My Ferne

I was very lucky to marry into my husband's family because they taught me how families were supposed to be. It instantly became apparent that my husband's family was large and wildly entwined. I was fascinated at the way they all seemed to like each other and were involved in each other's lives. My family wasn't like that. My mother-in-law, Ferne, lived in New Brunswick so I didn't meet her until a couple of years after Dennis and I were married and had our first child.

Ferne was a dream mother-in-law because she was loving and non-judgemental from the very beginning. She was fun to be with because she enjoyed life. In fact, she relished it. She seemed to dive right in to anything that was going on at the moment and gathering in all the fun she could.

I mentioned before how I fell in love with her the time we sat on either side of a closed bathroom door and cried over my inconsiderate husband/her inconsiderate son. She didn't blame him personally but placed blame instead on the whole male sex.

When Ferne was in her 80's she began to exhibit symptoms of dementia which slowly accelerated until she was put in a nursing home. It broke my heart to see that once vibrant, intelligent woman reduced to stillness.

Before she passed away she withered into a tiny little person without the strength to change her position in bed. Her memory had long since failed her and she knew none of us. We, her family, sat vigil over her during her last days and it was the day before she died that one of her daughters and I witnessed a minor miracle.

Ferne was lying, as usual, on her side but suddenly rolled onto her back (something she'd been unable to do) and reached her arms straight up in the air as she gazed intently at something or someone we couldn't see.
Jacky and I watched in amazement as Ferne fell back and then quickly repeated her actions. What did she see? What did she remember?

I'm not sure if it was the same day but another miracle happened. Ferne's daughter, Marilee, was sitting by her mother's bed crying over her impending loss when, suddenly, Ferne reached up to brush the tears from her daughter's face and asked, "Marilee, why are you crying?". It had been quite a while since Ferne recognized anyone.

Deep inside this wonderful lady still dwelt the memories of her life, maybe overlaid with the dreaded dementia but there nonetheless.

Ferne passed away quietly and went on to her much deserved reward. She left behind a large family and many friends who loved her. She's been gone for 5 years now and I'll always miss her.

I have 2 sons-in-law who I hope will always have kind words to say about me but not all of us can measure up to my Ferne. She was very special and I was a lucky woman to have her for a mother-in-law.