get much attention.  The answer seems to be that the public shouldn't dwell on the killer but on the victims and that seems to be what the newscasters have been doing lately.

But I'd like to know what drove the killer, who seemed to have so much...money and looks...to feel violently cheated because he didn't have more.  He apparently never understood that his shortfalls came from his own personality.  In real life, we usually reap what we sow but maybe he either didn't know how or was unable to blend in with others.  That makes for a very lonely and angry person.

Most of us feel like that at times but most of us will never take the deadly step of striking out and hurting another person because that is something we could never do under any circumstances.  Then, is it all only in the way we choose to deal with our problems?  Or is it a physical mental illness that forces one to choose to kill?

I'm one of the many who believe that extremely violent video games and movies are a large part of the problem.  They desensitize the participants to killing and the consequences which follow violence.  Maybe the games and movies aren't as dangerous for strong minded individuals but what effect do they have on even slightly disturbed people?  Time will tell.

The first recorded instance of mental illness should prohibit that person from ever in their life purchasing or owning a gun.  Granted, there are other murder weapons available but a gun is what can cause the most damage.  The 22 year old killer in this most recent instance possessed many guns legally and he had been mentally disturbed since he was a child.  

Law makers in the United States should be ashamed that, even after Sandy Hook, they never took the correct action to put more restrictions on gun owners.  The NRA should be ashamed that they fought gun restrictions.  The rest of the citizens should be ashamed that they didn't put more pressure on their leaders to change the laws on gun control.  Stricter gun control laws can only help.

Healing

Our bodies have such an amazing ability to heal that it's a wonder we ever die.  Other than some severe bruising and discomfort, my wrist/hand is getting better every day...and that's on a 73+ year old body.  I still have to wear the brace most of the day but it's to protect the area and not to stabilize it.

I'm sure that in the future humankind will discover that certain herbs will keep us from deteriorating and dying.  It's only logical that we have everything we need right here on earth and that we can have immortality if only we can figure out the secret.  I'm not sure I would want immortality but I certainly would want vigor up until my last day on earth.

On a sad note, my son-in-law's grandmother passed away yesterday and, though it's never easy to say goodbye to a much loved icon of the family, Lela lived a long life filled with love, fun, and a zest for living.  I'll always remember her as a feisty and truly beautiful lady with a smile on her face.  She leaves a painful hole in her family that can't ever be filled.  Lela was special!

  

Fell

The older I get, the more afraid I am of falling and I did it again last Monday.  Instead of removing the little barrier Cindy had on her deck to keep the dogs in, I stupidly decided to step over it.  I didn't even hold on to the railing!  The result was that my shoe hit the top of the barrier (a little table) and I went down like a ton of bricks.  In the split second it took to fall, I remember trying to protect my knee so I hit the ground kind of oddly.  I landed on the outside of my left leg but also hit the outside of my right hand.  It hurt something wicked but I was really more embarrassed than physically hurt.  You always feel like an idiot when you fall.

Cindy and Don felt terrible but I was convinced I hadn't broken anything so just left and drove home.  The pain continued to get worse all evening but I still thought I could manage until morning when I could go to my own doctor for a check-up.  At 1:30 A.M. I couldn't stand the pain any longer and called poor Kim to take me to the hospital.  I am blessed with 3 wonderful daughters that I can always count on but I hated getting Kim out of bed when she had to go to work in the morning.

We spent 3 hours at the hospital (1 doctor available).  After much pleading from me, the nurse gave me some pain meds before the doctor saw me.  My hand and wrist were exrayed and it turned out I'd only chipped a bone at the top of my hand just above the wrist.  It didn't need a cast, just a brace that I had from when I broke my left wrist 1 1/2 years ago.  I was so happy that it was only a chipped bone but it will still take about 6 weeks to heal and I have to mostly wear the brace for all that time.

I see a doctor at the orthopedic clinic  today to make sure all is healing as it should.

Injuries happen so fast and unexpectedly.  Now I'm even more afraid of falling but Shelley said that my bones must be pretty strong if all that happened was a chip and not a break.  I feel very lucky it wasn't worse.

Crap Happens

We can't protect ourselves completely from all the crap that might happen to us.  Often the worst crap comes out of nowhere and hits us so hard we are left reeling and aren't quite sure what the heck happened.  It's how we deal with these unexpected dramas that make the difference.

I don't deal with crap the way I used to.  Back in the day I would be devastated and crushed but today I get darned angry and fight back.  I've learned that the people who have power over us do not necessarily wield that power fairly or intelligently so their status doesn't intimidate me.  My message to anyone who truly believes they have been trodden on is to gather up your inner strength, align yourself with people who can help you, and fight back.

Sometimes the battle isn't worth fighting but sometimes it is so you'd better prepare yourself.   

Day With Nash

Being around children adds years to our lives.  I think the combination of love, laughter, and admiration for how much they're learning is what does it.  I took care of 3 year old Nash today and now I think I'll live until at least 92.

It was just 2 summers ago that I took care of Nash and he screamed bloody murder for almost every moment he was with me.  Last year he was good but a little reticent about being left with me.  This year he happily said goodbye to his father and eagerly took my hand as I led him into my place.  This is leaps and bounds progress!

I've always thought of Nash as the quiet one, unlike Nolan who is a non-stop talker.  Well, that changed, too, and Nash has also become a non-stop talker, much of which I don't understand but most of which I do.  His speech does need some work but he's improved amazingly since last year.

Nash is a sweet, gentle little boy.  I asked for a hug and he said, "No!".  I told him I'd cry if I didn't get a hug so he came right over and hugged me and then, stepping back and looking at me with concern, said, "Are you okay now?".  Bless his little heart!

We walked up to a little playground near the apartment and he scared me with his fearless moves.  He's not wild at all but has no fear of climbing on bars that I thought too far apart for his little legs.  This is the little guy who never seems to cry when he gets hurt so I feel very protective of him.  We drove to Burger king for lunch where he ate every bit of his meal, tried to steal some of my fries, and then asked for more.  He's going to be a big boy!

He had a 2 hour nap in the afternoon because I needed one, then got a little melancholy asking where his Mommy and Daddy were.  He didn't cry but mentioned them a lot.  He was very interested in the Swedish weaving afghan I was working on and asked if he could have one so I'll make some small scale ones for both him and Nolan when I finish the one I'm making now.  I told him I'd make one for him and he said he'd do it himself.  We discussed how I'd have to do it because he didn't know how but he adamantly stated he'd make his own.  Listening to him, I realized how this spoke of his character, how he'd grow up to be a man who wouldn't depend on others to do for him.  This is how you get to know your little ones...you spend precious time with them and listen to them.

