Wonder Why I'm Happy

Since I spent most of my life either frightened, resentful, or unhappy, it makes sense that I try to analyze my present day happiness.  I wish so very much that I'd had this state of mind all of my life but maybe I have to just feel gratitude that it finally happened.

As a child I was always wary of my surroundings, venturing everywhere with no parental restrictions but knowing in my heart that I had to keep myself safe. My world was never a truly safe place so I had to develop street smarts at an early age.  I don't find this a bad thing because, in the end, you have to be able to recognize the dangers around you and, if you're coddled too much, the world is going to hurt you.

I married too soon...that's for sure and it laid a restricted path for the rest of my my life.  I resented being held back from just about everything and that is quite natural for a 17 year old girl.  I could never wish to change that because it brought me the family I have now.

I guess it was the frustration of losing a sense of freedom that made me unhappy for all those middle years but I did have a lot to be thankful for...3 beautiful children, a hard working husband, and my house.  Only people who have been brought up living in substandard rentals will understand how much owning my own home meant to me.

I've been a happy old gal for so long now that I don't remember when it started.  It has a lot to do with attitude and expectations.  It has a lot to do with moments of peace in your day, too.  I believe those moments of peace are what restores your inner strength and, if your whole life is in turmoil, you just might fall apart.

Writing is cathartic for me, helping me understand and digest the thoughts I come up with.  I read some of my poetry from years ago and came to the conclusion that I was very immature for far too long.  I wrote about my struggles but never wrote about what I could do to overcome them.  Pitying yourself is just a big waste of time.

Happiness comes from within and not from what you have or who you're with.  If you're not content in your own skin, nothing will make you happy.  Apparently I've found myself and I'm going to enjoy that for as long as I have left.