So Sad To Be So Computer Illiterate

I tried my darnedest today to figure out how to put "Windows Photo Gallery" on my computer so I didn't have to bug Kim to do it but managed to download something I'm not sure I want.  I guess I'll just have to impose on Kim's time again.  Sigh!

I finished Lisa's afghan and one table runner and wanted to post the photos on my Swedish weaving website but couldn't edit them...and probably couldn't have posted them, either.  I'll be so happy once I can do this all again the way it was set up on my old computer!

Yesterday I went to the casino to meet up with Mary and Don for the buffet.  They're staying at Fallsview for a couple of days.  I didn't have too much time to gamble because I had to leave by 4:30 in order to not be driving in the dark...it was still too dark halfway home, though.  The good news is that I came home $100 richer than when I got there and probably would have lost it all if I'd been able to stay later.  I never leave until I have to and that could be one of the reasons I usually go home a loser.  Yesterday was a good day!!

Young women or even middle aged women shouldn't get too talkative with strangers when they're gambling but we senior ladies are free to socialize as we see fit.  No-one is going to think we're trying to pick them up!  I gather friendly fellow gamblers when I go to the casino and we cheer each other on.  I love to gamble but I know enough not to lose too much.

One week today I'll be home recovering from the surgery to remove this darned skin cancer.  It will be another 2 weeks before the stitches are removed and I find out if further surgery will be needed.  If all goes well, I can leave for Florida by the December 6/7 weekend...and possibly with Cindy.  She's having carpal tunnel surgery on Dec. 5th and won't be able to drive for work for 10 days so she's thinking of driving down with me.  I'm really happy but worried a little bit about how the weather will affect when we could leave.  I can afford to wait a few days for good weather but Cindy can't.  I hope everything works out perfectly for both of us!



 

New Laptop!!

Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I hate to have to relearn anything and that's why I stuck with my old cameras for so long.  I got my new laptop on Saturday and Matt kindly set me all up on it but today is the first day I've dared use it myself...no problem, though.

Thank heavens I have a list of all my passwords for various websites or I'd be lost.  I was mad as hell for about 15 minutes trying to access my google accounts until I looked at my password list and found out I'd been putting in the wrong one.  There's something to be said about using the same password for everything...I think I have about 10 or 12 for different things.

By the way, I found my new camera...in the old laptop bag.  I'm sure I looked in there but I guess not.  I really hate it when I do something so stupid.  But then I gave the old laptop and bag to Nick for the boys and just this morning remembered it might also hold the direction pamphlet for my new camera.  Now I have him searching for that.  Sigh!

The best news of all is that I am now having little or no difficulty using the new laptop and I also have a wireless keyboard to make typing more comfortable.  The speed is so much faster now that it almost thrills me, too.

I asked Matt to plug everything in so I can unplug it all myself when I leave for Florida but he couldn't do it in a way I didn't have to climb behind the desk.  Since I can't get down on my knees to do that, I'll have to rely on someone to come in and do it for me.  Thank heavens I have people who help me out when necessary.  I really don't know how seniors with no family or friends to help them can survive because we lose the ability to do some things for ourselves as we age. 

I love, love, love my new laptop!!

Relearning

It hasn't been that long since I took a photo with the camera and inserted it into the blog or Facebook but it seems as though it was long enough for me to forget everything.   First..I couldn't get the camera to turn on but apparently I was pushing the wrong button!  Then I thought the photo was taken if I just touched the screen of the phone.  Then I forgot how to find it to post it on the blog.  Either my memory is failing or I need better notes than Kim gave me.  Her notes were made before she simplified it all for me.  LOL!

Anyway, the above photo is of the Swedish weaving items I'm taking to the craft show at the senior center on the 15th.  I had to use my newly learned knowledge so I took this photo for the blog.  

I'm going to write new notes for myself...but, then, I bought a new laptop and I'll bet I'll need all new notes to show me how to post photos.  Sigh!

Busy Hands

A lot of my Swedish weaving is done while I listen to a T.V. program.  Yesterday I bought some bulky yarn to make a scarf and, yes, listened to T.V. as I worked.  It seems I can't watch T.V. for very long without doing some sort of handwork.  Now this could be because there aren't enough interesting programs on T.V. or that my attention span is shortening.

When I was younger I read a lot...as many as 30 books a month but I can't read for long now or I fall asleep.  Since housework and cooking hold little interest for me, I'm lucky to have discovered a few crafts I enjoy.  It scares me to think of my little apartment having no craft supplies in it's many hidden (and not so hidden) corners because I might hike on out to the casino more often than I do.  I need to keep busy but busy with something I like to do.

Tucked away in cupboards are supplies for a future craft I intend to take up some day...jewelry making.  I've also hung on to a lot of my quilting supplies because I really enjoyed quilting until I started with the Swedish weaving.  The trouble with quilting is that you have to commit to a full day of mess in your house.  And it takes many days to finish the quilt.  When I go back to quilting, it will be to make wall hangings but that is still a huge intense time commitment.  Swedish weaving takes a lot of time to do, also, but you can work for as little as five minutes and then the cleanup is simple...you can't do that with quilting or jewelry making.

On another note...there is snow in the forecast and, at first, I was a little dismayed at the thought but now I'm kind of excited to experience it.  I usually can pick and choose the days I go out but next week has 4-5 days I'll need to be out driving so I really hope we don't get too much snow.  I've been spoiled by spending 14 winters in Florida so I just might have to hone my snow driving skills again.  Not true!  I will definitely have to hone my skills!

Losing/Gaining

Wouldn't it be nice if what we wished for just happened?  And that we didn't have to do a darned thing to make it happen?

Well, I wanted to lose some weight last year and started using Sensa with Sylvia and Joann and we all lost weight.  It was nice having that support system with people I saw every day.  But, since I got home, my weight has settled on one number that has bounced up and down all summer until settling on the same number I started with.

The only good thing is that I'm still 15 lbs. lighter than last year but I want to lose a great deal more.  I don't want to give up fries to do it, though.

Anyway, I feel better for the 15 lb. loss and my clothes are comfortable.  I began taking a few vitamins this year and that probably has helped, too.  This is the only body I have to carry me to the end and I've abused it terribly...not with drugs or booze but with unhealthy foods.  It just doesn't make sense to injest anything that will do harm to your body but we all have our vices.  Fries have a death grip on my will power and it's my choice to give in to them so my failures are my fault alone.

  

New Computer

I haven't got it yet but I've order a 17.3" Toshiba laptop Intel i5 and can't wait to get it and experience some kind of speed once again.  The laptop I'm using now is about 5 years old and has been acting up terribly (not so bad today, don't you know it) so, since I can't live without a computer in my life, I'm getting a new one.

