Today is my 77th birthday and it doesn't feel special, just another opportunity to enjoy my life. I thought I'd write down the pros and cons of being 77.
Pros: enjoying time with family and friends, enjoying the beauty of nature, having a few bucks to go to the casino, having a few bucks to go to Florida, having the freedom to choose how I'll spend my day, being healthy enough to be able to live alone, being mentally alert enough to use the computer.
Cons: afraid of falling, hurting just a little bit, wrinkles and eye bags, tiring more easily, taking medication (I don't take much but I hate having to take any), friends dying off.
I think the worst part of growing old for me is losing friends who pass away. I might place aches and pains at the top if and when they consume me but, so far, I'm okay.
One of the things about growing old that has astounded me is how young and alive I feel in my mind. It doesn't come close to feeling old but the darned mirror likes to remind me. I don't fear death because I'm curious about it and what comes next. I might be wrong but I believe in some sort of existence after death. I do fear pain, being bedridden and senility. But I feared a whole lot more things when I was young.
I was born 77 years ago to an unwed mother and those were the days when the Children's Aid could walk in and take the child away from her. It was my grandmother who fought hard to keep me and I'll never know if she did me a favor or not but her heart was in the right place. I grew up poor but in a clean home with good meals. There are many levels of poverty and I got lucky.
I never appreciated my grandmother until I had children of my own and understood her sacrifice in raising me. My mother lived with us, too, but it was my grandmother who was more a mother to me. Nan passed away at 72 and I would give just about anything to be able to talk with her now. It's turned out that I'm very much like my grandmother in many ways except she was a fabulous cook and I'm not.
When you age, you look back on your life with all it's mistakes, successes, twists and turns. You can usually pinpoint those defining moments that made you the person you are today. My first defining moment came when my grandmother fought to keep me. Another defining moment was when I realized how much she must have loved me and I don't think I ever thanked her.
Even living 77 years, life is still short and you don't get to right all the wrongs you've done. I'm hoping to meet up with Nan on the other side and say what I should have said when she was alive. As for the other wrongs I've done in my life, I hope I still have a few more years here to work on them.
Today I feel great. Cindy is having a barbecue for my birthday and I'm looking forward to being with my family. Life is good!
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