Cancer

It's hard to believe that there was a time in my early life when I'd never heard the word "cancer".  In the years since that time of innocence, I've seen so many be diagnosed with the disease...some survived and some didn't.  Today, a 3W friend is undergoing surgery for pancreatic cancer and I just can't drum up any confidence that he'll be a survivor because pancreatic cancer is one of the deadliest of all.  

I remember when my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in 2004.  We were told that, for him, it would be too dangerous to perform the surgery available at the time and he passed away the following year.  I remember the helplessness we felt.  Cancer had the power and Dennis poor body couldn't fight it off.

I don't know if the survival statistics are much better today but we all seem to know people who did beat the disease and that's all that gives us hope.

I hate the word and I hate the odds.    

Hand Tooled Leather

This beautiful hand tooled leather tissue box cover was my housewarming gift from Don and Mary.  Don used to make his living making horse saddles that were works of art, all hand tooled by him.  Now that he's retired he still likes to play around with his excellent craft and he's made a few of these for his family and friends.  

Don and Mary moved to the country a few years ago and he was very lucky to have a huge building on the property he could use to hold all his leather tooling tools and machines.  He keeps that workshop as neat and tidy as Mary keeps the house so it must be a huge pleasure for him to work out there.

I'll bet Don doesn't consider himself an artist but he truly is one.  Something I've become aware of is that there are so many people who are artists in their own craft.  There are weavers, potters, quilters, painters, gardeners, builders, etc., abounding in our world.  Many people have the urge to create, thank heavens, and they far outnumber the people whose urges are aimed at destruction.

I'll always treasure this tissue box cover and admire the artistry that went into creating it.  Thank you so much, Don and Mary! 

Buddies, Booze, Gabbing, and Gambling

I know there are maybe better ways to spend a couple of days but the above grouping is very nice, too.  Mary and Faye spent Wednesday night at my apartment and we stayed up late gabbing and drinking...it's amazing how much we still have to talk about after all these years!  On Thursday we drove to Fallsview casino for a free overnight, a free stage show (Elvis), a free dinner, and a very expensive (for me) few hours of gambling.  I don't know why I like gambling so much when I lose so much.

Arriving back home today and saying my goodbyes to my good buddies was okay, though, because I'm comfortable on my own.  Of course, my alone time never seems to go on for very long before I'm off with a relative or friend so it's a darned good life.

With Faye and Mary, we can openly discuss anything and everything that's on our minds and no-one misunderstands.  We always give time for each other to clearly define what it is we're trying to say and never pass judgement.  We live and let live and accept each other for who we are even if we might disagree on some matters.  It's too bad that the rest of the world can't get along the way we do.

As I've aged, I've given up spending precious time with people who irritate me.  Honestly, time is just too short for us to do that.  I like to laugh with friends and it's a pleasure to know that I have nice circle of happy friends who are fun to be with.  We don't share identical beliefs or have identical life experiences but we do seem to come together where it counts.

Mary, Faye, and I had a wonderful couple of days with hopes of repeating them many, many more times in the future.  What fun!

Namaste

I've seen the Indian habit of placing the hands together close to the eyes and bowing to another and just thought of it as a form of respect but it's more than that, especially if the act is returned.  It's a very positive way of letting that person know you have respect for them without saying a word.  And, when the act is returned, we know we're in a safe and comfortable place.

Namaste.  I want to live in that world.   

Kenya Cowards

How can it be anything but cowardly to storm in to a group of unarmed and unsuspecting people and begin shooting them?  I'll never understand why the shooters don't realize just how cowardly their act is.  Do they really think they're being brave because, if caught, they'll have to pay the consequences of their crimes?  That's like calling a thief or rapist brave.  No, terrorists are cowards and idiots who don't know any other way to get their personal point across to people who aren't interested.

Here in southern Ontario, we have had it pretty good with few experiences with terrorists.  We seem to have a lot more trouble these days with gang wars that have taken their disputes from the ghetto to the malls.  As bad as that is, at least they don't deliberately murder innocent bystanders like the terrorists do.  Terrorists want to kill the innocent.

It befuddles me that the terrorists are religious but follow a branch of their religion that makes them believe it's all right to murder innocent people in their quest for...I'm not even sure what their quest is.  Is it retaliation?  Is it to show how powerful their religion is?  Is it only because they seek power?  I think their reasons get lost in the horror of their actions.

All it takes is a charismatic leader who has a destructive agenda and he/she will find followers to carry out the crimes.  There is good and evil in all of us so we need to make the choice to lock the evil away in order for humanity to prosper.  If evil prospers, humanity is lost.

Terrorist action is not only cowardly, it is evil.  I hope that the somehow, some day in the future, children will learn of violence only as a textbook entry about how savage their distant ancestors were. 

What Would YOU Do?