It's so hard to get computer sales people to speak to me in a language I can even vaguely understand so Cindy went with me.  She's not a computer nerd but she's better than me and really helped bridge the dialogue between me and the poor salesman.  In any case, I have a nice new computer coming in later this week!!

Matt is going to help me set it up and transfer stuff from the old one to the new one...I think.  If not him, then the computer store will do it.  I certainly haven't a clue how to do it.

A thought just came to me that, when I was making sure to give lots of time to my grandchildren when they were young, I had no idea how useful they'd be to me when they grew up!  There's a lot to be said about strong family ties!

Because this old laptop is still usable as long as you don't expect much from it, I need to find someone who wants it.  There's a lot of personal information in anyone's computer that needs to be purged before you give it away, though.  Matt to the rescue again, I guess!

Oh yes...Kim, Matt, Kelly, and I saw "Sir Vincent" yesterday and loved the movie.  I'd give it 3 out of 4 stars.  It's never going to be a classic film but it sure was entertaining.

Need a New Computer

This little laptop I'm using can't be more than 5 years old but it's been acting up something terrible so I'm going computer shopping tomorrow with Kim.  She says she doesn't know much about computers but she (and everyone else) must know more than I do.

I think it's terrible that something you pay $500 for will only last 5 years!  It's probably built in obsolescence (haven't a clue if that's spelled correctly) so that we buyers keep the market going and that is a darned shame, especially since we can't do without a computer once we start using them.

I've been convinced to only buy a good laptop instead of a destop for home and a laptop for travelling.  I hate typing on a laptop but I learned that I can get a wireless keyboard to use with it so I'm good to go!

Using a computer has become a necessity in my life for many reasons...e-mails to keep up with friends and distant family, research, E-bay, blogging, etc. and I'd hate to lose all that so I'm committed to always having one.  I guess $100 or so a year isn't bad for all the pleasure it brings me.

It will be interesting to see how long it takes me to use a new one, though.  I still haven't figured out how to save websites with this one.  I'm so ashamed!

Something to Think About

When was the last time we heard that someone who set out to shoot and kill innocent people had "just converted to catholicism"??  When did we hear that a murderous terrorist had "just become a protestant...or a jew"??  Why do we always hear that a terrorist who had decided to gun down as many innocent people as possible has "recently converted to Islam"?

What kind of religion is one that promotes hatred for all who don't follow their particular creed?  What kind of religion produces followers who believe it's right to murder innocent people just because they have a different faith?  What kind of religion instills the belief in their men that they have the right to murder a daughter who doesn't bend to their will?

There is evil in all religions but Islam is in a class all it's own.  A muslim once told my husband that lying to a non-muslim was perfectly okay.  Is this how they all are taught?  If it is, it is one scary religion to have invaded our peaceful country.

Terrorists in Canada

Terrorists aren't normal people so there's no real logic to their drive to destroy.  We average people can never understand their mania.  I wasn't so much shocked as I was dismayed by seeing a terrorist murder an unsuspecting soldier (he was shot in the back!) and then racing into our parliament buildings intending to create some sort of havoc.  I'm thankful he was shot and killed before he could do more harm.

I assumed he was part of the Islamic religion because that's who is causing so much trouble in this world at the moment...and he was.  The sad thing is that he was born in Canada and only turned to Islam recently.  What a frightening religion it can be to us who don't really understand what it stands for!  I've been warned not to believe the worst in this religion but all I've read on the internet about it is that they believe anyone who doesn't practice their religion is worthless.  They call themselves a peaceful religion but how can that be if they can't be trusted to have respect for those with differing beliefs?

I'm left feeling threatened by an insidious invasion into my formerly peaceful country and worrying about the future for my children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren.      

Odds and Ends

This is a Swedish weaving afghan I just finished.  Today was one of those cloudy, blah days that you can use to complete a few projects so that's what I did.  Too bad the cloudy skies caused my photo color to be blah, too.  I've got a lot of time to fill in before I go (if I can go) to Florida so I'm using it to make Swedish weaving table runners.  The next afghan I make will be for Lisa but I'll wait until I can buy the yarn in the States.  It's double the price in Canada.

I'm going to take this afghan and the table runners to the craft sale at the senior center next month.  You could never get enough money to pay for the time it takes to make these but at least it could pay for the materials.  I'll be selling some of my jewelry also...the stuff I bought to sell and then ran out of venues to sell them in!

All of this is a hobby for me, thank heavens, or I'd starve.  I enjoy Swedish weaving very much but, as far as the jewelry goes, I'd like to be rid of it.  I've got lots of jewelry pieces to make my own to sell and that's what I'd like to be doing...but not until what I have is gone!

I wonder if any of my descendents will take after me.  I'm very much like my grandmother who was a bootlegger.  She was also a great cook but that wasn't passed down to me.  I have a tendency to go into interests whole hog from the beginning and then realize my mistake once I become bored with it.  It could be worse, though.  At least I keep busy and am productive most of the time.  

About my grandmother...she loved company and loved to laugh.  She was very generous and gave away much of the fruit and vegetables she spent time and energy canning for the winter.  She dyed her hair orange (I've never dyed mine) and lied about her age (I am honest about mine).  She loved me and raised me even though I was stubborn as hell.  I miss her.

I think about Nan a lot, realizing with each year what a good woman she was and how I never appreciated her until I was older.  Live and learn, right?  

Kindness

I've been thinking a lot lately about my sister-in-law, Joyce.  After I met my husband, Joyce was the first of his family members to really welcome me into the family and she's been very special to me ever since.  I remember her trying to explain how this huge family was connected and failing miserably to understand.  My own family was small and not close but Joyce's family was everything that mine was not.  I guess what impressed me the most about Joyce was how kind she was to me, accepting me not as a 15 year old transient in her family but as someone she cared about.

Joyce was, and still is, a beauty.  She'd had a tough time before bringing her two children here but I admired the strength and determination in her from the very beginning.  The rest of the family were nice to me but it was Joyce who delved a little deeper and made me feel a part of them.

I don't think we ever forget kindnesses.  They warm us for a long time and even in distant memory.  Joyce calls herself my "big sister" and it warms my heart every time.  I was so lucky to marry into such a wonderful family but Joyce will always hold a special place because of her kindness to me all those years ago. 

Still at Home

Today was the day I was supposed to leave for Florida but needing a skin cancer removed has kept me home indefinitely.  The earliest appointment I could get was Nov. 20th and then stitches removal on Dec. 3rd but I could have to stay longer if further surgery is indicated.  My skin cancer is called squamous and it's not the deadly melanoma so I should be thankful for that.  I am.

