Tuesday, July 31, 2007

End of Life

My son-in-law is being sent home from the hospital tomorrow but not because he's recovered. His cancer has reached the stage where there isn't anything more that medical science can do for him so he is going to spend his final days in his own home.

Two years ago David was a powerfully built man of 46 who helped out in any way possible during my husband's illness and death. We had barely begun the healing process of losing my husband when David was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He had the kidney removed and enjoyed a full year of good health until the next diagnosis...the cancer had spread to other parts of his body. It was something that had been feared all along but we had begun to believe he'd be one of the lucky ones because he was doing so well.

It's a known fact that once cancer has spread beyond the primary spot it is difficult to stop and this time was no exception. Despite filling his body with massive doses of deadly drugs the cancer continued to grow.

David has spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital and his condition has failed greatly. The cancer is relentless. But tomorrow he comes home and will be nursed by his loving family until he passes away. He'll be surrounded by the people he loves and also his beloved dogs. Believe it or not, this is the best way we could ever hope for to leave this world.

A hospital bed has already been set up in preparation for his return, professional nursing care is in place, and his family is ready for him.

My daughter asked the doctor how it will all end and was told that David's organs will begin to shut down and his breathing will become erratic until it finally stops. This isn't new to us because we nursed my husband right up to his death and that's what happened then.

Death never seems to come when we are ready for it but when our days are done and it's time to leave this life we should all be as fortunate as David. He'll be in his own home, with his family and dogs, and free of pain.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Early Morning Riser

Dawn is one of the most beautiful times of the day. It's an awakening time. A touch of light begins to grow in the morning sky notifying the birds that it's time for them to sing.

I love this time of day. The traffic noise in the distance becomes a little louder as more cars hit the road taking their passengers to work. It's nice to know I'm retired and don't have to join that morning rush. I have only two urgencies...first the bathroom and then the coffee pot.

My house is quiet and everything is as neat as I left it the night before. That's one of the benefits of living alone. I start the coffee and then turn on the computer because I can't enjoy my morning without reading my e-mail before I do any actual work.

I turned the air conditioning off last night and opened the bedroom window, allowing the outside air to cool the room and I slept like a baby. It's still lovely and cool outside now so I also have the patio doors open to bring fresh air into the house as I type. My view out the patio doors is of the deck, bejewelled with mounds of flowers and canopied with the lush greenery of surrounding trees. The morning sun is trying valiantly to penetrate the dense foliage but isn't quite strong enough yet. It's so peaceful.

Too soon the sun will rise in full force and emit enough heat to cause me to close up the house once more and resort to air conditioning. But right now the air temperature and the slow pace of an early morning is a joy to behold.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

We were the Show at the Mall Today

I always find something to write about when I go to the mall on Sunday to have coffee with my sister but today I think we were the show.

Shelley, my youngest, met us there and it was a nice reunion between her and my sister because they haven't seen each other in two years. We're a close family and my sister is like another mother to my kids.

Shelley's family is still in Argentina but they're keeping in touch by cell phone (can that be as expensive as I think??) and she received a call from them while we were at the mall. Today is her youngest daughter's fifteenth birthday so the three of us gathered close to the phone and sang "Happy Birthday" to her. I don't care how much noise there is in the food court at the mall you still can't sing Happy Birthday quietly enough to go unnoticed.

Sharon's husband, Jim, also came over to join us so he could see Shelley and the four of us sat there for quite a while yakking and laughing. There's something very satisfying about even a little family get-together like this one.



Dinner With the Girls

I had a lovely late evening dinner last night with my three daughters and oldest granddaughter. We seldom have the opportunity to do this because of distance, commitments, or the addition of other family members so it was pretty special for me.

I love to watch the interaction between my three girls because they enjoy each other so much. The love between them is palpable and I'm so thankful they have such a strong relationship.

The attention right now is on Kim, the oldest, because her husband is very ill but there are many facets to our lives and the conversation wasn't always sad. It was apparent that Aeron, my granddaughter was enjoying herself immensely. She's 17 and often the butt of their jokes but they shower a lot of love on her at the same time. It's somewhat like a rite of passage and she's slowly being initiated into their club, to become a full member when she reaches full adulthood.

I sat thinking back to the days when they were conceived and thought how the love of one man and one woman created this picture before me. The only females missing were my youngest daughter's two girls. One day we plan to have a "girls" day and go to Niagara-on-the-Lake so if you are there and see 3 lovely ladies, 3 gorgeous teenage girls, and 1 darned proud old lady, that's us.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

My Stories

I began writing a story a few years ago about life after death and I'll be darned if I can find it. I've said before that I'm not a religious person but I believe strongly that we were not put on this earth to exist only for a day or even 100 years. Eternity is not fiction.

Since I couldn't find my old drafts I decided to begin from scratch and it's interesting (at least to me) that the drive to write such a story coincides with the terminal illness of two people close to me. My friend passed away two days ago and my son-in-law has very little time left.

Occasionally I write a story that makes me very proud of it's quality but I'm not getting the same satisfaction with this new one. There's a lot of improvement to be made but this is a blog and not a story being presented to a publisher so I'll continue writing it in my own way, good or not, because it is cathartic.

Life after death should be a concern to all of us because we're all going to pass out of this human life one day. You don't have to be a church goer to have beliefs and hopes for the hereafter and I have my own theories. I believe we go on to another dimension of life but one where there is no evil. I definitely don't want to come back to this earth where there is so much cruelty and unfairness. I want peace and that's the way I see life after death.

On my husband's burial niche there is a brass plaque that reads, "Gone Sailing". That was his passion and I've always hoped that, in his afterlife, he gets to do all the things that made him happy.

I'm a big fan of "being happy" because it includes all the good in life. We're here such a relatively short time so I hope the real payoff comes during eternity. Just imagine...an eternity of happiness, peace, and goodness. I hope my friend is there now.

Friday, July 27, 2007

The Trouble With Computers

I recently bought a new computer, got high speed AOL, a whole new welcome page, and have been struggling ever since to find stuff I had with my slow speed AOL 9.0. No-one told me I could still use AOL 9.0 with high speed but my youngest daughter, Shelley, has fixed it all up for me. Now I'm a real happy camper. She also got my camera program into the new computer (something I hadn't been able to do) by going a different route. I barely know one route and certainly have no idea how to even imagine another one.