A homeless, and most likely moneyless, man finds a package filled with cash and traveller's cheques totalling $42,000 and turns it in to the authorities.  I'm kind of unsure if I would have done the same thing so that makes him a much better person than I am.  I know that if I kept the windfall I would suffer from a bad conscience for the rest of my life so, on retrospect, I probably would return it.

The homeless man had no hesitation, though, and that still makes him a better person than I am.  We tend to think of all homeless people as society's losers in life but none of us really know what circumstances put these people on the streets.  There's sure to be honest and decent people among them who have been kicked harder in the butt by life than any of us luckier ones.

It's proven to us over and over that you can't judge a book by it's cover.  There are serial killers who appear to be pillars of society and then there are some of the homeless who appear to be nothing but bums.  You never know what gems you'll find or where you'll find them.

It isn't easy to retrain our brains to refrain from having instant assumptions about people we really know nothing about.  Maybe if we just stop for a moment and take the time to reconsider then we might come to entirely different conclusions. 

Words

There's a saying that goes something like, "words, once spoken, can never be taken back." but the written word is an exception.  It can be deleted.  Writing a blog gives me the opportunity to vent and express my innermost thoughts and beliefs but it's too easy to go overboard and vent before thinking it over first.

I've written many blogs that, although, they are truly me, sometimes they're me without tact.  And I don't want to be one of those nasty old ladies who think they have the right to speak out no matter who is insulted or offended.  Of course we all have the right to our own opinions and beliefs but we don't have the right to hurt other people by screaming them out.  We can be better than that.

The spoken word, if offensive enough or even kind enough, can affect you for a lifetime.  We all remember moments like that and how they made us feel.  

And so I plan to use more thoughtfulness and tact when writing the blog.  That doesn't mean I won't rant about something that bugs me but it does mean I'll try harder to think before I rant.

At 73, I'm still a work in progress.  

Security Clearance

How did Aaron Alexis, the man who shot and killed 12 people in Washington, D.C., get security clearance from the government?  This was a man who, a few years ago, shot out the car tires of someone he thought had disrespected him.  I always thought that government security clearance was earned by impeccable background behaviour but it seems that isn't the case.  Was he given this security clearance because he knew people in high places?  Somehow, the agency who researches anyone asking for or already having government security clearance has failed to do the job they were hired to do.  We, the people, can't have this!

A few years back, when my husband and I were planning to vacation in Cuba, my daughter was worried it might affect her husband's own security clearance and I thought that was pretty stupid...but I did think that maybe the U.S. regulations were terribly stringent.  Apparently not so.

Aaron Alexis was a very troubled man who had severe psychological problems that were not known to the government...because they were not legally privy to that kind of information.  So, does that mean a person could be being treated for homicidal tendencies and still be able to receive security clearance?  It makes you wonder about who's guarding who.

Of course, in the States, there are millions of mentally impaired people who can legally purchase and carry guns so it shouldn't be a stretch of the imagination to realize that some of them even have government security clearance, too.   

Cold Germs

Somewhere, somehow, I walked through a landmine of cold germs that I innocently inhaled and now I feel like crap.  The body is really amazing in how a few minute germs can make it go from feeling relatively healthy and strong to half dead in just a matter of days.

On Friday, my nose started to run.  On Saturday, I felt pretty awful with a tight chest cough along with the runny nose.  Today, it was worse but I have hopes of feeling better tomorrow.  What gives me that hope?  Even with the runny nose and cough, there's a bit of strength returning to my body and that makes me think I might be recovering.

I ate fairly normally today...but not much stops me from eating...and drank lots of water and juice.  At 6 P.M. my chest is still tight but the coughing and runny nose have diminished a little bit.  Isn't the human body a magnificent and puzzling thing?

  

Small Touches

Now, I love my apartment but one of the unique features about it is that there are angles and not straight lines everywhere.  This is the view down the hallway and I think it makes it more interesting than if it was a boring, straight pathway.  I've never seen an apartment building built this way and I think it would be good feng shui (hope I spelled that right) if all homes were built with varying angles.

I know that newer houses are now built with interesting angles but my apartment building was built some time in the 1960's so the architect was ahead of his time.

I believe in the power of feng shui...how furniture, door, stairway placement has an effect on your psyche.  We all practice it in one way or another by staging our homes to be comfortable to our eyes.  I like symmetry and color but they have to correspond with some unknown factor in my mind.  The angles in my apartment have a symmetry of their own so it satisfies me.

A while back, Shelley's mother-in-law, Carmen, was visiting them and all of a sudden jumped up and apologized as she turned a triangular shaped lamp so that the pointed edge faced the corner of the room.  She and her husband teach feng shui and the lamp's wrong placing irritated her just too much.  I think that's what feng shui is all about, making your surroundings as pleasing to your eye as possible.  Jutting edges irritate.

