Himalayan Salt Lamp

I have wanted a Himalayan salt lamp for ages and finally got one.  Just look at that glow!  It's supposed to cleanse the air and there's something about positive or negative ions I don't understand but, for me, it just has to sit there and glow.  I love it!

Bargain Blues

I was so happy when I spotted this beautiful dahlia plant at Home Depot.  I've really fallen in love with dahlias this year and this plant consisted of 3 different colors.  Gorgeous!  I put it on the floor of the back seat of the car so it would be safe, then went grocery shopping.  I only needed bananas but I spotted goodies (pecan pie, butter tarts, muffins) that were on sale 40% off...I rarely buy sweets but I just couldn't resist this bargain.  The bag was very heavy so I sat it well back on the back seat.  I seem to recall wondering there was any chance it could fall forward but decided that it was well wedged.

As I was driving home, I had to brake quickly for a red light and I heard the bag hit the back of my seat and slide down.  My heart broke knowing the plant could not have survived being crushed under the weight of the bag.  And then there was also the worry about the goodies and if they had survived intact.

When I got home and drew the bag off the plant I could see it was crushed.  I could also see that the goodies weren't so that was one good thing.  I'm hoping the plant won't die but only time will tell.  The way I see it, karma bit me in the butt for buying all those goodies.  I had a piece of pecan pie to soothe my sadness.

Weird People

I don't go downtown much because it pretty well intimidates me.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that the downtown area of my city is chock full of very strange people who meander around as though they don't know who or where they are.  I understand people like that are ill but it's that illness that worries me.  You know they don't think rationally and, because of that, might be dangerous.

When I drive through the downtown, I see drunks, street kids who may never be able to make a decent life for themselves, scary eyed people who appear to be looking for their next victim, and a whole host of others I'm not sure about.  It's enough to keep me from stepping out of my car and walking around.

When I was a young girl, the downtown wasn't the scary place it is now.  We had the odd street person but they were usually older men who had a drinking problem.  It seems like every year since, the downtown streets have been taken over by the lost souls of society and we've been told that's because their social service offices and food pantries are all downtown.  

Our society is definitely changing for the worse if we've managed to increase the outcast population to the point where the regular citizens are afraid to shop in the downtown area.  I'm not sure what can be done to help take these people off the streets and send them in a more suitable direction.  Most of the teens can still be saved if they haven't succumbed to the drug culture and that's where I think social services should concentrate their limited resources.

Kim and I were driving through the downtown the other day and I watched a filthy old man with long, straggly grey hair weaving along the street seemingly not knowing where he was going.  He passed a restaurant and then turned, staggered back and into it.  This is not a restaurant I would ever eat in because no-one wants that kind of character stumbling around when they're eating.  Sounds cold?  Maybe, but I'll bet many people feel as I do.  I want cleanliness and safety in every establishment I enter, otherwise I'd stay home.

I look on that raggedy old man as one who is lost for good but the street teens are a different matter.  No-one knows why these teens feel safer on the streets doing nothing with their days rather than staying at home and finishing school.  No-one knows what has gone on behind the family doors so it's foolish to judge.  I believe the teens can be directed into a better life as long as they aren't drug addicts.  Some of them can overcome the drugs but, by taking drugs, a teen might not have the strength and clarity of mind to drag himself/herself up and out of the mire.

I've come to the conclusion that what we see in the main intersection of any city represents how our society has risen or fallen.  Mine appears to have fallen sharply since I was young.    

Some Good News

You can bet that when your doctor states that he/she is pretty sure you're just fine that they mean it.  They don't like to commit to a diagnosis without reams of scientific medical proof in front of them.  Anyway, I saw the hematologist yesterday and he wasn't daunted by a few enlarged lymph nodes.  He believes this is just the natural progression of my CLL and that it will need nothing more than monitoring.  Yeah!

They took 11 vials of blood and are scheduling another MRI just to be sure and I'm okay with that.  I know the CLL is a lifelong medical condition but, if all it needs is monitoring, I'm happy.  He didn't even want to bother with making me another appointment to see him until he gets the blood and MRI results.  I'm assuming he really does believe I'll do fine without him.

I called Shelley to give her the news and she made me plane reservations to come to Jake's graduation in May.  My family is the greatest and I'm not bragging, just telling the truth.

Kim came over after work and we drove to a restaurant in Ancaster to meet Cindy and Aeron for dinner.  Then on to a 50's musical by Theatre Ancaster.  I was in heaven and it was so hard not to sing along with music because I remembered all or most of the words.  My feet wanted to dance, too.  The whole evening was a gift from my girls and I treasure it!

With worries about my health settled down, I slept like a baby all night!