Life does not always move on with graceful and anticipated motion.  Sometimes the blips keep you from your planned schedules so you just have to deal with it.  What I'm missing most is the time spent at the trailer park with friends but any kind of cancer is not to be ignored or put on hold.  You have to deal with it as soon as possible.  Blips may be annoying but they're not tragedy.

One of my dilemmas right now is wondering if I should go out and buy a pair of winter boots.  I have an old pair I haven't worn in 14 years and I'm afraid they might be filled with dust so maybe it is time to buy new ones.  I also need to buy a snow scraper for the car because the one I have is buried somewhere in the trunk with all the stuff I was taking to Florida.  Problems, problems...not so terrible when you put them in perspective.

       

  

Family, In-laws, and Dogs

Cindy worked her butt off preparing for yesterday's feast and the weather co-operated by being perfect for having it out on the deck.  I wore my winter jacket just in case but didn't need to wear it.  The only downside was that some of the food wasn't hot enough but being able to eat outside made up for it.  The choices were outstanding and I couldn't accommodate them all on my plate.  Desserts were all home-made, too.  My girl can sure cook!

Cindy and Don's backyard is gorgeous with full grown trees and lots of room.  The 3 little kids and 5 dogs had a ball.  Molly, Cindy's littlest dog wanted no part of it, though, and escaped the turmoil by sitting on anyone's lap that was available.  It was a rousing time but with no mishaps to mar it as the children and dogs raced about having the time of their lives.  Our bunch, except Florida Shelley's, were all there and Don's children and grandson, too.  It's always nice to blend family get-togethers so we can all get to know each other better.

Cindy sent us all home with left-overs for today's meal, too, and I'm looking forward to another turkey dinner.  I'll miss out on the American Thanksgiving this year so this will be a welcome meal for me.  I love turkey!

I remember putting on these huge dinners when I was younger and how much work it was.  It really was exhausting but so worthwhile that you never regretted the work.  Having family or friends enjoying a meal together is one of the nicest times of life.

Today Nick and Steve are planning their annual golf game but we're expecting rain...I hope it holds off until noon when they're finished.  Nick and Steve are childhood friends.  Isn't it wonderful when friendships last forever?  

And for me, today will be a day of rest and doing as little as possible.  Rainy days lower my spirit and don't prompt me to catch up on any jobs that need doing.  That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!



  

Thanksgiving 2014

There are always lots of things to be thankful for but, in all my 74 years, I've never found anything more important than family and friends.  If you don't have a loving relationship with someone then you really don't have much.  

I'm having Thanksgiving dinner at Cindy's today and she's expecting 20 family members of her's and Don's.  I can't imagine celebrating Thanksgiving in a nicer way.  If all goes well, we'll eat out on the deck.  It's going to be a beautifully sunny day but a little chilly so we'll have to dress warmly.  My contribution is roles and butter...no one expects me to cook and I like it that way.

There will be a few children to lighten the day, too, along with some dogs.  I'm not saying adults aren't fun but children and dogs are even more so!

This Thanksgiving I'll be with most of the people who give my life meaning.

Elvis Mouse

I don't know if I've put this little guy on the blog before.  Mary gave him to me a couple of years ago and it just tickles me every time I press his little hand and he sings "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" by Elvis Presley.  It seems like it's usually the little joys in life that stay with us the longest. 

Beautiful Day

Autumn in Ontario can be the most beautiful time of the year and today is a case in point.  The sun is shining brightly, there is very little wind, and the temperature is cool but comfortable.  I cleared the tables and chairs from the balcony and brought them inside.  Living in an apartment limits my space but I can put them in my storage unit in the basement for the winter...not today because I've done enough.

Cindy is planning on having her Thanksgiving dinner this Sunday outside on the deck and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the weather stays nice.  One thing about autumn is that we can get cold blasts of air right on the heels of perfect weather.

I picked up my new prescription for anxiety but haven't used it yet.  I feel fine now that I know that Mohs surgery isn't the horror I'd thought.  I could never be a drug addict because I really hate taking medication, even vitamins and supplements.  Right now I take Metformin for diabetes, a statin drug for cholesterol, Imipramine for anxiety, CoQ10, Vitamin E, and a multi vitamin.  I'm thinking of dropping the CoQ10 and won't need the Imipramine after the skin cancer surgery is over.  It irks me every time I take my little stash of pills!

On the plus side, I'm going to enjoy this perfect fall day and be thankful I'm able to do so.

Native Medication

Donna and I had a discussion the other day about a native woman's right to refuse chemo treatment for her daughter's leukemia and opt for traditional native medication instead.  Donna is big on natural supplements and vitamins probably because she's forced to also take drugs prescribed by her doctor.  She leans more to agreeing with the native mother but I sort of disagree.

The doctors claim that the little girl would have a huge chance (95%) of being cured with their drugs and chemo but those things make the child violently ill.  It would be a monumental choice for the mother to make but I have to think that she firmly believes that natural native medicines will heal her daughter.  I don't think I could take that chance if she was mine.

There is much good to be said about using natural medication instead of chemical drugs but maybe not when one's life is at stake.  It does make sense to try these options if nothing else will work.  I believe the answer to all our health problems and the cures for them lies in the vegetation around us and somehow that will be discovered in the future.

It's such a sad situation for all involved and I hope with all my heart that the little girl is cured and lives a happy, long life.  And I hope we all learn from whatever happens.  

I Never Learn

I know we shouldn't research health issues on the internet but a couple of years ago I had a skin cancer on my lip and wanted to know what Mohs surgery was.  Apparently what I saw is not what it is.  Now that I'm possibly facing having that kind of surgery done (not definite yet) I allowed myself to get into a state of terror.  But today I saw my family physician...an absolute sweetheart...and he kindly informed me what Mohs surgery actually is and then gave me a prescription for anxiety.  I'm not sure I need it now that my fears have sort of been put to rest.

If I have to have Mohs surgery, it will be a long , long wait because there are only 4 surgeons in the city that do it.  The surgery is done by a cosmetic surgeon and it involves removing layer after layer of tissue until there are no skin cancer cells left.  I had thought the surgeon fileted you like a fish!  No wonder I was so terrified.  It's not going to be pleasant to have it done but I'm so thankful my sweet doctor explained it all to me and corrected my misinformation.

I also saw the dentist this morning for a cleaning and replacing the filling in one tooth.  For me, seeing the dentist is an unpleasant but necessary experience.  I'm glad it's over for 6 months!

Life is a little more comfortable today than it was last Friday.

