Ready for the Shower

I think we're ready for tomorrow's baby shower. My yard looks good and tables and chairs are set up on the patio. Food and drinks are arranged. The weather forecast is for warm and sunny. I'm impressed.

Now, in days past (before my attitude adjustment), I would have been in a panic about this upcoming shower. My fears would be that something would go wrong or that guests wouldn't enjoy themselves. My anxiety attack would begin a few days before the event and torture me until the last person went home. It was always like that and there didn't seem to be anything I could do to give myself the confidence to just arrange things and then enjoy the event. I don't think anyone ever knew how absolutely terrified I was.

I'm not sure when my attitude changed regarding hosting (small) parties because it was so gradual. I amazed myself a few years ago in Florida when I began our Monday morning coffee get-togethers at my trailer. That was the very first time in my life I'd ever done something like that on my own and it's turned out to be so popular that it makes me proud of myself.

I'm not hosting this shower, Kim and Cindy are, but it's at my house. I haven't any inclination to panic now no matter what comes up. If the weather didn't co-operate we could have done it inside and the last minute change of plans wouldn't have bothered me. This is definitely a new me.

Until my husband and I started spending the winters in Florida we always had an open house for the whole extended family on Xmas Eve. One day I'll have to ask everyone if they ever noticed that I was in a state of panic the whole evening. I've always said that I was a poor hostess because I sort of expected people to look after themselves but the truth was that when you are experiencing high anxiety you can't think clearly. I would try to concentrate on keeping food trays filled but the guests had to look after their own drinks. I made valiant attempts to enjoy the evening and my company but it was such a struggle to calm myself. Today I look back and realize I did the best I could at the time. You can't ask more of yourself than that.

If I were to stay home for Xmas now it would be very different. I would be able to do all of the planning and setup and then I'd be able to relax with my guests. That "attitude adjustment" has changed my life. My immediate and extended family are such terrific people that I don't know why it hasn't always been like that. Oh well, better late than never.

The "attitude adjustment" was just teaching myself that the world doesn't fall down around my knees if I make a mistake. It took years to develop but I'm so glad I finally understood. Sounds simple? No, but it's a life lesson worth learning.

Our guest of honor, Nolan, will be 2 months and 10 days old. He's almost certainly going to throw up on me but I clean up good...and I'm going to really enjoy the party.