Stages of Grief

I was watching a show today about the stages of grief and wondered why I'm still stuck in the early stages over my husband's death. I remember the denial stage clearly. It was impossible to believe that my husband, so vital and intelligent, could be stricken with something as devastating as cancer. The threat of death from the disease was something my mind couldn't fathom. It just couldn't happen to him. But it did.

Near the end of his illness, I passed into the anger stage and never did find my way out of it and into the stage of acceptance. It's true I've gone on with my life but I still think of him constantly and often say to myself, "Oh, I'll have to tell Dennis about that.", and then quickly remember I can't do that anymore.

It's been almost 5 years since he became sick, 4 3/4 years since we found out it was cancer, and almost 4 years since he passed away. We had been together 50 years so it's no wonder he fills my memories. I don't go into depression on the anniversary of his death like many widows do but the date never escapes me.

I have a friend who lost her son in a car accident just the month before Dennis passed away and she seems stuck in the denial stage. It's agony for her to continue on life without her son. We don't all pass through the appropriate stages in a specified time, do we?

I don't mourn my husband's death, I resent it deeply. Life isn't always fair.