Friends/Sisters

Mary is coming to stay with me for a few days and I'm anticipating a wonderful time spent with her.  Faye will come this afternoon so we can all go out for dinner and then back here for gin and tonics and lively conversation.  Brent, Mary's son, lives nearby and we're hoping he'll join us...he's quite comfortable with us old gals.

This is going to be a busy week...gambling tomorrow, Faye and Donna for Swedish weaving on Tuesday, dentist and doctor visits on Wednesday morning, and registration for the senior center craft bazaar in the evening.  Kim and I will go out for dinner and then she'll drive me to the senior center and home because I can't see to drive in the dark.  Thank heavens for family and friends to make our life full.

Matt took the air conditioner out of the window the other evening and it sits like a big lump on the floor where it has to stay.  I'm considering how to handle this when I have to stay home for the winter and decided I'd put a piece of fabric over it and make it look like a side table.  Always thinking ahead!  LOL!

It's a gorgeous sunny but cool fall morning but some of the clouds are dark with threatening rain.  I've got all the windows wide open because the apartment heat is on and I have no control over it.  I don't like a too warm apartment.  The fresh air coming in the windows is nice, too.

Well, I hope I win at the casino tomorrow or at least come home with the money I take so that I can go to the casino again this month.  I always give them every chance to take all my money.  I enjoy gambling maybe a little too much but I don't go overboard.  That's more than I can say about all the monks cloth I've accumulated.

Drugs

There's something good to be said about taking drugs.  If they really do help cure you of an illness or keep you from feeling like death emotionally, then they are a good thing.  I don't know if it was the Imipramine or not but I feel close to normal now, as though I can tolerate whatever I have to deal with.  I don't care if this is a placebo effect (I don't think Imipramine works this fast) because the way I felt yesterday was unbearable and now it isn't.

There's usually a guilt feeling when you are depressed.  You know there are other people much worse off than you and that whatever is ailing you isn't really too serious but you just can't seem to drag yourself out of the despair.  There's no logic to depression.  For many it's simply a failure to cope.  If a drug can take the sharp edge off that then I'll take it.

I've got about 6 weeks until the minor surgery and then 2 weeks of walking around with a big stupid bandage on my face before the stitches come out and the biopsy report comes in.  I'm not happy but I'll survive.  

Struggling

Kim called me this morning to say she thinks I should still go to Florida for John's award.  I tried to explain to her that I'm in a delicate spot right now, struggling by the day to not let myself fall into depression over this skin cancer trouble.  I feel overwhelmed just making it though the day and pushing myself to go to Florida right now is too much for me.  I'm not in a good spot and I'm not sure what mental condition I'll be in by Dec. 3rd when I find out the results of the biopsy.  It's so easy to say not to worry about it but the worry and dread are already firmly entrenched and I'm not sure I can handle it.

I hate feeling like this.

Update:  My mood deteriorated all day and, when I'm upset like this, I can't think straight so I neglected to do what I should have done...call my doctor.  Shelley called this afternoon and suggested I do this but, somehow, I couldn't get a call through to him.  I think there was a problem with his phones.  Then Cindy called me and suggested I renew a prescription I had of Imipramine and just start taking a low dosage until I could reach my doctor.  I never thought of this...I had been using the Imipramine to help with bladder urgencies but had discontinued taking it.  Imipramine is what I took years ago for depression and I know I tolerate it well.  Anyway, still unable to get through to my doctor or his afterhour service, I checked on the internet to find out what a safe dosage would be for me to take and saw that 30-60 mg was suggested.  I took 15 mg and will take another 15 mg later tonight.  I also called the pharmacy to renew the prescription.  I think this will get me through until I see my family doctor for a regular visit this coming Wednesday.  All I know right now is that I need help.

Whoops!  I actuallly took 75 mg...I thought the pills were each 5 mg but they're 25 mg.  No problem, though, but it could explain why I'm feeling relaxed.  LOL!  I won't take any tonight.

Another Day

This is the view from my balcony.  It's overcast today but the changing colored leaves are still pretty even though there are apparently no maples in the ravine to brighten it up with reds.

I was awfully low yesterday but feel slightly better today...maybe just accepting that there's nothing on my part that I can do to change circumstances.  I know I'll feel much better once the skin cancer is removed and then feel euphoric once again if the biopsy turns out to be clear.  It will all take time.

On a brighter note, the fact that I'll be here on Nov. 15th means I can rent a table to sell some of my jewellery at the Senior Center.  There's always a tiny silver lining somewhere, somehow.  I also have Mary's visit to look forward to on Sunday so I have a few silver linings around me.

I have a very slight fear of slipping into a depression simply because I've been there before.  It's something I'll have to watch out for but I think I'm okay.  It's not a nice thing to have doctors continually cutting away at you.  I know it could be worse but even this is terribly upsetting for me.  I'll do my best to deal with it and hope for good news.

Sad and Discouraged

I had the stitches removed from 2 skin cancer spots today and hoped it was all over for a while but no.  There is a spot on my face near my nose that has to be removed on November 20th with the stitches being removed on December 3rd.  This means that the earliest I can leave for Florida is on December 4th as long as the biopsy report is okay.  I spent hours again cancelling all the darned services I'd already spent hours reconnecting for mid October.  I can't even reschedule them in case the biopsy report on Dec. 3rd shows that more surgery is required.  I'm sad, disgusted, dismayed...but not depressed.  Yet.

The dermatologist said that if the biopsy report shows further surgery is needed, the period of time I'll have to wait is so long that I can forget about going to Florida this winter.  Maybe government health insurance really does have it's faults.

The only good news is that none of my skin cancers are melanoma so they're easier to cure.  Of course, there's no guarantee that there's ever going to be an end to these piddly little surgeries that disrupt my life, either.

I'm upset and I bought butter tarts to ease my sorrow.

Bastard Child

Every so often I use the word "bastard" (usually about someone who has committed a horrible crime) and it causes me to think about how that word used to be used.  Bastard and illigitimate were common words used to describe a child born out of wedlock...actually blaming the child for it's unconventional, at the time, beginnings!  These words have only in recent years disappeared when describing a child born to an unwed mother and I find that reassuring.  I still can't believe anyone would ever have branded an innocent child this way, though.

I was born to an unwed mother who never told me who my father was.  My grandmother told me but my mother refused to discuss it.  I've never had a moment of feeling shame for my beginnings...common sense tells us no shame is necessary.  I've had a bit of curiosity about my father but mainly felt he couldn't have been much of a man to abandon his own flesh and blood.  I'll also never understand how some men can do this because it does happen all the time.

I'd originally been told that my father died in the war...very convenient explanation of absent fathers in 1940!  When I was 12 years old and mouthed off to my grandmother, she called me a little bastard and explained why.  I remember going to school that morning and sitting in shock trying to make sense of what I'd just learned.  It didn't take me long to realize that how I came to be born had nothing to do with me and that's how I've felt ever since.

