To Slap or Not To Slap

Politicians are trying to make it a crime if you slap your child. I don't believe in spanking anymore but if that had been a crime when my children were young I'd still be serving time in prison.

A father (somewhere) tried to discipline his unruly daughter by refusing to allow her to go on a school trip and she took him to court. She won. How the heck are parents supposed to live with these little beasts if they aren't allowed to give them rules to follow?

Being a grandparent brought out the softer, more reasonable side of me and I came to realize that spanking was usually not necessary. Time out and corner sitting worked just as well or even better. I still believe that a quick whack can sometimes be needed to remind the little terror that you mean business, though. That would probably bring me jail time.

Working parents have a hard enough time trying to keep their wild and woolly children in line. If they have to fear imprisonment every time they try to enforce house rules then they either won't want kids or they'll prefer the child leave home as soon as legally possible. If one of my children had taken me to court for grounding them I could never have looked that child in the eye again without huge resentment. I'm sure the love connection would have suffered and therefor the family bond would also have weakened. Is this what our bleeding heart liberal courts want?

We should be very worried about the state of families these days. There is so much divorce, gay marriages, and underage and unwed mothers that the family unit is disintegrating.

The courts need to not only stay out of the bedrooms of the nation but they should also back off about normal discipline handed down by the parents in a family. There is a massive difference between ordinary discipline and abuse but the powers that be don't seem to understand this.

Personally, I would never hit a child again but I also wouldn't get all bent out of shape if I saw a parent give a bratty child a whack on the butt. It's not the best approach to discipline but it certainly doesn't qualify the parent for shackles.

Curing Depression

Because I'm a psychology buff and also spent many, many years in deep depression I have a strong desire to understand how I slipped into depression and how I managed to be cured.

I remember all too clearly the dreary, purposeless days...and years. I didn't realize I was suffering from depression because the circumstances of my daily life explained why I was unhappy. Depression goes far deeper than unhappiness but I had no way of knowing this.

It wasn't until a life crisis when I was in my mid 40's that I was forced to search for help. My doctor, god love him, made sure I received excellent counselling and that's where the cure started. Along with the counselling I received an antidepressant which allowed me the chance to think more clearly and reconstruct my life. The counselling felt like baring my soul and having the demons scraped from my innards but my counselor managed over about 12 years to drill into my brain the need to look at all situations in more than one way. She taught me to think before I felt. I shouldn't say "taught". She guided my thoughts toward logic and clarity.

Too many times I weaned myself off the antidepressants before I was really ready and that caused repeated depressive episodes which delayed my cure. The counselling decreased as my mental health increased and I haven't needed it for about 10 years now. Some people believe that depression is a physical brain disorder and that sufferers will need medication to cope for the rest of their lives. I believe that depression is merely a symptom of difficulty in coping with our lives. Once we develop some coping skills we can gradually be cured of the depression.

I've joked lately that an expression I seem to use a lot is, "It's not the worst thing in the world", and that has become my philosophy. It could always be worse so we should enjoy any niblets of pleasure and happiness that comes our way and try to steer clear of bad vibes.

I'm happy now because I have peace. A depressed person may look collapsed and drained of energy but their brain is in turmoil. Sure, I worry a bit about my family and my future but I don't allow the worries to eat me up like they used to. I've learned to look at things in many ways until I can make sense of them. And that ability to slow my reactions has made my life calmer and happier.

Some of my blogs end up being read on the internet by strangers who key in specific words so I hope anyone who reads this will see that there is hope. There really can be a cure and no need for continued medication.

Speaking Up

I mentioned in another blog how sometimes we should speak up instead of remaining silent and fuming. Well, I got to do just that yesterday.

I had to do a bit of grocery shopping (even non-cooks need some groceries in the house) so went to my favorite grocery store, Food Basics. It's cheaper to shop there and it pretty well has anything I need. As I finished my shopping and got into a rather long line at the checkout I noticed a small basket of groceries on the floor in the middle of the line. I naturally assumed they belonged to the man behind them but, as the line moved forward, he shoved the basket aside with his foot so I noticed he was carrying a few items in his hands.

The line continued to move forward at a snail's pace and suddenly a man appeared from no-where complaining that someone had moved his grocery basket out of line. Then he picked it up and stepped right into the middle of the line. No-one said a word but I did. Keep in mind that I'd been in line for over 5 minutes and his basket was sitting there longer than that.

