Why is it that I could give excellent advice to anyone in the world on how to run their lives when I managed to screw my own life up so darn well? I've always felt that I could advise anyone on anything and they would live happily ever after. It's probably because we have to be able to be objective about a problem in order to rectify it and our own are just too close to the bone.
A case in point is a lady who has been living with a man for 11 years and asked me for advice. He makes twice as much money as she does but she pays most of the bills...this has always been of her own choosing (HUH!). They don't go out together because he drinks himself to unconsciousness 3 times a week, something he has done since they first met. During his sober time he sits quietly at the computer tapping into chat rooms where he converses with an old girlfriend. This last habit is a new one and the one that is upsetting my friend the most. She didn't mind the lack of money or living with a drunk but she doesn't want to share this twit with anyone else.
Her solution? Well, she plans to start running the roads with her girlfriends and hanging out in bars. That will teach him, right??
My advice? She should have left him years ago but if the present status of their relationship is something she can't live with then she needs to talk this over with him and give him a chance to make it better. Her hanging out in bars won't make anything better. If he won't give up the chat rooms and the old girlfriend then she should leave.
It's so easy to give advice because I'm not the one who is emotionally involved. I can guess that she's hurt beyond belief right now but if he continues on the road he's following it will be a lifetime of hurt for her. Her future is plain to see.
Why would anyone want to live with a cheap drunk, we wonder? Well, it's because love makes us tolerate flaws in our loved one no matter how ugly they are. We choose to pin our hopes on the occasional flash of kindness and sweetness instead of the overwhelming badness.
I don't think my friend will leave her man. She has 11 years invested in their relationship and every once in a while he's nice.
2 comments:
Tell her to run, not walk, to the nearest Al-Anon Family Group!
We've mentioned that to her but she isn't receptive. Don't you think that, after a time, whatever your family life is like, it seems almost normal? She's totally acceptive of his drinking but it's the internet thing that has her crazy. The human condition is an amazing thing, isn't it?
Post a Comment