Hurricane and Pets

Two of my friends (that I know of) are going to sit the hurricane out in their trailer because the shelters won't accept pets without their veterinarian papers to prove they've had their shots.  I feel sick and helpless.  I understand why they're doing this but I'm terrified for them.

If it were me I would never leave my pet behind but I would get in the car and drive north and into safety.  If I couldn't find a motel that would take my pets, I'd sleep in the car with them.  I can't stand the thought of these people hunkering down in a little tin can with a hurricane blasting around them.  I don't know what to do.  

We love our pets the way we love our families so it's understandable that people won't leave their pets to suffer through the hurricane by themselves.  But why don't they just drive north until they're all safe?  

Another couple is waiting to hear of an opening at a shelter.  I can't stand it.  They should also be driving north until they're out of danger.  I've begged them to leave and will worry until I know they're okay.

I'm going to need a lot of drugs to sleep tonight.

My Buddha Doodle

There's a bit of camera flash on this but it's still adorable.  I check on "Buddha Doodles" every day and usually find inspiration from them.  The sayings are often deep and always uplifting.

Last year I went a little crazy about getting photos of flowers off the internet and taking them to Costco to have plaqued.  My apartment walls are full of beautiful and colorful pictures of these flowers now and they really do uplift my spirits when I look at them.  The Buddha Doodle was ordered as a poster which I then had plaqued and it is also a pleasure for me to see on the wall.

I really do get a lot of pleasure from pretty things like flowers and pretty glass.  I don't need an expensive antique to make me happy, just a pretty little doodad.

This sweet little plaque hangs in the bathroom and I had to remove a flower plaque for it.  I'm not out of wall space but there is definitely a lack of it now.  Oh well, whatever makes you happy, right?

Sometimes Selfish Priorities

Hurricane Irma is bound to do a lot of damage to Florida no matter which path it takes.  The worst case scenario is if it hits Miami and continues straight up the state.  I fear there wouldn't be much left if that were to happen.

When I first heard about Hurricane Irma, my first thought was for the safety of Shelley, John, Jake, Nicole, and Sam.  My personal priorities start right there!  After being assured that they had everything under control and had planned well, my next thought went to my little trailer in Davenport and the fear that there was little chance of it surviving this massive and powerful storm.  I'm not proud that my trailer came second on my list of priorities but it is what it is.

But right on the heels of worrying about the trailer came the thought of all the other trailers in Florida and the year round residents in them.  Some have no car or resources to allow them to evacuate.  I'm very worried about them.  I'm also worried about the aftermath of the storm and the loss of power, air conditioning, and access to clean water.  In the very best scenario the storm will veer east and out to sea but the winds are far reaching and will still cause considerable damage to Florida.  

My family will be safe but my concern now is with those year round residents.  I'm so hoping that this will all end well.

Donna Fell

Donna is always a very neat and well put together lady so when she showed up for our Swedish weaving Tuesday get-together with 2 black eyes and a swollen and bandaged nose I was shocked.  I jokingly asked her if Frank had finally snapped but half way thought she might have gotten the bruising from some medical procedure.  She hadn't.  She'd taken a really nasty fall on her way to the doctor's office.

Donna explained how she'd had a choice of taking a few extra steps to approach the medical building safely or to take a chance and walk up a little dirt path so she, like I do every time, chose the dirt path which also happens to be on a slight incline.  Our balance is not perfect as we age and Donna took one little wobble too far and flipped off her feet and right down on her face.  I can only imagine her embarrassment which was probably worse than the pain she felt.  Luckily a lady driving by saw what happened and stopped to help her.

This lady was an angel, helping Donna up and even going into the doctor's office with her.  She even went back to where Frank would be picking Donna up and told him what happened.  Some people just amaze me with their kindness.

So Donna looks like hell but thankfully never broke anything.  We seniors have a terrible fear of falling and breaking a hip or knee which would be devastating for us and whoever takes care of us.  Donna has a better appreciation of Frank right now!

I'm on my own so my daughters already know they'll be stuck looking after me if or when I take a fall or serious illness.  We're all hoping I'll go to my reward quickly and painlessly.

I Can Feel You Worrying

I have 3 daughters and one I know for sure is a sensitive like me.  That doesn't mean she and I are alike in personality...she's more like her father...but she is open minded to accepting the senses we least understand.

Shelley lives in Florida and Hurricane Irma is a wicked strong hurricane that is set to possibly engulf it by the weekend.  Right now the track looks like it will go right up the middle of poor little Florida and the damage would be horrendous.  Also, my trailer sits dead center.

I was up extra early this morning and worrying about her safety but it was much too early to call her so I played on the computer and bided my time.  The phone rang about 8:30 and it was Shelley.  She said she felt me worrying about her and knew she had to call.  Now, either it was her sixth sense or she just knows what a worrier her Momma is.  Either way, I love that she cared.

She and John have their plans made according to what direction the hurricane takes.  If it comes up the gulf they'll drive up and get Jake and then head to safety, probably northeast.  If it hits on the Atlantic side, they'll probably go to their house in Georgia.  If it comes straight up the middle, I'm assuming they'll just drive inland as far as they need to go.

In any case, they are pros at this and won't take chances like waiting too long to evacuate.  I'll be watching, waiting, and worrying.

Love

I'm a romantic who believes that the right person for you will one day walk around the corner from nowhere and you will fall in love at first sight.  It didn't happen that way to me but I still believe in it.

I wasn't impressed with Dennis the first time I laid eyes on him because he happened to be drunk.  How was I to know that he rarely drank at all??  Then his brother, who I'd known for a while, asked me out on a Good Friday hike.  I agreed to go if my girlfriend, Eleanor, could also go.  