I sarcastically said, "Why didn't you just put your basket at the head of the line before you went shopping and then you really could have gone first?". He looked at me with surprise but didn't even have the sense to be embarrassed. He stayed in line and occasionally gave me a dirty look as the lady behind me and I discussed what a jerk he was.

I'm always amazed at how someone like this grown man could be so self centered and wondered how he behaves elsewhere. I bet he's a jackass wherever he goes.

Healthy Lunch With Mary

Mary met me at my flea market and helped me clean up and restock. Then we went to a local restaurant for a healthy lunch of one whopping salad that we shared. I think the darned thing would have fed 3 people because I actually left a little bit.

I'd wanted to go to a jewellery supply store I'd found on the internet but stupidly left the directions at home and Brantford is not a city I'm very familiar with. I told Mary about it and thought the street might be named "Keith" or "Craig" and had a slight idea of the main street it ran off. Mary decided to come with me and we actually found the place. The prices were about double what I'd pay if ordering the stuff from Hong Kong but right now I only need a few items so it's not worth my while to order from overseas. I bought a bit and so did Mary so our trip wasn't for nothing. The lady who runs the business was very nice and very helpful so we'll go back there for sure.

Now to pull out all the jewellery making supplies I already have and re-acquaint my self with them. This should be fun.

Selling Spells

It is fascinating what you can find on the internet. I follow all kinds of links and sometimes end up finding things which shock or delight me. I just followed a few links to discover that there is a website for witches to auction off their spells. It isn't Ebay but seems to run on the same premise.

I read one listing that was for a spell to promote love and desire in your life from the victim or person of your choice. It costs $19.99 and offers no guarantees. The grammar in the listing is atrocious and the word content becomes increasingly large and colorful as it goes on...an advertising ploy we often see on disreputable ads. This listing happened to actually have a bid. It got me wondering about how it's possible for anyone to take your money and offer to send a thought your way in return. The gullible can't always be protected but this website is surely preying on them.

So I thought...if anyone reading this blog would like me to think good thoughts or bad thoughts about someone in your life, just send me $19.99 and it will be done!

Now isn't that pathetic?

My New Tangent

One of the reasons I don't get much done is that I spread my interests far and wide. Now I've jumped into a new one...jewellery making. I bought tons of crystal beads and polished stones at a wholesaler about 5 years ago and haven't touched them. Now I've discovered how to buy pendants on Ebay to make simple necklaces so I placed my first order to Hong Kong today. None of this has cost much money and it just might be my calling. There really isn't enough time in our allowed lifetime to do all the things that interest us, though.

I think I have a deep down desire to express myself in creativity but it's possible my talents aren't quite good enough. It could also be that my attention span is abysmally short and that's why I jump from one interest to another. Whatever, I continue to try things that are fun and dump them when they become troublesome. Beats vegetating on the sofa and waiting for death.

Losing Weight

Mary, Faye and I are going on a cruise this coming January and Mary said we have to lose weight (she and I...mainly I). I like to blame Florida and all the restaurant meals I eat there for my weight problem but now I'm back home and I think I've gained some more weight.

I've allowed myself to go back to fries and potato chips after being off them for about a year. Then I developed a sweet tooth and stocked some butter tarts in the house. All of this and not restaurant meals is the reason for my weight gain.

Now today is the first day of the rest of my life and my aim is to stop eating fries and potato chips. Desserts are not a problem as long as I don't bring them home. Faye and I are going out for lunch today so I will be good and eat healthy.

Mary phoned about our lunch date tomorrow and we'd originally planned on going to our favorite Chinese buffet but we decided to go to a local restaurant for salads. Mary is diabetic and only a tad overweight but she needs to eat healthy to control her blood sugar. I think having her support will help me make better choices.

Since I eat so many restaurant meals I know there are always good choices available and it's time I developed a little self control. I'll keep you posted on my success rate.

Note: My darned lunch came with fries (I honestly didn't know beforehand) so I had a few but left almost all of them. I'm not perfect. I'll pay more attention to my restaurant orders from now on.

Joyce is Making my Soup!

I just got the most flattering e-mail from my sister-in-law, Joyce. She's such a great cook that she could write her own book but today she's going to use my recipe for bean soup. It will taste even better than mine because she'll put more thought and expertise into it.

This just goes to show that even the worst cook can sometimes have something worthwhile to offer.

Simple Bean Soup Recipe

I hate to cook and I eat very little meat, mainly chicken when I do so it's important that I get protein in my diet. Hence the bean soup. I can just hear my relatives who read this blog snickering to themselves that I have the nerve to print out a recipe but this is for people like me...bad cooks/uninterested cooks.