  

Apologizing

There was a small incident last night that is worth mentioning.  As we were at dinner, Kim asked Nolan if he had a girlfriend and, being only not quite 8 years old, he responded first with a polite  but surprised "no".  Apparently Kim knows something the rest of us didn't because she kept asking him and his responses were louder and more upset each time.  The last time she asked, he verged on the side of rudeness but whose fault was that?  His father stepped in and reprimanded him and told him to apologize to Kim for his rudeness (I can't really consider it rudeness because he was hounded into raising his voice in anger).  I suggested that Kim owed Nolan an apology, too.  Nolan apologized but Kim didn't.

It was left at that but it got me thinking how much we often demand of our little ones but let the adults get away with the behavior that got the little one in trouble in the first place.

If our unnecessary questions result in an upset child, it makes sense to stop asking them.  It also makes sense for the adult to apologize for unnecessarily upsetting the child.

GG hint of the day!

Update:  Apparently Kim thought it over and decided to apologize to Nolan.  It was the right thing to do and I'm happy she's the wonderful Gramma she is to those boys.

More of Rainbows

This is the main rainbow taken 15 minutes after the other photos.  The whole sky was lit up in pink but I wasn't able to capture how much of the sky was covered.  Again, nature creating a beautiful sight for us mortals to look at in awe.

Rainbows

It's at times like this that I wish I had a really good camera.  We had a fairly heavy rainstorm tonight but the sun came out about 8 P.M. and made the landscape glow so brightly that it didn't look real.

I grabbed my cellphone and hurried out onto the balcony but failed to capture the original intensity of glow in the first photo but did catch the left side of the rainbow.

The second photo shows the right end of the rainbow and the third photo was the best I could do to capture the entire rainbow...notice how the sky looks lighter under the rainbow.

The fourth photo maybe shows the double rainbow a little clearer and the white object beside the rainbow happens to be a lighted cross that sits on top of the escarpment.

It was all very beautiful.

What Matters

I know it's crazy to buy an outside plant now but I saw this and loved it.  I'll bring it inside for the few days in May that it will be too cold.  I also know the wall hanging is probably not to everyone's taste but I love it and that's all that matters because it's my wall it will hang on.

I can see both of these little treasures from my chair and that makes me happy.  And that's really all that matters, isn't it?

Putting it into Perspective

I had a long talk with myself yesterday.  We should do this often if we respect our own advice!  I was sitting watching T.V. in my sweet little apartment thinking how lucky I'd been to move here and I was feeling bright in mind and happy in body.  I realized that no matter what the future holds for any of us, if today is a good one we should dwell on that and not fret over what may or may not happen.

I'm a very happy and content lady at this time in my life.  I feel pretty darned good no matter what is going on in my innards and so I refuse to let a good day go by without appreciating it.

It's a beautiful sunny and warm April day and I have no pressing work to do so I might just go for a drive in the countryside.  Nick phoned me yesterday and invited me to dinner at my favorite restaurant so that's where I'll head at 5:30 to have a lovely dinner with 5 of my favorite people in the world.

Life can be beautiful!

Bone Marrow Test

I don't like to get hurt so I don't like needles but can tolerate them if I don't watch.  I'm thinking that one of the tests the hematologist will want me to do is to take some bone marrow and I've read that it's painful so I don't know how foolish I'd be to refuse it.  Shelley said that, unless it's absolutely necessary, just refuse so that's what I'll do.

I hate medical tests.  When your body is invaded by cameras and needles it's sure as hell going to show some anomaly that needs taken care of.  And that's going to require more tests!

I woke up in the middle of the night going over the latest findings and have come to the conclusion my CLL has probably gotten to the point where it can't just be left alone and checked once a year.  I can just see the hematologist saying.."we'll need to send you for a zillion tests even though you feel wonderful".  I do feel wonderful, too, but something that's odd for me is that I'm very slowly losing weight and my appetite isn't what it used to be.  Now, that would have been good news at one time but now I'm looking for changes to worry about.

I have enlarged lymph nodes and need to find out why.  They enlarge for a reason and I can bet the reason will require many damn tests.  It's funny that the ultrasound taken last November showed a cyst that didn't exist and no enlarged lymph nodes at all.  An MRI is more accurate and that's what is showing the enlarged lymph nodes now.  I'd prefer to just go my merry way and never see a doctor again but that's a pipe dream, I guess.

I have a friend who was given a clean bill of health in October last year and then diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in December so I don't have a lot of faith in doctors.  I honestly believe we need to stay away from them until we have symptoms we can't tolerate.  And I honestly believe they're guessing most of the time and basing their diagnosis and treatment on nothing more than a guess.

I was diagnosed with CLL about 7 years ago when my WBC was 4.3.  No treatment is required until it reaches 80.  It's now at 18.5 and that's what started this series of photographic invasion into my innards.  I saw a documentary on T.V. with a panel of doctors saying patients are being alarmed unnecessarily by being told they have CLL when their counts are too low to ever cause them concern.

