Looking Back on Mistakes Made

All through your life you'll look back on the mistakes or bad things you did and you'll probably have a lot of regrets. I'm one of those people who not only suffer regrets after the fact but also as it's occurring so you'd think that someone like that would be a saint. Not so. Human beings are inherently selfish and self centered critters so we tend to ignore our conscience when we're doing wrong.

When I look back and remember some of my indiscretions, I feel shame once again but there's nothing I can do to change what was done. Now, I'm not talking about cheating on my husband or anything that bad but I mean the cruel or nasty moments in your life you're ashamed to accept you're capable of doing.

I remember one moment when, out of jealousy, I joked about the skin of one of my friends turning brown because she'd become too friendly with a nice black girl in our grade 4 class. I knew as I said it that it was wrong and cruel but I said it anyway. My shame comes more from knowing the black girl heard me and how it must have hurt her.

For most of us, our lives are filled with incidents like this and often much worse (mine, too) and I believe the saving grace is that we know and understand that these were things we shouldn't have done. We have consciences that attempt to keep us from sinking into unhealthy behaviour.

I remember saying cruel words out of spite or bitterness or unbridled anger. Those words can't be unsaid but they can be regretted. We can learn from our mistakes and our transgressions if it matters enough to us and it matters very much to me. I deeply regret any pain I caused anyone over my lifetime but I'll probably err a few times more before I'm done. Honestly, though, I'm trying harder these days not to add to my naughty list. This is a good thing!