The Hind End of 2020

Well, only a few hours left of 2020 and some people are thinking tomorroow,2021, will be different but it won't.  The vaccine has given us hope that we'll slowly pull ourselves out of the pandemic but it's not going to come overnight.  I'm guessing we'll still be wearing a mask when we're out in public places even next summer because there are a lot of people who won't have the vaccine and won't wear a mask.  That's the danger that will stay with us for a while yet.

2020 wasn't a very good year for me even excluding the pandemic.  I got sick in early January and it took me months to recover.  Then we had to hightail it home from Florida in mid March because the border was getting ready to close.  Once home, I think most of us were very apprehensive about the unknown with the virus, many hoping it would disappear as fast as it had arrived but it only got worse.  I think it will continue to worsen until the spring when most of us will have received the vaccine.

In August, I was slaughtered by the worst case of sciatica I'd ever experienced in my life and that lasted 1 1/2 months.  I was in constant, unbearable pain to the point where I almost couldn't walk.  And then, also in August, I had a falling out with Cindy that lasted 3 months.  No mother ever wants to have their child deeply upset with them even if I did feel the fault lay with Cindy.  One thing I learned from that episode is that I will never let bad feelings keep me apart from my loved ones for more that 1 day (we often need a day to regain our composure).  The love was always there but we were both hurt by words said and actions taken.  My sole excuse is that I can't and won't be around angry people even if I caused that anger.  Anyway, we did talk it out and I hope we both learned a few lessons.  It just never should have taken 3 months.

The next thing to hit me was finding out I have low blood platelets and, because of Covid, probably won't find out much about that until it's safe to see the hematologist personally.

Okay, lots of crap over the year but we all survived.  None of my kids or grandkids were out of work.  None got sick.  We all did our best to be together even if it was by using Zoom.  I got to see Jackson a few times and revel in the beauty of that precious baby.  I did willingly keep more to myself than I would have preferred because I know my age and my lousy immune system means I'm more vulnerable to the virus but I didn't mind that an awful lot.  I've got tons of interests to fill my time.  My pensions kept coming in so I didn't have to worry about money and I even bought a new 2 year old car...the Nissan Rogue I've wanted for years.

I think the worst thing to happen to my family was that Kim fell off her bike and broke her wrist and it needed surgery.  One of the best was Matt meeting Jackie who gets along great with the family (and with Matt).  These are life events that had nothing to do with 2020 or the epidemic.

When I look back on 2020 it will be with the sad realization that we can't become so complacent that we think we're beyond being brought to our knees the way war torn countries are.  We were downed by a germ.  I will continue to be impressed with how many people accepted wearing a mask and keeping the 6' distance in public.  I will continue to accept that not all people can be trusted to do the right thing.  I will be happy beyond words that Trump will not be president of the United States after January 20, 2021.  I will hope we never see another politician like him ever in anyone's lifetime.

2020 didn't defeat us.  It made us stronger.   

 

Nan's Christmas

Nan, my grandmother (I was too cool to call her Nana), started preparing for Christmas some time in early fall when she'd take a taxi to the open air market on York St, to buy everything she'd need for her fabulous Christmas cake.  I've never tasted better!

She'd work away in her tiny kitchen mixing all the ingredients and then covering the cake with cheese cloth...I don't know why unless it was to keep it from drying out.  Just before Christmas she'd place a thick layer of that thick icing (fondant?) over it and decorate it with little edible beads.  I loved the cake but always removed the icing.

We had an old cast iron wood stove in the kitchen/livingroom that served to keep us warm and for Nan to cook on.  She would prepare the tastiest Christmas dinner...turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and some veggie along with her home-made plum pudding for dessert on that old stove.  None of her skills were passed down to either my mother or me.  

Mom had bought Nan a beautiful Duncan Fyfe diningroom set (they've always been very expensive so I have no idea how she could afford it) and it would be pulled into the center of the room and decorated beautifully for our dinner.  For as long as I can remember she'd invite old Bob, a single retired teacher, to every dinner celebration and he'd enjoy his dinner, never say a word, and leave for home after with a huge goodie bag from Nan.  He was one of her bootlegging customers, too, and I don't think I ever heard him speak.

I remember we all ate way too much because Nan was an excellent cook and it was kind of hard to move after dinner.  Nan and Mom would do all the clean-up...I was a little princess who was never expected to do any housework and this is something that made me ill prepared to look after my own home when I got married.