Well, I had to get that off my chest and will write in the blog after I see the doctor on Friday.  



  

Fridge Magnets

Fridge magnets can tell you a lot about the lady of the house (I don't think a man has ever bought a fridge magnet).  The ones in the photo tell the story of my life...they're just a few of them but the rest are souvenirs from my cruising days.

The one that makes me laugh every time I look at it is on the bottom left.  Shelley bought that for me and it shows she knows her Momma.  Yes, I hate cook and only do so to survive.  This could be the reason I've had so many food failures but it also could mean the failures are why I hate to cook.

One of the things I learned at my senior park is that most women lose interest in cooking once their family grows up and leaves home.  If their hubby is still around, she might have to cook for him but she'll drag him into a lot of restaurants, too.

I've had many different tones to my fridge magnets over the years and I bet they always reflected my state of mind at the time.  One in particular, headed "no-one can hurt you unless you let them", was there for a very long time and that was significant because it helped me learn how to cope.  For a very long time my fridge magnets have been on the funny side and that, too, reflects my frame of mind.  I have a good sense of humor which will get anyone through the toughest of times.

When my kids and grandkids were young, my fridge was covered with their art work.  That's guaranteed to make you smile when you see it.  I've been in homes where nothing is stuck on their fridge and it makes me wonder why.  Are they really neat or are they repressing something?

So, check out the fridge magnets the next time you're in someone's house and you just mind find out who they really are.

Moving Furniture

I've been considering changing my livingroom around for a while but the only thing that stopped me was the perceived difficulty in moving the shelving.  It turned out to be no problem at all.

Other than removing the boxes of books and toys from the shelving, I didn't lift much.  Most items could be pushed around so that's what I did.  I had to lift the shelving unit but that wasn't too bad after it was empty.

I've now got my swivel rocker facing the patio doors and I'm really going to like that because I'll have a good view of most of the balcony flowers later on in the season.  There are sparrows out there for most of the day, too.  It seems much roomier and brighter now and, from my chair, I can't see the awful mess on my desk.  One day I'll clean that up. 

I downsized the number of books, both kiddie and adult, which still left me with tons of books I really need to get around to reading.  I've loved this apartment since the day I moved in 2013 and I just seem to love it more every year.  I'm very happy I made that move when I did!

Looking at the photos, I see I need to hang something on the wall above the dining table and I'm not sure if I want to hang a picture or a scroll there.  I'll make up my mind later.  There also seems to be a little too much mess next to the rocker...that's my Swedish weaving and it has to stay in that area but I can put it on the shelf under the end table and it will look much neater.

The ledge at the patio door holds most of my orchids and a mum (it will eventually go outside when it's warmer).  

I've lived here for almost 4 years and this is the first time I've changed much in the livingroom.  I like it!

  Made a few changes and like this better. 

Good News/Bad News

I swear it would be so nice to receive only good news but it always seems to arrive with bad news right after.  My sweet family doctor phoned me this morning to tell me the results of the MRI and said there was no cyst at all but my lymph nodes are enlarged which could mean many different things.  I have had a mild case of CLL (Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia) for a few years which only needed yearly blood tests to keep an eye on it but I'd never heard of me having enlarged lymph nodes before.  I'm seeing the hematologist next Friday who, I hope, will not tell me that I have something serious.

So...good news and then crappy news! 

MRI Done

After  the calming talks from Shelley and my family doctor I was able to have a very good night's sleep.  Of course there's still a little niggling worry in the back of my mind and it will stay there until my last breath.  That's just the way I am.

I drove up to Kim's this morning and we went to "Gramma Day" at Nash's school.  Dianne was there, too, so lucky little Nash had 3 doting Gramma/GG to show his work and play.  I think it's so important to prove your interest in the children because it makes them feel loved and appreciated.  Nash sure enjoyed having us there.

We left just before 10 A.M. to go to the hospital for my MRI and I was only a little nervous...more because I don't like being in a tight place and that's what you get with an MRI.  Apparently it was 5 of our city's machines that have been down and not all have been fixed yet.  I can't understand how this can happen because the backlog must be horrible and some people are desperately in need.  We ended up having to wait a good 15 minutes after my appointment time before I even was called in.

I wasn't sedated as I'd thought I'd be and that kind of concerned me but I went along with the program until I was actually drawn into the machine.  It really scared me because the walls were just too close to my face so they drew me back out and asked if I wanted a cloth over my face.  They'd mentioned that before but I'd said no.  Now I knew I needed something or I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

Having the cloth on my face was an immediate improvement and I got through the 40 minute program with no further problems.  As one of the techs was removing the needle from my arm I asked her if she could tell me anything.  She said no and that's what I expected her to say.  Moments later she quietly said, "You've probably had the cyst all of your life".  The kindness of the message in those words surprised me.  She's not allowed to tell me the results but she'd been able to convey that the cyst was just a cyst and no problem.  At least that's what I hope she meant.  I'll try not to worry so much now.