Dennis somehow arranged that I'd be sitting next to him in the car and I thought he was pretty cute...quiet and gentle was my first impression (actually second impression because the first time I saw him he was quiet, gentle, and drunk).

I spent most of the hike with Dennis without a thought to his brother and that might seem cold but I was 15 years old and girls that age don't usually consider the feelings of boys.  For the next few days, Dennis and his friend, Bill, started hanging out with me and Eleanor and, because Dennis was so quiet, I wasn't sure which one of us he liked.  It turned out to be me and I fell in love with the intensity of a 15 year old.

Looking back, I understand why teens get into so much trouble because their feelings are so intense.  They haven't the maturity to modulate those feelings so they jump into them full bore.  

I remember dozens of things I didn't like about Dennis but, in my immaturity, I believed I could change him to be what I preferred.  Of course that didn't happen but how was I to know?

Love is a strange and beautiful thing and guides the human race more than any other emotion.

Cell Phone Evidence

Cell phone or video camera evidence is everywhere these days and few people can get away with lying or committing crimes.  Something that worries me, though, is how so much video cam footage is too blurry to make out.  I'm wondering why?  

I am a peaceful, lawful old gal so I don't care how many cameras are on me while I go about my daily life.  On the other hand, those same tools can be misused by our government agencies.  They seem to be acquiring a little too much control over the citizens and that might not be such a good thing.  I guess future generations might find all these cameras an assault on their freedoms.  

Foreign Curse Words

How many of us can't speak a foreign language but we do know a few curse words in some?  I wonder why that is??  I was in a little store yesterday and overheard an old guy asking the young salesman if he knew what fung... (Italian for f..k) meant.  There were only the 3 of us in the store and the salesman cautioned the old man to be careful what he said.  The old guy replied that no-one knew what that word meant.

I said, "I do".

You could have knocked that old man over with a feather and he couldn't apologize to me enough.  Then he assumed I spoke Italian and began talking to me in Italian.  I stopped him, saying I spoke only English but had learned that word when I was in my teens.

I remember a bunch of my girlfriends hanging out with some good looking Italian boys back in the mid 1950's.  They were recent immigrants and laughed themselves silly as they taught us some Italian swear words.  While we never would have said those words out loud in those days, we thought it hilarious to speak them out loud in Italian.  Somehow it wasn't really like swearing.

I never thought then that knowing a few swear words in Italian would give me such a good laugh 60+ years in the future.

Go Fund Me

I'd heard about the Go Fund Me page and also heard the stories about how much abuse you see on it...people claiming to be sick with cancer when they're healthy, people claiming their child was sick when they had no children, etc.  Even if the plea is legitimate, do these people always deserve your dollars???

I saw such a request on Facebook today and it was a legitimate one by a 15 year old boy wanting to save his grandparents' home.  They'd fallen on hard times and were going to sell their house and move to something they could afford.  They needed $250, 000 to keep the house.

Now, this is a darned nice big house...granite counters in the kitchen, pool table, 2 car garage, clay roof, etc. and of course they don't want to lose it but damn!!!  There are people living in cardboard boxes in this country.  There are people working 2 jobs who can't afford a half decent apartment for their family.  There are people living in homeless shelters.  So very many people who have it so much worse than this young boy's grandparents.

What he's trying to do is a nice thing but let's be realistic.  Should the public donate $250, 000 to save this lovely house which is probably better than most people can afford?  Or should the public put that $250,000 to better use where it would make the lives of maybe 25,000 people a little bit better?

Common sense should give us the answer.

ESP

I've had more ESP moments in my life than I can remember.  They were just part of my everyday life and have continued sporadically all through  my life.  My understanding is that every one of us has this capability but it seems you have to believe in it for it to happen.  I believe.

A thought came to me today.  If I'm lucky enough to be gifted with ESP, why aren't I a consistent winner at the casino?  I choose my slot machines at whim so I'm attempting to tap into the ESP but I'm more a consistent loser when it comes to gambling.

The truth is that I can't draw on my ESP at will.  It has always come to me as a surprise but I've learned to pay attention to it.  There have been many times in my life that the warnings were too strong for me to resist and that saved my life.  

I used to have dreams about tragedies that actually came about days later and that upset me.  Why hadn't there been a way to know the tragedy was yet to happen so that maybe it could be prevented?  For some reason I don't have those dreams any more.

Something I do get...and it's a good thing because I'm a terrible worrier...is an iron hard knowledge that something or someone will be okay.  That seems to happen most often when it involves a health issue.  If I'm not assured in that mysterious way, I worry something terrible. 

I don't think of ESP as anything strange or unusual.  Knowing we only use 10% of our brains normally, it makes sense that the other 90% could accomplish miracles.  I watched a documentary on Tesla last night and he must have been using much more of his brain than the standard 10% because he surely was a genius.  I believe we all have the ability to tap into that 90% because I truly think that's where ESP comes from.  For me, I can't seem to do it on demand and that's too bad.

Oh yes...and I honestly could and did step outside my body at will all of my young life until one day when I was about 14 years old.  I remember the moment as if it was yesterday.  I was walking along Ottawa St. with my friend, Cathy G. and stepped out (that's what it felt like).  The thought suddenly came to me that one time I might not be able to get back in and immediately I was back inside and have never been able to do that again.  

I guess it's either fear or disbelief that can keep us from utilizing what we don't understand.  I don't know how my ESP works.  I only know that I trust my extra strong instincts...also known as ESP.    

