Lost Trust

It's very hard for me to become aware of a difference in how I view my world and how it really is.  I lose trust very easily and very quickly.  It's much better to see the world as it is and not how I want it to be.

This is a very unsafe world and people have depths we rarely see and that's why we can become shocked and disillusioned when those depths show themselves.  For instance, I've gone through my life trusting cops even though I know they're not all trustworthy.  I'm an honest, law abiding citizen and never felt I had anything to worry about but, after seeing how some cops are to be feared, I'm losing faith in them.  It was a cop out of control that dragged a nurse out of a hospital because she legally refused to draw blood for him from an unconscious patient.  It was a cop out of control who dragged a middle aged woman from her car and threw her on the ground because she didn't stop quickly enough for him.  It was a cop out of control that shot and killed a black man in the back as he ran from him.  It was a sick cop who pulled over a young woman into a secluded spot and raped her.

I don't want to be wary of cops.  I want to believe they are just like you and me.  I want to believe they are mainly straight arrow and in control of themselves.  I want to believe all cops know the law they are serving.  I want to believe all cops are decent human beings.  I'm losing trust.

This distrust has had a significant effect on me and it will take a long while before that feeling changes.