It was pouring rain and much later (after noon) than we'd thought it all would take so Kim called her boss and he gave her the rest of the day off.  We went to Swiss Chalet and ate like neither of us had to watch our weight.  Then I came home and had a nap.

Life is good!

Still Uneasy

Shelley called me at the opportune time last night.  She had good news about a new job she's been after and finally got so we talked a while about that until I mentioned how scared I've become about my cyst.  I knew I'd get an honest and informed response from her.

She asked if I was having any symptoms and I replied I wasn't.  She suggested that, if the cyst wasn't causing me problems and wasn't malignant, there was a very good chance that no surgery would be necessary.  I understand this but had built up a whole awful scenario in my head after doing some research on the internet.  I could just imagine the eye rolling going on at the other end of the line.

I know she didn't want to alarm me and was using arguments for the best case scenario because that's what we should be considering instead of the worst case scenario.  She said that I probably would have been rushed to an MRI if my doctor thought my condition was serious.  I responded that he probably thought I was so old that I shouldn't have such invasive surgery no matter how serious it was.  She said it doesn't work that way unless maybe I was in my 90's.  I felt myself calming down as she spoke.

I trust Shelley's expertise and her opinion even though she doesn't think I do.  She thinks I still look at her as my baby but I know my baby is one smart and informed lady.  I know my girls have my best interests at heart, too.  What a comfort!

I have a regular checkup appointment with my family doctor this morning and will ask him the same questions I asked Shelley.  I want honest answers but I hope they don't scare me. 

Countdown

In two days I have the MRI that will determine what happens to me and my health in the near future.  I'm getting more nervous about this every day but especially now that the time is so close.  

I check out a few things about pancreatic cysts on the internet once in a while but not too often because it is just too scary.  What I do know is that mine (3.5 cm) is one that is very likely to need surgery even though I believe it's benign.  Even a benign cyst in the pancreas can cause big problems.

So far I have no symptoms...pain or discomfort...but I can't rely on that to go on forever.  At my age I'm still hoping they'll leave me alone and just watch the progression or non-progression but I fear I'm going to be told I have to have surgery.  If it was just the normal pain of surgery I'd have to endure it wouldn't be so bad but pancreatic surgery means removing part or all of the pancreas and that scares me.

Isn't it a shame that we manage to get to a ripe old age only to have some damn cyst cause so much trouble and worry!  There is one surgery that scares me a little less and that's micro surgery where they only go through small slits in your tummy.  It would still involve removing part or all of the pancreas, though.  That would mean taking insulin by needle for the rest of my life but that wouldn't bother me.

Cindy just called to tell me that Dean G. just passed away and I thought how sad it is that even people from my daughter's generation are dying.  Dean is the one who destroyed the basement in my house while trying to renovate it so I haven't been happy with him since then but I would never have wished this on him.  He was a good person with a drinking problem and that's what got him into trouble.

I told Cindy how scared I'm getting and, of course, she told me to stop worrying but that's not so easy.  I've got a lot going on this week...Faye and Donna today for Swedish weaving, regular doctor's appointment for tomorrow, Nash's Gramma/GG day and the MRI on Thursday, and then lunch with Norma on Friday.  Somewhere in there I have to get my hair cut.

I hope everyone I know is keeping their fingers crossed for me!

Glass Collection

I love glass whether it's carnival glass, colored glass, or clear glass and what is pictured above is my prized collection.  Most came from Ebay but a few treasures (like the last photo) came from yard sales.  A few were presents, too.

I use the vases for cut flowers but the rest is just there to be pretty and admired.  When I used to yard sale, if I saw tables of colored glass I'd be in heaven.  They don't have to be rare or expensive pieces, just pretty to look at.

Carnival glass became my favorite after being introduced to it by a friend.  Irene was so darned knowledgeable about it and taught me most of what I know.  I also really like the old heavy art glass but only kept a few pieces when I moved from my house to the apartment.

There's something so beautiful about the light shining off a piece of glass, especially the colored glass.  I have no more room to display it but, if I fell across a piece of carnival or art glass at a yard sale, I'd have to buy it even if it meant giving it away to my family.

Speaking of family...most of mine don't like the carnival glass at all.  It seems you either love the gaudy colors or you hate them.  I love them!

   

Desk Mess

My home, even the spare bedroom with all the crafts, is very neat and tidy.  The only place where I can't seem to keep it neat is my desk.  I have notes all over the place, reports of many things, spare paper, address book, photos, CD's, and the ever present cup of coffee spread all across the desk and the laptop.  I think the only time the desk is neat is when I pack it all up to take to Florida...and then I proceed to pile up the mess there.