Demonstrations Stopped For The Flood

I noticed the demonstrations have stopped...must be because of the flood in Texas.  I'm sure all those people who raged and ranted while tearing down old Confederate statues have all stopped their destruction so they can help the people in Texas who are trapped in flooded waters.  After all, those demonstrators were quite angry with their country and how poorly their country is serving their hurt feelings.  Those are the kind of people who would surely rush to help their fellow man/woman in need, right?  Those are the kind of people who demonstrated because they want a better world so they'd be the first to volunteer to help in Texas, right?

Nope.  Doesn't seem to be happening.  I see a lot of cops, firefighters, good neighbors, etc. working their butts off to help the Texans but I haven't seen one person with a bandana over their face or club in their hands.  I've seen the damned good majority doing what we all should be doing and that's helping instead of destroying.

I'll bet a lot of those protesters are just biding their time and waiting for good weather before they start protesting again.

Hidden Treasures

When I moved to the apartment I downsized something fierce and got rid of many things I treasure.  What I brought to the apartment went mainly in designated spots but some tiny treasures (to me only) were put in temporary quarters.  That was over 4 years ago and some are still there.

I needed a padded envelope to mail my trailer key to the lady who will clean it and they're all nicely in place behind a little door on my desk.  As I pulled out the envelope, I had to lift a tray of "stuff" so I thought this would be an opportunity to see if I really need to keep that "stuff".  Most were note pads of which I have way too many.  Some were binders and I'll keep half of them.  There was a lovely booklet of Elvis photos that I bought at a yard sale many years ago for $1...I might have them buried with me.  Then I found a short story I'd written but didn't date...it's okay but nothing special.  Lastly was an article I'd written about how I used to be able to step outside my body at will.  I've written a blog about that before and this also added how my ESP worked for me a few times.  It was interesting reading it but I know most people would read it and think I'm nuts.  I don't care.  I know it's true.

I know there's a lot of stuff tucked away in "temporary" places that I don't need and I really should have done some heavy duty cleaning and discarding this summer.  That was the plan but life and laziness got in my way.

I've always been a story writer but it wasn't until Marilee talked me into starting the blogs that I found the nerve to place them where others could read them and either criticize or praise me.  No-one has criticized me but then only a handful of people have actually read them.  I'll settle for that.

Can't Forgive or Forget

It absolutely amazes me when I see how easy it is for some people to forgive grievous things that have happened to them.  Like the mother who forgave the man who murdered her daughter, visited him in prison and became friends with him.  I can't understand this.  It makes me think there's something missing in my psyche.

I don't forgive any bad deed deliberately done to me.  I can get past it and carry on a relationship if the deed wasn't too horrendous but I'll always be a little wary of the perpetrator.  Heaven forbid if someone seriously hurts someone I love because I'll want their head on a platter.  A minor hurt probably means they're out of my life for good.  I don't fault myself for this because it just happens to be the way I'm wired.

I tend to think that people who forgive are better people than I am.  They have something I don't and that something raises them up.  The lady who forgave her daughter's killer will always make me wonder how she does it, though.  I believe her forgiveness is real and that it gave her comfort in some way but I will never understand it.

One thing, though, is that I don't dwell on the people who remain unforgiven in my mind.  I understand this is a loss in my life but don't fault myself for it.  If I can't be somewhat comfortable around a person, I don't want to be around them at all.

Forgiveness seems to come naturally to almost everyone so why does it escape me?  To be so stringent in my judgement it should follow that I'm a perfect human being but I'm far from it.  I've committed cruel acts that I'm deeply ashamed of and I don't forgive that, either.  The mind is a weird and wonderful thing to have and to analyze.

Forgotten

Well, it has happened.  Someone who has been a very important part of my life is disappearing.  And Alzheimers is the culprit that's caused it.

Alzheimers is a strange disease.  It takes away slowly and sometimes you're not sure if a memory is just faded or gone for good.  And, when it's thought to be gone for good, it can suddenly reappear for a moment.

When a loved one has Alzheimers, it's normal for their people to attempt to remind them of treasured moments in the past and it's uplifting when you feel you've made a breakthrough.  But sometimes you haven't.  The patient will make every effort to convince you they remember when they don't and that must be stressful for them.  

So talk about old times, hope for the best, and love them just as they are.  You might be gone from their memories but you remain in their souls.   

Self Hatred

I've watched these recent demonstrations by thousands of people who either want or don't want all Civil War statues removed because they represent the days of slavery.  My feeling is that they are historical relics so please don't destroy them!

There was a HUGE demonstration in Boston the other day and I was very impressed with the vast number of people who felt the need to express their opinion on the subject but how very, very few committed any violent acts.  That's a big change from previous demonstrations where so many people behaved like undisciplined a..holes.

But something in this demonstration struck me as peculiar.  Now, there might have been signs like this in other demonstrations but I've never seen this before.  One sign in particular struck me as funny, sad, and ridiculous.  It read "WHITE PEOPLE SUCK".  It was being carried by a white person.  There were a few more denigrating the white population and some also were being carried by white people.  Now...if these people are demonstrating to stop racism, why are they insulting the white race??  And, please forgive me for snickering, why are some white people putting their own selves down like this??

We whites of today never owned slaves.  Yes, there is still racism today but it goes both ways, too.  What these demonstrators needed to do was to end racism by ending it for all people and not just one group.  If they think they can make all races equal by putting down one then they are missing the point.  Somehow we have got to understand that skin color has no meaning in whether or not a person is good, bad, or indifferent.

Anyway, that anti-white sign carried by a white person will remain in my memory as one more reason we human beings are terribly flawed.