Nash, you will do well in life.        

Bad Tire

Well, back I went to the Nissan dealership yesterday to have my tires unrotated (I believe I've invented a whole new word).  One of the mechanics took it for a drive first and then told me my problem wasn't with the tire rotation but with one bad tire where the belt had shifted, making the tire wobbly.  I have to trust them.  

And so, today I am having 2 tires replaced because somewhere, somehow, I read that you should never replace just one tire.  I know the sound of the bad one so I'd better not hear that wop-wop or roaring sound with the new ones.  I specifically asked for quiet tires so they're putting on Michelin (spelled right?).

I always look forward to my summers because I feel rich not having to pay double lot rent for the trailer each month but my expenses so far since I got home have been pretty darned high.  I replaced the sink and taps in the kitchen and now I have to pay for 2 new tires.  And it's only May!!

Maybe I can feel rich in June.

Sexist Liberal Candidates

Now, I know that politicians aren't the brightest of us all but wouldn't you think that someone running for political office would take care not to publicly show his/her worst side?  It seems kind of incongruous that so many of the Liberal male candidates this season are blatantly sexist...and their leader is a woman.  I hate to think it but maybe our politicians are getting stupider.  Just look at Toronto mayor Rob Ford.  And we, the public, are equally stupid to elect these characters and give them the power to run our country. 

I'm Officially Diabetic

My blood sugar has been elevated for years but last year it took a gigantic leap to 8.3  (high normal is 6.).  I put off medication, hoping weight loss and a better diet would bring it down enough that I wouldn't have to go on Metformin but it didn't work.  Even with a 15 lb. weight loss and a slightly better diet, my blood sugar rose to 8.7 this spring so I had to accept the inevitable.  I'm diabetic and will be taking Metformin for the rest of my life.  Not the worst thing in the world, though.

My other blood counts were okay, the CLL still staying much the same and only slightly above normal.  My cholesterol is stable, too, so all is not really horrible.  If left unchecked, the high blood sugar would damage my innards so taking a couple of pills every day isn't such a bad trade-off.  I often wonder how many hidden illnesses plagued our ancestors who never went to a doctor for check-ups.  At least I have a doctor who is aware of what's going on inside me and will keep tabs on my health.  He's my new doctor (my old one retired) and he's adorable.  I get the impression he knows what he's talking about but there's no arrogance about him.  He's a very nice doctor and I'm lucky to have him, even if he does look like he's 12 years old.

Being diabetic doesn't mean I pig out on sweets because I don't crave them, thank heavens.  I've never had a decent diet until this past winter and, though better, it's not the best...it's just not filled with desserts.  The dietition told me that carbs, not calories, are what I should count so I've been more careful all winter eliminating many carbs from my meals.  With luck, those magical 2 pills a day will keep me from kicking the bucket for years to come.

  

Suffering Lack of Sunshine

I had a wonderful, mainly sunny winter in Florida and thought I'd easily be able to weather a wet spring in Canada but it's getting on my nerves.  Sure, we've had a few sunny and warm days but there's been so much rain lately it's making me miserable.  Combine that with an apartment that's too warm, thanks to some stupid law that keeps the heat on well into May, and my little world is a pain in the ass today.

I'm one of those people who is strongly affected by lack of sunshine.  Looking ahead to a week of mostly rain is making me want to sleep through it all...just wake me up when the sun comes out.  There is housework and crafts I could do but there's no sunshine to spur me on.  For some people, rainy days are an excuse to work on projects but not for me.  Summer in Canada is usually beautiful with warmth and lots of sunshine so I guess I just have to be patient.  I wish I could be.

  

Rotating Your Tires

If I'd thought about it, I would have remembered that I never had the Honda's tires rotated in the 11 years I owned the car.  I did have new tires put on it, though.

On Friday, I decided to have the tires rotated on the Nissan which I've owned for 2 years.  It wasn't too expensive and I'd decided to take extra good care of the car which will probably see me out.  Before the rotation there was some road noise but after the rotation it was deafening.  There was also a vibration felt in the steering wheel that I hadn't felt before.  I thought for certain that the dealership had wrecked my cute little car.

On Sunday, Matt drove my car and told me the noise was almost certainly the wheel bearings.  I could see dollar signs!  But when I got home and on the computer I searched the internet for info on anyone hearing extra noise after having their tires rotated.  Sure enough, it is very common and so is the vibration.  The key is that this will happen unless you have your tires rotated about every 2000 miles.  My car has about 12,000 miles on it.  Mystery solved (I hope!)

I'm having the tires returned to their original position on Wednesday and I've brazenly asked not to be charged for it.  We'll see if that request is honored, too.  I will put new tires on in the fall but I'm not ready to take on that cost just yet.

I just love all the information that is available to us on the internet!

Flowers Make Me Happy

It doesn't take much to fill my balcony with flowers but I can't imagine ever living without being surrounded by the beauty of flowers.  I'm not quite finished, though, and plan to buy a small bag of white stones to fill the spaces left between ceramic pot and plastic pot.  I was afraid the short ceramic pots wouldn't hold enough soil for the plants so I'm leaving them in the plastic ones and setting them inside the ceramic.  We'll see how they do...I may have to find a different solution later on.

There is nothing on earth that can bring you more peace than being amid masses of lushly blooming flowers and foliage.

Born Poor

I've read a lot about how poverty causes people to turn to crime.  Well, I grew up in poverty and it drove me to do better for myself.  Childhood poverty is not something that you should use as an excuse for your own poor choices in life.  The "poor me" attitude that the world owes us a living is pure crap.  You were gifted with life and the ability to make of it what you wish.

I'm not talking about the instances where children are drugged and dragged into slavery but of the children who, though suffered a deprived childhood, go forth into the world and make a success of their adulthood.  Get an education because that will be your saving grace.

I lived with my mother, sister, grandmother, and grandfather in a 2 room apartment where we shared the one bathroom with 3 other apartments.  Our little apartment was clean and my grandmother even cleaned the hallway and stairs for free (and I'll bet she also cleaned the bathroom) because she wanted a completely clean appearance to her home.  She put in a tiny flower garden out front and somehow (I don't remember a lawn mower) kept the tiny front lawn cut.  My mother worked every day in a bakery and my grandfather worked as a street cleaner for the city until he was forced to retire some time in his late 70's.