Now it's such a pleasure to go online and it all looks familiar to me. I need that. Changes throw me for a loop and I have terrible difficulty learning something new on the computer. That's when I realize I both love and hate the damn things. Once I learn the new thing, though, I always wonder what my problem had been because now it has begun to make sense to me.

A while back I was trying to figure out how to put a second picture on my Ebay listing and couldn't understand the directions that Ebay was giving me so I contacted them. They sent me step by step instructions that I'm sure a newborn could have followed...but not me. I raved to anyone within earshot that it shouldn't be this difficult to do something so simple and why couldn't people give plainer instructions, etc., etc., etc., whine, whine, whine!

I sat at the computer one day and decided I wouldn't leave it till I'd mastered adding a second picture to the Ebay listing. I worked dilligently for hours, cursing, crying, and totally frustrated with my inability to understand. Suddenly that proverbial light bulb came on and I understood what they'd all tried to tell me. It was so simple and it had been me being too stubborn to follow the instructions without questioning them. I think the secret to using the computer is to stop using human logic and use mechanical logic instead.

The camera program that Shelley installed is slightly different from the one I've been using so now there'll be a bit more cursing and crying until I get it figured out. I'm just happy to have it, though.

I told Shelley that I'll have to dismantle the whole darned thing when I go to Florida in October because AOL won't let me keep the high speed equipment until I return home in April. I have to mail it all back to AOL or they'll charge me for all the months I'm gone.

She said to let them know what my new plans are for April (going to cable for my internet because I hate the thought of all that dismantling) and they might let me keep their equipment here instead of returning it. Once I return all this *&%$# I will never go back to AOL but, if they're agreeable, I'll stay with them.

The moral here is...be polite but firm. I don't think AOL likes to lose customers but there's no way I want to face the tangle of a hundred wires under my computer twice a year.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Doctor's Report

There's a good reason why I hate to see the doctor. He's a sweetheart and will send me for the usual tests because I have high cholesterol but I hate doing it because something else too often shows up.

I got a phone call today about my recent blood tests. I knew as soon as I heard the nurse's voice that I wasn't going to be happy. She said my doctor wants me to come back in because he's not thrilled with the results from the blood tests.

"Why???!", I asked.

"Well, your sugar count is slightly elevated and the cholesterol count isn't as low as he'd like. Your tryglicerides are also too high".

Not having a clue what tryglicerides are (not even sure I'm spelling it correctly), I just wanted to know if it meant I'd have to take more medication. I detest taking any medication whatsoever and only begrudgingly accepted the fact that I needed to take Lipitor to control my cholesterol just a few years ago.

"No", she said, "He'll probably just have you see a dietician and control it with diet". "Diet" is not a nice word to hear, either.

Lately I find myself saying, "It could be worse" an awful lot. But, to tell the truth, it really could be worse, couldn't it?

I Got a Parking Ticket

I consider myself an above average intelligent person but sometimes I do awfully stupid things.

Yesterday I parked at a meter, read it carefully before putting in my money but chose to ignore the tape wrapped around the base of it that stated "no parking between 4 P.M. and 6 P.M. because of rush hour traffic. It was 5 P.M. and there wasn't much traffic so I foolishly thought it would be okay to park there anyway. How dumb can one be? It cost me a $50 fine.

I've noticed that I tend to translate events into what I want them to be and not what they actually are. Is it just me or do other people do that, too? A few years ago my sister-in-law, Faye, and I were travelling back from New Brunswick on Hwy 16 West. At one point we noticed the road signs showed we were on Hwy 16 East. Did we stop and find out how we'd gone wrong? No! We laughed about how the stupid department of transportation had erected the wrong signs and we continued on our way...until we spotted the next one and decided it was possible it was us who might be wrong.

It's the same with the way we look at people. We want to take them at face value and it's shocking when we find out they weren't the kind of people we thought they were. Too often we ignore the signs until we're forced to take a closer look.

Anyway, I'll pay the parking fine and accept the fact that I'm not perfect, and even a little stupid at times.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Banned Books

I just read a short list of books banned around the world and I thought how ridiculous it is to be so frightened of words and ideas.

I understand that blacks (I mean no disrespect in using this word. It's just that I can't keep up with the politically correct changes) don't like the fact that some of the books written years ago show them as subservient or illiterate but those stories represent the times in which they were written. To ban such books is to disregard the real lives some of their ancestors lived and that is most disrespectful.

The witches and sorcery in the Harry Potter series of books terrifies some religious people no matter that good always wins out over evil in those stories.

I don't think any book should be banned but maybe kept out of the hands of children too young to deal with them. Once a child reaches the ripe old age of 16, most of them have seen and heard more on the subject of sex, race, and brutality than anything they'll read in a good novel.

Banning books is archaic. If they're trash then we just won't read them. If they have enlightened thoughts then we'll make up our own minds to agree or disagree. To ban a book is to ban free thought and that's one freedom we should all fight to keep.

Priorities in Life

Nothing does more to make you take stock of the priorities in your life than to have someone close to you near death. I first noticed this when my husband was ill. So many things begin to lose importance when you open your eyes to the impermanence of life.

People struggle throughout their lives to purchase toys, keep up with the "Jones's", lose weight, gain weight, wear just the right designer clothes. These things become absurd when we face the reality of death.

After a person dies, all of their treasures are dispersed to relatives or friends. Some, which might have been the owner's most beloved items, are sold. So many of the items we collect and treasure are only there from a shallow sense of acquisition lust. How do we convince ourselves that acquiring a ten thousand dollar vase to sit on a shelf is acceptable when there are people in this world living with no roof over their heads or clean water to drink? Maybe these are the priorities we're meant to learn in this life and maybe we'll have no peace until we do.

Today there are two people close to me who are being cared for in hospitals because they are terminally ill. Their basic priorities are to be kept comfortable and have their loved ones nearby. They have no interest in trinkets.

