Power Outage

We're in the middle of a terrible heat wave...close to 100 F through the day and not much cooler at night.  I was talking to Mary yesterday and joking about what I'd do if the power went out and I was left without air conditioning.  Well, darned if the power didn't go out around 6:30 last night.

I felt slightly panicked because the apartment very quickly started to heat up.  I don't remember my house losing it's cool that fast when we had a summer power outage but that could just be my imagination.  Anyway, I ventured out on the balcony to wait it out and was pleasantly surprised by the beautiful cool breeze that greeted me.  We always get a lovely breeze because there are no other buildings blocking it.  The other apartment buildings lay to the right of my building.

It was interesting to see how many people went out to sit on their balconies...I rarely see anyone out there and I like to sit out in the evening.  What surprised me most was how many balconies in sight were vacant.  Were all those tenants out somewhere?  It was so nice outside that I figured I'd sleep on my balcony if the power didn't come back on.  It's nice to know that's an option.

As I sat out there I thought of things I could be doing...like getting the car seat out of my car in preparation for going to N.B. on Thursday.  But with no power, there's no elevator and I'm on the 6th floor.  Then I thought of just going shopping for a while...but, again, no elevator and if the power was still off when I came home I'd have to walk up 6 flights.  No-no!

And so I spent a couple of hours sitting in the cool breeze on the balcony and feeling very grateful for it.

Corky's Growths

I e-mailed Shelley today to verify when this incident occurred but she didn't reply...must be embarrassed!  LOL!

Shelley is now a nurse practitioner but when she had just started nursing school she didn't know near as much as she thought she did.  One day she took me aside and in a gentle voice calmly explained to me that she'd found growths on our dog, Corky's, stomach.  Of course we were both scared to death because Corky was not just a dog...he was an important member of our family.

I called Corky into the room and had him lie on his side so Shelley could show me the growths.  They were his nipples.

I still laugh today when I think of this.  Maybe Shelley doesn't.  I don't think she did at the time, either.

Packed

We're not leaving until early Thursday morning but I'm about 95% packed already.  I have 2 garment bags with outfits for every day plus a couple of extras and I've half filled my large overnight bag with undies, nightie, housecoat, closed in shoes, and cosmetic bag...pills and a few odd little items still to pack on Wednesday.  I'm taking a jacket in case of cooler weather, too.  It looks like I won't even need my little suitcase.

When Dennis and I had the boat, I learned how to pack efficiently and not to overpack.  I have to admit I have tons of clothes so it's easy for me to pack well ahead of time.

I look at packing as an art form.  By hanging pants and matching top on one hanger you don't even have to decide at the last minute what goes with what.  I always keep a cosmetic bag with almost everything I'll need in my overnight bag.  It's a huge one I bought at Joann's Fabrics last winter...it's really for crafts but it is perfect as an overnight bag.

I'm also going to do some grocery shopping tomorrow for fruit, water, and snackies to take with us.  And I must not forget to get some money out of the bank...the U.S. money is going to break my heart because our dollar has dropped to $1.34 for a U.S. dollar.  

The reunion is going to be so much fun but I bet it will be over before we know it.  The good memories will go on forever, though.   

Trip to N.B.

I'm not sure how long the reunion in New Brunswick next week has been planned but, as usual, our plans to attend have changed many, many times.

Nick is going with Kim and me now and that's a pleasant surprise.  I assumed 3 drivers would make the trip easier until I found out that Nick and Kim didn't want me driving...in my own car!  They think I drive too slow!

Anyway, not only the car inhabitants and the motel has changed but so has the route.  It seems we are now going to cross over to the States in Montreal.  I have 2 trip tiks from CAA and neither show us crossing over in Montreal.  I think we're going to be winging it.

Nick also has some strange idea that the 900 mile trip can be done in 13 hours.  I'm flabbergasted!  Dennis and I made that trip many times years ago and it takes close to 18 hours...and Dennis was a madman at the wheel.  I know Nick is a good driver but he still has Hammond blood in him so I'm a little worried.