Joyce

When I first met my husband and began dating him, he introduced me to his huge family and to his sister, Joyce.  I remember thinking how beautiful she was (and still is) and I loved her maritime accent.  She had moved to Ontario much later than her brothers and sister so she still had that lovely soft accent, similar to the southern but much softer.

For whatever reason, Joyce took me under her wing (she's 8 years older than me) and was the prime person to pull me into her wonderful family.  I have always adored Joyce and think of her as my sister.

Faye, Cindy, Linda, and I are heading up to stay with Joyce and Larry tomorrow and I am filled with worry that my dear Joyce might not know who I am.  She's in the early stages of Alzheimers, doing fairly well with the help of her wonderful husband, Larry, but has had a few health issues that sort of intensified her Alzheimers.  I know my heart will be broken when the day comes that Joyce doesn't recognize me and I'm so worried it might happen tomorrow.  I can't seem to shake that fear and I'm also afraid of what my reaction will be if and when it happens.

Our whole family is worrying about being forgotten and I can only think that it will be Larry who hurts the most when the time comes.  I've been practicing in my mind what to say or do and I think the best thing is to just go along with her and continue loving her.

I'll do my crying in private.

Mini Orchid

On the left is a regular orchid that I've had for a couple of years (loses flowers after 3-4 months and then goes dormant for about 6 months) and on the right is a mini orchid that I just bought.  I'm not happy about the fact that today I see half of the flowers are dying because that means it's about to go dormant.  I do like the minis, though, and will buy more next spring.

I Don't Argue

I love a discussion with varying opinions on any subject but they have to be civil discussions with no angry arguments.  I often learn that I'm wrong and I don't mind at all admitting it...apparently my opinions don't sway many people because I can't remember anyone else admitting they were wrong.  No matter, I still love to have interesting discussions with polite people.

Would I march or protest publicly about something I feel strongly about?  I don't think so.  Firstly, those public protests scare the beejesus out of me because too many turn violent.  Second, I'm not sure they accomplish a single thing...they only make their opponents angrier.

When you have university students, the supposed elite of our youth, screaming wildly to drown out any opinion but their own, I can see our society emerging as one that only vents and never listens.  No peaceful solutions can come from people who won't listen.

I had a lovely discussion on Facebook today with someone whose opinions don't completely coincide with my own.  We listened to one another, questioned, and maybe no opinions were changed but it was all done in respectful dialogue.  I love this!  I don't know the guy but he's a friend of my nephew and we won't have to be nervous about meeting each other one day because nothing nasty was said by either of us.

I know I'm becoming more opinionated as I get older but I think it's because I'm worried about the world I'll be leaving to my progeny.  I wish it was a better one, a kinder one, a safer one.   

Evil Statues

There's been a battle going on in the southern states about whether or not statues of confederate soldiers should be removed.  For many, they represent the days of slavery and some find it wrong to glorify them.

All along I've been saying the statues should not be removed because they are part of our history and history cannot be changed by removing unpleasant reminders.  All it took to change my opinion was one question from Mary.  She asked how I'd feel about a statue of Hitler.  And right then I saw the problem through new eyes.

No, history can never be changed by removing those statues but I can now understand that the statues were put in place to honor that particular soldier and that is what causes hurt and disgust especially to people whose ancestors were slaves.  As much as I hate to see remnants of our history destroyed, I hadn't thought about the fact that we've evolved to a day where what they represented is now considered evil.  How would the family of people who lost their lives in Nazi gas chambers feel about having a statue of Hitler displayed in their town?

Germany once wanted the death camps to be demolished because they were embarrassed by them but enough people protested that they still remain as a reminder of the evil we're capable of doing.  Maybe the solution to the Confederate statues is to leave them where they are but apply a plaque explaining the evil they perpetuated against blacks.  I don't know if that would be enough, though, to make everyone happy.

The recent clash between demonstrators to demolish and the white supremacy idiots who want to keep the statues tells me we're a long way from being able to agree on anything here.  The very fact that large groups of white supremists exist proves we haven't evolved as far as we should have.

The very fact that President Trump fell far short of lashing out at the white supremists is also very telling.  That they hold Trump up as a leader screams out that the United States is in bigger trouble than we thought. 

Your Elders Did and Some Still Do

My one grandson goes a little crazy if I even hint I had sex when I was younger.  I do think he'd prefer to believe no old person ever, ever did the nasty, especially his Gramma.  I don't make a point of bringing up the subject but the tiniest comment out of me sends him running.  It's really funny!

I remember as a very young girl when my grandfather would keep asking my grandmother when she was coming to bed and I couldn't figure out why she'd giggle and tell him to shut up.  It was a mystery then but not now.  He was an old boy in his 80's at the time so the twinkle was still there.

I know of many seniors who are still enjoying sex with their partners and that's a beautiful thing.  Sex is definitely not just for the young and beautiful but I'm sure the body beautiful would still be the best turn on.  Old people just have to have a good imagination.  LOL!

As you age you might not miss the sex but you probably will miss the intimacy of cuddling and feeling loved.  If you're lucky enough to have a partner who makes you feel good, go for it.  It's nobody's business but your own!

Nuclear War

For most of my life I've had a teensy fear of a nuclear war breaking out between the U.S. and Russia.  Never in all those years did I consider that, instead of Russia, little old North Korea might be the country to bring us down.

Their dictator, Kim Jong Un (hope I spelled that correctly), is a fat, weird looking creep who somehow manages to keep his tiny country under tight control.  He has also somehow come into possession of nuclear warheads that he is using to threaten the United States.  Is he insane?  Probably.  Is this a serious threat?  Definitely!