Pride in yourself means that poverty doesn't have to put you in the gutter.  Not everyone is born rich...and I honestly believe that growing up poor means you will appreciate whatever perks you achieve in the rest of your life.  Using childhood poverty as an excuse to be lazy and give up from the get go is utterly stupid.

My biggest regret is that I never got a proper education and that sits on my shoulders alone.  I hated going to school (pure laziness) so quit when I turned sixteen.  I think I knew it was a mistake at the time but did it any way.  Teens usually can't be trusted to make decisions like this on their own and no-one in my family guided me.  I've told my children and my grandchildren that one of the most important things in life is to get a good education because it will help you in every way throughout your lifetime.  Knowledge can never be taken away from you and it broadens your understanding of the world you live in.

My children and grandchildren are all college/university educated to some degree so my life is a success as far as that goes.  They'll never regret getting that education, this I know for certain.

For children living in poverty, the only good way out is to stay in school and to advance your education as far as you are able.  Rely on yourself and your own determination no matter what your background happens to be.

     

Nigerian Abductions

The United States has sat under an umbrella of disdain for 200 years because their people once held slaves.  Today we realize that slavery still exists in many countries, including Nigeria where schoolgirls are abducted and sold.  It is frightening to know that human beings are capable of such monstrous behaviour but we see every day how beastly some of us can be.  Just watch the news and it's rife with murders, kidnapping, rapes, and incest.  It's enough to make you want to live in a different world altogether.

One of the Nigerian kidnappers said that his god told him to take the girls and sell them.  That justifies my belief that our "god" is only a reflection of ourselves, who condones whatever behaviour we choose or will always offer forgiveness when we go against social mores.  We humans can be very dangerous when we don't have a conscience to keep us in line.

One of the worst acts a human being can perform is to destroy innocence.  The predatory actions of the Nigerian kidnappers make me hope there is a hell for monsters like this.

Computer Fixed

The computer has been acting up since I got home but I think it's partly my own fault.  I get impatient when it takes too long to load and I start clicking and that often makes it freeze up.  Yesterday it froze up between on and off, not going either way, so Kim set me up with a friend of Don's (Brent) who straightened the whole mess out.  Whewwww!

I'm an impatient person most of the time unless I gain control of it quickly.  Sitting and waiting drives me crazy because I think of all the other things I could be doing instead of waiting.  And the older we get, the more valuable our time is, right?  I want to do what I want to do right now, not sit like a log and wait for 10 minutes in front of a dead screen.  It seems I need to practice discipline and restraint when it comes to this darned compute, though, or I'll mess it up again.

Today I'm having a new sink and taps installed in the kitchen.  The owners of the building think the ones I have are just fine so they won't pay for it but it's something I want so I'm getting it.  Life is too short to go without when you don't have to.  The present sink and taps were probably installed when the building was built in the 60's or 70's so they're kind of crappy.

For the rest of the day, I'll work on the Swedish weaving afghan I'm making for my friend, Barb.  She doesn't know she's getting one so it will be a nice surprise for her when we both get to Florida in the fall.  

I like the turn my life has taken.  It's peaceful.

Non-Slip Decals

It's been a very long time since I bought those little non-slip decals you stick onto the footbed of the tub but they used to be available almost everywhere.  Not now.  I dislike the rubber mat that's in the tub now and decided it would be prettier and easier to clean if I stuck on those non-slip decals but couldn't find them anywhere.  I went to that wonderful stand-by, Ebay, and found some but they're horribly expensive (about $10 with shipping).  And most are silly little children's themes like whales and ducks.  I can get plain strips at Canadian Tire but they're boring.  I want flowers.

I'll probably have to settle for the strips but I know that once I stick them on (they're impossible to remove) I'll find exactly what I've been looking for in every store I enter.

True Friendship

I don't know where I got this but I hope it was from a friend.


The way it is...or should be!

"TRUE FRIENDSHIP...SCOTTISH STYLE!!"
(none of that sissy shit)

Are ye tired of those piss weak friendship poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality?  Well, here are a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship...you will see no cute wee smiley faces on this card.  Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1.   When ye are sad, I will help ye get drunk and plot revenge against the bastard who made ye sad.

2.   When ye are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking ye.

3.   When ye smile, I will know ye are thinking of something that I probably want to be involved in.

4.   When ye are scared, I will shake the piss out of ye every chance I get until you're NOT!

5.   When ye are worried, I will tell ye stories about how much worse it could be until ye stop yer whining.

6.   When ye are confused, I will try to use only wee words.

7.   When ye are sick, stay the hell away from me until ye are well again.  I don't want to get whatever ye've got.

8.   When ye fall, I will laugh my effin head off at you, you clumsy arse...but I'll help you up.

9.   This is my oath, I pledge it to the end.  "Why?", ye may ask; because ye are my friend.

Friendship is like pissing in your pants.  Everyone can see it but only you can feel the true warmth.

Loneliness in Texting

I saw an interesting video on how social media is changing lives.  People with hundreds of "friends" they spend hours texting each day can't compare to the benefits of actually having friends you come into physical contact with on a regular basis.  I didn't need a video to tell me this because I knew it instinctively.  I've seen many, many couples or groups of people who, though together socially, are obviously ignoring each other and choosing to text someone who isn't there.  The saddest sight I ever saw was a father standing in line with his young son waiting to see Santa and, instead of chatting with his little boy, he chose to spend those precious and fleeting moments talking to someone else on his cell phone.  The little boy didn't look happy...but then his father didn't notice because he was too busy on the phone.  Talk about wasted moments!

I wonder if the younger generation is choosing the somewhat limited communication offered by social media such as texting and Facebook because it's less intense than up close and personal.  If you don't have much to say then OMG and WTF might serve your purposes.  It's superficial communication at best and, at worst, the ability to excel at personal interaction suffers.

In contrast, how pleasant it is to converse with a friend who is right next to you...to see their reactions to what is spoken and to hear their laughter during the conversation.  There is a depth of communication there that is totally lost with texting.  LOL can't compare!  

I know I'm quite prejudiced when it comes to cell phones because I can't stand the thought of being tied to one continuously.  I like being out of range of everyone once in a while.  Cell phones will remain popular, though, until the next unique communication device is offered for sale.  I always thought that one day we'd implant newborns with receivers of some sort so they didn't need to use an actual telephone in order to contact someone.  It will happen in time, I know it!

Flowers in Waiting

I was going to take a photo of the gorgeous plants I just bought for the balcony that are presently waiting inside the patio door for warmer weather but my camera won't work.  Yesterday the printer stopped working again.  I'm okay.