There was a time, even in 1940, when children of unwed mothers were taken away from them at birth.  My grandmother told me that she had to fight child services tooth and nail in order to keep me but I've often wondered if I would have been better off being adopted into a brand new family.  Maybe, but maybe not.  I'll never know.

I think the use of "bastard" and "illigitimate" became unnecessary because of the huge numbers of children born these days to unwed mothers.  Many live with the fathers of the children but just choose not to marry for their own reasons.  It was always a cruel and pious practice to label an innocent baby in this way but I'm glad it's ended now.

My own mother was born to her unwed mother in 1918 and there's no doubt they both must have gone through terrible discrimination in those days.  Times have changed for the better in many ways as we've become better educated and more tolerant than our forebears.

Interesting how we often become kinder to each other when we're not blindly following strict church doctrine!   

  

Nervous

I've got a few things to be nervous about today.  I see the dermatologist this afternoon to remove the stitches from where the 2 skin cancers were removed and hear the biopsy report.  Then there is another spot I'm concerned about.  If she decides it needs to come out, I probably can't leave for Florida as planned on the 15th.  I hate, hate, hate all this.

I guess I should be thankful I can see a dermatologist regularly to keep an eye on my awful skin and keep these darned spots from becoming lethal.  I still feel very put upon, though, and wish it would stop for good.

Anyway, my mind will either be put at ease or I'll be very upset some time around 2:30 P.M.

My Acoma Vase

I bought this 8 1/2" vase at a yard sale for 50 cents, had no idea how valuable it really was but just loved it's look.  Mary saw it one day and had been to the town in New Mexico where it was made and she told me it was probably worth $400-$500.  I was shocked for a moment but realize most people don't know the value of items that have been gifted to them or inherited by them.  Whoever held the yard sale that I bought this from must have had no idea how valuable it is.

My Kim loves it, too, and it will go to her when I leave for heaven.  In the meantime, it will give me pleasure every time I look at it.  

Playing With the Cell Phone Camera

This is so much fun...learning something easy that I thought would be difficult.  I can't keep too many live plants in the apartment because I'm gone all winter but this is the lovely African Violet I keep on the window ledge right by the computer.  I think I'll get a few more next spring because they're so spectacularly beautiful.

Using the cell phone camera is so darned easy and will make my Ebay pictures easy to take, too.  I don't know why I fought this for so long but I don't think my kids explained to me well enough that I wouldn't need a cell phone service to do it.  I think they might have told me but not in a way I could understand.  Anyway, a whole new easier world has opened up for me now, thanks to Kim.  I'm going to be adding more photos to the blog now that I have the new toy.

I had my final bloodwork for the year done today and will find out next week if I'm fairly healthy.  I think I am but doctors always seem to find something wrong with you that you never knew was there and that's why I hate seeing them.  I'm always tempted to just live my life and stay clear of all doctors but my daughters would probably make my life miserable if I did that.

Our family has had some good news and some bad news this week.  One cancer in remission or gone and another one discovered.  I'm starting to think that we're all doomed to get some kind of cancer before we're done in this world.  The only saving grace is that I'm hearing more and more about people who beat it.  We often think there hasn't been much improvement in the cure rate but I really do believe there has been.  I guess the best we can do is carry on and hope for the best...for all of us.

Laugh for the day...Kim told me that when they were at the fall fair, Nolan slipped and nearly fell between the steps of the stands (I'm horrified!) and his response was, "Whooo, I nearly fell into the engine!".  The adults all looked down to see what he was talking about and, of course, there was no engine there.  It makes you wonder what kind of weird misconceptions these little kids have of life and their surroundings. 

Cell Phone Photos

This is my good natured Kim who spent a lot of hours today figuring out how to transfer photos from the cell phone she gave me to the computer.  Since I can't find the camera I just bought last spring, I was going to have to buy another one if it wasn't still back at the trailer so Kim gave me an old cell phone, got it working properly with directions for me, and now I'm all set.  I didn't want a cell phone service and don't need one to take the pictures.  Yeah!!

It's like having a brand new toy.  It takes great pictures that I can use on Ebay...that's what I really wanted it for.  I don't normally take pictures, probably because I hate having my own taken, so this old cell phone will work just as well or better than the new camera I bought (and lost).

I remember shopping one time and hearing a lady talking on her cell phone.  She told the person she was talking to that she'd just taken a picture of an item she was looking at and was sending it so the person could see it.  How convenient if you were shopping for someone else or just wanted their opinion before buying something!  I won't have that option, though, because I won't have a service.

Anyway, I'm thrilled to death with my new toy and can't wait to start using it to put pictures on Ebay!

    

Fall Colors

Autumn may be the end of summer and the near beginning of the cold of winter but it makes up for it by being the most colorful time of the year up north.  There's something about those changes in color that brings us closer to nature and understanding how we're all a part of it...birth, lushness of youth, and death.  It's the natural order and something we should embrace.

I'm leaving for Florida in mid October but I should still be able to experience the most beautiful colors of autumn.  Nice long drives throughout the countryside...we're fortunate here in a major city to still be very close to the country.  It really only takes me a few minutes to escape the hustle and bustle of the city for the peaceful country scenery.  We usually take for granted the ease of hopping in our cars and quickly enjoying country views but many people are still city bound.  I appreciate my ability to still be driving and will miss it terribly when it's taken away from me.  Hopefully, many years from now!

Autumn in north country is one of the reasons I could never live in the deep south.  I think the constant heat and foliage would be boring.  We northerners have a lot to be thankful for and our eye candy change of seasons is certainly one of them.

Time With Nolan

When I took care of my grandchildren years ago, I knew it was vitally important to have those hours with them.  In part, it made them the people they are today.  I'm not glorifying myself when I say this but trying to explain thow important it is for a child's development to have extended family involved in their lives.

Since the arrival of my greatgrandchildren, I've made it a point to have time with them, too, but I'm older and weaker now so I can only manage one at a time.  Both boys are very easy for me to handle but they are young and full of energy and that's what seems to tire me.  Nolan has a bit more than his fair share of energy but he's still a pleasure to be around.  He's in senior kindergarten this year so I'm picking him up today after school to spend the night with me.

I can't say enough about how good it makes me feel that these little boys enjoy coming here and feel at home when they do.  They know where their toys are kept (I always had toys available for the grandchildren, too, so that they felt more at home) and accept without complaint the things I don't let them touch.

Grandparents or greatgrandparents who don't make time for the little ones in their family are bigger losers than they know.  It already brings a smile to my face when I think of how much fun I'm going to have with Nolan today and tomorrow.  Children are blessings to us in many ways, one of which is how they remind us of our own childhood innocence.