Then we have the mighty United States and President Trump waging a war of words with the North Korean imbecile.  This is not a sensible approach and the world as we know it could be destroyed by one angry "tweet".  I have great confidence that the United States will not start a war with Kim but neither will they be able to shut Trump up and that might influence crazy Kim to start a war with the U.S.  This would be laughable if it wasn't so serious.

Any nuclear attack anywhere will result in devastating damage, much loss of life, and nuclear fallout that will affect everyone on earth.  There's no escaping this possibility at this time and what we are witnessing is that the fate of our world is in the hands of two very unstable people.  I am a pacifist but I'm looking to see Kim gone.  

  

2012 Nissan Altima

I bought this car in April of 2012.  It had been a rental or leased car and I always wondered why it was being sold so early but I found 2 teensy little dents and figured that was the reason.  Some people are so stuffy that they won't even drive a rental car with dents.

Anyway, this car has given me no trouble in the 5+ years I've had it and I'm hoping for another 5+ years before I have to consider another car.  The age of a car doesn't matter to me, only the safety.

I took it into the dealership today for an oil change and complete overall check-up and it passed!  I expected it would but wondered if maybe it might need new brakes after 5+ years but it doesn't.  The tech at the dealership also told me not to worry about the little chips on the door because they hadn't gone through to the metal so they won't rust.  I have some touch up paint so I'll use that.

I did a whole lot of research before buying the Nissan Altima and I'm happy to say it's been a treasure of a car.  

Beginning to Plan the Winter

It's misery for me to wait until the last minute to make plans so I called Duke Energy about turning on the power in my trailer.  When I panicked over my misdiagnosis last fall, I shut down all the utilities at the trailer because I thought I'd never be able to go back there.  Now I'm fine and will spend the winter at the trailer and need all those utilities turned on in October.

Duke Energy assured me my account was still available and they didn't need my signature or I.D. to turn it on.  They also will take care of turning on internet and cable so I couldn't be more thrilled!

I know it's just early August and I don't leave for Florida until early November but I still like to get all my ducks in a row before they absolutely have to be...so I messaged the lady who had cleaned my trailer 2 years ago to see if she could do it this year.  She is a realtor and had just started back to her regular job after a few years (Florida real estate is still not good but it is making a come back) so I didn't know if she had the time or interest in cleaning my trailer.  She messaged me back and said she'd do it.  Yeah!!!

Now most of my ducks are in a row and I just have to stay healthy enough to be able to have out-of-country health insurance.  I feel wonderful but you never know! 

Trump News

If this isn't the craziest U.S. presidency there ever was, I am dumbfounded.  Trump doesn't like reporters because he doesn't like having to answer questions about his possible illegal actions so he calls all of it "fake news".

Instead of standing up at a podium and speaking to the citizens like a mature and mentally stable president, he posts "tweets" in the early morning hours that often make no sense at all.  He thinks he's being hounded by the press and he fires anyone who doesn't do as he says.

Now he's created his own news channel.  All content will be only what he demands so, if it wasn't scary, it would be funny.

This is the most egotistical human being we've ever seen and he's the president of the might United States.  He's a Republican and has lost the support of many if not most of the Republican leaders.  He calls them traitors but the truth is that he is so crazy they can't even force themselves to support him.

His followers are diminishing but he still keeps the die hard citizens who saw him as the answer to their prayers.  He was elected by the people who had become terrified by what they saw happening in their country and they don't want to give up on him.  My heart hurts for those people because they have been duped.  

Trump has been in collusion with Russia in interfering with the presidential election and I'll bet he is using his influence as president to enrich himself and his businesses.  He has fought tooth and nail to stop all this from being investigated but so far is losing that battle.  I think he will be impeached when the horrible truth about this man becomes clear to everyone.

It's been a strange 7+ months of his presidency because he has done a few things right.  Unemployment is down in the States and the stock market is up.  That tells me that at least a few things are going well for the States.  The chaos between the white house and everyone else must surely have inhibited much important business from being handled, though.  At the top of the list is health care.

I don't think this chaos can continue much longer and it will all culminate with the results of the Russian collusion investigation.  It's a sad state of affairs.

Sick Child

There is no age limit to how a mother feels when her child isn't feeling well.  We will worry and fret over it even if the child is 80 years old.  It's the curse and the job of every mother to need her child healthy and happy.

Kim had a tummy upset over the weekend and I've struggled to keep from wanting to stay with her 24 hours a day to hold her hand until she's better.  It's been hard to control myself but I did.  But mothers worry and we can't help it.

I called her this morning and found out she's feeling just fine...we might never know what caused her tummy upset but I'm glad it's gone.  Now I can relax.

Birthday Flowers

Living in an apartment means limited space but my love of flowers is so strong that I can find space for all of my birthday flowers.  I'm going to enjoy them thoroughly for as long as they last and, as some die off, I can combine separate bouquets to make just one display.  Cindy and Don gave me the one with the house plants in it so it stays on the coffee table.

I love flowers!

Family Birthday Party

My 40 year old twin, Yvonne, celebrated her birthday in Las Vegas but mine was celebrated in Cindy's sunroom and I know I had as good a time as Yvonne.

Cindy, Don, Tyson, Kyle, Kim, Matthew, Kelli, Nick, Bev, Valerie, Avry, Sydney, Edwin, and Tally made my day very special and I enjoyed spending it with them.  Cindy prepared a lovely barbecue and Don and Matt did the cooking.  The day was sunny and warm but with the terrible heat and humidity gone for a while.

I received flowers, photo stand, and gift certificate for getting my nails done...presents are never important to me but they are nice to get.  Shelley and John sent flowers, too, so my apartment looks really pretty now.  