The recipe has to be simple or I wouldn't be bothered making it. It also tastes great so here it is:

Use a very large pot because the beans swell up and you need lots of water.

I buy large bags of navy beans and toss about half a bag into the pot. Then I put in 2 heaping tablespoons of Knorr beef soup base. Added to that is about 1 heaping tablespoon of Bohio seasoning mix. I also add some lemon pepper and a bit of salt. Then I let the whole thing simmer for an hour or two...depends what else I'm doing.

I also buy large bags of frozen vegetables and, when the initial 1-2 hour simmering is done, toss as much as I feel like into the pot. You don't really need to add meat but sometimes I throw in some chicken or kobassa if it's hiding in my freezer. Let all of this simmer for another hour or so.

Then I gather all my plastic containers and scoop about a cup of soup into each one. They all go into the freezer so that I won't have to cook again for maybe 3-4 weeks. Some of the soup is left out so that I can enjoy it for today's meal.

Take it from me, this soup is easy to make and tastes wonderful. It's also healthy so that's a bonus.

Just a note: When one of the nieces got married all of the women in the family were asked to contribute their favorite recipe for a cookbook to be given to the new bride. My contiribution was "Make reservations". I have no shame.

Cursing in Public

I'm an old gal so it's murder to my ears to hear so many people using the "F" word in public. Teenagers are especially fond of this particular word and some can't say a sentence without using it a few times. It is their adjective of choice.

I've used the word myself so I'm not a puritan but I don't swear in public because I have respect for the people around me. I think that's what I resent most about people cursing in public...the lack of respect.

We used to have respect for our elders but that seems to have been bred out of too many youngsters. Their parents have become their friends instead of their mentors. I heard a man meekly explaining to his little son the other day, "My job is to let you know when you've done something wrong and when you've done something right". He said this in an apologetic way as though he wasn't sure he really believed it if it made his son angry with him. Like it or not, that is his job and that's how children learn to live in society.

A parent has truly failed his/her child if they fail to teach them respect for others. This actually begins with teaching a child to respect their parents. If anyone has watched "Nanny 911" and seen totally out of control children then you'll understand what I mean.

Years ago I had my two very young grandsons with me at McDonalds and we stood in line behind a group of teenage boys who loudly peppered their language with the "F" word. The place was packed and no-one else seemed bothered by this but I was. We didn't use that kind of language in front of our children. I stepped forward to face one of the boys (darned huge boys) and asked him to watch his language because my little boys shouldn't have to hear it. I fully expected to have those kids turn on me and curse me out but something interesting happened instead. The boy looked ashamed. The cursing stopped. Amazing how one person can change things just by speaking up, isn't it? Apparently those boys had received good training at home but forgot it once they got together in a group of their peers. It happens but I'm glad those boys showed respect by tempering their cursing once they were reminded it wasn't always acceptable.

My city is considering a bylaw prohibiting swearing in public but I think that's silly. First they need to get rid of the druggies, drunks, and hookers that walk the streets. We old gals can curb some of the swearing just by "speaking up".

Memories

I read an article in today's newspaper about the effects of dementia on the family. A woman's father was developing dementia and gradually losing memory of his past life...her past life. She felt as though her life was slowly being chipped away.

My daughter and I had a similar discussion just last week. She had become curious about my ancestors...parents, grandparents, great-grandparents...and there was much I couldn't tell her. Names have become foggy in my fairly normal memory but I've become the elder in my own family so there's no-one to ask. There was no-one left alive who remembered the circumstances of my birth, my first day at school, or even my childhood. I had to rely on my memory of what I'd been told but my memory isn't my strong suit.

We visited the cemetary where my great-grandfather, great-grandmother, their stillborn child, my grandmother, my mother, and her stillborn child are buried. I told my daughter all that I'd been told about their stories. This was her ancestry, too. I don't remember my great-grandparents but my grandmother raised me and I can still see her clearly in my mind. She was an extremely interesting woman who I never truly appreciated until she was gone. That's the way it often goes.

My birth father disappeared from my mother's life when he discovered she was pregnant and I never did meet him. His loss. I've always had this silly fantasy in my mind that he'd grow old and lonely and come looking for me. Maybe even leave me millions of remorse dollars in his will. Well, if he's still alive, he'd be in his early 90's by now. There's still time, I guess, but it would be a miracle. The truth is that it would be nice to meet him and look into the other half of me...millions or not.

Global Warming or Menopausal??