Both Nolan and Nash refer to my spare bedroom as "their" bedroom even though Nash hasn't slept over yet.  They are identifying their place in my home, knowing they do have a place.  Actually, Mary refers to it as her bedroom for the same reason.  LOL!

Family and friends.  It's what life is all about.

The Loss of a Pet

I've had only a few pets in my life but I loved them all.  Yes, loved!  Most people who have never had a pet don't understand how important our pets can be in our lives.  Often we, ourselves, aren't fully aware how much joy a pet brings us every day of their tiny lives.  They give so much and ask so little of us.

My friend, Mavis, lost her son 9 years ago and has had difficulty keeping her depression at bay.  Last year a neighbor gave her a kitten, one she really didn't want but took it in, anyways.  The change that little creature brought to Mavis' household was an amazing thing to witness.  Both she and her husband fell in love with "Misty" and the new joy I witnessed in their home was almost like a light being turned on where only shadows were before.  

I went to visit her today and was shocked to see a broken Mavis.  Her sweet little cat had been hit by a car and died in her arms.  The shadows of sadness had replaced the fleeting joy of the past year.  Mavis cried when speaking of the tragedy and then smiled and laughed while speaking of the happiness Misty had brought to her.  My heart hurt knowing how tortured Mavis has been since the death of her son and how that had been somewhat alleviated by the presence of her pet.  Now she'd lost something precious again.

Life can be unfair at times and this is one of them.  A good, kind person who lives a decent life has been dealt a terrible blow by the loss of her son.  Then, when a little joy came into her life, it was taken away so darned soon.  I hope she can get through it all.

Technologically Challenged

I don't know how I ever managed to learn as much as I have about using a computer.  I think I just stumbled on a lot.  Cell phones are a complete mystery to me but that's partly my own fault because I've deliberately not learned how to use one because I don't want to be tied to one.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember Kim telling me (I didn't want to listen) that I could use a cell phone to take photos and transfer them to the computer without having a cell phone service so I called her last night and asked her to teach me...and it has to be before I leave for Florida.

My lack of technical knowledge is starting to embarrass me.  It's sort of like being a dinasaur in the age of  rocket ships, too far apart to ever catch up.  Technology has soared since I was a child and I have to admit it will soar even further in the future.  I can't ever be technologically savvy because I missed the boat a long time ago but I can take advantage of a bit of it.  Just teach me slowly and let me take notes.  I'm a little concerned about how much patience my daughter will have while teaching me, though, and wonder if I'd be better off having a grandchild do it.  My grandchildren are gentler with me.  LOL!

On a more positive side, I woke up this morning feeling fabulous.  The sun was shining, my apartment was neat and clean, and most of my preparations for leaving for Florida are complete.  This might not sound like much to be euphoric about but I won't ever forget what my life was like when I had depression.  I've been recovered for a lot of years now so don't worry about it coming back but I do have a huge capacity for being grateful it's gone.  Simple pleasures...life is so darned good! 

Showering With Stitches

It's not easy and I hate the inconvenience of it but it's necessary.  I have an 8 stitch and a 4 stitch incision and was told not to get the spots wet...no-one said why and I didn't ask.  So when I shower I wrap a plastic bag around the one on my arm and tape a plastic bag to my chest.  They don't always stay in place so my showers are quick.

When I'm done, I change the bandages and feel so darned fresh that the whole process was worth it.  I'm healing well and it's only for another 9 days until the stitches are removed.  Life goes on!

Yard Saleing For Small Items

My yard saleing strategy these days is to look for interesting but small items to take to Florida to sell on Ebay.  "Interesting" because I might be stuck with them.  "Small" because they have to fit in my car and then in the trailer.  It's not always easy and I often have to walk away from interesting larger stuff.

A few weeks ago I found an estate sale with tons of fabric and trim...and a whole lot else I wasn't interested in.  I bought a bit of lace trim, checked on Ebay, and found out it sells quite well.  I was sorry I hadn't bought more because there really was lots and lots of it.  So back I went today, thinking it was an estate sale and they had to get rid of everything probably before the end of the month so they'd probably have another yard sale.  I was right.  I bought a big boxload of trim for $5, brought it home and measured and packaged it all and think I'm going to make a lot of money with it.  It will certainly keep me busy on Ebay all winter.  This is a fun hobby for me!

I started thinking that my yard sale buying for Ebay is going to come to an end soon.  Most items can only be sold on Ebay when I'm in the States (much cheaper cost of shipping) so I won't be able to do that when I can't go to Florida any more.  I do think I could sell the lace trim here, though, because it wouldn't cost much to ship.  I guess there's still hope for me continuing my little hobby even when I have to stay home.

Matt packed a box of Kim's old Cosmopolitan magazines in the car and I'll sell those on Ebay for her.  It's pretty amazing how much the strangest things sell for...like 20 year old magazines!  Any I don't sell this winter I'll bring home because I can still sell them on Ebay when I'm here.

Selling on Ebay has been a great thing for me.  I enjoy yard saleing for items, finding people who want them, and making a little bit of money at it.  I also thoroughly enjoy doing my research on Ebay.  I often accidently come across items I never knew had value.  It's been a terrific hobby of mine for quite a few years now and I'll miss it when it ends.

Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse, like all other crimes, will probably always be with us but there are ways to lessen the chances.  If we taught our daughters (in the home, school, and by example) that they should never tolerate physical or emotional abuse by anyone, it would lower the instances of abuse and of murders.  If we taught our sons in the same ways that abuse of another living being is unacceptable, it would have the same effect.

Domestic abuse and domestic murder go hand in hand.  If a woman (usually, but sometimes a man) refuses to allow her mate to abuse her from day 1, then it most certainly will not escalate to full battery or murder,

Domestic abuse is not easily talked about by those involved in it.  Battered wives (sometimes husbands) are embarrassed or don't want to get their mate into trouble.  This is one big reason why an abused person has to stop it before it even gets started.  I've done a lot of research on the subject and understand it often takes great lengths of time before an abuser shows his/her true side.  They often woo their victim with love and kindness but become aggressive and demanding once they feel confident they can get away with it.  An abuser is really a weak and frightened human being.

Emotional abuse is usually more subtle and you might not recognize it as such until you're deeply involved in a relationship but it is never too late to stop accepting it as normal.  

Stand straight, respect yourself, and let your abuser know it can't happen again or you're walking away.  If the abuse continues, know that it will never stop and your life will be hell if you stay.

I wish it was as easily done as said but we have to keep trying to instill pride of self in our children.        