The flowers are so beautiful and I couldn't resist buying them so early.  Here in southern Ontario we have to wait until at least mid May (preferably late May) to start our outside gardening but I have no patience with waiting that long.  Must be the reason I lose so many plants to the cold!  I always buy 1 full and varied hanging planter to start out but this year I bought 2 because I couldn't choose between them.  The rest of my pots will be filled with whatever catches my eye at the nursery.  I've decided to use lots of trailing plants this year and, of course, begonias and geraniums because they're so hardy to all kinds of weather. One I'll definitely buy is the sweet potato vine because the color and lushness of them among the other flowers is outstanding.

I have fewer pots to fill now that my garden will be on the apartment balcony instead of the house property but that, too, makes my life easier.  It also means I can afford to pay a bit more for the plants because I won't need as many.  I still have soil to buy to top up the pots and I just learned (after 73 3/4 years) that I should never have put garden soil in the pots.  Apparently I should have used only potting soil which is lighter and airier.  I guess I could bag the old soil up and tote it outside to get rid of it.

I love having a garden, even just a balcony garden, because it makes me smile at it's beauty every time I look at it.  It always lifts my spirits.  

Well, I tried the camera again and it's now working.  Oh, the mysteries of the computer...I wonder if the printer has miraculously started to work again.  Any way, I took a photo of the flowers and will crop it and insert it in the blog shortly.

Aren't they gorgeous!!!!

Five Wives

This sort of show irks me beyond belief.  I haven't watched it but the concept gets my back up.  Any woman would have to have no self worth at all to share her husband, the man she supposedly loves and loves her, with other women.  It's like pre-accepting infidelity...I know this is a practice that occurs but it's also degrading for the offended spouse.

Maybe if there was a show about "My Five Husbands", I would find that interesting enough to watch (still highly offended) but it would make more biological sense.  One man cannot satisfy 5 wives but one woman could, in theory, satisfy 5 husbands. 

In truth, shows and alternative lifestyles like this are an attempt to destroy traditional marriage where one man and one woman commit to each other.  Traditions are what holds society together and it takes a very long time to change, delete, or add to established traditions.  I'm just now accepting that a gay couple can commit to one another in the same way as a heterosexual couple.  I guess it has to make sense in order for change to occur.

There are established cultures in this world where multiple wives are the norm but I'm betting that every culture such as that is always male driven, holding back their females from ever reaching equality within the culture.

I guess that's why shows about multiple wives bother me so much.  It takes ages for women of most cultures to gain more equality and it hurts to see that, in a country where there has been success in that area, there are still women who value themselves so little that they'd accept an arrangement like this.

And I'm also upset with A&E for airing this kind of crap!

  

Dieting With Sensa

Sylvia and I began using Sensa last November and, to date, Sylvia has lost 16 lbs. and I've lost 15 lbs.  It may not sound like much but those pounds would still be molded to our bodies if we hadn't tried Sensa.  We support each other all winter in Florida and by e-mail each Wednesday when we check in and state our weight loss or gain.

It's so true that not all diets work for everyone.  I've tried them all at one time or another and none had the effect that Sensa has had for me.  All other diets are restricted which means you start out feeling hungry all the time.  Sensa is more a reminder to be careful what you choose to eat and that has given me the time to develop better eating habits, ones I don't find difficult at all.  I do think twice before eating anything but when I really feel like fries I eat fries.

My weight loss goal isn't unreasonable.  I'd love to lose a pound a week but if it takes a month it's still a pound loss.  My true goal has always been to be more comfortable rather than slim and sexy, any way, so 15 pounds gone in 5 months is pretty darned good.

I believe my original weight gain (from 105 lbs) was all mood related.  I wasn't happy so I ate.  Even now, when I'm quite content, I'll turn to food if I'm stressed.  Thankfully, that doesn't happen too often these days.  Sensa has been a godsend for me and I don't care if some people think it's just a scam.  It's helped me immensely and that's all that counts.

Racism

There's a lot of debate about racist remarks made by a mostly black  basketball team's white owner and I really can't understand the naivety of the comments.  Every single one of us has our own prejudice and it's really stupid for someone to believe that your boss (team's owner) loves and respects you just because you make money for him or her.  Your boss does not need to love you...they only need to treat you with respect no matter how they feel about you.  If you resent your boss's personal beliefs and prejudices, then get another job.

If I were a black person, I would not associate with a racist in any way at all.  I would not work for him/her.  I would not befriend him/her.  It's simple logic.  If a person has qualities you can't live with then stay away from them.  But don't take away their career just because you don't agree with their prejudices.

It's funny that this particular person is being attacked because he is a racist but it's been perfectly acceptable that he is unfaithful to his wife.  What the heck is wrong with our values?

Static Cling Window Treatment

The bottom part of the apartment windows are side sliders which don't give much privacy unless I lower the blinds.  It doesn't make sense to do that because I'd get no light and no air if I opened the windows.  I've wanted to put some kind of film on the side sliders but was worried about trying to do that with film that glued itself on.  That can be a nightmare to work with so I decided to see if there were large pieces of static cling film...and there was!  

I bought a piece 36" x 72" at Lowes for $45.99 and it was fairly easy for me to manage.  My cutting wasn't perfect but it wasn't too bad and I got the computer room windows, my bedroom windows, and part of the spare bedroom windows done in an hour or so.  I actually didn't have enough film for the spare bedroom but decided to cover what I could and lower the blinds to make it look as though it was complete.  No-one will ever know.

I'm really pleased with the effect...for one thing, it adds color and it also provides privacy.  I use horizontal blinds in every room but don't like to lower them all the way because I love lots of light.  Even at night, there are dim lights on in the parking lot below my apartment so I'll always have a bit of light coming through the film.  It will always be pretty!

My next project is to line the cupboards with some foamy shelf liner I bought in Florida.  It's a salmon color which will brighten up the inside of the cupboards.  

I am enjoying apartment living!

What I Meant To Write About

I'm always going off on tangents...yapping or writing about something that just caught my attention...but I really meant to write a blog about my granddaughter, Aeron, today.

One of the biggest blessings in my life was the time I got to spend taking care of my grandchildren when they were young.  It gave me the time to really get to know them and to have them make me laugh.  Children, in all their innocence, are the funniest creatures on earth.

When Aeron was about 4 or 5, I took her shopping for Dennis' Christmas present...a gorgeous leather jacket.  Aeron was the best kid in the world to keep a secret if you asked her to so I knew she wouldn't tell her Grampa what he was getting.  I was so sure of her that I told him to phone her and ask her.  He did...and she sweetly answered, "Maybe someone is getting you a nice jacket.".  Damn!