It's a good idea to stop once in a while and really think about the direction you want your life to take. Do you need what you think you need? Or has the media created a false need for you?

I know it's once again time for me to take stock of my own priorities.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Benefits of a Nap

I crawled out of bed at 4 A.M. this morning so by the time 4 P.M. rolled around I was ready for a nap. It's so nice to have nothing much to do, feel sleepy, and just let the drowsiness take you away.

I slept for an hour and a half, awakened only sporadically by some heavy duty snoring...coming from me, I'm sorry to say. I didn't care. There was no-one around to hear it and I needed the nap.

One of the reasons I fight napping is because I sleep too long. If I could power nap, say for half an hour, it wouldn't be so bad but I've been known to nap for up to three hours. It could have something to do with my poor sleep habits through the night. I think I become overtired from not enough nighttime sleep and drop into too deep a sleep during a nap. In any case, I really can get by quite well on about 5-6 hours sleep so napping is rarely necessary. Last night I only slept for 4 hours and that just wasn't enough to get me through the day.

In my younger days I could sleep till noon and still want more but I always felt as though I was wasting my day. I love being up at dawn and I really do get a lot more work done in a day now. They say people need less sleep as they age and I've found that to be true. We realize time is running out and we want to make the most of what's left to us.



Butt Cracks

Yesterday was coffee day at the mall with my sister as usual. As we sat drinking our coffee and chattering away I saw my sister's eyebrows rise out of sight into her bangs. She said, "Have a look at that!", and I turned around to see a very heavy young lady sitting sort of leaned over at her table and exposing more than just a butt crack. Her pants had slid down until they were almost underneath her and a very big, extremely exposed behind was there for all the world to see.

Sharon went to get up, saying, "I have to tell her. I'd want someone to tell me".

I tried to stop her, saying, "Don't do it...she doesn't care. She has to know how much of her behind is showing so you're wasting your time".

Sharon hesitated for a moment but decided she had to do her good deed for the day and went over to the butt crack lady and bent down to whisper in her ear. She was very polite and apologetic so no-one around them could have heard what she said.

I heard the butt crack lady say, "Oh!" and then start to laugh. She wasn't one bit embarrassed just as I'd predicted.

My sister came back and sat down, looked over at the lady and said, "She's pulled up her pants just a bit".

I said, "I told you so!".

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Where Would We Be Without Family?

There are times in your life when nothing but strong family ties will help you survive. I can't even begin to imagine what those times would be like without a loving and caring family to lean on.

Treasure the good people in your life, whether they be blood relatives, in-laws, or good friends. When life throws you troubles that you can't bear alone, you'll know who will be there for you.

We need all the support we can get right now and the good people around us will be one of the main reasons we make it through the rough days to come.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Difficult Day

This was one of those days we hope never comes. My sister-in-law and I visited a friend in the hospital who is failing fast. She's been lucky enough to have a loving, supportive family and a devoted husband who stays by her side and makes sure she is well cared for. It's that bastard, cancer, which is causing her death.

Then I visited my son-in-law who is also very ill with cancer. He's been in the hospital for 2 days now and will stay until they are able to make him more comfortable. He reminded me a lot of my husband when he was sick because they both exhibited such futile anger over their circumstances. Both were strong, independant men completely unused to being helpless and that's what fueled their anger.

As for my friend, I accept that today may be the last chance I had to see her but for my son-in-law, I still have hope that he'll have many more days to enjoy.

We hope and we hope...and miracles do happen, don't they?

Friday, July 20, 2007

To Sleep or not to Sleep

The last few nights have been warm so I've left the bedroom window wide open. I hate turning on the air conditioning but with the window open and the ceiling fan on it's very comfortable. The new problem on the block is that my drug dealing neighbor now has a big dog that goes outside when DDN's friends leave in the wee hours of the morning.

I'd just dropped off to sleep when I heard the damn dog barking. There was the usual noise of people talking, albeit quieter than normal, and cars driving away but that big dog has a big bark. I couldn't help but think about when I dogsat my daughter's yappy little dogs and wouldn't think of letting them out in the middle of the night because I didn't want to disturb the neighbors. DDN has no such compunctions.

Luckily I was able to fall back to sleep quickly which is a real blessing for me. I'm beginning to think that the only quiet time on my street is during the winter when the house is closed up and I'm gone.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Where to Buy a Sari

I mentioned before that I was interested in purchasing one of those beautiful saris for the next special occasion. Well, they sell everything on Ebay so that's where I decided to look and lo, and behold, there is an unending supply of the most beautiful saris imaginable.

Some of the ones I looked at were hand embroidered on georgette fabric in colors that were a treat to the eye. The price was $50-60 including shipping from India so that's a bargain.

Now to decide on a color!!

Taking Care of Business

One thing I've found difficult in widowhood is that I have to take care of everything with no-one (in the house) to fall back on for advice or to share in the responsibilities. Consequently, I find I'm often flying by the seat of my pants and hoping I've made the right decisions.

I picked up my car yesterday from the body shop and it looks excellent. I don't know how that man was able to match the paint on a 6 year old car but he did. When you consider how much sun the paint has been exposed to because I spend winters in Florida, it must have suffered at least some fading.

He found a lot of Bondo (not sure if that's how you describe it) at the top of the hood by the windshield and thought that spot might have been damaged by a rock at some time. His workmanship was beyond expectations and the hood looks like new.

Later in the afternoon I had a rental water heater installed. I wasn't sure how old the existing one was (found out it was 21 years old!!!) but worried it might rust out and ruin my new floors in the basement so decided to replace it.

I spent hours on the phone and internet trying to decide whether to rent or buy and whether to stay with gas or go back to electric. My good neighbor, among others, suggested it would be best to rent but offered to install one if I decided to buy. How lucky I am to have neighbors like this!

Anyway, I decided to rent and now believe it was the best choice by far that I could have made. Two young men arrived with the new gas water heater, installed it within an hour, removed the old one, and left no mess at all. One of the rather stupid reasons I had for considering changing to electric is that I'm afraid to light a gas one. I've never had to do it because my son-in-law does it for me before I return from Florida in the spring but he's seriously ill and we don't know what the future holds for him.