I'm looking forward to the reunion...no so much the trip. 

The Power of Music

I've gotten into the habit of listening to the music channel on T.V. in the morning.  I used to turn the T.V. on first thing even if I wasn't watching it and halfway listen to whatever programs came on while I read the newspaper or played on the computer but I find listening to the "oldies" or "old country" makes me feel just wonderful.

I bop along to whatever is playing, seemingly unable to keep still as the music flows through my body to my shoulders and feet.  It got me wondering how rap music affects people who like it...not me...and I wondered how their bodies move to it.  I shouldn't call rap music because it isn't.

I'll bet humans have been making music of some kind since neanderthal times.  We need it.  I've read that slaves would sing in the fields to lift their spirits from the drudgery they were experiencing.  Churches use music to draw in their flocks.

Donna's grandson, Ryan, is considering a career in music therapy and I think he will do well.  It's no secret that music is used in nursing homes to try to keep the elderly from sinking too low into themselves.  Even an advanced Alzheimer patient will respond to music.  It's magical.

I have the "oldies" music on now and it brings back some lovely memories of my life at that time.  There are particular songs that bring back physical memories, too.  "Summertime" reminds my body of sunshine and summer breezes on my young body.  Music reminds my feet how they used to move to the beat, jiving till the early hours of the morning and never being tired.  

Some people want to be soothed by gentle music or operas but not me.  I like both but prefer upbeat songs.  Maybe if I was just reading I'd like the quiet stuff but not normally.  

And so I'll spend the morning playing on the computer (my work is done), listening to my music, and bopping along to it.

Life is good!

Grief

When someone we love or care for dies there is a time of grief that follows.  It's sometimes unbearable to realize we'll never see that loved one again, at least not on this earth.  I believe the very worst kind of grief is when we lose a child.  In the natural order of things, it should be the parent who dies first but so often the opposite happens.  It's a situation I can't allow myself to think too deeply on because I think it would kill me.

I've seen many adults who have suffered the loss of a child and, at first, it seems they've also lost their own life spirit.  But with the support of family and friends, they do survive and are able to carry on happy lives.  It's the miracle of the human spirit to absorb tremendous grief and to heal itself.  The parent will never again be the same person, though, because such a gut wrenching loss changes them forever.  That they survive at all is an amazing thing.

I believe in some sort of life after death and I believed in it long before I saw evidence of it.  If we really knew that we'd some day find our dearly departed we could handle the temporary loss so I hope I'm right.

In the meantime, allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes.  Sometimes you might have to pretend you're healing even if it hasn't happened yet.  Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time but most of us will heal and have happiness in our lives.  It just takes time.   

Why Do I Cry?

Some things I really wonder about.  Like, when I was younger (and now) parades made me cry, especially the bagpipes...and I'm Irish!

I cry at happy stories, sad stories, stories from or about people I don't even know (even on T.V.).  I cry at the sight of a beautiful flower garden.  If you cry, I cry even if I have no idea what you're crying about.

Sweet and loving scenes will make me cry.  Violence scares me into tears...so does my own anger.  Sad thoughts can make me cry, too.  Beautiful music will draw tears before the first chord is sung or played.

Strangest of all is that being surprised makes me cry...even if the surprise isn't for me.

I used to associate this with depression but those years are long gone.  Now I associate it with old age and that's something I'll never outlive.

I believe I am empathetic to a fault so I wonder about it but realize I may never know why so many things make me cry.  I may also be a terribly sensitive soul but that's something I'd rather be than a cold, impersonal one.

In any case, if any of my descendants read this and wonder why they cry at the drop of a hat, they got it from me. 

Bruce Jenner

There is no hatred in me for transsexuals.  I just don't understand them at all and feel terribly sorry for them.  But, Bruce Jenner is not a woman.  He is a man who has had extensive surgery and who is taking hormones to appear female.  He is still a man.