The moral of this story is...you can't trust anyone.

On Being an Agnostic

I question everything so it's no surprise that I have and have always had many questions about religion.  Logically, it doesn't make sense but then nothing else I can think of does, either.  Most of the ten commandments make sense in a socialized community...you have to have some kind of rules to live by.  Being an agnostic means I question what I have been taught about religion.  It doesn't mean I dismiss it entirely.

Birth and death are miracles in my eyes.  The complexity of the human body is a miracle.  The flora and fauna of the world can only be described as miracles.  All of these things are not man-made...and the mystery of it all overwhelms me if I think on it too long.  It would be so much easier on the mind to just say, "Oh, a mangod created it all!".  But I'd like a little proof, please.  

I have questions, and so I am an agnostic.  It would be nice to think that my questions will be answered when I reach the other side.

More Computer Woes

When it comes to computers, I don't ask for much...just one that turns on when I want it to and one that has a relatively speedy internet.  Computers tire me out, more because I can never figure out what went wrong or why it went wrong.  Take tonight...the computer was working fairly normally all day so when I went to use it tonight I didn't expect a problem.  Stupid me.  It seems to take longer to start than it used to but at least it started.  I clicked on the internet and then on Facebook.  I swear that is all I did and suddenly the damned screen shifted to the right.  I couldn't fix it and I couldn't scroll because that part of the screen was now hidden.  I tried all sorts of things, even going online to see if there was information on how to realign it.  Of course, my search was limited because, you guessed it, I couldn't scroll.

Stymied, I phoned Kim who suggested I reboot it.  I did and it didn't work.  A bunch of us are going out for breakfast tomorrow morning so I asked her if she'd come up after breakfast and see if she could work any magic.  Of course, she would.

I stubbornly decided I'd give it one last chance to straighten out but it wouldn't.  Just as I was about to log off, I noticed a little tiny part of the square you click on to enlarge or decrease the screen and I thought, what the heck, and clicked on it.  I now have a full screen.  There is no way I clicked on that thing in the first place so who knows what happened.  What matters is that my computer is working okay.

If there is a hell, it's filled with intelligent computers that like to play with the tortured minds of the sinners.

Blue Screen of Death

My computer has been acting wonky since I got home and yesterday the "blue screen of death" showed up.  The darned computer isn't very old so this confuses me.  It did start this morning but it took forever for it to do so.  It's maddening.

But...I slept well last night and crawled out of bed before 6:30 A.M. rested and ready to enjoy the day.  Right now the sun is shining brightly even though it isn't very warm outside.  I don't much care.  It's nice to be home!

I've started receiving the local newspaper and, of course, there is a lot in it to upset me.  I saw where a so-called church group had their funding taken away because they used it for personal trips, etc.  I always wonder how easy it is for even a tiny group to call itself a church and get funding and tax breaks as easily as they do.  Who does the research on the group and who makes the decision to hand them public money?

I saw where the creatures who murdered a young man last year has now been charged with murdering two others.  What causes a human being to turn into the kind of person who can so easily take the life of another?  Their trials and imprisonment will go on for years and years at public expense when, in truth, they are trash that don't deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us.  Maybe my feelings about capital punishment are changing.  But, then, the Americans have capital punishment and it still can take 30 years for a death penalty to be exercised.

I still hate what the newspaper considers front page news.  In my opinion, front page news should be what's happening in the world and not a few pages about a local discount store that is closing.  I'm going to let that pet peeve pass or I'll be cancelling the newspaper again!

Now don't think I'm in a sour frame of mind.  I'm quite happy with an easy day ahead of me before picking Faye up to go to a dinner/Bingo at the senior center tonight.  My own life is going well even if what makes the news isn't so good.

Leg Cramps

The night before last, I was awakened by the most excruciating leg cramps I'd ever experienced.  Strangely, they were on the inner thigh of one leg and the calf of the other.  They were honestly agonizing and I fearfully realized that the cramping was so severe that I wouldn't have been able to even stand up to get help if that became necessary.  It lasted about 5 long minutes before abating and I was able to get back to sleep.

One good thing about this damned computer is that I don't need to see my doctor when I'm curious about what might be a health problem.  I can just google it.  And this is what I did to discover that super severe leg cramps are not uncommon, coming out of no-where and with no known cause.  It could possibly be a shortage of potassium, magnesium, or hydration but that's just a guess.  Some poor souls are afflicted by these cramps so often that they keep a glass of water on their nightstand to hopefully help if they happen during the night.

I've experienced childbirth and gall bladder attacks but these cramps are almost as bad.  They appeared so suddenly, waking me from a sound sleep to wide awake agony in moments.  I hope they never come back.

On The Other Hand

I have a digital scale in Florida that I bought to help me keep track of weight loss or gain while using Sensa.  I thought it would be a good idea to buy one here so that I could get a more accurate reading than what I was getting on my old scale which wasn't digital.  So I bought one at XS Cargo (love that store) and brought it home.  Too bad it only registers in kilograms!!  I'd forgotten I was in Canada, eh?  Oh well, I'll just have to buy another one in the States when I go back.

FRIGGIN' COMPUTERS!

My computer is only a few years old....maybe 4-5??...but I guess that's considered old.  Anyway, after the miracles of yesterday when it repaired the link between the computer and the printer, I thought I was all set for a while.  Wrong.

This morning I awoke to a computer that wouldn't turn on.  I gave up and just let it meander around until a message came on telling me the computer wouldn't start.  Gee Whiz!  It asked me if I wanted it to find the problem so I clicked on "yes".  It spun for a while until it told me that it just might have found the problem but I needed to allow it to fix it.  Hell, yes!  It spun for another lengthy time and then told me that it just might have fixed the problem but needed to restart the computer.  It did, and it worked.  I can't stand it!  I wonder what surprised the damned computer has in store for me tomorrow.

What I Learned Today

I bet everyone in the world knew this but I just learned it today.  You know those little blips at the bottom of the computer screen that tell you to update one thing or another?  I make it a point to ignore them. Well, my printer wasn't working so I'd asked Kim and Matt to come here and fix it for me but, as I was playing games today, a little message came on the screen (magically) to say that HP was ready to install updates for my printer.  Really?  How did they know I had a problem?  Well, I stopped the game and clicked on the message which went on to ask me to insert the CD I'd used when I first got the printer and the program would perform a "critical update to correct a PC to printer communication issue".  How did they know???

Another miracle occurred too.  I just happened to have the CD.  Apparently I'd left it at the house when I sold it and the new owners gave it to Lisa who gave it to me last night.  Now, this was getting scary.