I really can't tolerate clutter and yet here I sit every day with a mountain of crap loaded right in front of me.  Maybe it's my way of rebelling against the neatness in the rest of the apartment.  Whatever, it still irritates me but not enough to clear it away.  I need those notes especially.

Kim was telling us how she has to keep constant reminders on her cell phone for her daily activities.  Maybe I need a cell phone.

Family Dinners

When I was a young girl, the only time we had real family dinners with extended family or friends was on Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter.  I think that's probably true of most families but I like today's trend even better.  For a couple to plan a nice sit down dinner for family and friends without it being a holiday has become more commonplace.  It's a nice way to connect.

Everyone seems to be so busy with work and household so it's a good thing to sometimes just slow down and invite the people you love over for a meal.  It doesn't have to be anything special, either...even pizza among loved ones is fun!

The meal will be secondary to the catching up, the conversation, and the hugs.  All of these are automatic at any get-together so you can see how beneficial they are.  

In the old days, family and neighbors dropped by unannounced quite often but that has really fallen by the wayside.  Because our lives are busier now, we've stopped even liking unannounced visitors.  It's become imperative to at least call first.  This change in habits means that having the occasional non-occasion meal for your loved ones is important now.

We had a lovely Easter dinner yesterday at Nick and Bev's but they've also taken up hosting the occasional family breakfast, too.  Anywhere there's food, conversation, and good people is a great place to go!  When I'm at the park in Florida, it is full of game evenings and planned group meals which are so much fun.  

It's just the "being with people you like or love" that matters and not the occasion.    

Good Friday 2017

Most of my family are going on the annual Good Friday hike but I gave that up many years ago.  I don't know if they still tend to climb up and down mountainous terrain but that's what drove me away.  It's still a lovely tradition to have in the family, though, and it's traditions that keep the family close.

Nick and Bev are having Good Friday dinner and that's where I'll be going later today...some of the hikers will be there, too.  I love it that Bev is so family oriented and seems to enjoy creating her and Nick's own family traditions which so often include me.  Nick has himself a gem!

It's a gorgeous day today for anything a family chooses to do.  The sun is shining and it's crisp but not cold.  I noticed the other day that the forsythia is in bloom and that's a sign that everything else will be blooming very shortly.

Happy Good Friday everyone!

Priorities

I'm still receiving my local newspaper even though I'm getting fed up with the evil I see in it every day.  Today's issue wasn't evil but a lack of understanding what is a priority and what isn't.

Some children were removed from a foster home because the foster parents were truthful about Santa and the Easter bunny.  Shocking and beyond a normal person's comprehension that those issues were deemed important enough to remove children from a home where they were loved and sheltered...Children's Aid workers should be ashamed of themselves.  These children have already been traumatized by the simple fact that they have been forced to live in a foster home.  To add to their personal trauma over the truth being told about 2 fictitious characters is mind boggling.

Sure, it's fun to enjoy a child's innocent belief in a Santa that they think brings them toys and a giant bunny that brings them candy.  My greatgrandsons are very close to the age where they won't be fooled much longer but, when they ask questions, they'll be told the truth.

But, for the Hamilton Children's Aid Society to drag 2 little girls from their home because the foster parents told them the truth about Santa and the Easter bunny verges on the ridiculous.  What are the CAS priorities for the children in their care?  Is it a loving, kind home or is it more important to agree to lie about the existence of mythical characters?

Does the CAS have so many good foster parents willing and able to take in these traumatized children that they can dismiss one decent couple because they chose to tell the children the truth about Santa and the giant bunny?  What exactly are their priorities?

The little girls in question are age 3 and 5.  I think my Shelley was 5 or 6 when Cindy got mad at me about something and paid me back by telling Shelley there was no Santa.  I'm sure that most children hear the ugly truth once they start school because there are lots of little Cindy's out there.

The Children's Aid Society needs to check their priorities and not get their knickers in a twist over inconsequentials!   

Sexual Harrassment

The sexual harassment today's women are faced with is nothing compared to what we tolerated in the 1950's and 1960's.  We females had been brainwashed to believe our only recourse was to ignore the harassment.  I'm very proud of the new generation of women who refuse to tolerate it and who will speak up against it!

I spent my younger years being sexually harassed on an almost daily basis by males who believed in their hearts they had the right to insult and frighten any female they chose.  We couldn't walk down the street without filthy suggestions being tossed at us or someone attempting to touch us in an aggressive and unwanted way.  When I look back at those days I can't understand why we tolerated it for so long.  It took the Women's Liberation Movement to open our eyes.

