All Kinds of Mothers

I'm not sure what my daughters thought of me as a mother and I'm not brave enough to ask but I do think I was better than my own mother.

My mother had me when she was 22 years old. She was unmarried and had a sort of checkered background up to that point. I remember my grandmother saying that the Children's Aid made an attempt to take me from her but my grandmother managed to convince them she would be responsible for me.

My Mom didn't really have much of a life for a young woman. She worked and then came home only to do housework. My Grandmother and Grandfather took care of me while she worked and my mother had very little to do with raising me. I felt she was more disinterested than mean spirited, probably feeling she'd lost out on a lot of the good things in life.

When I was about 7 years old, my mother married and moved just down the street while I stayed with my grandparents. Being a willful child, there were times I ran away from home and tried to convince her to let me live with her but she refused, and that was the best thing she could have done because her husband was dangerous. She left him when she was pregnant with their 3rd child and moved back in with my grandparents and me. I never really got to know the first 2 children, boys, but welcomed my baby sister with open arms. The boys were put into foster care and then adopted...we've never been able to find them to this day.

Mom worked hard and was never abusive to me but we never connected as mother and daughter. My mother figure was my grandmother who I called, "Nan" (short for Nanna). All through the years my mother lived with me until I married and moved out at 17, there were many times she embarrassed and dismayed me with her actions. My vow to myself was that I'd never, ever be like her and I haven't. I made my own, unique mistakes.

My mother wasn't a bad person, just a sort of self-centered individual who made some terrible choices in her life. I wish we could have had a mother/daughter relationship but we lost our chance. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful mother-in-law who selflessly gave me the opportunity to experience that kind of relationship, though, so I know how it should work.

My mother passed away in 1982 and I miss her. Good mother or not, she was my mother.