child abuse

most of my blogs are tangents of thinking about something i've just read or seen.  on facebook this morning was a photo showing a young child cowering from an adult holding a belt, obviously about child abuse.  i still remember being whipped with a belt, razor strop or skipping rope when i was a child and how horribly painful it was.

back in the 1940's beating the crap out of your child with a belt was a rather common disciplinary tactic that was legal.  the wielder of the weapon in my case was my grandmother but i know without doubt that she loved me with all her heart and was only doing what she thought was right.  i don't remember doing much that was wrong but i did have a big, sassy mouth that often got me into trouble.

over time, a bit of logic crept into the way we should discipline children and adults realized that violence either breeds violence or chronic passivity in a child.  neither are what the beater has in mind.

i remember going to school with wide welts on my legs from a beating.  no teacher commented or called a child abuse hotline because that's just how it was in those days.  the beatings had a strange, lingering effect on me, leaving me completely unable to witness any kind of physical or vocal violence without feeling as though i'll faint.  it's always been one of my worries that i'd simply freeze up if i was attacked.  i hope that my temper would flare and save the day if that should ever happen.

i now believe that spanking is child abuse but that's how i disciplined my children when they were young.  when i didn't spank i yelled and that is also abusive.  i evolved a bit more when my grandchildren came along and limited discipline to the occasional yelling...this was mainly with matthew and not a soul on earth would fault me for losing my temper with him when he was a child.  he's a sweetheart now but he was hell on wheels when he was younger.

today i have two beautiful greatgrandchildren and i can't even imagine spanking or yelling at them.  i've learned how well "time out" works, giving both the child and the parent time to cool down and learn the best way to handle a situation.

violence never was the answer when it came to discipline because what we want to achieve is understanding and not physical fear of the person who is supposed to love and nurture us.  i don't hold any hatred or resentment towards my grandmother because she did what she did in ignorance.  i'm just glad that we've learned from mistakes like hers.