Nan was more like a mother to me than a grandmother and I never appreciated her when she was alive.  It was her who fought the Children's Aid who tried to take me away from my unwed mother when I was born...hard to believe we were so backward in those days (1940).  Mom and I moved in with Nan and Bobba (this is what I called my grandfather and I think it might have been how I said Grampa when I was very little and it stuck) and I lived there until I got married in 1957.  Then my little family continued to come to Nan's for Christmas dinners.

My grandmother was my most important family member and it's her I want to see first when I pass away.  I want to apologize for being a bitchy, self-centered teenager to my generous, loving, good hearted Nan. 

A Covid Christmas

 My family did it's best to follow the rules of having the city shut down on Christmas day because of Covid.  Kim worked half day yesterday and picked me up on her way home to spend overnight and Christmas day with her.  As bad luck would have it, she'd injured her right wrist (might be a torn ligament) at work and was in quite a bit of pain.  Despite that, we arrived home to a turkey that Matt and Jackie had cooked and Kim prepared the rest of our lovely Christmas Eve dinner which we had at 6 P.M.  It was only Kim and me at the table because Matt and Jackie were off visiting her family but we used Zoom to at least be able to see and talk to Nick, Bev, and the boys.

Matt was up before 5 A.M. Christmas morning and the rest of us dragged ourselves up or down for coffee.  We used Zoom again to watch Nick, Bev, and the boys open their presents and we opened ours, too.  Kim got me a lovely journal to write down memories of my life with the grandchildren and greatgrandchildren over the years.  I use the blog to mainly tell them all about their ancestors before me.  I think both the blog and journal will be useful in teaching our young ones where they came from.

Cindy and Don had spent Christmas Eve with Aeron's little family...Cindy slept over but Don came back home to care for the dogs...and then their whole family spent Christmas day together.

Kim and I facetimed with Shelley who was spending Christmas at her beach house with John and Jake...Nicole and Sam were on their way there.  I never did hear about Lisette and Danny, though.

I was going to Uber home in the afternoon but Kim insisted on driving me.  It had snowed quite a bit the night before but I was most afraid of the ice under the snow.  Kim, with her sore wrist, helped me to a safe spot to wait while she got the car but we'd forgotten that her car would be covered in snow and ice so she had to clear it off before we could leave.  Sometimes the bad luck just follows us around...I was too far away to help her!

The roads weren't too bad so we got to my place safely and Kim, with her sore wrist, helped carry all my stuff up to my apartment.  That woman is an angel for sure!  I ended up napping a lot until going to bed early.  This is why I've been awake since 1 A.M. and up since 4 A.M.  No problem because I can nap later today but hope that doesn't continue this stupid cycle.

Something that angered me this morning was to see Christmas dinner photos of huge family gatherings, people who either didn't care about their and our safety or else they still think Covid is a hoax like Trump says!!  Those of us who were careful not to gather in large groups will have people like this to thank if any of us get the damned virus.  In any case, we will definitely see the numbers of people infected and dead rise dramatically in the next two weeks.  How can refusing to follow the simple rules of not gathering in large numbers be worth the agony this is going to cost?

Well, I'm glad Christmas is over and I for one will be hunkering down in my sweet little apartment, being as careful as I can not to endanger myself or anyone else.  Health workers and nursing home residents are still being vaccinated so I think it might be a while yet before my turn comes.  We're receiving regular shipments of the 2 vaccines but not in very large quantity.  We've heard that paramedics won't be considered as front line health care workers so won't receive the vaccine in the first group.  I don't understand this because it's the paramedics that handle and take those infected to the hospital.  I hope that dumb rule changes quickly so they can do their jobs better protected from the virus.

One of my good friends from Michigan has the virus and I'm very worried about her.  Carol S. is about 75 years old and lives in an assisted living home where a few staff and residents have become infected.  I fear I'll know more with the virus before this all ends.

Today I'll count my blessings that the virus hasn't hit any of my family.

Hamilton is in Lockdown Again

 I've watched the infection numbers rising and knew we were headed for another lockdown but this time I think it will last for most of the winter.  How many businesses, large and small, will be able to survive this?  How many people will lose their jobs, their homes, their lives this winter?  If I can be so depressed watching from the sidelines, how depressing must it be for the families being hit like a tidal wave by it?