Stories of transsexuals are all over the media these days and I know why.  It's to desensitize us to what we know is abnormal but to accept it as normal.  It's not.

I watched a documentary the other night about gays and transsexuals that had me so confused I couldn't figure out who was what.  One transsexual female to male took a respite from male hormones so that she/he/? could get pregnant.  Once the baby was born, he/she started back on the hormones.  I was baffled because his/her mate was also a female to male transsexual.  Can anyone explain how this could be normal and what the hell it means?

I adhere to the live and let live philosophy but I'll be damned if I can understand these people.  I guess I don't have to understand them, though, but I sure wish they'd stop having or adopting babies.  I know there are people who don't agree with me but I just tell it the way I see it.   

Old Friends

I sort of go with the flow, keeping old friends but gathering new ones along the way.  The trouble with that is that I often don't make too much of an effort to keep in touch with the old ones.  I guess I assume they'll always be there but that's not wise of me.

Shelley always amazed me when she'd be the one who made that effort to draw as many of her old friends together when she visited back home.  They'd all have a wonderful time reminiscing about their school days and filling everyone in on what was happening right then in their lives.  

In my latter years, I find that spending time with old friends means more and more to me.  It's nice to have a history together that we can yak about.

I had lunch with Norma today and it was just great.  We've only been friends for about 15 years and have spent very little time together.  When we do, I wonder why in the world I wait so long to see this terrific lady.  

I often wonder what some of my childhood friends are doing and regret not keeping in touch.  They've drifted away into marriages and changed surnames so they're not easy to find.  Now, if I'd made the effort years ago, we'd probably still be in touch.  If only!

As we get older, we lose some of our friends to distance or death, so it's important to hang on to those we love.  I've met seniors who lived only for their husbands and never made outside friends.  When they lost their husbands, they were lost and lonely.  Friends, good friends, make our lives richer and more interesting.

I was discouraged from having friends outside the family when my husband was alive so now I've found a whole new and wonderful world full of good friends that make my life a better one.  Our paths and interests might not be the same but we seem to meet on some middle ground that agrees with both sides.  Having the computer to keep in touch with friends who live far away also helps.  I'm not much of a telephone person but e-mails suit me just fine most of the time.

Some old friends I see only on Facebook because age and distance has become a barrier.  Even so, it's pleasant to keep in contact even that way.

One thing that saddens me in a way is that I've met a few ladies here in my apartment building who are very nice but their lives wrap around playing cards every day and sometimes twice a day.  That's not anything I care to do.  When I'm in Florida, I play cards 4 nights a week and enjoy it but that's just through the winter.  None of us are serious players and I go for the laughs more than the games.  It's also a wonderful group of ladies we play cards with.

My plans for when I don't winter in Florida are to go to the senior center 3-4 days a week but more for crafts than cards.  I won't be staying home and feeling sorry for myself, that's for sure.  And I bet there are people I'll meet who are future fun friends, too!

The $1.33 Dollar

It's been worse in previous years but then we had quite a few years when our Canadian dollar was close to par with the U.S. dollar.  Today we have to pay $1.33 Canadian for $1.00 U.S. and that made me change my travel plans to New Brunswick at the end of the month.  I'd planned to cross over at Cornwall and drive through the States to New Brunswick but now I see no real advantage to doing that.

Kim figured we lose only an hour driving up through northern Quebec and then down to St. Stephen, N.B. so that's what we're going to do.  It saves paying tolls and buying U.S. funds.  I wonder how many Canadians will decide against vacationing in the States now that our dollar is so bad?

I've had a little worry in my mind about what my Florida lot rent is going to cost me and when the price becomes too high to be worthwhile.  It may be my last winter in Florida.  Poor Florida is going to be hit hard if too many Canadians decide to stay home or winter in Mexico or some other warm place.  I'm too old to begin anew somewhere besides my little trailer park in Florida but it's still only for a few more years at best.