Stitched

Yesterday I had 2 suspicious spots cut off which left me with 8 stitches on my arm and an, as yet, undetermined number on my chest.  I try not to look at procedures like this because they make queezy.  I'll find out if they really were skin cancer in 2 weeks when I go back to the dermatologist to have the stitches removed.

Two large bandages cover the spots which I'd thought quite tiny and I'll remove them tomorrow to cleanse them.  Stitches don't bother me as long as what they're closing is neat and clean.  I'm going to assume I'll find another 8 stitches on my chest, too.  I heal fast so I'll also assume there will be no problem with the healing.

Anyway, this too shall pass and, I hope, never return.

Two More Little Skin Cancers

One of the big reasons I hate seeing a doctor is that they find stuff you didn't even know you had and weren't worried about.  I saw the dermatologist yesterday for my twice yearly visit and she sprayed some suspicious spots but found 2 ( I knew I had 1) that she wants to remove today.  I guess I should be thankful that they're small and easily removable but it will still require surgery and stitches.  The picture above is of the one on my arm but the one on my chest is really just a dot.

My darned Irish skin has been plagued with little skin cancers (1 on my lip that required radiation) for the last few years and I keep hoping they'll stop popping up.  I was never a true sunbather because my skin burned instead of tanned but maybe that's the reason for the skin cancers now.  

I'm not crazy about my dermatologist but she is very knowledgable and doesn't charge for the spraying while others here do so I guess I'll stick with her.  OHIP pays for the surgery so there's no cost to me, thank heavens.  Another good reason to have government health care!

Anyway, the spots affected today are on my lower arm and on my chest.  I can understand the sensative skin on my chest but arm skin is usually pretty tough.  They're not open sores but just little scabby spots that won't completely heal and go away.  They're the kind of things we'd tend to ignore if we didn't see a dermatologist regularly.

The good news is that the bad skin problems I've had for years on my nose were seemingly eradicated by the chemical peel I had done in Florida so I'm very happy with that.  Maybe I could get a chemical peel on my whole body!  LOL!

Shower Me

I haven't been sick in a while but it always makes me get better faster if I can drag myself to the shower and then get dressed.  There's something about the healing and awakening power of water being poured over you that amazes me even just taking my regular shower.  You think you're awake and ready to face the day but the minute the shower water drops onto your head you REALLY come awake.  The same thing happens when you're not feeling well...you feel so much better after a shower.

I wonder if it's partly because you're body has become dehydrated over the night and it's the hydration of the shower that your body needs to be fully awake?  I think it's also knowing that your hair will look it's best once you're done.  I shower every second day so I have one day of "good" hair and one day of "passable" hair.  Heaven forbid if there is no water on the third day because I wouldn't be able to leave the house.

I forget exactly how much water our bodies consist of but I think it's something like 98% so it's no wonder we're so affected by it or the lack of it.  When I'm truly thirsty only actual water will quench the thirst.  Water splashed onto my face revives me instantly.  We tend to take for granted that our water supply will always be there because we know we can't live without it.  When I think of places like Africa where water is in short supply, it makes me nervous.

Here in Ontario, we're surrounded by the great lakes but, in Florida, there actually is a shortage of fresh water and it carries a premium price.  Some households pay hundreds of dollars a month for their water.  In our park, we're lucky to have artesian wells that supply our trailers with somewhat fresh water but most of us use it only for bathing and buy our drinking water.  This causes us to appreciate what we have back home in Ontario.

We Canadians live in a beautiful, free country, one which draws  immigrants who want what we have and often we don't appreciate.  One of those things is the luxury of turning on our taps and having one of the necessities of life at our fingertips.

I guess I'm feeling a little euphoric because I just had my shower and my hair looks pretty darned good.  LOL!  

Negative Drama

Some people thrive on drama,  the more negative the more they seem to enjoy it.  They're the kind of people who will jump down your throat if you dare to say something they don't agree with.  They tire me out.

I'm hooked on shows like Cops and Maury where I get to see people totally immersed in lives of negative drama and, while it's interesting from a psychological point of view to witness at a distance, it would waste your whole day if you were actually living it.  I wonder sometimes if these people have screaming matches because they're bored and it sort of gives a little excitement to their dreary days.  There is definitely a deep psychological reason why some people deliberately fill their lives with drama, especially negative drama.

I'm not sure what positive drama is...maybe unbridled happiness??  That would probably wear me out, too, if it wasn't portioned out reasonably.  I once knew a lady who was hyper happy all the time but she complained that every man she dated was impotent.  I wonder if she wore them out before they even got started.

My family and friends run the gamut from high to low but never all the time, thank heavens.  Nolan might be a little too often on the high side but he's only 5 years old so that's to be accepted.   I really don't have anyone close to me who is a persistent downer...how draining that would be!  I did have a cousin like that but I've had to keep my distance because I could feel myself being dragged down right along with her.

Life is so much easier to handle if we dwell on as little negativity as possible.  Count your blessings and don't burden yourself with the petty stuff. 

What the F...!!!

I know we live in a progressively crazy world but every once in a while I can't help but think we're doomed.  Shelley posted a story on Facebook showing that a United States soldier was denied access to his children's school by security because he was wearing a military uniform.

Picture this...a hired security guard turns away a soldier father because some of the kids might be offended by his uniform.  I wonder what the security guard was wearing and if he/she was carrying a gun.

I'm just getting over the shock of seeing a list of banned foods from our local schools because a few of the children have allergies.  It's a ridiculous list banning everything that is good for the children.  I understand there are children with serious food allergies but doesn't it make more sense to let them eat their own lunches in a separate room than to limit the lunches of 99% of the students??  The school board also printed a list of acceptable lunch foods and they included potato chips and a whole lot of crap our children should not be eating at all.  

Should milk be banned in our schools??  Should nutritious peanut butter sandwiches be forbidden and meat sandwiches (more expensive and more easily spoiled) be demanded instead??  Sometimes the people who make up these ridiculous rules haven't got a brain in their heads...so are we going to let them get away with it?

What I think will happen here is...Americans have a great respect and regard for their soldiers so idiots at the school who wouldn't allow the soldier father in will change their policy.  The poor kids in my city will just have to eat crap because I can't see our local school board being forced to face facts instead of jumping on band wagons.  

Some common sense in the States but some asinine rules in Canada.
    

Severe Disappointment

My sister phoned me yesterday and, when I saw who it was on call display, I didn't answer the phone.  The sound of her voice brought back all the hurt from 2 years ago when she disappointed me so severely that it cut me deeper than I would have thought possible.  That was the day I'd broken my wrist (twisted bones) and she wouldn't go to the hospital with me.  I could drive with great difficulty but I was in agony and couldn't open the car door to get out.  There's much more to the story but suffice it to say that I've never really gotten over her betrayal when I was in desperate need.