This is the kind of family day that makes me very happy...I'd be lost without my family and life wouldn't be so good.  I know some people survive quite happily without having strong ties to their families and that's fine for them but I truly love and need mine.  And I know how lucky I am to have a "good" family, people who are kind, decent, and loving.

Anyway, today I'm 77 years and 1 day old and very happy to be here to enjoy it!   

77..What It Feels Like

Today is my 77th birthday and it doesn't feel special, just another opportunity to enjoy my life.  I thought I'd write down the pros and cons of being 77.

Pros:  enjoying time with family and friends, enjoying the beauty of nature, having a few bucks to go to the casino, having a few bucks to go to Florida, having the freedom to choose how I'll spend my day, being healthy enough to be able to live alone, being mentally alert enough to use the computer.

Cons:  afraid of falling, hurting just a little bit, wrinkles and eye bags, tiring more easily, taking medication (I don't take much but I hate having to take any), friends dying off.

I think the worst part of growing old for me is losing friends who pass away.  I might place aches and pains at the top if and when they consume me but, so far, I'm okay.

One of the things about growing old that has astounded me is how young and alive I feel in my mind.  It doesn't come close to feeling old but the darned mirror likes to remind me.  I don't fear death because I'm curious about it and what comes next.  I might be wrong but I believe in some sort of existence after death.  I do fear pain, being bedridden and senility.  But I feared a whole lot more things when I was young.

I was born 77 years ago to an unwed mother and those were the days when the Children's Aid could walk in and take the child away from her.  It was my grandmother who fought hard to keep me and I'll never know if she did me a favor or not but her heart was in the right place.  I grew up poor but in a clean home with good meals.  There are many levels of poverty and I got lucky.

I never appreciated my grandmother until I had children of my own and understood her sacrifice in raising me.  My mother lived with us, too, but it was my grandmother who was more a mother to me.  Nan passed away at 72 and I would give just about anything to be able to talk with her now.  It's turned out that I'm very much like my grandmother in many ways except she was a fabulous cook and I'm not.

When you age, you look back on your life with all it's mistakes, successes, twists and turns.  You can usually pinpoint those defining moments that made you the person you are today.  My first defining moment came when my grandmother fought to keep me.  Another defining moment was when I realized how much she must have loved me and I don't think I ever thanked her.

Even living 77 years, life is still short and you don't get to right all the wrongs you've done.  I'm hoping to meet up with Nan on the other side and say what I should have said when she was alive.  As for the other wrongs I've done in my life, I hope I still have a few more years here to work on them.

Today I feel great.  Cindy is having a barbecue for my birthday and I'm looking forward to being with my family.  Life is good!      

Buddha Doodles

One of the Facebook pages I follow is "Buddha Doodles" because I find them sweet and inspirational.  Today I discovered that they sell art prints of each photo so I ordered one...it was hard to choose because I really do love them all.  I ordered a 10" x 16" and the cost was $33 with free shipping.  I'll have it plaqued the same way I did the flower photos.

Inspirational messages do a lot of things for us.  They inspire us to be better human beings, they make us think, and these ones in particular are cute cartoon drawings.  I can just picture passing it by every day and having it make me smile.  

Dinged

I love my car and some idiot opened their car door onto it and left 2 chips in the paint.  I'm not sure if they can be buffed out but I need an oil change and check-up so I'll ask when I get that done.  I never noticed it until yesterday so I'm not sure where it happened.

It's irritating that the person who did it just drove away but I'm not entirely sure I wouldn't do the same thing.  It's different if you do real damage like the lady who ran into my parked car in Florida.  I admire her honesty for leaving her name and phone number on my windshield wipers.  But, for a couple of paint chips, I'm not sure that's worth the hassle of encountering a raging car owner who might make ridiculous demands.

Gonna Be 77

Another birthday is looming before me and I have to say it doesn't bother me one bit.  Getting old is preferable to dying young because you get to experience more earthly things.  I've had my share of health scares but I'm fairly healthy and definitely quite happy.  So why worry about age?

Something I never even expected was to be a greatgramma and I'm that twice over.  A lot of my friends are, too, and that must be because we're living longer than our ancestors.  My own Gramma died at 72 and my mother at 64 so I've surpassed my immediate ancestors by at least 5 years and, hopefully, counting.  Being old and sickly would not be nice and I don't want that in my future.  But as long as I'm feeling good and life is being nice to me I want to hang around for a while yet.

There's a saying that old age isn't for sissies and they got that right.  The things you experience as you age will either make you stronger or do you in.  I think the toughest times in my life were when I was in my 20's and 30's.  Marrying young and being broke all the time despite my husband being a hard worker wears you down.  It amazes me today to see how many people that age are living high and I wonder if they'll be able to appreciate the ease that comes with old age.  Not all young ones are living high, though, and it's becoming increasing difficult for those millennials to climb the ladder.  

The best change I've seen in my life is how women have demanded and received more freedom and opportunities.  The worst I've seen is an increase in evil that makes the streets unsafe for our children.  I think that evil was always there but social mores and criminal punishment for crimes against children aren't as tough as they were when I was a child.

When I was young we made fun of gay people...called them queer and made their lives miserable.  Terrible but that was the way our society was then.  In today's society, gay people are much safer and better accepted and that's an improvement.  I'd never heard of transgenders until much later in life.  I was aware of cross dressers and mistakenly thought they were gay but I remember how shocked I was when the first publicized gender reassignment surgery was done.  I don't think I'll ever understand it but I don't have to.  