I laid in bed last night feeling a sense of dread that I've struggled to keep at bay and realized I'm gradually losing that battle.  Life is terrifying right now and it's become evident that the Covid vaccine can't be given fast enough and to enough people to reverse what's happening.  Most of what we've all taken for granted as a normal life will be gone by spring and it will never be normal again.  It will be very different.

When a health official said that the virus will always be with us, I tried to tell myself it would be similar to the occasional flu or a cold always being with us but that's not what she meant.  She meant it will be in our air every single day from now on.  The Coronavirus is a killer that hits the old and the weak the hardest.  Old age and illnesses are inevitable even for the youth of today.  

We have approximately 40 million people in Canada and we're vaccinating only a few thousand with every shipment of the vaccine which arrives maybe weekly.  More people are becoming infected than we're vaccinating.  The only good I see from this is that the health care workers are first in line to be vaccinated so at least we'll have someone to care for the rest of us as we get sick.  The downfall is that there are not nearly enough health care workers to care for us right now, not to mention the future.

I know I'm sounding like a doomsday prophet but that's how I feel.  It's not necessarily how this will all pan out and I most certainly hope we'll come out at the end with even a semblance of what we've lost.  I'm on the early list to be vaccinated because of my age but the virus is killing off people in their middle ages, too.  Maybe it's them who should be vaccinated first instead of trying to save us old folk who have lived a long life already.  So many thoughts and worries going through my head about a situation over which I have no control!

Well, this is a blog that has been written like a diary for my children, grandchildren, etc. to read if they care to know what went on in their ancestor's mind.  I write it because I would have loved it if my own ancestors had kept a diary for my reading.  Just everyday ramblings from a regular person living a regular life.  As I've aged, I've noticed how much I resemble my own grandmother, not in looks but in personality, and I would love to know more about what she thought about everything.

My Nan was born in 1894 to a harness maker, Thomas Stevenson and his wife, Ida Marie (?) .  They owned 2 houses right next to the railway bridge on Main St., just above Hunter St., in Hamilton when I was born in 1940...don't know where they lived before that.  Nan married very young and had a daughter, Ida, but her husband died of T.B. only a couple of years after.  

Nan went on to have another daughter, my mother Isabel, out of wedlock in 1918 (can you just imagine how difficult that was for her in those days?) and then married a big, beautiful Irishman, Patrick (Paddy) soon after and had another daughter, Rose.  They stayed together, living in clean poverty, until they died.  My grandfather (Paddy) treated me like a granddaughter always.

I've stressed to my grandchildren how there was never a word of racism in my family...young ones today seem to think we old ones are barbarians who they have to educate!! 

Kim asked me to keep a diary but I told her that's how I use the blog so I'll try to put in more information on what little I know about my family tree.  There were a few missing husbands/fathers in that tree.

Enough for now.  I need to play some of my computer games!    

Christmas Spirit Lost

I'm going to blame this horrible year of 2020 as the reason I've lost my Christmas spirit.  I won't see most of my family on Christmas Eve but, thank heavens, Kim has arranged for me to spend Christmas day with her and hopefully her adult family.  I just can't be around Nolan and Nash because they're the worst little germ carriers.  Maybe it's Christmas without little ones that has made me lose the Christmas spirit.

I had no fun shopping for presents because I tried to stay out of the stores and gave money instead of nice gifts.  It just felt so cold and unchristmasy.  I've given money before but not to everyone.

I've ordered a lot from Amazon and last week found out 2 of the Christmas ornaments I ordered for 2 of my grandchildren had somehow been lost.  This meant I had to brave the germy stores so out I went, stopping first at the bank.  Now, Scotiabank has just changed the format of it's ATM's and I could not for the life of me figure out how to get it to work so, instead of being able to use the drive-through, I had to go into the bank.

Now, with Covid, we have to line up outside the bank and wait until only a certain number of clients are inside.  I was cold, frustrated, and asked if one of the people working there would show me how to use the new system on the ATM which was inside the bank.  A young man kindly tried to walk me through it but neither of us could get it to work.  I was angry and trying not to take it out on anyone but I had to go outside and get in line IN THE COLD!

It wasn't too long a wait but by then I also couldn't breathe because I'd been wearing the damn face mask for so long.  Anyway, I got my money and left, hoping I don't have to get any more until after the new year when my temper has cooled down.