There comes a time in everyone's life when we have to make drastic changes.  Sometimes we get to make those changes when we choose and sometimes circumstances choose for us.

Can't Take Late Nights

Faye and I spent a long weekend at Mary's and enjoyed ourselves immensely, as usual, but playing Rummicubes until mid mornings just about killed me.  It completely threw off my wake-up schedule, too, and I do love seeing the sun rise.

We did some shopping on Friday and I bought a few artificial flowers for the apartment...they were perfect for the spots I'd planned.  Then we went to the casino on Saturday and I thoroughly enjoyed the day even though I lost all my money.  Both Faye and Mary won quite a bit.

We lounged around on Sunday and babysat Don and Mary's greatgrandbaby, Laila (?), for a few hours.  She's 6 months old and a beautiful little redhead.  Then we went to our favorite little Chinese restaurant for dinner.

Monday was another lazy morning with coffee on the deck until Faye and I left for a side trip to see Ken and Pat.  Pat is so ill but still so cheery and enjoying company.  They have strong religious beliefs that are seeing them through this sad time but I can't help but feel how unfair it is for them.  They have such a lovely life together.

I slept for 2 hours when I got home and even had 2 2 hour naps on Tuesday trying to make up for the loss of sleep over the weekend.  Faye said she'd going to get Valerie to write her a note to take out to Mary saying she's not allowed to stay up late.  I wonder if Kim would write me a note, too?

I think I caught up on my sleep, though, because I was up and moving at 6 A.M. this morning and feel as though I'm back to normal.  Getting old means we can't strain our physical resources and then bounce back easily.  We have to consider ourselves lucky that we're still here and having fun...just as long as the fun ends before midnight.

Checking In With Sylvia

Back at the park in Florida, Sylvia and I would weigh in every Wednesday to encourage a continued weight loss.  Once home in Canada, we weigh ourselves every Wednesday and e-mail each other with the results.  Mine have been pretty stagnant since I got home but the last 2 weeks I gained 4 lbs total for the 2 weeks.  My total weight loss since using Sensa is now down to only 18 lbs. from a high of 25 lbs. and it has me very worried.

I don't think I'm eating anything different than I was before but I've been very tired lately and started napping often twice a day and sometimes for long periods.  I think it might be the inactivity that is causing the weight gain but I don't know if I can manage without at least one nap a day.  There is stress in my life just as there is in everyone else's but stress tires me out.  It seems to wear me down and, of course, I'm no spring chicken.  Anyway, things are going to have to change because I couldn't stand it if I gained all that damned weight back again!

I didn't e-mail Sylvia for two weeks because I was ashamed of myself but she's a wonderful friend who will support me through this, I know.  I'll keep on trying until I get back on track.    

New Lights

I was notified by our building superintendant that new, more cost efficient bulbs would be put into each apartment.  What they didn't tell me was that they would be replacing the ceiling fixtures and mine were really nice.  The new ones are plain but I have to admit they provide a heck of a lot more light.  Not only that, but the superintendant will be responsible for replacing the bulbs when they expire after about 800 hours use.  They really are cost efficient!

They really aren't bulbs but some kind of battery operated do-hicky that requires the whole unit to be replaced when the time comes.  Interesting!

I do miss the old ceiling light fixtures that were more ornate and probably installed by some former tenant because they were much too pretty to be standard issue.  It's okay, though, because the new ones are brighter.

This apartment living has been full of surprises for me.  I didn't realize that we had a dumpster so could put garbage out any day.  I thought the building owners were responsible for replacing the old, scratched up sink and dated faucet but they're not.  I had to pay for that.  I thought mail would be deposited in a box in the lobby but it's slipped right through a slot on my apartment door (I don't know how long that will last now that the post office is installing big boxes on street corners).