Soldiers were fully respected when I was young and that went on until the Viet Nam war when the soldiers were villified.  That was so unfair to them because they had done only what every soldier does and that's to serve their country.  The fact that the Viet Nam war was so unpopular meant the public wanted to blame someone and they falsely blamed the soldiers.  

Police officers were also fully respected and still are by sensible people.  I remember when police officers in the U.K. didn't even need to carry guns because just their presence drew respect.  Now I'd be terrified if one of my loved ones joined the police force because it is way too dangerous for them.

When I was in grade school we had to reach certain standards before we could pass on to the next grade.  Standards now are lower or non-existent...they don't want children to fail.  But failure is a part of life and children need to learn how to accept defeat and how to make it inspire them.  I've seen teachers on the news who don't even have a command of the English language so how can they teach the students?  A good teacher is a treasure but a poor teacher is a handicap that could have everlasting effects.

Am I happy to have lived this long and seen our world and our society change?  Yes!  Every time I get a little depressed about some of the not so good things going on there comes along a story of courage and decency that gives me hope for future generations.  There are still more decent people by far than nasties.  We just give the nasties too much attention.

I've said how I don't like Donald Trump as the U.S. president and worried he'd destroy our world but I've come to have respect for the Congress and other U.S. government safeguards that are preventing him from totally screwing up.  I'm not happy with Justin Trudeau, either, and hope he'll fade away at the end of his term.  But I also know it could all be worse so I'll just sit back in my twilight years and watch the world turn.  As long as we human beings don't blow the world up, we still have a chance of making it better.    

Can't Sleep

It's happening again...no sleep or little sleep but it was a bit different last night.  I was very tired and turned the T.V. and light off shortly after 10 P.M.  I still tossed and turned for hours and, when I did fall asleep, it was not a deep sleep.  I dreamed a bit but was still so close to the surface that I directed the dream.  Not once did I fall into a deep sleep but awoke or slept just below the surface all night long.  The dream was ridiculous, something about a Muslim wedding.  I've never been to one so I have no idea why I'd dream it or direct it!

Dreams mean something to the dreamer.  We can't always figure out the meaning and I'm sure I'll never figure this one out.

For years I dreamt I was flying and it felt so good.  I'd fly around and even feel the air on my skin but sooner or later I'd encounter trees or telephone lines getting in my way and I'd have to land.  That's an easy dream to decipher.  The flying is a quest for freedom and the trees and telephone lines represent the obstacles in life that limit your freedom.

I rarely have nightmares, thank heavens, and almost all my dreams are happy ones.  I'm usually in a place with lots of people so I assume that's when I'm happiest but, in real life, I do enjoy my alone time, too.  

In the past I had dreams where I woke up heartbroken and it was such a relief to realize it had only been a dream.  I've also had strange dreams where I saw a tragedy happen and then it actually did happen a few days later...such as fires or airplane crashes.  I don't know if that counts as being forewarned because none of it happened to me or anyone I knew.  Still kind of strange because the dream depicted the tragedy so clearly.

I guess I'll have to take an Advil P.M. tonight because I can't tolerate too many sleepless nights.  They really do ruin my day.

And so to sleep, perchance to dream.

.

A Little Shame, A Little Joy

So what do you do when you've been somewhere you shouldn't have been, done something you shouldn't have done, but it turned out so darned great?  You can't put it on Facebook so, thankfully, you have "the blog".

Not many people read my blog but remember I went to the casino a few days ago and only lost $4.10?  My reasoning is that it gives me a free pass to go again but I know my children don't approve.  I went back to the casino yesterday...and I came home $431 richer!  I won a huge bonus when I first got there and was able to play all day and still come home a big winner.  This rarely happens and certainly never this big a winner.  I'm so happy!  

I had another experience, too.  While having lunch, there was a young black lady sitting alone at the table next to me and I noticed she left her purse sitting on the floor when she went up to the buffet.  I mention she's black only because that was something I considered before speaking to her...was she prejudiced against white people?  Anyway, when she returned I motioned her over to my table and told her it wasn't safe to leave her purse alone at any time.  She thanked me politely and I noticed she had a strong accent so I'm assuming she's an immigrant.  I'd also thought this might be the case and that she might think safe old Canada was a whole lot safer than it is.  It's a strange feeling to have to worry that someone you speak to might hate you for the color of your skin, isn't it?  We white people are just becoming aware of that.

Back to my win...I don't even know how it happened.  I was on a bonus which often only gives you $4-5 and all of a sudden the bells went off and the screen lit up with fireworks.  Hot damn!  I knew that was a good sign but didn't know just how good it was because this is the first time it ever happened to me.  I'm going back to the casino on August 10th with Mary so I expect to win again.  We gamblers are so gullible!

Update:  2 of my 3 daughters read the blog and let me know they are happy for me.  The one who either hasn't read the blog or just isn't happy for me is the one who once dragged her boyfriend out of a casino.  I think that explains very clearly her opinion of casinos.  LOL! 

Missing the Dead

It is never easy to accept that someone you love or care for is gone for good.  I described it once before as feeling as though a part of your life and history has been cut away and that's exactly how I feel when someone close to me dies.

Even as a young woman when my grandfather and grandmother passed away, it didn't seem real somehow because their faces, voices, mannerisms were still vivid in my memory.  How could such strong individuals just go?

I saw an old photo yesterday of a group of my 3W friends and on the far side stood a friend who passed away a year and a half ago.  She looked so vibrant, just as I always saw her.  It haunts me how someone so full of life can leave, almost as though they'd never existed.  Jo was a winter friend of mine at 3W and seemed to have a very strong presence whenever she was around.  Some people are like that...not loud or pushy but just good souls who shine.  The ones who shine are the hardest to let go and that's because there are few of them.

