What Have I Done With My Life?

Every once in a while I become very introspective and wonder why I'm still here when others, younger or more useful, have passed away. That's the way I'm feeling this morning.

I've always been bright, if I do say so myself, but I was lazy as a child and never did reach my potential. I fell completely in love at 15 and married at 17. It wasn't until my third child was born a few months before my 24th birthday that I began to grow up and want something more in my life than wifehood and motherhood. This didn't mean that I loved my husband and children any less, it just meant that I'd finally recognized myself as a person in my own right.

I began taking correspondence courses to upgrade my pitiful education. As I sailed through lessons I felt as though my mind was unfurling, opening up and grasping every new concept. I once told my young grandson that you never stop learning your whole life and this has held true.

When I look back and remember all the highs and lows of my life, the best thing that ever happened to me was my children. But secondly was the step I took in my 20's to gain a better education for myself. One of my biggest regrets is that I dropped out of high school at 16, naively believing that I was as smart as I needed to be. How wrong I was.

My life has mainly been spent raising my children and often taking care of my grandchildren. I've saved no lives nor built any bridges. I realize that mine was a life partly wasted but maybe we could all say the same.

I can't change my past but I can try to make each new day I'm granted one where I bring a degree of happiness to people around me. Maybe these simple attempts on my part can make up for my earlier years. And maybe it makes my life worthwhile.