I often can't tell why something looks wrong to me but it just is...until I move it or add something to it.  Most men don't understand why their wives want furniture moved from one spot to another but it's more than change that's desired, it's more pleasure to the eye.  We know it when we see it.

Sometimes there are things that can't be changed and you just have to live with it...but it will always bug you just a little.  Like having a messy husband who always traipses through the house with dirty boots...you stand it as long as you can until you file for divorce.

Sometimes change signals a whole new outlook on life.   

Just Thinking

When I was younger, I loved to walk for hours through the city and a lot of thinking was done during those walks.  Being alone with no-one beside me to talk to meant my thoughts went inward.  It really pays to spend quality time alone so that your thoughts can reach those inner spaces because it's there that you will learn a lot about yourself and your life.

As I got older and lazier, the walks became shorter until they only went as far as the car where I could drive while I mused.  Again, you don't have to strain yourself to do in-depth thinking.  You just have to open your mind and close out outside influences.  While I drive, I appreciate much of the natural beauty around me and realize over and over how lucky we are to experience just being alive.  At my age, I've lived days of hell but many more days of glory so I know enough to appreciate the good moments.

Today was one of those nothing sort of days, quiet and little that needed doing although I did laundry.  I've been alone all day without even a phone call but there's no loneliness in my heart.   I have done a lot of thinking, some constructive but mostly future plans.  I've got a short list of projects for next spring...recovering the diningroom chairs and buying a new quilt for the spare bedroom.  And, of course, planning and planting my balcony garden.  This apartment life is soooo relaxing!

It's nice to be at peace and to be able to appreciate the moment.  

  

Age Doesn't Matter

My baby, Cindy, had surgery on Monday and it all went very well.  She's 53 years old but it doesn't matter, she'll always be my baby.  It's only natural to worry when your baby has surgery, even if it's routine surgery that's performed probably every hour of the day.  There is always a risk of something going wrong and there's no relaxing until you see their sweet, healthy face and know they'll be okay.

Your children never stop being a worry for you.  And then they have children of their own and your burden is even larger.  In my case, one of the grandchildren has given me 2 greatgrandchildren so you can see my worry quota has been greatly enlarged.  I pray each day that all of them will stay safe and happy...forever, if possible.

But my Cindy is doing just fine and goes home today to a loving mate who will take good care of her, a loving sister who will take good care of her, and a loving daughter of her own who will be back after classes to take good care of her.  She doesn't really need me but I have to make regular visits to assure myself that she's okay.  I spent many hours at the hospital the last couple of days just watching over my baby.  It's almost as if you know nothing can go wrong as long as you're on watch.  It worked.

Trustworthy Daughters

I never thought twice about the safety of putting my daughters on my bank accounts because all three of them are the most trustworthy people on earth.  Kim is on most of the accounts because Cindy is often unavailable and Shelley lives in Tampa but I know that if I drop dead Kim would make sure that all the inheritance was equally shared.

I've never had much money to be concerned about but the sale of the house changed all that and I wanted to make sure my daughters got whatever is left when I make my grand departure and that there would be no delay in them getting it.  

I'm proud to say that my girls can be trusted completely but not all families are like this so seniors must be very careful who they do trust.  For most of us, the inheritance we leave will be the value of our house and that can amount to a lot of money.  I'd advise everyone to make out a will when they're clear of mind and don't change it because someone is pressuring you to do so.  Talk to your doctor or pastor if this should happen but don't trust anyone who is suddenly interested in who inherits.

I love to tell my daughters that I'm going to the casino to spend some of their inheritance.  And I love it when they don't give a hoot!  

Every Day Hero

The world is full of every day heroes, people who live their lives to the fullest with a smile on their faces even though they're battling something that might bring most of us to our knees.  Valerie Harper, a 50+ T.V. actress who is battling lung cancer and who doctors thought wouldn't survive the summer, is going to perform on Dancing With The Stars.  She is one tough lady who should be admired for her fortitude.

Anyone who hasn't battled something serious in their lives is not a fully formed human being.  It takes engaging in the battle and coming through stronger at the end that makes us better people.  We're always stronger than we think we are and having our mettle tested and surviving it will prove we'll be able to handle any crisis that occurs later in life.

Valerie Harper has always been a likeable lady but I never would have expected how strong she has turned out to be.  I guess it's another instance of not judging a book by it's cover.  I hope she does well in DWTS, doesn't tire herself too much, and enjoys the experience immensely.  I'm going to be watching and rooting for her.