I went into a nice little store that sold all kinds of collectibles but they had no tree ornaments with 2020 on them.  I went to Walmart even though I had vowed I'd stay out of that store during the Christmas season...this was my second trip inside there in just a few days!  The had NO Christmas tree ornaments at all but I did pick up a few groceries.  

I just couldn't go into the mall because I felt it was too dangerous and germy so I went home and ordered 2 more ornaments from Amazon.  I worried they wouldn't get here before Christmas but they should arrive on Friday.  I was so exhausted from just an hour or so shopping in stores that I napped for a couple of hours.  It's the mask that wears me out because it interferes with my oxygen intake.

A phone call woke me from my nap and it was the hospital I'd cancelled my appointment with a week or so ago because they'd had a Covid breakout.  I was given a new appointment but it's one where I don't have to go in and the doctor will just phone me.  That made me feel like they're not too worried about me and it relieved me a lot.  All of my family doctor's appointments for check-ups have been a phone call since Covid and I like that.  I suppose the doctor would ask to see me if there was anything serious with my health.

2020 has been one of the worst years of my life and of many other people, too.  It isn't the seclusion so much as seeing most people wearing face masks, worrying about who touched something you're touching, no hugs, being afraid to be too close to my greatgrandsons, etc.  Our society has changed before our eyes and I, for one, am having a hard time dealing with it.  Always, deep in the back of my mind where I try to keep it at bay, are the worries I have for the families who have lost their livelihood because of the virus.  I remember all too clearly how Dennis and I struggled to pay our bills when our children were young and he was never without a job, thank heavens.  It would have been pure hell for us if we'd had to go through what these families today are going through.  

Canada started vaccinating people with the Pfizer vaccine this week, starting with health care workers, and I'm hoping to see our infection rate dropping soon.  I don't expect this to happen quickly but at least we'll have some protection as more people  receive the vaccine.  The neediest will receive it first and then down the line until everyone who wants the vaccine should have it by next fall.  The problem with the vaccine is that there will be many who won't get it for different reasons and I'm afraid they'll be looked upon as pariahs by the rest of us.  Already we're hearing that people who are vaccinated will receive a card to carry which will allow them access to places, such as movie theatres, that the people not vaccinated will not be allowed to enter.  I don't like the idea of this but I do understand the virus will continue to endanger us for a long time yet.  It just sounds kind of like the Jews in pre-war Germany who had to wear something visible to show they were Jews.

This is a terribly long blog and I really have to get off the computer so I'll end it here.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and joy to any other religions that celebrate December.

  

The Vaccine is Coming...Or Is It?

 We've been told that the Pfizer vaccine is close to being shipped to Canada as soon as Health Canada approves it in a few days.  The vaccine should arrive next week but today I heard on the news that Trump is trying to pass a law keeping Pfizer from sending any vaccine out of the States until every American has been vaccinated.  Of course, what this very stupid man doesn't understand is that the best way to eradicate the virus is to make sure every country needs to start vaccinating at about the same time or no-one will be safe.  I hope he isn't successful because this will create another wedge between the U.S. and the other countries in the world.

In Canada, if the vaccine does get here, I'm in the first group to qualify for it because I'm 80 years old.  I'm happy about this because I know my age group is in the worst danger of catching the virus but I won't be able to relax until my loved ones have been vaccinated, too.  Right now I'm not sure if anyone in my family will refuse the vaccine.

I'm wondering if the foolish people who refuse to wear a mask in public will have the vaccine.  It seems to me that, if you're stupid enough to refuse to wear a mask, you would also be stupid enough to refuse the vaccine.  I'm quite ready to be a guinea pig because I'm too old to take the chance of waiting the virus out.  I doubt I'd be so quick to get it if I was in my 20's and I honestly don't think I'd give it to a child.  We need more testing time before we do that.

The first (regular) person to receive the vaccine (Pfizer) was a 90 year old lady in the U.K. and that was just today.  She didn't drop dead right away so I have a little more hope now that the vaccine will be relatively safe.  Our first shipment is the Pfizer vaccine and I'm assuming that's what I'll be getting.  The Moderna would have been my preference because it's more effective.  Apparently, Canada will be receiving a few other vaccines which I really don't want to take because they're much less effective.  Moderna and Pfizer are top of the line right now.

I have hope for our future.  I can see a day soon when our lives will be back to maybe a new normal but at least one where we don't fear the air we breathe.