Missing the Dead

It is never easy to accept that someone you love or care for is gone for good.  I described it once before as feeling as though a part of your life and history has been cut away and that's exactly how I feel when someone close to me dies.

Even as a young woman when my grandfather and grandmother passed away, it didn't seem real somehow because their faces, voices, mannerisms were still vivid in my memory.  How could such strong individuals just go?

I saw an old photo yesterday of a group of my 3W friends and on the far side stood a friend who passed away a year and a half ago.  She looked so vibrant, just as I always saw her.  It haunts me how someone so full of life can leave, almost as though they'd never existed.  Jo was a winter friend of mine at 3W and seemed to have a very strong presence whenever she was around.  Some people are like that...not loud or pushy but just good souls who shine.  The ones who shine are the hardest to let go and that's because there are few of them.

I have my own beliefs even though they're not considered religious.  I want to believe that, when we die, our essence or soul drifts away to another life somewhere.  I want to believe that our life energy can't be truly destroyed and that we somehow survive death.  There is no logic in complete and total death of a human being who has left an imprint on this earth, no matter how small or briefly.  Of course, there's also no logic in how we happen to exist at all but that's for another blog.

I'll continue to hurt for the rest of my life the losses I've experienced.  They lived and loved and mattered.  They must be somewhere.