All in all, I've found apartment living to be very pleasant.  Mine is a mainly senior building so there is very little noise.  It's also an older building and well built at the time.

I've lived here almost 2 years and there has never been one second that I was sorry I'd sold the house and moved here.  I guess that's a good thing!

Bullying in Marriage

When I was a young girl I always stepped in and put a stop to bullies.  I don't know why none of them turned on me except they knew I wouldn't allow it.  

The closest case of bullying I've seen in recent years was when I'd hired a family friend to do some work in my basement.  He brought his wife over one evening (I'd known her since she was a young teen) to keep me company while he worked.

She is a very timid woman who has put up with his bullying for years...all of which I'd heard of but never seen.  At some point she said something very innocuous and he lit into her like a bomb going off.  I was stunned by the ferocity in his verbal attack but she acted as though nothing was happening.  That was probably her defense mechanism because to react might have brought physical harm.  She just kept talking as though he'd said nothing and that shocked me just as much.

He was the age of my children and I'd known him since he was a child but never seen this side of him.  I kept quiet...not because I was afraid of him but because I wanted my basement finished.  That's shameful on my part and I accept that.  I did mentally vow to have a good long talk with him after he'd finished my basement but even that didn't happen.  He never finished the basement!

He's the one who walked out on me and left my basement torn apart because I got mad at him after he'd taken almost a year and not come close to finishing the work.  

Anyway, I often think about his wife and wonder how awful her married life must be.  Apparently she thinks its better than being alone.  I know a lot of women live in marriages like this, being abused and still hanging in there.  I hope my own daughters and granddaughters have enough personal pride that they never choose abusive partners.

I think this man is filled with his own insecurities.  People like him often choose a wife who has little self worth because a strong woman would never let him get away with it.  Bullies only pick on someone weaker than themselves, whether it be a stranger or a spouse, friend or family.  Bullies won't attack someone stronger than they are because, truthfully, bullies are cowards.

But, I still should have spoken up all those years ago and stopped the abuse even if he didn't come back to work on the basement.  As it turned out, he didn't anyway and I had to hire someone else.  I'm still angry about that!

I Won't Be Here

Kim and I both had a teary moment as we chatted yesterday.  We were talking about how much of a genius our Nolan is and how we're assuming he'll become an engineer of some sort when he grows up.  I said that it was so sad that I won't live long enough to see that because, if I'm lucky, I probably only have about 10 years left.  It's true.  It's a fact of life and there's no getting around it.

I wasn't teary because I'll die one day but because I'd love to see what kind of men my little Nolan and Nash become and I know I probably won't live that long.  Again, it's a fact of life.

I try not to dwell on how little time I have left and, instead, feel gratitude that I've lived as long as I have.  I've had such wonderful experiences in my lifetime, some sorrow, but a whole heck of a lot of fun.  It's a good thing to enjoy the moment!

Back to Nolan.  He'll be 6 years old on Friday and he's a Lego aficionado supreme.  He can't read yet but he'll study the pictures of Lego projects and be able to follow them...he also remembers how many pieces he has of any one piece.  I think he has inherited his Grampa Dennis' skill.  Dennis would have adored this kid and taught him so much.

When I pass on to that garden in the sky, I feel confident that Nash and Nolan will be left in the good hands of his parents and grandparents, uncles and aunts.  I'm satisfied with that.

Priorities

I like to think I've become wiser and smarter with age but I'm shaped by the whole of the almost 75 years that I've lived...prejudices and all.  I see plenty that is obviously wrong with this world and I also see how much effort is put into righting small wrongs instead of targeting larger, more important ones.

Right now the left wing (I'm middle of the road) people are raising a ruckus about the confederate flag and whether or not it should be abolished because of what it might or might not represent.  Now, my way of thinking is that we have far more important issues, one of which I think is way overdue being dealt with and that is the punishment given to pedophiles who most often ruin the lives of innocent children.

