5 Years a Widow

Dennis passed away 5 years ago. We'd been married almost 48 years and he's been the rock I leaned on for every one of them. I think my maturity began when he became sick because it was then that large responsibilities settled upon my own shoulders instead of his.

Widowhood isn't easy for anyone, especially at the beginning, because most wives are spared the heavy work of running a household. When anything mechanical or especially dirty went wrong in the house I could always call on Dennis to take care of it. He was a jack of all trades and master of most. I've since learned how to handle a lot of those jobs myself because I had to, not because I wanted to.

I've never minded being alone through the day but it was very difficult at night right after Dennis passed away. Again, he was a protector of sorts just by his presence. I knew that if anyone broke in or a fire broke out he'd be in the forefront protecting me. Men just seem to take on that responsibility naturally, don't they?

As the years passed, so did my fears that I wouldn't be able to take care of business. I learned as I went and, boy, did I have a lot of crises to deal with. My worries that I wouldn't be able to run my own house without Dennis gradually faded away as I managed to handle every crisis that arose. My personal confidence grew every year but I have to admit I miss his input. He'd know what to do immediately while I always have to consider and reconsider every move I make.

Before he passed, he told me I'd have to sell our Florida trailer because there was no way I could look after it. He was wrong about that. I don't believe he realized what I could accomplish once I put my mind to it and losing my little trailer just wasn't going to happen. I was more concerned about being able to look after my house but I've been able to do that, too.

Widowhood makes you more self reliant out of necessity. It's certainly a revelation for an insecure person like me to realize just how much I can do given the opportunity. Maybe having the 12 months of Dennis' illness to gradually take on more and more of his responsibilities helped prepare me for when he wouldn't be here to take charge. I look back on those horrible 12 months and can see how I grew in maturity.

There were moments during the past 5 years that I felt completely lost, thinking I'd never be able to handle one more problem...but I did. It's so true that we all do what we have to if there's no one else to do it for us. Widowhood can, indeed, make us stronger and wiser women.

I thank Dennis every day for how hard he worked during his lifetime to provide for his family. I wish he'd had more time to enjoy the fruits of his labor but life isn't always fair, is it?

My message today is that becoming a widow doesn't mean that we'll fade into the woodwork and become nothing without our mate. It can mean that we'll grow into a more confident and able person. Life does go on and it's our choice whether it will be a sad and defeating one or a progressively good one. I chose to live out the rest of my life in as happy a state as possible.