I know these things still go on but I'll bet the offending male is kept even a little bit at bay worrying he'll be reported and have to face the consequences of his behaviour.

My daughters and granddaughters would never accept being sexually bullied so progress has been made.  I give all the credit to the Women's Liberation Movement which, though ridiculed and fought against at the time, proved to be our salvation.  Women of today know their worth.  They know that they don't have to put up with unwanted attention from males.  They know our laws now protect them and they're not afraid to use them when necessary.

Good parents teach their sons to show restraint and respect for females.  They teach their daughters to accept nothing but respect.  So far it seems like the daughters are learning faster than the sons but remember that sexual harassment is an expression of power over a weaker individual.  The male population still holds most of the power in this world so harassment and bullying won't be wiped out any time soon.

I wanted to make a joke about how sexual harassment diminishes as we women grow older but the memories of our younger days and the fear and embarrassment we went through will always linger on.  Those awful memories will always have some kind of effect on our psyche.

Speak up, young ladies, and know we older ladies support you!

Beautiful Spring Morning

This is one of those days you're glad to be alive.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I won't need a coat when I go out later this morning.  Springtime is invigorating because it symbolizes the earth coming to life again after being dormant all winter.  Changes in the scenery are apparent every day and they're all positive ones.  The grass is greener, the trees are in bud and the birds are busy creating the next generation.  It's life in motion!

I noticed yesterday that the stores are starting to stock outdoor plants.  First to arrive is usually pansies because they're more cold tolerant but here in Canada they become leggy very quickly.  For some reason they stay compact in Florida, though.

I'll wait until the end of the month before I wash the outside windows and put the balcony furniture out.  Then it will be a tough 3 weeks before I dare put plants out there.  Who am I kidding?  I won't be able to wait 3 weeks and will end up putting plants out too soon and stunting them.  It's like I'm daring Mother Nature every year and she usually wins.

The African violets and the orchids I just bought will stay inside to help warm up the atmosphere in my apartment.  Cindy has 2 orchids from last year that she took care of this winter for me and one is in flower.  I'll get them both back and my indoor garden will be just about complete.  I still want one more African violet...white with pink edging.  Until I know I can't winter in Florida any more, I'll stick to just a few indoor plants.

I have become completely in love with dahlias and will definitely put a few on the balcony.  I've cut back on how many plants I put out there so now I can be more selective.  Geraniums will always be welcome and I can't live without sweet potato vine.  I also have some grape tomato seeds that I'll plant and see how they turn out, too.  

Springtime is a wonderful time of the year!

Nasty People

I can't deal with nasty people and the ones who put on a sanctimonious face while doing evil behind the scenes are the very worst.  They take a little longer to recognize but sooner or later their nastiness slips out in public.

There once were a lot of people like that in my life or just on the perimeter but I've dumped them all now that I'm an old lady with no time left to waste on them.  My tolerance level for nasties is zero and I have to be careful not to be rude to them.  It's such a shame how nasties cause so much unnecessary trouble in our lives just because they can't seem to make a life of their own.  I know a few but I'll be polite and not mention names.

It's interesting to psychoanalyze nasties.  They come in all religions and nationalities and their common trait is that their eyes are dead.  I don't know if everyone sees this but I do and it's a warning that nothing good is going on in the brain behind them.  We've all heard of warm and welcoming eyes but then there are snake eyes.  Those are the ones to be wary of.

Sometimes we're forced by circumstances to deal with "snake eyes" and, unfortunately, that will be our cross to bear.  But no matter how irritating they can be, it's got to be pure hell to be them.  Nastiness eats away at a person and destroys their happiness...the unhappier they get, the nastier they get.  And, so, if at all possible, check out those eyes carefully before letting a potential nasty get a foothold in your life.     

Protesters Blocking Traffic

We all have issues we're fanatic about but protesters who block the flow of traffic in order to force everyone to pay attention to their cause are simply inconsiderate boors.  Their issue might have no relevance to the people they're holding hostage.

A few years ago the Right To Life protesters hung huge banners of aborted fetuses over the highway bridges which forced drivers and their children to view the atrocity.  Did it help their cause or did it make people angry at their bullying tactics?  Protesters do walk a fine line as to whether they'll be promoting their cause or turning people away from it.

Also, a few years ago, I was held up in bumper to bumper traffic at the downtown core while a small ragtag group of people promoting the LGBT rights held a parade.  Did it make anyone more LGBT tolerant or accepting?  I only know how it made me feel.  The little group was made up of a few street kids and a few very ugly males dressed in female clothing and I thought it both laughable and pitiful.  I also wondered why the police would allow this tiny group to inconvenience a few hundred people and tie the downtown core into knots.