So...I did as I was told, then restarted the computer.  The printer wouldn't work.  Then I noticed the little warning light at the bottom of the screen telling me to update HP.  Hadn't I just done that?  I clicked on the warning and a new screen came up telling me the printer was now operational.  I tried once more to print a form and lo, and behold, the damn thing worked.

Totally worn out from all the stress of baffling miracles, I called Kim and told her she didn't need to come over.  But my next problem arrived quite quickly on the heels of the miracles.  This all started from me wanting to print out a form to send to OHIP to claim a refund on the dermatologist fees and the prescription fees I'd incurred in Florida but I sadly discovered that there can be no refund of the prescription fees.  I'll remit the dermatologist's fees, though, and hope for the best.  

I'm wiped!!

Time to Crab

Okay, so life is not always easy but my unease often starts with the damn computer.  My laptop that I use in Florida stopped sending signals to the printer so I couldn't print what I wrote.  Now my desktop at home seems to have lost the printer altogether.  Could it be me??

Yesterday I tried printing something and discovered the printer setting wasn't my printer so I clicked on the right one but was unable to print.  I have to admit I went in somewhere and changed something...don't really know what I did, then my printer disappeared altogether from the computer!  I need help!

But...today it's sunny and there's the wonder of spring in the air.  I only plan to wash the wood floors and then piddle around until suppertime when I'll go up to Kim's and then to Costco.  I'm in desperate need of coffee pods.

Life is good, especially when there are good people around to help you with your problems.

Fun Cleaning?

I enjoy this apartment so much that it really is fun to come back after almost 6 months in Florida and clean it.  I dusted (the biggest job), vacuumed, and washed the tile floors...the wood floors can wait for another day because I'll have to move furniture and my strength is not up to it today.  I did a load of laundry and emptied the car (another big job because I tend to shop too much).  I called Cogeco because one T.V. wasn't working and they fixed that "over the phone!!".  I'm so amazed with technology.

I also weighed myself on my home scale and it looks like I've lost 3 pounds since leaving Florida.  Now, I know that all the desserts I ate while travelling don't allow a 3 lb. loss but I'll accept it any way.  It will be easier for me to eat properly at home than on the road so I'll try harder from here on in.

It's cool out but the sun is shining brightly and I'm nicely settled in my sweet apartment.  Life is certainly good!  

Home Again

Mary and I left Florida on Wednesday, April 16th, spent 2 days in Savannah touring a couple of old homes and then the riverfront stores.  Savannah is a beautifully laid out city with so much old character and charm.

We headed across country to Hwy 75 on Friday (rain!!) and spent the night in Kentucky at a gorgeous hotel we'd found last year.  It's so fabulous that I'd thought then that we couldn't afford to stay there but it's actually very reasonable.  I konked out early from exhaustion each night...I guess just travelling is enough stress these days to wear me out.

I dropped Mary off at her house about 5 P.M. and then travelled on to my apartment...bought groceries on the way and arrived home about 8 P.M.  It was perfect timing, just getting dark, and I was able to bring 2 loads in from the car before calling it a day.  The apartment looked great, just dusty.  Unfortunately, one of the T.V.'s won't work but Cogeco should be able to help me with that tomorrow.

I am ever so happy that I'm living in this apartment and not having to deal with the needs of a house any more.  It gives me such a feeling of freedom.  Today I will dust, polish, and wash and then go to Cindy's for a homemade lasagna dinner.  I get to see her new house and also my sweet Aeron.  Don had a knee replacement last Monday so I'm hoping to see him getting around well, too.  I love my family!   

I'm Clear

Sylvia drove over to Tampa with me this morning so I could have my final checkup with the dermatologist.  He was very pleased with the outcome of the chemical peel and said I definitely didn't need another one next year.  He put liquid nitrogen on a little rough spot on my forehead that he said the peel was not meant to remove (actinic keratosis), said my slightly pink face would gradually fade, and I was done!  I'm so pleased.  The rough spots on my nose and the side of my nose are gone...I hope for good...and I am so glad I had the chemical peel, especially since it scared me to do it at first. 



We took a different route back home because there had been a huge traffic tie-up on Hwy 4 in the eastbound lanes.  Sylvia bought me lunch along the way and we were home by 1 P.M.



Isn't it nice when something works well?  I've put up with skin problems on my face for years and only kept them in check by having my dermatologist at home spray the spots ith liquid nitrogen.  I come to Florida and discover Shelley's neighbor is a dermatologist and take the chance to see him and ask him to spray me once again.  He refuses and tells me that what I need is a chemical peel.  I first choose not to have it because I was afraid my whole face would break out in blisters but Shelley and John convince me that I should go ahead and have it done.  I do, fearfully, and it turns out better than I ever could have hoped for.  Sometimes we just have to step out of our comfort zone.



Anyway, so far so good and my hope is that it lasts for a long time.

What a Nice Day!

Sometimes a day just turns out so darned great that you wonder why they can't all be this perfect.  Today was a final Friday coffee morning of the season and husbands were invited...as long as it didn't rain.  My trailer isn't very big and a large group can only be accommodated on the patio so I kept my fingers crossed that the rain forecast would hold off until after lunch.  It did and we're still waiting for rain at 4:40 P.M.



We had a nice group for coffee but just 2 husbands (1 without his wife) attended.  Mark and Char performed their "patience, jackass" skit for us and caught Leslie and Patti unawares.  The rest of us knew the punchline and roared with laughter.



For lunch, 8 of us went to "Nothing Fancy" cafe and ran into a gorgeous young man leaving as we were coming in the door.  We joked with him and invited him to join us but he didn't, of course.  But when our orders were delivered to our table, the waitress told us the man had prepaid our meals and even prepaid the tip!!!!  What a pleasant surprise at how nice some people can be with total strangers.  



When we finished eating we asked for a clean paper placemat and we all signed our names, hometowns, and thanks to our benefactor.  We asked the waitress to give it to him when he came back to the restaurant...she said his name was Steve and he's a cop who comes into the restaurant daily.  He is one very nice and generous young man and he really made our day, more so with his kindness than by saving us all some money.  It's that kindness that means the most to me and I won't forget him.



Tonight is Bingo, spent again amongst a huge group of some of the nicest people in the world.  How lucky I am.



 

Consequences

A little 9 year old boy took his "My Little Pony" backpack to school and was teased and harrassed by the other students.  The school's response was to tell the little boy he was not to bring that backpack to school again.