I have my own beliefs even though they're not considered religious.  I want to believe that, when we die, our essence or soul drifts away to another life somewhere.  I want to believe that our life energy can't be truly destroyed and that we somehow survive death.  There is no logic in complete and total death of a human being who has left an imprint on this earth, no matter how small or briefly.  Of course, there's also no logic in how we happen to exist at all but that's for another blog.

I'll continue to hurt for the rest of my life the losses I've experienced.  They lived and loved and mattered.  They must be somewhere.

Trump and Scaramucci

I'm not sure I spelled his name right but Scaramucci won't be around long.  This foul mouthed creature has been chosen by Trump to be his liaison with the press and the public (the people who voted for him and those whom he represents) but the guy is so horribly crude and almost manic in his crudeness.  The only saving grace is that he wasn't chosen to have anything to do with the actual running of the government.

Trump is not a stupid man even though he does some awfully stupid things.  I believe the stupid things he does is part of his normal personality and he was able to get away with them when he was a private citizen in the business world.  Why he would choose a low life like Scaramucci to deal with the press is surprising, though.  If Trump was still a private citizen, it would almost look like he'd hired a Mafia hit man to do his dirty work.

If anyone reading this has ever watched Trump's reality show, "The Apprentice", it's pretty apparent that he's running the country the same way he ran that show.  He's hiring and firing some very important people at an awesome rate.  He says he's "clearing the swamp" but Scaramucci is definitely a swamp creature.  Most of the people Trump keeps close are those who bow down to him but you can bet Scaramucci won't do that.  He might harm him, though, if Trump ever fires him.  He's just that weird!

And so the soap opera, "Life In The White House", continues.

Update:  Scaramucci was fired today (July 31).  I think this whacko even shocked Trump!

Win (?) at the Casino

I've said before that I'm not a winner at the casino but I do feel like one if I come home with at least most of the money I went with.  That happened yesterday when I took an impromptu trip to Fallsview and only lost $4.10.  It's actually less than that because I had 2 Diet Cokes and one bottle of water.  

I was on my last $20 and knew I had to leave shortly for Nolan and Nash's t-ball game so I set myself down at one of my favorite machines and planned to play out the whole $20.  I usually only put $5 or $10 tops in a machine before moving on but I had given up hopes of winning anything.

Bells started going off and bonus after bonus started adding up on my machine.  In the end I was that $4.10 short of what I'd started with many hours before.

I know me and my love of gambling and I know I would have continued if I didn't have get home to the game.  I probably would have lost it all again but fate made me a winner...somewhat.

I got home in time to see most of the boys' game (traffic was wicked and held me up).  Life is good! 

Opinionated

I don't know why this hasn't occurred to me before but I am becoming more opinionated with age.  That is not a pretty thing to be.  Of course I analyzed it and I think it might have something to do with knowing we don't have a lot of time left to express ourselves and we're trying to get it all out there before it's too late.  How egotistical of us!

So I'm going to try to rein myself in using the logic that very few people give a rat's behind what I think anyway.  The only opinions we should really care about are those of people who have the power to make the changes needed.

I'll take a page from Kim's book where she used the mantra, "hunger is my friend".  I'll silently repeat, "no-one really cares what you think, big mouth". 

Tub Grab Bars

When the new tile was put in, the tiler had to remove the small grab bar but said he wasn't allowed to put it back.  I'm very nervous about falling these days so I bought the longer one and had both installed today.  I feel safer now.

The frailties of old age have come as sort of a surprise to me and I find myself being extra careful in everything I do.  I have a strong fear of falling and breaking a hip because old age also means more brittle bones.

It's funny how the natural strength of youth means you don't have to worry about such things because, if you fall, it's easy to get back up and without serious damage.  Not so in old age.  At least mine because I never was physically strong and now I'm pretty darned weak.

Maybe I've become more careful because I live alone, too.  If I fell and seriously hurt myself, I could lay there for a long time before anyone knew I was hurt.  That really is scary for me.  And so I'm more careful!

In old age our balance is also a problem...that could come from lessening body strength.  My friends and I laugh as we toddle along and keep bumping into each other.  At least we're still laughing and not fretting about it!  Getting old has it's plus and minuses and so far I think I'm on the plus side.  I'll be 77 years old in a couple of weeks and only really notice it when I look in the mirror or exit the car.  

My daughters are all in their 50's now and I hope the fact that their mother is still having a fun and comfortable life will influence them when they become seniors.  

I Love You

We never said "I love you" in my family so it didn't come naturally to me until I had children.  Apparently the urge to say "I love you" multiplies with age because I say it a lot now...and I mean it!

It's very important to me that my children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren know how very much they were loved by their Momma/Gramma/GG when I'm gone.  I know it's not the words that prove it but those words are part of healing and building a person's self esteem and that's one of the reasons they're said.

My grandmother never once told me she loved me but I knew she did.  My mother never said it, either, and I'm not sure she did.  I don't want to leave any doubt in my babies' minds that they were the best things that ever happened to me in my lifetime.

Anyway, those I love will know it because I'm quite vocal!

The Fun Pictures!

Somehow Jake, Nicole, and my photo got in here twice but I'm too tired to try to figure out how to remove the second one.

What can I say about this marvelous wedding...it was the culmination of a lot of coincidences, chance, obstacles, but you can't stop what is meant to happen.  Nick and Bev are now married and ready to spend the rest of their lives together.  These two strong and decent individuals will be even stronger as a committed couple, deeply in love and ready to move forward.  Like I said, it was meant to be!