Talk about blowing hot and cold, our weather has been so out of the ordinary that it doesn't make sense anymore. Last week there were days we needed the furnace on followed by days so hot and humid I actually put the air conditioning on. That passed and we had one perfectly gorgeous day followed by yesterday when we needed to wear jackets and now today will be another hot and humid one. Egads!

My memories of childhood summer days were that they were hot. Autumn was cooler, winter was cold, and spring was warm. What happened? Now maybe my memories are skewed a bit but I know our weather was never this mixed up.

I got the grass cut yesterday so today I'm going to do a bit of planting and just relax in the yard under the shade of the trees. I won't have to worry about the heat until bedtime when I just might have to put the air conditioning back on. This is so unusual for me because I fight air conditioning as long as possible, preferring the fresh air blowing through the windows. My house, being a storey and a half, makes the bedrooms upstairs very warm and difficult to cool down so I might need that air conditioning tonight if I want to sleep comfortably. Oh well, at least I'm lucky enough to have the choice.

Today on my Homefront

My baby girl is still sleeping but this is the day she goes home. Mary and I are taking her first to the Lasik clinic so they can check her eyes once more and then across the border. We plan to do a bit of shopping first and then take her to the airport. She'll probably spend the next 2 years in Bolivia with only sporadic visits back to the States. I'll be so glad when she's settled in one place, preferrably within driving distance.

I haven't heard any noise in the attic so maybe the squirrels have vacated the premises. The one-way cage is still on the roof vent but I'm a little afraid to have it removed and the permanent one installed. What if a squirrel is still inside? I'm afraid I'd have a nervous breakdown if that was the case.

The weather is perfect today... sunny, warm, and breezy.

The drug dealer's house is vacant and it looks like they aren't coming back. Whoopee!

It's so quiet and peaceful right now. The patio doors are open and a fresh, clean breeze is coming through them. The red/white impatiens I paid through the nose for is really beginning to fill out in the deck planters. The sound of early morning traffic filters through the trees and I can just imagine all the working people heading for jobs they love or hate. Been there. Done that. But today I have the time to savor a coffee while I play on the computer and wait for my daughter to wake up.

It will be hard to say goodbye to her but I know she's going home to a wonderful husband and 3 great kids. It's where she belongs now. But I remember when she was a tiny girl on my lap telling me the stories of her day at school. And I remember when her home was right here with me. Sigh.

Collect Welfare..Save money?

There was an article in the newspaper the other day that made me wince. A couple from Myanmar had immigrated to Canada a few years ago and were collecting welfare. No surprise here but as I got further into the article I discovered that the father was 39 years old, his wife a few years younger, and they had a 12 year old and 14 year old child. Still no surprise. The parents were capable of holding a job to support themselves but so are most people on welfare.

Then I read the true reason for the article. This family receives over $1200 per month thanks to the hard working tax payers but they have to pay out around $650 to rent their townhouse and, because of the rent cost, are unable to save any money. I was always under the assumption that welfare was given to pay for your essentials and not so that you could build up a bank account at the expense of the tax payers.

This is one of the things that are destroying our country. Welfare recipients can't or won't work but they have the time and energy to travel to Parliament Hill to demand higher payouts. Now they want enough free money so that they can have savings? Am I the only person in town who finds this insulting? Obviously my local newspaper editor and the reporter who wrote the above article sees nothing wrong with the scenario.

My grandparents and my mother worked hard at low paying jobs all their lives and weren't able to save a dime. My husband and I had to reach middle age before we were able to start saving a few dollars. Can someone please explain to me why a welfare recipient who doesn't work should receive enough free money each month that allows them to bank part of it?

Sometimes I laugh at bleeding heart liberals and sometimes I cry.

Fallen Canopy

We had quite a thunderstorm early last evening and it, along with the strong winds we've been getting, brought down my nice canopy of branches so that they blocked the patio door. I noticed the branches were dragging down the cable line and it worried me it would break and I'd lose T.V., computer, and telephone all at the same time. Yikes!

It was much too hot out to do any yard work but worrying about the cable line finally drove me to head out to the shed for the extension branch cutter. I love trimming back branches with this thing but it was kind of difficult to manage because of the high winds. I could just see me losing my grip on it and having it slam through a window.

It was amazing how the tree branches had bent severely but not broken. I cut them back as well as I could because they became too thick as they got closer to the tree trunk. My handyman is going to cut all the tree branches back from the house this fall in an attempt to keep the squirrels away. My trimmings today were only as far as I could reach so the trees still need a lot of pruning.