My dependency on others is a constant concern for me and I've tried to minimize it as much as possible but I lack the ability to do an awful lot of things. This makes me nervous and even a bit angry at times. Fortunately, there's a setting on the water heater for "vacation" which solves that particular problem. The pilot light remains lit but uses very little fuel and I just have to turn it back to "on" when I want full service.

I think my message today will be to other widows or single ladies on their own. You are capable of doing so much more than you ever imagined. Ask questions and make every effort to do for yourself before asking favors of others. Achieving success with your own efforts will boost your self confidence.

My husband was an extremely capable man who took care of most things around the house so I'm fairly new to having to deal with them now. I'm kind of proud of myself for what I've done so far. It's a pretty good feeling!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Virginity Ring

Some young girls are wearing a ring on their finger to express their promise to remain virgins until marriage. School officials in England have banned it. They forbid any jewellery with religious symbols because they might be intimidating to other religions. Officials have made an exception in the case of Muslims and Sikhs and also allow crusifixes but they have taken offense with the virginity ring.

My way of thinking is that a great deal of the world's problems stem from indiscriminate sex so the girls who choose to abstain from it until marriage are hurting no-one but their disappointed boyfriends.

I personally don't disapprove of sex outside of marriage but I worry terribly about girls in their early teens engaging in it. They are so young and impressionable and the rampant sexual content of movies, T.V. shows, and song lyrics are convincing them it's the thing to do.

The virginity ring might not keep them virgins until marriage but it might keep them from sharing their bodies until they're old enough to make wise choices.

School officials, whether here or in England, are making rules that are laughable because they use "political correctness" as their guide instead of common sense.

Remember the little 6 year old boy who was tossed out of school in the States because he kissed a classmate on the cheek? And what about allowing Sikhs to bring their religious knives to school? A girl was also expelled for bringing Midol for her menstrual cramps. No drugs allowed, right? Apparently they thought Midol was as corruptive as Heroin.

Our children live in a world where they have to pass through metal detectors at the school entrance. In some schools there are armed guards monitoring the hallways. And now, in England, a young lady is considered a dangerous influence on her fellow pupils because she wears a virginity ring.

Where is the logic?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

What Bird Poop Does to Your Car

Some gigantic bird dropped a load of poop on the hood of my car last winter and I was foolish enough to let it sit there for possibly a week. I'm always in a rush when I get in the car and usually carrying a pile of stuff when I exit it so that's my excuse for not cleaning the mess off sooner.

When I finally cleaned it up I saw that it had eaten away through the clear coat and into the paint. I was horrified at the power of the poop.

My son-in-law was going to paint the car for me but he's become too ill so I went to a local body shop and arranged for them to do the work today. My negligence in cleaning away a hunk of bird poop is going to cost me $200.

Something interesting I found out at the body shop was that my car, purchased when it was 1 year old, had previously been repainted. No-one repaints a year old car unless it's been in an accident but we were never told that at the time of purchase. Apparently it's the law to reveal these things. I guess we were lucky that we haven't had any mechanical problems with the car since we bought it almost 5 years ago.

I plan to keep the car for 2 more years but now wonder what I have to reveal when I sell it. I guess just that I painted the hood and that it had been repainted once before but that I have no knowledge about why it was.

Anyway, I hope the body shop does a good job matching the color. The damage has been done and I learned an expensive lesson...clean up bird poop immediately!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Saris

We have a lot of Indian/Pakistani people living in Canada now and I'm seeing more ladies wearing saris. I've always thought they were beautiful...so colorful and flowing and now I want one for myself.

I stopped a group of ladies in the mall on Sunday and complimented them on how lovely they looked in their saris. They said they buy most of them in Toronto but there was a store nearby that also sells them so the next time I need something dressy that's where I'll go.

Saris are the epitome of femininity. I prefer the sheer, flowing fabrics because they look so cool. The colors are to die for and it looks like a flower garden when you see a large group of Indian women wearing them.

Some Indian/Pakistani men wear a traditional suit which also is loose and comfortable. We can all learn something from their culture when it comes to dress.

One more reason to enjoy the multiculturalism in Canada!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Can't Sleep

I've been plagued with sleeping problems for years but thought for a while that I had them beat. Sleeplessness came back with a vengeance when my husband became ill and hasn't completely disappeared since. Lately, though, they've been worse than ever. Too many nights are spent with little or no sleep and that's not good for someone like me who has a busy life.

There are little tricks to use in order to fall asleep and I've used them constantly but they just won't work these days. Tylenol P.M. is effective but I hate taking any medication so I'll only use it once in a blue moon.

It's funny I had no trouble sleeping in the motel at the reunion last week. My friend, Carole, was in the next bed so maybe my problem right now lies with me sleeping alone and that isn't going to change.

Sunrise draws me out of bed regardless of how much sleep I've had but I can always have a nap later in the day if necessary.

I often lie in bed in the wee hours of the morning wondering why we human beings were created with the need for sleep anyway. And why do we have to eat and then eliminate what we eat? And why do we have to age and die? And why are some of us so cruel?

If anyone wonders where I get some of my ideas for a blog or a story, it often happens at 3 A.M.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

I Walked Today

I've been on a bit of a healthier lifestyle kick lately (mostly fueled by worried comments from my friends) and had promised myself I'd use the treadmill while doing laundry.

Today I started laundry, put my new Toby Keith CD on, stepped onto the treadmill and walked and sang for 20 minutes. It may not seem like much but I'm a true couch potato and this is a vast improvement for me.

I wasn't tired after 20 minutes but I get bored easily and kept thinking of other things I could be doing. Anyway, it's a start and I did enjoy it. It's interesting to note that the walking (at 2 miles per hour) didn't hurt my knee one bit and that was a concern of mine. I hurt the damned knee dancing last New Year's (doing can-can kicks to New York, New York) and it still bothers me at times.

Today 20 minutes, tomorrow 21.

In the Genes

You know how you look at your children and see parts of yourself and parts of their other parent? Well, my youngest daughter just wrote a blog about loving to make lists and I realized she's inherited my list loving gene.