This is a multi problem.  The little boy did nothing wrong and his tormentors were wrong to tease him but the fact is, if a boy wears or carries something that is primarily feminine, he will be teased.  It's not right or fair but that is the consequence of behaving out of the norm.



My greatgrandson, Nolan, got into a bit of trouble at home and his Gramma tried to explain to him that there are consequences in life if you misbehave.  Well, there are expected consequences in life no matter whether you are good or bad or indifferent.  If you choose to wander down a darkened alley in a known crime ridden area, it may not be fair or right but the consequences of that action could very well end in you being robbed, raped, or killed.  If a boy shows up at school in a pink dress...well, it won't be pleasant for him.  And no-one should be surprised.



Consequences are not necessarily fair.  Logically we all know that to live and let live is the right way but we all have deep set prejudices and beliefs that fire us up when we see something that challenges them.  My pet peeve is not a little boy with a girl's backpack but my nostrils do flare when I see a man with his pants hanging below his butt.  He has every right to do so but I immediately place him as an illiterate lowlife who is probably on welfare.  Now, logically I know that isn't necessarily the truth but just the sight of him hits all my no-no buttons.



Quite often, the people who go against the norm and display themselves in what we consider outrageous form are looking for attention.  They don't even mind negative attention just as long as they are noticed.  I know that keeping the status quo is considered behaving like sheep but it's somehow calmer on the nerves.  It doesn't take much to step outside the borders of what is "normal" and those that do make us uncomfortable.



Adults handle those differences better than children do so it's the children who take the brunt of harrassment if they do anything that is out of the norm.  The mother of the little 9 year old boy who did nothing more than use a packpack that was meant for a little girl chose to remove him from the school rather than give in to unfair demands.  She taught her child not to crumble to a black and white society but to stand up for himself.  But, by doing so, she's removed her little boy from a society he needs to live in.  By making a fuss like this over such a small incident, fair or not, she's drawn more unfavorable attention to her child.  The consequences might prove to draw more teasing and harrassment than ever.



I think that mother was put into a situation of what my mother used to call "hell or high water" and, no matter what she chose to do, it would have had consequences.  



I hope the school officials are able to keep control of bullying if and when that little boy goes back to school.  Life should be easier than this for a 9 year old child.     

Nice Hair Cut

So far this has been a great day.  My one pound weight loss has remained for 2 days.  My face continues to clear up.  And I got a really nice hair cut this afternoon.  I'm feeling a little euphoric!



Life is damned good!

Today's Thoughts

The missing Malaysia FLT 370 is prevalent in the news for good reason.  It's devastating enough to know you've lost a loved one due to an accident but how unbelievably painful to be waiting 11 days now hoping that the passengers in that plane might still be alive.  It's the not knowing that is prolonging searing grief for the friends and family of those passengers.  It must be unbearable for them.  We all put ourselves in their shoes and our hearts go out to them.



Why this airplane went missing is almost not an issue any more because everyone keeps a tiny hope that, no matter why it's gone, it only matters where the passengers are.  It's strange that in this day and age of electronic genius no-one can detect the existence of either the plane or it's wreckage.  That is what I find strangest of all in this whole story.  I hope it all ends well but I doubt it will.



On another story, my face has healed very well and is mainly smooth as a baby's butt.  It's still a wrinkled old 73 1/2 year old face but the damaged skin looks better than it has in more years than I can remember.  It's still a little pink but I've decided to stop using the steroid gel and let it settle down on it's own.  I really hate chemicals and drugs unless they're absolutely necessary.  I see the dermatologist again on the 31st and will ask him if he thinks I should undergo the treatment again next fall when I come back to Florida.  Now, it wasn't an easy process but the results are so darned good that I would undergo it again if necessary.  But, for now, I'm a happy old gal and thankful to Shelley for talking me into doing it.



My Florida time is fast coming to a close but the final month is really full of activity.  Best of all will be when Mary arrives and we get to see many of the relatives at Shelley's party on April 11th.  Kim, Matt, Cindy, Don, Faye, Marilee, Val (maybe one or more of Val's girls), Tammy, Larry, and Rochelle will be there!!  Those people know how to party and I love them all!!



Tonight is our card game at the clubhouse.  I feel so blessed to have these wonderful people as my friends.  I try not to think about the day I'll leave here for good and never see most of them again.  Dee is a good friend who lives close enough to me in Canada that we can get together during the summer and we'll do that this year.  We both love to gamble and can meet at Fallsview.  Sylvia talks about flying from Nova Scotia to visit me one summer, too, and I hope that happens.



Now I'm off to have my hair cut and I'm traumatized already...always am before a haircut because I always worry it will look awful and I'll have to live with it for 5-6 weeks.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Oh yes, I finally broke through the plateau of my diet and lost the 13th pound.  I'd been stuck on the 12 pound loss for about 6 weeks and worried that no more would drop off but I gave up fries for 6 days of the week and that seems to have done the trick.  I allow myself fries just one day a week now so that I won't crave them and go off the diet altogether.  Terrible how we have to twist our minds like this but, if it works, do it.   



 

Healing Slowly

I started the cool down gel last Sunday to take the redness from the chemical peel away and it's working...slowly.  There's definite improvement but I still look like I was in a serious accident and landed on my face.  I used the internet to look up comments from other users of fluorouracil and they've all had the identical experience and are very happy they went through the process.  I'm hoping I'll be a success, too.



I had an interesting experience last week but can't remember if I wrote in the blog about it so I'll do it today, anyway.  Joann and I were at one of our game rooms and I was playing at a machine when a lady came up to me and quietly asked what had happened to my face (so many people have asked but always people I know).  I answered her truthfully and she then asked me if she could say a prayer over me to help with the healing.  She was so kind and sweet that, even though I'm not religious, I told her to go ahead.  She put her hand on my shoulder and said a heartfelt prayer to heal me.  I was very moved by her kindness.  I'm always moved by how often strangers seem to come out of nowhere and offer a kind and helping hand.  It never goes unappreciated or forgotten.  In fact, it spurs me to be a better and kinder person.



I don't know if it's because of my ever advancing age but I really do come across more kind strangers than I did when I was younger.  I guess chivalry and respect for elders is far from dead.  Thank heavens!

Anger and Depression

Something that continues to surprise and confound me is how much the anger inside me has almost disappeared.  Back in the depression days, I seemed to be angry all the time or else it simmered just under the surface of my emotions.  It was probably frustration that my circumstances were beyond my control or understanding but no-one is ever in complete control of these things so, who knows why I was so angry.



