Bullying in Marriage

When I was a young girl I always stepped in and put a stop to bullies.  I don't know why none of them turned on me except they knew I wouldn't allow it.  

The closest case of bullying I've seen in recent years was when I'd hired a family friend to do some work in my basement.  He brought his wife over one evening (I'd known her since she was a young teen) to keep me company while he worked.

She is a very timid woman who has put up with his bullying for years...all of which I'd heard of but never seen.  At some point she said something very innocuous and he lit into her like a bomb going off.  I was stunned by the ferocity in his verbal attack but she acted as though nothing was happening.  That was probably her defense mechanism because to react might have brought physical harm.  She just kept talking as though he'd said nothing and that shocked me just as much.

He was the age of my children and I'd known him since he was a child but never seen this side of him.  I kept quiet...not because I was afraid of him but because I wanted my basement finished.  That's shameful on my part and I accept that.  I did mentally vow to have a good long talk with him after he'd finished my basement but even that didn't happen.  He never finished the basement!

He's the one who walked out on me and left my basement torn apart because I got mad at him after he'd taken almost a year and not come close to finishing the work.  

Anyway, I often think about his wife and wonder how awful her married life must be.  Apparently she thinks its better than being alone.  I know a lot of women live in marriages like this, being abused and still hanging in there.  I hope my own daughters and granddaughters have enough personal pride that they never choose abusive partners.

I think this man is filled with his own insecurities.  People like him often choose a wife who has little self worth because a strong woman would never let him get away with it.  Bullies only pick on someone weaker than themselves, whether it be a stranger or a spouse, friend or family.  Bullies won't attack someone stronger than they are because, truthfully, bullies are cowards.

But, I still should have spoken up all those years ago and stopped the abuse even if he didn't come back to work on the basement.  As it turned out, he didn't anyway and I had to hire someone else.  I'm still angry about that!