I know my children are disappointed with me for shutting her out of my life but I've thought a lot about it today and know I don't hate her but I think it would break my heart to be around her.  I can only describe it as a feeling almost of fear.  I knew she had her faults but I never would have believed she'd turn her back on me when I needed her help so badly.  It's very difficult to wrap my mind around what happened that day.

My girls have said that life is too short to carry grudges, especially with family, but this isn't a grudge.  I don't know what to call it...I only know it would cut me to the quick to look into her eyes and try to see the sister I thought I had and to know she isn't who I thought she was.  It's almost a feeling of repulsion and I'd prefer to not see her than to feel that way about her.

And so I'll drift along through life without her and wonder how this will all end. 

Rummicubes by Candle Light

I spent a couple of days with Mary and they were enjoyable as always.  We hit her local casino and I lost all my money...surprise, surprise.  In the evening we settled in with gin and tonics to play Rummicubes but a bad storm caused a power outage so we were forced to play by candle light and flashlights.  I wouldn't recommend it but it did allow us to finish a game before we gave up and took our refreshed gin and tonics to the livingroom to just gab.

Mary and I are good friends and we can talk for hours about just about anything so that's what we did.  We don't necessarily have the same views of the world but the trick is to respect another's point of view unless it's a complete deal breaker.  There are none of those for me with Mary and I hope none of my beliefs are too much for her.

Before we went to the casino, we went to the little historic site of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" and I was just blown away by what I saw and learned.  Josiah Henson was an American slave who made his way via the underground railway to Dresden, Ontario in 1830.  In 1841, he and a group of others purchased 200 acres of land and created a vocational school for runaway American slaves so they could learn trades to support themselves.

There are still 4 of the original buildings which have been moved to the information center property in Dresden and I think Mary was a little surprised at my need to touch them in order to receive sensory input from them.  I don't know how to explain this need but I do it because it thrills and impresses me.  The strongest feedback came when I put my hand on the little church podium (Henson was a preacher) and it was almost like sparks flying to my hand.  I don't understand it but I believe it's energy of some kind.

The term "Uncle Tom's Cabin" came from the book written by Harriet Beecher Stowe and she based her book, factual and nonfactual, on Josiah Henson.  I can't believe it took me so long to visit and learn about such an important part of Canadian history.  I feel blessed that Mary was kind enough to take me there...she had already visited it before.  It will always astound me that any human being could believe it right to own another human being and to treat them so viciously...buying, selling, tearing apart families, beating, raping, killing.  It frightens me to know that can be a part of the human psyche.

Anyway, my little get-away to Mary and Don's place was also filled with happy times.  They'd had an afternoon party the first day for Don's family and that was great because they all mean a lot to me, too.  I've known this family for so long that I consider myself almost one of them.  They're good people!

All in all, I had a terrific time but I did like coming back home to my sweet little apartment, too.  I seem to have the best of many worlds and I am very thankful.

Taking Care of Business

In latter years I've surrounded myself with people I like and who I can trust.  Before Dennis passed away he told me to sell the Florida trailer because I wouldn't be able to look after it myself.  Well, he was right in a way but you can always hire people to do the things you can't do yourself.  There are so many people at the park in Florida who will come to your aid or suggest good hired help and that's what I depend on when I'm there.  So far I've got the trailer cleaning, inside and outside, taken care of and know of a couple of people who will fix whatever goes wrong if I can't fix it myself.

I don't think Dennis thought I'd survive on my own but I think I've done pretty good.  Selling the house last year was amazingly easy so I really lucked out with that but I feel I can handle whatever comes up...as long as I have my family, friends, or a check book to take care of it.

Dennis would be surprised at what I've accomplished since he's been gone but I believe we all have it in us to take up the reins of life if we have to do so.  Sheer determination can be the strength that carries us to do what has to be done.  I had so many doubts about my own abilities before Dennis passed away but what I've been able to do in the 9 years since has given me a lot of confidence.  You never know what you can do until you do it.  

Lots To Be Thankful For

I'm an analyzer by nature.  I analyze the people I come in contact with and I analyze myself.  After finishing the 7 Days of Thankfulness, I realized how much more I have to be thankful for and it truly humbles me.  Then I started analyzing just why I've become so at peace and one of the big reasons is that a few years back I started backing away from people who pulled me down.  I know this will narrow your horde of personal contacts but, boy, it sure makes for a peaceful life.

When you're younger, you are sort of forced to participate with people you don't like but we seniors can usually pick and choose our companions.  Every single one of mine these days is fun to be with and honest as the day is long.  This is what matters to me.  And it's a huge reason why I'm a contented old lady.

Trailer Cleaner

Every year before I leave for Florida I hire someone to clean the trailer.  One person will powerwash the outside and one will clean the inside from top to bottom.  I like to arrive at a nice clean trailer because I know what the summers do to an untended tin can.  A few times I've hired people who did such a crappy job that I had to pretty well redo it all and that's not how I like to start my Florida holiday.  One of my fondest memories is when I got to the trailer and found the cleaner had done a poor job.  As I was recleaning it, a friend of mine (Barb Martz) came strolling up the road with a bucket in hand to help me.  You just never forget good samaritans like that!!

The park's new owners have a policy which forbids any of their employees from doing work for the residents, even in their own free time, so I'm having trouble keeping a good house cleaner.   This year I'll be trying someone new, a lady who just moved into the park and who was recommended by a friend of mine.  We have a good network at the park where we look out for each other and help each other.  I'm so thankful for the good people who live or winter at 3W.

When Dennis was alive, he'd do all the outside work while I cleaned the trailer and put stuff away.  He'd also dispose of dead roaches that found their nast way inside the trailer over the summer.  I know he wouldn't approve of me hiring people to do this work but I do it because it makes me feel good to settle into a nice clean trailer after driving 1200 miles to get there.

I'm going down earlier than usual this year because John is being honored by being inducted into the "Air Command Hall of Fame" on Oct. 19th.  I'm so proud of him and don't want to miss the occasion.  I couldn't ask for a finer son-in-law than John and I love his family, too.  My Florida winter is going to start off so well but my only worry is when my wonderful friend, Sylvia, will get there (because of her car accident).  

I'm looking forward to seeing all my good buddies again but I'll also worry a bit about Gail W. getting there.  She and her husband rent and I'm hoping they find a good rental for this year.  Too many of my good buddies, like Gail, live too far away from me at home so I love having the winter with them.  Without my special buddies, Florida wouldn't be much fun at all.

Well, I'll hope for the best and accept what I cannot change.