Any way, I'm seemingly at peace with my life these days and maybe that's why I'm not an angry lady.  Each of my days begin with quiet and are stress free for the most part but I had no hand in making it this way...it's just evolved.  Even with the mess on my face I don't feel too much apprehension or stress, just a little concern that the end result won't be as good as I hope.



So, how do we become at peace?  I believe it's filling our hours and moments with as much happiness as we can create.  If we choose to set any problems far aside and deal with them in small increments, then we have more time to lessen our stress and to promote happiness and peace in our lives.  Maybe I didn't have the tools to do this in my earlier life but counseling provided me with the tools to use as I was able.  Time has sharpened my skills in this area and it's easier to let the "small" things slide away into nothingness instead of dwelling on them and making them into an open sore.  Oh, how I wish I'd learned these skills many moons ago!



Of course, I still get angry about the injustices in this world and can get manic when it comes to anyone doing harm to a child but those angers are relatively short lived and don't consume me.  Anger solves nothing.  It only makes our lives miserable unless we're able to get beyond the moment and, either do something about it or accept the inevibility of whatever disturbs us.  No-one's life is perfect.



Instead of wasting precious moments on what is wrong in my life, I choose to gather in the good times.  I choose to accept my place in time and let unrealistic dreams remain as dreams and not regrets.  We can choose to let anger and frustration drain away because this will allow peace to settle in.  It took me a very long time to learn this but better late than never.



Life is, or can be, good.  

Upskirting

Does anyone besides me think it's absolutely ridiculous that Massachusetts required a distinct law banning anyone from slipping a camera underneath a woman's skirt to take photos?  Some pervert walked free last week because the courts decided that a woman's privacy wasn't being invaded when he put a camera underneath her skirt to take a picture of her undies.  This week they made the law clearer for those judges who had felt it perfectly legal for the pervert to practice his hobby.



This is a case where common sense was lost on those who uphold our laws.  One lady said that if she wanted her undies displayed for public view, she wouldn't have worn a skirt.  I'm wondering if the current fad where young men wear their pants under their undies has made the courts falsely believe that all of us don't mind showing our undies to whoever chooses to look at them.



Personal privacy is a very important thing to preserve because there is very little of it any more.  We all use credit cards that carry vital information about us.  The internet is rife with theft of our information, photos, etc. so we need to protect what we have left.  My undies are my business and no-one else's.



Speaking of which, when I was a little girl my grandmother used to tell me to always wear clean undies in case I was in an accident and taken to the hospital.  Funny, because she really should have been telling me to wear clean undies because it's sanitary.



Anyway, it's now safe to walk the streets in Massachusetts because the powerful people who create and uphold the laws now understand that our undies are private.  

Me

This is what a chemical peel looks like during the process.  It's embarrassing to go out in public but it really only looks this way for a few weeks so, if it clears up my damaged skin, it's well worth it.  I've been applying the fluorouricil for 2 1/2 weeks with 1/2 week to go and then I'll be applying a steroid gel ($200)for 2 weeks to remove the redness.  I'm hoping for nice clear skin by the time I see the dermatologist again on the 31st.



When I saw the dermatologist on Tuesday, he was very pleased with the way it looked and said that was the way it was supposed to look.  I have to trust him!

Music and Rhythm

Music and rhythm are an integral part of us.  I don't mean as a social phenomena but really and truly a part of our soul.  Some of us can't keep still when we hear a song or a beat but begin to sway our bodies or, if terribly inhibited, in our minds.  Music affects us strongly.  People who intensely dislike a certain type of music usually dislike the content for personal reasons, not because of it's rhythm.  I can't stand rap because I don't think it's music and that goes against the grain of my personal beliefs.



I was once on a casino cruise where, when the ship is heading back to shore and the machines are shut down, everyone sits around the dance floor and either participates in dancing or just watches the participants.  There was a lady there who got up to dance with her whole body enjoying the music.  She was a joy to watch but a few people began to laugh at her so she left the dance floor and just stood there watching.  Slowly but insistently, her body began to sway with the music and she couldn't hold back any longer and stepped back out on the dance floor.  I loved her enthusiasm and recognized the call of the music she couldn't resist.



For whatever reason, music and rhythm are an important part of our psyche and it makes us happy to allow ourselves to become one with the music.  There's part of a saying that tells us, "dance like no-one is watching", and I think that's most certainly a pathway to happiness in this life. 

Another Day

Bad news seems to be coming too often these days...illness of friends and family being the most prominent.  There are people in my life that I want to keep forever but fate and age sees things differently and obstinately changes my life plan.  I hate it.  I hate it.



Today I did laundry and washed floors.  Not a huge job when you consider one person in a trailer but still nice to have accomplished.  I dried sheets and throw rugs on the line, after all this is Florida!  I'd judge that the weather today is about as perfect as it can get...sunny, warm, soft breeze.  Then why do I feel out of sorts?  It's the bad news that keeps coming out and it scares me.



When my little world changes it's as though the planet has tilted a bit and nothing is the same any more.  I'm continually grateful for what is good but angry that, for some of my loved ones, it's not so good. 



I talked to Mary today and we discussed quite a lot of the life changes that come to us seniors.  We can laugh about them until they become serious and then it's no damned laughing matter.  Wrinkles, grey hair, and the odd pain is to be expected but deep in our hearts we still believe we have many years left to play but we don't like to consider that we'll gradually be playing with fewer playmates.



Well, today is the first day of a different life.  We will just have to cope.  

Life Today

Well, my face looks like hell, all red, blotchy, and peeling in places thanks to the chemical peel I'm doing.  I better look damned good when this is all over!  It's interesting, though, that the worst spots are the original bad spots on my face but a lot of dark spots seem to have risen to the surface.  I'm assuming they were just under the top layer of skin and would have surfaced at some time in the future.  The few places where a tiny bit of skin has peeled off look really good...I referred to it as looking like a baby's butt.  I honestly look so awful right now, though, that it's kind of embarrassing to go out in public but there's still 4-6 weeks to go with the peel.  I wonder what's ahead for me.



I had a houseful yesterday for coffee even though many of the regulars are on a cruise (my "cruise" is a blotchy, peeling face).  No-one seems to be bothered by the tiny space we occupy in this trailer and we all have a good time so I don't worry about it.  We are so blessed with the wonderful people here in the park...so many truly great people.



Sylvia, Jo, Carol, and I went off looking to have a pedicure after coffee and it took us 5 shops to find one where we wouldn't have to wait an hour or more.  We finally got our pedicures, all with flowers on our big toes!  I love this life!



Bingo at night where I won $12, too!  Life is, indeed, good!