Protesters who have a legitimate beef, even if I don't agree with them, might draw me to pay attention to their cause if they protest in a polite, considerate manner.  There certainly are issues many of us tend to ignore until they're brought to our attention.  If they're screaming, rioting, and blocking traffic, they've lost me completely because I have no respect for protesters who behave like this.

Change happens all the time.  Today's morals and mores might be intolerable a few years from now.  Protesters who present their desire for change in a civilized manner will most often succeed but the ones who riot and vandalize only hurt their cause.

Another Sleepless Night

When I had depression, most of my nights were sleepless and I usually fell asleep around 6 A.M. so you can imagine what a mess that made of my day.  I worked part time, had a family to take care of, and a home to run and that takes a degree of stamina and alertness.  Those depression days are long gone, thank heavens, but I still have the odd sleepless night.  It's not so bad when I know there's nothing to prevent me having a nice long nap later on, though.

In the depression days, my mind refused to shut off at bedtime and I spent almost every night reliving every single moment of my past.  Now it only happens once in a while but my mind is at peace even though it won't shut down.  Weird!  I lay there wide awake all night planning my summer planting or the simple chores I have to complete the next day so it's nothing worrisome.  The brain is a strange thing!

When I know I'll need to be wide awake and alert the next day (such as when I would be driving to or from Florida), I take an Advil PM which knocks me out sufficiently but doesn't make me fuzzy headed in the morning.  Otherwise, I endure the sleepless night and look forward to a long afternoon nap.  No big deal.

I'm a thinker, a worrier, a far ahead planner, and also have a curious mind.  Any one of those things will pretty well determine how well I'll sleep on any given night.  I had a whole list of things I wanted to get done today but it doesn't look promising that many or any of them will be done.  No big deal...there's always tomorrow!     

Wonder Why I'm Happy

Since I spent most of my life either frightened, resentful, or unhappy, it makes sense that I try to analyze my present day happiness.  I wish so very much that I'd had this state of mind all of my life but maybe I have to just feel gratitude that it finally happened.

As a child I was always wary of my surroundings, venturing everywhere with no parental restrictions but knowing in my heart that I had to keep myself safe. My world was never a truly safe place so I had to develop street smarts at an early age.  I don't find this a bad thing because, in the end, you have to be able to recognize the dangers around you and, if you're coddled too much, the world is going to hurt you.

I married too soon...that's for sure and it laid a restricted path for the rest of my my life.  I resented being held back from just about everything and that is quite natural for a 17 year old girl.  I could never wish to change that because it brought me the family I have now.

I guess it was the frustration of losing a sense of freedom that made me unhappy for all those middle years but I did have a lot to be thankful for...3 beautiful children, a hard working husband, and my house.  Only people who have been brought up living in substandard rentals will understand how much owning my own home meant to me.

I've been a happy old gal for so long now that I don't remember when it started.  It has a lot to do with attitude and expectations.  It has a lot to do with moments of peace in your day, too.  I believe those moments of peace are what restores your inner strength and, if your whole life is in turmoil, you just might fall apart.

Writing is cathartic for me, helping me understand and digest the thoughts I come up with.  I read some of my poetry from years ago and came to the conclusion that I was very immature for far too long.  I wrote about my struggles but never wrote about what I could do to overcome them.  Pitying yourself is just a big waste of time.

Happiness comes from within and not from what you have or who you're with.  If you're not content in your own skin, nothing will make you happy.  Apparently I've found myself and I'm going to enjoy that for as long as I have left.

Overloaded With Crafts

Any one of my progeny who has inherited the "overdoing" gene from me will know where it comes from.  All my life I've thought that if one was good, two or three were even better.  And so I have a spare bedroom overloaded with craft supplies...some I need but most I just want "in case".

Every so often I decide that this is the day I clear out some of the craft supplies that I'll never get around to using but nothing much gets thrown away.  It's very hard to toss something I think in my heart will be useful real soon.  I guess that's how hoarders feel.  The only difference between me and a hoarder is that my stuff is neatly stored.

When I thought that I'd never be able to use my Florida trailer again, I brought all the monks cloth home.  There was no way on earth that I could abandon monks cloth.  I've already told Faye that, when I die, she's to share my stash with Donna.  Monks cloth is like gold.

Now, when I do go to my final reward, some people are going to be really happy to receive the craft supplies I've greedily kept.  I might try another day or two of whittling down the supply, though, but I can't promise it will shrink much.

My Baby is 53

53 years ago today, my youngest child was born.  We'd hoped for a baby boy after already having two little girls but the joy of welcoming a new baby girl quickly overwhelmed us.

Shelley was my smallest baby at 8 lbs. 12 1/2 ounces.  I make big babies!  She was a beautiful treasure from the very start and managed to survive Cindy's early jealous pinching.  The love between them grew quickly, thank heavens.

