Marital Abuse

I watched a program about marital abuse in Canada and was shocked to hear that every 6 days a woman is murdered by her partner.  Saskatchewan has the highest rate.  Every 6 days!!!  So hard to believe.

The question is always, "why don't they leave first", and the answers are pretty much the same.  They're afraid to leave.  They think their partner will change.  They fear financial ruin.  They fear losing their children.  They have begun to believe they are worthless.  I think what struck me numb when I was watching the program was how one battered woman was treated by the police when they came "to her rescue".  Their callous and uncaring attitude battered her all over again.

My interest in the psychology of human behavior drives me to wonder why any man, who is by nature the protector and provider, would physically abuse his woman and children.  It goes against nature.  We are hard wired by nature to behave in certain ways...creating and nurturing families is very high on the list.  But some men twist that drive to mean they have to have absolute and unquestionable control over their family.  They become tyrannical dictators instead of gentle and loving husbands and fathers.

One of the women mentioned on the show was an abuse counselor who was murdered by her boyfriend.  This was a woman who knew all the signs and all the dangers but stayed with her abuser too long.

As a mother, I've always looked for danger signs with my own daughters but have never seen any.  I wonder if I would recognize the signs if I did?  Abused women tend to hide the abuse because of embarrassment or fear.

Spousal abuse is not new but has occurred forever.  I doubt it will ever end but one thing would help greatly and that's if our legal system better protected battered wives who are able to leave their abuser.  I think we now have police officers that are specially trained to deal with spousal violence and that's a start.  But we still need tougher laws to protect these vulnerable women.  Rarely is the abused the man of the family.

I've only once in my life seen a woman being beaten by her husband and they were the parents of my friend when we were young children.  All of us children were subjected to the sounds of that man beating and raping his screaming wife for hours.  I was terrified but not once did I think of reporting what I'd seen.  My friend's mother was the epitome of a broken woman who moved quietly around the house fearful of somehow angering her husband.  Abused women of today behave the same way.

I like to believe that I, my daughters, and my female family and friends would never put up with an abusive partner...but you never know.  My research shows that abusive relationships don't usually begin that way.  The abuser often takes his time grooming his victim to accept the abuse as something they can live with.  What appears on the surface as a happy home might actually be a house of horrors.

We need more public programs like the one I saw on T.V.  I believe that airing the problem forewarns women to recognize and get out of an abusive situation sooner.  Physical abuse will only get worse not better.  Life is not worth living like that.

I also believe that abusive men don't change.  It's the woman who has to decide she won't take the abuse any more.