Her story made me think of all the every day heroes each and every one of us come in contact with daily.  My "sort of cousin/friend", Donna, takes care of her severely handicapped daughter at home.  She's going to be surprised that she's one of my heroes but it's true.  I know many people who are care givers to a family member or even a friend.  There are so many good and giving people all around us who don't think of themselves as heroes but that's what they are.  We all have people close to us who are living their lives with life threatening diseases but who carry on cheerfully.  It does the heart good to know that the bad people on this earth are just a tiny minority.

There's a saying that we should never judge a person too harshly because we don't know the battles they're fighting.  They might just be an every day hero who has had an exceptionally difficult day.

  

Doing Housework

It's always been a cinch doing housework at the trailer because it's so small.  With the apartment, it's turned out to be just as easy because it's smaller than the house and also, big improvement, I made sure I didn't clutter up the space with unnecessary stuff.  I don't like being bothered with housework but I can't stand living in a mess, either, so it's a necessary evil.

My mother and grandmother kept an immaculate home even with what I would consider considerable clutter.  We had 5 people living in basically 2 rooms but there was never anything out of place or dirty.  I'm kind of in awe about how this was accomplished but my memories of my childhood hold images of either my grandmother or my mother always cleaning something.  This is not how I've wanted to live my life.

On my own, especially, I've found it easiest to clean up as I go and not letting mess build up.  My husband either was never taught this principle or he just chose not to follow it.  I resented having to clean up after him and took it as an insult that he thought his time and energy was more valuable than mine.  My morning ritual used to be going into the kitchen and closing every door and drawer he'd opened, washing crumbs off the counter and putting his dishes into the sink or dishwasher.  Then I'd go into the bathroom and pick his wet towel and dirty clothes off the floor, all the time seething inside that this was apparently my job.  No matter how often I'd complain, he never changed...until we bought the trailer.

Miraculously, and I'll never understand it, drawers were never left open again, counters and dishes were still left for me, but the best thing of all was that he never left a towel or dirty clothes on the floor again either at the trailer or the house.  He even began smoking outside in all kinds of weather.  I've often wondered if he'd suffered a silent stroke and that's what changed his daily patterns.

All in all, it does help if we clean up as we go and not let mess accumulate to the point where it overwhelms us with it's size.  Moving into the apartment allowed me the opportunity to get rid of so much unnecessary excess that had built up in the house because it was either cart it to the apartment or toss it.  I really considered carefully before choosing what was to stay and what was to go and was amazed at how much I could do without.

I'd noticed while spending winters in a small trailer how cozy it was and how little we actually need to live comfortably.  We're spoiled by the expensive doodads that we're convinced will make us happier if we buy them but we really don't "need" them.  With each load of stuff I disposed of, I felt a weight coming off my shoulders.  I knew I'd been carrying this stuff around too long when I could have gotten rid of it years ago and never miss it.

Yesterday I did my dusting and mopping.  Every day I clean the kitchen and bathroom.  My work is done.  Now to get on with the fun stuff!  

For Jake

I guess I need to have a nice long talk with Jake but this will have to suffice for the time being...he lives about 1200 miles away from me.

Jake, I suppose I've either told you, intimated, or wrote something you read that I have a distrust of Muslims.  I actually have a distrust of many people but my mistrust of Muslims comes from the simple fact that I've read their religion teaches them to hate anyone who is not a Muslim.  Believe me, I've researched this on the internet and keep finding indisputable references to this so no wonder I don't completely trust them.

Despite my distrust, I would never act on it by being rude to a Muslim...I'm not deliberately rude to anyone, come to think of it.  I'm in a state of not quite knowing how to take it when I come upon Muslims here in Canada and they are polite, friendly, hard working, and actually just like any other Canadian you might meet.  When an immigrant returns my smile, I feel as though I've made a good connection by welcoming them to their new home.  I hope that my friendliness (which is almost always returned) will help us all bridge this gap of acceptance regardless of religious or ethnic differences.

I've read newspaper reports of Muslims here in Canada killing their own children because they fear the children are drifting away from their Muslim teachings.  This is frightening but, then, they are not the only people here who commit horrendous crimes like this.  Evil is evil, no matter who commits the crime.

I intensely dislike seeing Muslim women in burkas, not because I dislike the woman but because I dislike how she has been brainwashed to hide herself like this.  It's a symbol of male control over the female and it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

As much as I dislike many Muslim customs, I believe they feel the same way about many of ours.  But they chose to come to this country so the onus is on them to adjust to our ways and not the other way around.  Muslim customs should be respected as long as they don't conflict with the laws and customs of the country where they choose to immigrate.  

I love the diversity of cultures we have here and it makes it easier for us to understand each other if the immigrants will only join us and not keep themselves segregated.  If we can learn from each other we'll find that there's always a meeting of the minds in many areas of our lives.  I doubt there's an ethnic or religious group that doesn't sanctify family, home, and friendship.  We can sort out the rest in time.

I'm educating myself and keeping my mind open, Jake, so you don't have to worry.