When my children were small I was even more disorganized than I am now and I'd start the day by sitting at the kitchen table and writing a list of all I hoped to accomplish that day. By evening there was never much crossed off the list but I'd think, "There's always tomorrow". I look on lists as a good way to organize but also to procrastinate.

Shelley has a much bigger workload than I ever did because she's married to a military man. Granted, she has housekeeping help but her days really are spent at a trot. I'd bet that half her time is spent carting her 3 kids from one place to another and not one of them is going to the same place most of the time.

I love her husband, John, but he also often needs taken care of so Shelley takes up the slack. She performs her duties with gusto and a big smile so it all seems to work for her.

I still make lists. They're usually on little post-it notes all over the house. I just got a new computer with Windows Vista and I have post-it notes all around it explaining how to do various things. There are post-it notes in the kitchen reminding me I need milk and frozen yogurt. There are post-it notes at the telephone reminding me who I need to call. And there are tons of reminders written all over my calendar. It appears I'm a busy woman.

I do have one list sitting on the stove (safe because I rarely cook) that is more like my lists of years past. It is a long list of what needs to be done in my husband's workroom. I have crossed off about a quarter of the chores so far and will get to the rest when I feel like it. When you're retired you can often take all the time you want to get to those tiresome chores.

It's interesting to note that Shelley inherited my love of lists, my love of writing, and my strong teeth. She inherited her father's curly hair, his intelligence, and his get-up-and-go. Not a bad combination.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Adult Cartoons

I've noticed that there are a lot of adult cartoons on T.V. these days. There's something not quite right about an X-rated cartoon because cartoons should be funny, innocent, and for children. That's the view I carry of them and that's why it's disturbing for me to change channels and come across a cartoon where the characters curse.

I find it very difficult to understand how any self respecting adult would watch one these shows but I know of at least one very intelligent and respectable man who loves them. Since I found this out I still hold him in high regard but it's a bit shakier.

I've watched cartoons with my children and grandchildren and really enjoyed a few of them...Peanuts/Charley Brown and the Road Runner were my favorites. In all honesty, I haven't actually watched one of the adult cartoons so I shouldn't be judgemental but in this day in time I am.

The comedy shows I've always liked best on T.V. are the more family oriented ones such as Cosby, I Love Lucy, and Everybody Loves Raymond. I like stand-up comedy, too, and don't at all mind sexual content but too much cursing gets boring. Some comedians seem to think that cursing makes up for actual comedic talent.

Don't get me wrong...I'm a curser. I do try to control myself but when I'm startled or angry (or just careless) you might be surprised at the words that come out of this little old lady's mouth.

But cartoons really shouldn't be distorted from childish innocence into adult decadence. It just isn't right.

Life Goes On

While I was enjoying myself at the reunion things were not going so well here at home. My son-in-law is still battling cancer and fading drastically these days and we don't know if it's the disease or the powerful drug that's wearing him down.

David had a catscan on Tuesday but won't get the results until next Tuesday. No-one who hasn't gone through this knows how very long that week can be. What happens is that the only moments you relax and truly forget about the cancer are the moments you're in deep sleep. And sleep is not easy to obtain.

When my husband was sick and dying from cancer, each day of that year was like a merry go round of hope, fear, and lots of tears but you can't ever give up hope because hope is a form of faith healing. I know many people who have beaten cancer more than once so we know it can be beaten. Unfortunately, my husband's health dropped below the level where he couldn't fight anymore and that's when we knew the cancer had won the battle.

I have higher hopes for David. He's younger and stronger even though he's going through a bad spell right now. We just have to wait for the results to come back next Tuesday. Our biggest hope is that the drug has done it's job and he can go on a lower dose so that his quality of life will improve. We have to keep in mind that these drugs are poison to our system and not only attack the cancer but also healthy tissue and that can make you unwell.

All prayers and good wishes gratefully accepted, thank you.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Back from the Reunion

I just spent 3 days with my Florida park friends. We have a reunion every year and this year it was in Lewiston, N.Y. so not a long drive from home for a change. I'm not sure how many made the trek from various provinces and states but it had to have been more than 100...we really like each other's company!

On Monday we (Faye, Carole, and I) checked into our motel and then drove out to the campground where all the activities were held. Much time was spent hugging and kissing each other as though we'd been apart for years but it was so nice.

I guess I should mention that my terrible sense of direction and my sister-in-law's tendency to look at the scenery instead of navigating caused a few wrong turns along the way...not too many, though.

Anyway, Monday afternoon we had our semi-annual turd toss contest and by the time we got to the campground the toilet was all set up and waiting. Mark, the keeper of the toilet, called out 2 names at a time and the tossers would pick a turd (pantihose wrapped speghetti) and see if they could toss it about 20' into the open toilet. In due time we had our new Turd King and Queen but it wasn't me, darn it!

A nice dinner was provided at the campground about 5:30 and most of us headed back to the motel not long after. It wasn't to bed but out to the gazebo with booze that we went. The day had been outrageously hot and the evening was warm with a lovely breeze so I could have stayed out there all night mingling with good friends and drinking good wine.

On Tuesday, Faye and I went shopping but Carole went on some Niagara Falls tours with a bunch from the reunion.

We got back to the campground by 4 P.M. and settled in playing cards until dinner which was again served there. Dee, our hostess for the reunion, had hired a caterer who fed us royally each night.

After dinner we all settled in for the auction. At each reunion the attendees donate items to be auctioned off with the proceeds going to help finance next year's reunion. I was bidding vigorously on one particular item and not realizing I was bidding against one of my best friends. When she realized we were after the same item she quit bidding and let me have it. Now that's a good friend!

We got back to the motel about 11 P.M. and took our booze out to the gazebo again and it was another lovely warm evening and good conversation. Carole and I, who were sharing a room, carried on talking for ages even after going to bed so we didn't get much sleep that night.

On Wednesday, we all met out at the campground around 9:30 A.M. and lined our cars up to go to the Lockport canal cruise boats. By the time we got to our destination the skies had opened and it was pouring. During a lull in the downpour we were able to get inside the building but the rain had stopped and the sun was shining as we boarded for our tour of the locks.