I don't give a rat's ass if someone doesn't want the confederate flag flown but I deeply care that pedophiles are given token slaps on the wrist for horrendous crimes against little children.  Why are we wasting time trying to pass laws to banish a flag when we can't keep pedophiles locked away forever which would keep our precious children safe?

Why are we allowing some immigrants into our beautiful country who start demanding we change our traditions to pacify them?  Why do our laws punish an embezzler far harsher than they do a murderer?  How can a pedophile/rapist/incestuous bastard be given an 8 year prison sentence, serve only 1/3, and then walk out to damage our children once again?  Why can't some store clerks wish their customer's a Merry Christmas?  Why do we allow terrorists' families to remain in our country and collect welfare while the terrorists are imprisoned?

And some people think we should take time to abolish a piece of cloth because 200 years ago it flew over a part of the country that practiced slavery?  

I'm done ranting because it's not a happy place to be.

Choices

I love reading Facebook in the morning...little blurbs about what's going on in my family and friends' lives.  One of the things I enjoy, too, are the sayings that make you either smile or stop and think.  I especially like the ones that tell us we have choices in our lives how to deal with every day events.

We'll always have troubles of one kind or another but it makes a huge difference how we choose to let them affect us.  The older we get, the more we realize that most problems fade away in time and most problems never amounted to what we feared they would.  I used to over-react to every little blip in my life until I learned to quiet my mind for a moment to truly digest what was happening.  Then I was able to make a choice...would I fall apart or deal with it in a rational way.  Most often I remained strong.

It seems as though we're always presented with forks in the road that might not be of our own choosing and which direction we choose to follow will determine our success.  When we make the choice in a panic mode, we might not make the right choices.  Talking it out with someone you trust is also helpful.

Today, I choose to be happy and helpful.  My mind is at ease and peace surrounds me. 

Business Start?

I've been a little concerned about my Kim's confidence as she continues the process of starting her own business.  She's done all the fun stuff like getting business cards and flyers printed up but she hasn't attempted to begin contacting potential customers yet...but today one just might have fallen into her lap.

Even if this doesn't pan out, she's gained confidence in how she so easily spoke to this potential client about the plus side of him doing business with her.  She said it all came out so easily because she believes in the service she has to offer and her skills in supplying it.  You could actually see how surprised and pleased she was with herself.  Kim is a joy...she's honest, intelligent, and hard working.  She knows this but she needed a confidence boost and now she has one!

I know she'll be successful in whatever she chooses to do with her life.  She has all the support in the world from her immediate family so how could she not succeed?   

Gay Marriage

Gay marriage is now legal across the whole of the United States and it's a huge move in our culture.  I've put off writing a blog about it for a few reasons...I'm beginning to think my views are in the minority; I don't want to unnecessarily offend anyone; I don't want people to be mad at me.

I still believe strongly that everyone has a right to their beliefs but, when we become overwhelmingly in the minority, we have to stand back and take a closer look at why we hold those beliefs.  I question myself a lot so I don't blindly close my eyes and mind to what is new.  I don't blindly follow the pack, either.

My personal belief about gay marriage is that it is wrong to call it marriage.  Marriage should be a sacred commitment between a man and a woman.  Any other commitment between two men or two women could and should be called something else.  Remember that this is my personal belief and not necessarily right.

I can't seem to get my head around the majority stance that gay unions are normal.  I don't believe we were created to not be able to procreate with our partners.  That's not to say that heterosexual couples who are infertile are wrong.

I hold no anger against gay unions because I also believe that true love in any form should be pursued.  It's the "marriage" thing that irks me because it is screwing around with our traditions.  I do believe in "live and let live" as long as our traditions are respected.

I am not going to apologize for my personal beliefs.  They are what they are.  I wish no harm to the LBGT??? people but I don't think I'll ever be able to accept that this is as normal as heterosexuality.  I'll continue questioning my beliefs because that is who I am.