A Bit of Depression

As much as I hate to admit it, I think I'm a little bit depressed. I know exactly why and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except see it through and hope the depression lifts after all is said and done. It's the lip.

I've had a sore on my bottom lip for over a year that just won't heal completely, just keeps scabbing over, and it's been tentatively diagnosed as squamous skin cancer. This is not the very serious cancer, melanoma, but it does have to be treated. I'm having a biopsy on Monday that I'm assuming is going to hurt. Since I don't handle pain very well, this by itself is enough to cause me to be depressed. But, once the biopsy is done and if it turns out to definitely be skin cancer, I have to have it excised. This involves a V cut which will reach to the top of my chin. Very depressing. I don't handle pain or icky stuff well at all.

This will be done by a cosmetic surgeon so I'm not too concerned about it leaving an ugly scar but it will look and feel awful while it's healing. I think my second biggest concern is how the heck you keep an incision like that clean inside your mouth and how the heck you brush your teeth without causing excruciating pain. I did do some research on the internet and was mollified somewhat by the pictures showing a man with a similar sore right after surgery and then 3 months later. You could barely see where it had been done.

All of this is enough to depress anyone but, since I have a history of clinical depression, I have to be on guard. As of now, I know this isn't clinical depression because I feel strong and confident most of the time but I would dearly love to run away from my present problems. That can't happen and I know I'll have to just put up with whatever comes my way in the next few months. I guess the mark of a healthy short term depression is that I'm mainly upbeat and determined to deal with it to the best of my ability.

One of the biggest worries of anyone living alone is that they also have to face illness alone, too. My daughters and friends are wonderful and will check up on me often but I'll still be dealing with fear and pain all by myself most of the time.

Now, if only I could find a senior handyman who also serves well as a nurse (and maybe a cook and housekeeper, too), I might consider marrying again.