After the tour we went back to the motel to put on warmer clothes because a cold front had come through following the rainstorm. It was strange to need to cover up after days of blistering hot weather.

We had another nice dinner at the campground and spent what seemed like hours kissing and hugging everyone goodbye. I'd see Faye and Carole waiting patiently while I continued my goodbyes but by the time I got to them they'd gotten back into the kissyhugging themselves and I'd be waiting for them. This went back and forth for way too long but we really hated to say goodbye to these wonderful people and we won't see most of them again for months.

Back to the motel and the gazebo but I was finished with booze and only wanted water. It was cold out. That's the only way to describe it...cold! One of my friends got a fleece blanket out of her car so I wouldn't freeze to death and we all sat in the gazebo for just a short while on the last night of our trip.

Thursday morning (this morning) was sunny and wonderfully warm again so we packed the car and said a few more goodbyes to the people still at our motel before driving into downtown Lewiston for breakfast. We took a few hours to walk through some of the interesting shops in town and wished we'd had more time. It's a lovely little town, quite old and extremely well maintained.

I'm glad to be home but I'm still carrying the happy little glow from having spent a few days with good people, good friends. I wish them all a safe trip home and can now look forward to seeing them again at our pretty park in Florida this fall.

Life is good!





Sunday, July 08, 2007

Day at the Mall

One of these days I'm going to write a book about all the interesting things that I see at the mall.

I met my sister for coffee this afternoon at the mall as usual. There's not much that can keep us from our weekly get together and it's become almost a tradition now. We choose to meet at one of the malls because it gives us the option to shop if we want.

Today the mall was filled with families and babies. There were so many double strollers holding twins that we started to think there was a special event on at the mall for them. Do you suppose it's the fertility drugs so many young women have to resort to now in order to get pregnant that's causing an explosion in twins?

My daughter, who is average in height and weight, had difficulty getting pregnant years back and took a course of fertility drugs. They didn't result in a pregnancy but a year after finishing them she did become pregnant...and gave birth to a baby boy weighing 11 lbs. 1 1/2 oz. We always joked that he probably absorbed his twin.

One of the cute sights I saw was a husband, wife, and child who looked to be Iranian or Iraqui (just a guess because the lady was wearing a long head scarf) who were enthralled with a set of blonde twins (about a year old) and stood talking to them while one of the twins climbed half out of her stroller to play in a nearby water fountain. There was no parent nearby although he couldn't have been too far away (he showed up after 10 minutes or so). My sister and I would have searched for him but the mid east couple were right there enjoying the babies and maybe even looking out for them.

I bought the CD of Toby Keith I'd tried to get on Ebay but was outbid on. It turned out to be cheaper in the mall. Sharon, my sister, bought a couple of belts she wanted. Not big purchases but well worth going to the mall for!

One of my grandson's used to love going to the mall when he was little because, he said, "There are so many interesting things to see there!". He was right.





The Irish Have Arrived

My niece's (by marriage) Irish relatives flew thousands of miles across the ocean to attend the wedding of one of their own. I got to meet them last night and they were a treat.

The lilt of Irish brogue pleasured my ears and brought back memories of my childhood when my own home was often filled with Irishmen who had immigrated to Canada.

Molly, at 78, is the matriarch of the family and it was so easy to see why she's included in all occasions. She's tiny, witty, and quite pysically active since she walks all of the time at home. There's something to be said about the benefits of walking.

I learned that in Ireland the seniors can use the bus for free and don't pay any rent. All of their health services, including prescriptions, are also free. We in Canada should have it so good!

My niece (not the one getting married) is 5 months pregnant and looking beautiful in her maternal state and her husband was the life of the party while still watching her solicitously to make sure she wasn't tiring.

There was much laughter and singing during the evening that could never have disturbed the neighbors because it bespoke the beauty of life and family. It was one of those glorious warm summer evenings that you hated to see end.

The Irish are renting a large van to take them sightseeing for the next 2 weeks and will visit Niagara Falls and Toronto Island for sure. I hope they all (especially the first time visitors) get to see at least part of how beautiful the great country of Canada is and take back good memories of us.

I'm going to miss hearing the lovely Irish brogue when they leave for home but maybe one day I'll get my chance to visit Ireland and hear as much of it as I want.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Workroom Discoveries

I had dinner with two of my sisters-in-law and their husbands last night and we came back to my house after dinner. I showed off my newly renovated basement and then showed them my husband's workroom which I'm just starting to clean out.

There are a few things holding me back in the workroom cleaning. One is that it's a monumental job and another is that I don't know anything about tools. My brother-in-law, Larry helped me out more in 20 minutes than anyone has done in two years. He very quickly told me what was junk, what was usable, and what I can give away.

I still can't imagine going through all that stuff completely in the next year but at least I've got a start. I've already towed tons to the dump and deposited tons in the driveway that was cleared away by my good neighbor. That was the stuff I could easily see was garbage. It all makes me wonder how the children of deceased parents handle such a clean-up when it has to be done quickly.

I've made my mind up that I'm going to declutter my house from top to bottom so my children won't have too hard a job if something were to happen to me. I also plan to sell the house and move into an apartment in a few years so decluttering now makes sense.

We really accumulate too much stuff and it doesn't help to stay put in the same house for 40 years!

Friday, July 06, 2007

The Bearer of Wine

I have become the bearer of wine. Whenever I'm invited to a dinner or barbecue I have to head to the grocery store to stock up on all the ingredients of a "dish" to take to the meal. If you've been reading my blogs you know that I hate to cook and eat out a lot so my fridge always looks as though the pension money isn't making it through to the end of the month.

There's a lovely family barbecue tomorrow to welcome my nephew's wife's Irish family to Canada so I headed the car to my favorite grocery store. Along the way I spotted the liquor store and pulled in knowing I'd also have to take a bottle of wine to the barbecue. While I was in there, I realized that it made more sense to buy extra wine instead of making a "dish" because my cooking skills aren't the best. Besides, it would be cheaper in the long run and make the guests a lot happier.