Today is our last day of unseasonably hot weather for a while. It looks as though we'll have excellent warm weather for another week at least and that means I get to enjoy my yard. Sometimes I wonder if all the work is worth it but it really is. I know I can't do it all but I'm very proud of how much I actually have done.

Busy Weekend

This has been a busy amd interesting weekend. On Friday I went with some relatives and relatives-in-law to St. Mary's and we managed to have a lovely time despite the heat which has suddenly descended upon us. On Saturday I went on the Paris Garden Tour with my sister-in-law and ex-sister-in-law and we had a great time despite the horrible heat. Today was a family birthday party for my oldest grandson and we had a terrific time despite the fact my daughter doesn't have central air and the temperatures were still up in the 90's.

I've always known that fun is where you choose to find it. If you allow yourself to feel lousy because every little thing isn't perfect then you lose the opportunity to enjoy yourself. The heat was a downer but the company more than made up for it and that's why we still had fun.

My youngest daughter had Lasik eye surgery yesterday and her eyesight has improved almost instantly and drastically. Personally, I'm scared to death to have anyone cutting my eyes so I'll never get it done but I'm glad she went through it with no complications. Strangely, she paid in U.S. dollars because she's an American now and was given a $400 reduction in price. Someone there doesn't seem to know that our Canadian dollar is now worth slightly more than the U.S. Hmmm!

All in all, it was a very nice weekend, thank you very much!

Visiting the Cemetary

My husband passed away almost 3 years ago from esophageal cancer and visiting the cemetary brings out much anger in me to this day. I look at the little niche where his ashes are interred and remember him in his good days. He was a man so full of life and intelligence that it always seemed impossible that illness would ever befall him. But it did and he's gone.

Usually I feel the anger as I begin my journey to the cemetary but this last time it didn't hit until my car entered the parking lot. I'd begun to think maybe I'd gotten beyond anger to acceptance but, no.

My youngest daughter, Shelley, was with me and I kept thinking how hard this must be for her because she'd always adored her father. My girls and I agree that he was one of the best fathers a child could want. She was very quiet and circumspect as she looked at his resting place and she spoke with a calmness that belied her inner sadness. She loved and missed him but she accepted he was gone. I don't think I ever will.

I've written about the night he died and how I believe that Shelley and I saw his soul leave his body. Also, at that moment, the room was filled with a joy that was palpable and I believe it was his surprise that there really was life after death. He'd always thought that when you died you ceased to exist in any form. Remembering the intense joy I sensed in the room is the only comfort I can take from his year of illness and then death. I often wonder what happinesses he's found in the hereafter and it gives me a morsel of contentment to know he's just stepped away and not really gone.

The Heat Has Arrived

I had to put the furnace on just a couple of days ago and now today the air conditioning is on. This spring has been the wildest ride of changing temperatures that I have ever seen.

A gang of us old folk visited St Mary's today and found it too hot to do much sightseeing. We had lunch in an interesting restaurant which served so-so food but I was very disappointed that we couldn't check out the local stores. The heat was just too overbearing. We ended up driving back to the home of two of our group for drinks and conversation.

Ken and Pat are relatives of a sort and two of the most interesting people I know. They are experts on Coca Cola collectibles and their home is absolutely filled with all kinds of memorabilia...almost like a museum, but a fun one.

We all sat around sipping our wine, etc. in a room filled to the rafters (but neatly and decoratively) with everything Coca Cola. There were toys, posters, bears, signs, etc. etc. etc. I loved the little Coke propeller plane which quietly made circles above us. I also loved the little Coca Cola bear which spews bubbles into the air every few minutes. Pat and Ken could retire many times over if they sold all their Coke stuff. They buy constantly but also sell the odd item at a profit. They know their stuff!

Their's is a happy house. This is the second marriage for both of them and they are a couple committed to enjoying their elder years doing the things they love. They have a huge circle of friends and good family ties. The interests they pursue are interests they share together. Sometimes it takes 60 years to find your soul mate and I think they did just that.

Sadie With Barrettes

This is Sadie with tiny barrettes holding her unruly hair out of her eyes. She put up only mild resistance . Good dog!

Sadie

Isn't this the cutest dog you ever saw? Her name is Sadie and she's a mixed breed of some sort. My daughter, Cindy, adopted her just recently and she was a little hellion for a while but is calming down as she grows out of puppyhood. She's so darned cute that she's easily forgiven any naughty behaviour.

It almost makes me want one just like her but then I remember how much I like my freedom to come and go at will with no worry about when to be home. I think I'll just settle for dogsitting once in a while.