Life After Death

My friend passing away today has made me realize how important it is to write about what happened after my husband passed away last year.

My husband had been sick for a year with esophagus cancer and we'd (my daughters and I) cared for him at home until he passed away. Immediately after his passing there was a feeling of relief that he was finally free from his pain and misery. My eldest grandson came into the house about 15 minutes after his beloved Grampa died so we left him alone with him to say his goodbyes. I began to worry about my grandson because he had only just turned 21 and it must have been a horrible experience for him to lose his Grampa so I returned to the room to make sure he wasn't too upset.

I stood at the end of the bed with my attention riveted on my grandson when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a burst of energy (?) erupt from my husband. I can only describe it as a density of air that had obvious soft, cloud-like edges but which immediately filled the room almost from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. In the same instant I sensed a tremendous feeling of joy, as though he'd finally escaped his poor, failed body. My youngest daughter walked into the room at that moment but we didn't speak. Later, as we sat and talked and waited for the coroner, my daughter said she'd seen a strange sight when she walked into the room. She'd seen something in the air that filled the room from wall to wall and floor to ceiling and it also spread behind me into the adjoining livingroom (I hadn't seen that because it was behind me). I knew I hadn't imagined what I'd seen but it still shocked me that she'd seen it, too. I believe my husband finally gave up his year long fight and what I saw was his spirit springing free. Its interesting that my daughter and I saw this but my grandson, who had been lost in his own thoughts and prayers, saw nothing.

I'm not religious and have no church affiliation but I do believe in life after death. I don't know what form it will take but my experience with my husband gives me hope that the hereafter will be a good place.

I've told this story many times over the past year and I'm sure most people think I imagined it all but I know what I saw. I wasn't waiting for it to happen or even expecting it--it came as a surprise when I was watching and worrying over my grandson--and then my daughter saw it, too. The experience hasn't driven me to join a church or embrace religion but it has made me feel more secure in the thought that my husband is happy and in a better place.

I wonder if he's found a nice little sailboat and a pretty little lake to sail it in???

A Passing

My dear friend passed away today. She'd found out only 2 weeks ago that she had pancreatic cancer and she had to make her peace with the world and say her goodbyes in that short time. At my age I'll probably lose many more friends, some lifelong, before I say my last goodbyes. Each loss will make me feel as though my life is disintegrating. Death is so damn permanent!

I'm feeling very melancholy today and want to pass on a small word of wisdom. Money doesn't matter. Possessions don't matter. Position doesn't matter. Treasure your family and real friends because that is the only thing that matters in the end.

Making Time

I'm a rabid yard saler and Ebay seller...at least I was until Canada Post raised their rates so high I was embarrassed to tell my customers how much their postage would be. Now I'm limiting myself...no yard saleing until I clear out my stock through my flea market table. This has cleared my weekends so beautifully that I now have the time to meet my sister for coffee on Sundays the way we used to do.

Sometimes we get caught up in work or hobbies and forget that the important things in life are our relationships with family and friends. A simple thing like not having the time to have coffee with my sister on Sunday doesn't seem too important until we realize how short life can be. A few years ago my sister and I weren't speaking for a few months...we both have wicked tempers...and I found a message on my answering machine from her husband saying she was in the hospital. On that long ride to the hospital I kept thinking how no disagreement or tiny hurt feelings were important if they kept really loving sisters apart. It terrified me to think we might never have the chance to be friends again. As it turned out, she had her appendix removed and was as thrilled to see me as I was to see her. It taught me a lesson, though...don't take tomorrow for granted.

Today I'm meeting my sister for coffee and we'll yak and laugh and just enjoy the moment.