So that's how I became the bearer of wine.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Show a Little Kindness

Last winter my sister was at the bus stop in the downtown area. We have a pretty little park right in the center of our downtown and it attracts a lot of street people so she wasn't surprised to see one of them sleeping on a bench. What got her attention was the fact that this man's one arm was hanging down and his hand appeared to be a greyish color. People were passing by and ignoring him as though he was invisible.

Sharon is no fool and knows that it can be dangerous to approach some street people because many of them are drug users and their behaviour can be unpredictable. Still she was unable to ignore this man and, using her cell phone, called 911 and asked to have a police officer check him out. She never did find out if the poor man was dead or alive because her bus arrived and she had to leave.

A couple of days ago I found myself in much the same situation. I had gone to the mall at 8 P.M. to pick up a friend returning from a bus tour and noticed a man lying on the sidewalk with his legs splayed onto the parking lot. There was a bike leaning precariously against the wall near him.

I wanted desperately to ignore him but my heart softened as I watched so many people and cars pass him by without a look. It hurt me to see how cold and uncaring we human beings can be. I was in no danger...it was still light out and there were plenty of people around so I walked over to him to see if he was all right.

I saw a young man in his early 20's, horribly sunburnt and lying on his back with his eyes closed. I leaned forward and asked him if he was okay and his eyes slowly fluttered open. He sort of jerked up to a sitting position and smiled at me, said he was fine and thanked me for caring. He reached his hand up to me and I reluctantly took it (I was still a little nervous about his mental health).

His eyes looked strange as though he was drugged but he continued to thank me and tried to pull my hand to his lips to kiss it. That's when the good samaritan in me was overcome by distaste and I pulled away.

I'm not sorry I took the time to check on this poor young man and I'd do it again. I don't ever want to get so jaded and uncaring that I could walk away from someone like that and never know if he was in need of help.

Showing someone kindness isn't a reflection of our own inner goodness but a reflection of what we human beings are capable of exhibiting. It's one of those human qualities that gets lost in our hustle bustle world if we're not careful.

The message here is "Show a little kindness. Appreciate little kindnesses". Immediately it's a better world.

"White Trash With Money"

Even if I wasn't a Toby Keith fan I'd still buy this CD because I think the title is wonderful. I've got a bid on it on Ebay right now so wish me luck!

I identify with that title...not that I have money but that my background could be considered white trash. My family was quite poor but they were working people. It takes a strong, proud individual to slave for 40-50 hours a week for ridiculously low wages and I'm damned proud of their labors.

I've got news for all those people who spend our tax dollars year after year delving into the effects of poverty on children. If their parents keep a clean house, feed them half way decent food, and don't abuse them, the children will probably grow up happier and healthier than rich kids.

When you come from a "white trash" background you have nowhere to go but up. You will always be aware that if you don't work hard and make the right choices you could drop back down again but, if that should happen, you'd survive. Put a person who was born into money in the same situation and it would swallow them up.

Having to struggle in your life makes you a stronger person just by virtue of making you work harder to overcome a hardship.

One of the mistakes that parents make with their children is to give them too much instead of making them earn it. We all want our children to have an easier life than we did but remember that half the fun is getting there.

I may have grown up "white trash" but the lessons I learned along the way have made me a survivor. And now I have a couple of bucks in the bank to pay for my new CD.


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Broken Hearted

I've been talking to someone recently who is suffering from a broken heart. We've all been there at one time or another and we know that just telling the person they'll get over it in time doesn't help one bit right now.

I remember times when my heart ached so badly I thought it would kill me but it didn't. I thought that no-one had ever loved or hurt as strongly as I did and that no-one could possibly understand what I was going through. I know now that many of them did but they knew from personal experience that there was nothing they could say that would take the pain away. They could only comfort me and stay beside me as I worked my way through.

Being a confidente to someone who is heart broken carries a great responsibility. Your purpose is to allow them to vent their anger, hurt, and worries and hope that the venting will drain some of these pains away. There's a helplessness knowing you can't change things for them but only present yourself as someone who cares.

There's an old adage, "Time heals all wounds". We know this is true but it won't help the heart broken one today. We can only be a caring shoulder for them to lean on until the wounds do heal. They will in time.

Reply from the Building Inspector

A very nice gentleman from the city zoning department gave me some interesting information. It is perfectly legal for someone to purchase a house in a residential neighborhood and turn it into student housing as long as they don't change any of the existing walls.

Your neighborhood could be next and you wouldn't have a legal right to stop it. Your property values would decrease because who wants to live next to a house full of party animals?

And there you have it.

What's Happening to the Neighborhood?

My very staid neighborhood has been stood on it's ear the last 3 years by having to put up with the intrusion of a drug dealer who rented a house on our street. The other day I was talking to neighbors and wondering if they knew who had caused the nightlong noise on Saturday night (until almost 5 A.M.) and was informed that another house on the street has been turned into student housing. What is happening here?

Maybe I'm naive but I thought that zoning changes in any neighborhood had to be approved by the people living in that neighborhood. Being retired, cranky, and having the time and temper to do it, I phoned City Hall to find out if we have a legal or illegal situation in our midst. No-one has phoned me back as yet but I'll keep at them.

Most of us are law abiding citizens who live our lives within the law, pay our taxes, and take care not to disturb our neighbors. We assume that our own rights will be quickly protected by these same laws but we're often disappointed.

I had a long talk with 2 very young police officers last week who had visited the drug house (again). They'd been there a few times knocking on the door which remained unanswered and then they'd leave. That particular morning they'd pounded on the drug dealer's door at 5 A.M. and it woke me up. The drug dealers slept on. When the police came back in the afternoon I was watering my front lawn and saw them again knock on the door, get no answer, and then get ready to leave once more. I hollered up to them, "You should be here at 2 A.M.!", and they came over to speak to me.

During the course of our conversation they admitted that they had no authority to break into the house. I told them that our small neighborhood was comprised of mainly seniors who shouldn't have to put up with drug dealers living among us and they agreed. Then they asked me if I'd keep an eye on the house and write down licence plate numbers of the people who went there. I was shocked. Our police department wanted me, a little old lady living alone, to do their work for them. Not to mention that by getting close enough to do this I'd be putting myself in danger. I told them no.