We had a terrible scare of losing Shelley when she was only 3 months old and developed bronchiolitis (don't know if that's spelled correctly).  The doctors told us they weren't certain they could save her but they did and she grew up to be a wonderful human being.  She's now a nurse practitioner dedicated to helping and saving her own patients.

I often muse about how all 3 of my girls are exceptionally good people and that Dennis and I must have done something right in raising them.  But we loved them and raised them the best we could, making many mistakes but always loving them.

We were blessed with 3 daughters who dearly love and care for each other to this day and no-one can ask for anything more out of life.  

Happy Birthday, dear Shelley!  

Poverty

I have family members who live in what is perceived as poverty right up to what is perceived as wealth.  I've lived in poverty but never attained wealth.  None of this truly matters in the long run.

I believe poverty is misunderstood.  How can we describe a situation as poverty when the family is living in a clean home with food on the table and where the adults have jobs?  Not everyone, no matter how talented or intelligent, can land high paying jobs!  Poverty, in this case, means there isn't available money for fancy cars, expensive vacations, or high fashion clothes.  Is this really important in having a happy, fulfilling life?  I think not.  I know not!

We really have to stop equating low income with poverty because that is far from the truth.  When I was a child we lived in an old but well built townhouse that had been converted to apartments (they've since been converted back to single family homes and probably are worth a fortune!).  Our apartment consisted of 2 very large rooms...the original livingroom and parlor separated by pocket doors.  The ceilings were 10' high.  I slept in one bed with my mother and sister while my grandparents slept in the livingroom/kitchen on a sofa bed.  It was immaculately clean and good food was served at every meal.  My grandfather and my mother both worked at full-time, low salary jobs.  

Just a note...I have been in the homes of people we consider wealthy that were dirty and shabby.  In some, the parents were seldom home to cook meals for the children, either.  My childhood hovel was none of those things so can it still be thought of as living in poverty?  

Children living in a clean home with loving parents who are there for them and who work hard at minimum wages to provide the necessities of life for them are not living in poverty no matter what the family income happens to be.  They are simply living in a low income home and that is nothing to be ashamed of as far as I'm concerned.

Poverty is when the children live in a filthy home with unstable parents who spend their money on drugs or booze instead of putting food on the table.  Poverty is when able bodied adults have lost all will to do better for themselves and their families and settle for public assistance.  

In other words, poverty is not a lack of money but a lack of self respect.  Harsh words, maybe, but it's my view of what I've seen and experienced in my 76 years.  

Sounds of Spring

Springtime in the north country is always more welcomed than in the south.  We've suffered through, tolerated, or enjoyed the cold winter and now we're seeing the earth coming back to life.

The birds have been merrily chirping for a while now and I'm sure there are many nests being built to house the next generation of every species.  I once had a robin's nest on my balcony but I don't think there's a suitable spot left out there for another nest.  They like to build them in spots that aren't easily accessible to intruders.   The one I had was built behind a huge plant that I never would have seen except for the nervous mother robin who would screech and fly away from it every time I came near.  Apparently she was a late nester and had thought no-one lived in my apartment.

It's a good thing I don't have to pay for the heat in my apartment because I leave windows and the patio door open most of time to allow fresh air in.  It's especially nice when the early spring air fills the rooms.

There is something magical about springtime in the north.  The plants that have lain grey and dormant all winter begin to sprout their color and you almost feel as though you, too, have been reborn...so fortunate to experience another spring with all the promise it brings.

It's only April 2nd so the only greenery I'm seeing is in the grass but I know it's only a matter of time before the warmer temperatures produce beautiful color for us to enjoy.  

Today the sky is blue and the sun is shining brightly.  The birds are singing their songs and it feels like all is well in my world.  Life is good!

I've Been Lucky

When I look back on my life I realize that, for the most part, I've been very lucky....just not at gambling.  Yesterday I called on my superintendent to install the new shower head that I'd just bought.  I'd tried to remove the old one but couldn't so I thought it best to not ask one of the boys in case they broke the pipe.

Soren is the superintendent for a few apartment buildings and he must have been born to do this job because he's so good at it.  My building is about 50 years old but has been kept in very good repair, very clean, and lovely landscaping.  This is what attracted me to it in the first place.

I call ed Soren at 9 A.M. and asked for his help but said there was no hurry because I'd be home all day.  He arrived around 11 A.M. and quickly installed the shower head for me.  As he did, he mentioned that the tub (original to the building) needed to be reglazed and the taps needed to be replaced.  All of this without me asking!  He said it would be about a 2 day job because the tiles would need replacing, too, and told me to let him know when I'd be away for a couple of days.  

I asked Faye if I could stay with her while this work was being done and she welcomed me!  Now, is this not a charmed life?

No life is perfect but I think I've had a pretty good one in many ways.  And now I'm going to have a nice new bathroom, too!