Now back to the student housing. My street is 4 blocks long and the houses on my block are mainly owned by people who have lived in them for 20 or more years. It will be interesting to find out if our rights have been violated or circumnavigated in this case. I'll let you know!

What's happening on my little residential street could happen anywhere.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Fat is Beautiful

I've watched a few programs lately about men who are only attracted to fat women. They explain the attraction and I have to admit their explanations make a lot of sense. There should be no shame in being fat because we are what we are.

But being grossly overweight is unhealthy. I'd love to be able to ignore that fact but there it is. Being fat is also uncomfortable at times and we often have more difficulty performing tasks.

Being chubby, on the other hand, carries much the same stigma in this world of super fitness but this I do disagree with. In my eyes, a person who is slightly overweight looks much nicer than someone who is rail thin. I've always had a weakness for men with a little paunch even though my husband had a perfectly flat stomach. Our preferences sometimes can't be explained.

I've struggled with my weight and bad eating habits for most of my adult years but a while back decided to forget about losing weight for looks and concentrate on simply eating healthier. I probably would have done better if I didn't eat out so much. Buffets are killers.

I gave up my worst cravings...potato chips and french fries...and probably saved my arteries but the weight hasn't fallen away as I'd hoped. Maybe that's because I'm terribly inactive but I do have a treadmill so now I'll make an effort to use it while I'm doing laundry.

Country music blasting from the radio, the washer and dryer doing their job, and me walking to the beat. Can't you just see it?

Terrorists in Glasgow

How our world has changed. The news reports tell us that most of the people arrested for the airport bombing in Glasgow were either doctors or interns who had immigrated into Scotland from the mid east. It's very difficult to find logic here because medical people are supposed to be infused with the desire to save lives, not commit wanton murder.

These terrorists are well educated people who have been driven by religious fanaticism to believe that their god will sanction the deliberate killing of innocent bystanders. How can the average person ever understand this?

I can't for the life of me understand why anyone who commits or attempts to commit murder by bombing innocent people can convince themselves they are doing right. They are nothing more than savage cowards with no trace of humanity left in them. It's impossible for me to get my mind around the fact that some of the monsters responsible for the latest bombings are medical personnel.

It's also very unclear to me whether the terrorists are committing these acts because they are retalliation for American aggressions into the middle east or if it's because Muslims are attempting to wipe out all non Muslims. When you read the signs they carry during demonstrations the latter seems to be most prevalent.

It's frightening to think of living in a world dominated by a religious group which tolerates no other way of thinking but their own. It's like going back to cannibalism...a step back in the evolution of mankind.

I saw a news article on T.V. this morning showing a cartoon featuring a Mickey Mouse look alike teaching hatred of the U.S. and Israel to the children in the audience. It was obviously a brain washing method to indoctrinate the little children watching it.

Will these children be lost as free thinkers? Some prabably will be and they will grow up to be the next generation of terrorists. They might also become your family physician.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Canada Day

This is Canada Day. The weather will be perfect...sunny and warm...and most Canadians can enjoy a day off work and maybe some of them will truly appreciate the wonderful country we live in.

We tend to take for granted the fact that Canada is one of the safest places in the world in which to live. We have a good infrastructure of support for the poor, the aged, and the needy. Granted, we're not perfect but we're reasonable.

I've lived here all of my life and can readily see the influx of other races and cultures we now have in Canada. Fifty years ago there were few Asian or black faces. It's possible that immigration was more difficult then for people who weren't caucasions but that isn't the case these days. Canada is fast becoming a true melting pot and that's the way it should be.

Think about it. People who live in impoverished or war ridden countries decide they've had enough of the turmoil and decide to move to a country where they can live their lives in a civilized way...they choose Canada. I believe most of these immigrants will grow to love their new country and make it a better place for all of us.

It won't happen immediately but as long as we maintain integrated schools the children will be the first to accept each other and that will carry on into adulthood. Old tribal hatreds from their countries of origin will fade away and, thanks to their enterprising parents, they will become true Canadians.

I've always felt fortunate that my Irish ancestors took the initiative to immigrate here but I'd still dearly love to visit Ireland. The civil unrest in that country over the years has saddened me and made me thankful many times over that my home is in Canada.

In this wild time of terrorists who can easily hop on a plane and devastate the lives of people living half a world away from them, we in Canada have been lucky enough to mostly escape unscathed so far. Some say we're hiding our heads in the sand and that the reality of bombings and killings is only moments away but I'm hoping they're wrong. Canada is a sanctuary for immigrants and I want so much to believe a handful of terrorists can't take that away from us.

Today is Canada Day and I'm going to spend it enjoying the freedoms that my fellow Canadians have worked so hard over 140 years to provide for me. I thank them.



Sunday, July 01, 2007

Becoming Conservative

When I was young I was aware that people seemed to become more conservative as they aged but never believed it would happen to me. I was sort of a wild girl who thoroughly enjoyed dipping my toes in dangerous waters. Taking chances was exhilarating.

These days I take as few chances as possible, feel my security terribly threatened when there is social unrest in my country, and become irritated too easily when faced with juvenile idiocy. I have become what I used to despise...a crotchety old woman who just wants my world to run smoothly and preferably quietly.

When did that wild, full of life girl disappear? I remember having to tone down when I met the man who would become my husband (he was mature, responsible, and definitely not a free spirit). After my children were born I began to realize that it would be best for them if everyone in the world behaved responsibly, including me.

By the time middle age had shown it's unwanted face, I had gained an interest in the importance of politics. There must have been still a vestige of liberalism in me at that time because I thought the New Democratic party would be the saving grace of Canada and supported it with my vote and volunteer services. When they became the ruling party in Ontario and almost bankrupted the province, I lost faith in politics.

Slowly, but surely, I adopted more conservative views until today when I have to admit I've reached the age of no nonsense. I don't like change. I don't like disruptions of any kind (you know what I think about native uprisings), and it isn't fun staying up late anymore,

Not all old gals become conservative but the wild ones seem kind of weird to the rest of us. More and more, as each day passes, I want to bask in a sea of peace and safety. I accept that uncertainty is better handled by the young because it only keeps me awake worrying all night.

Heaven help me, I've morphed into a Conservative.