Analyzing Yourself

Human psychology has always been something that fascinated me. Why do we sometimes behave in ways that we know are unacceptable or that will bring dire consequences? Why do some people seem to live charmed lives while others, who seem to be much nicer, gravitate toward disaster?

I remember a moment in my life when I was in my thirties when I made a conscious decision to dampen my ego and be more humble. I'd grown up in a family where I'd never quite fit in and had thought myself above them in many ways. I was an intelligent child who felt like a swan dropped among a gaggle of geese. Intelligence is as intelligence does, though, and I wasted my gift by being too lazy to utilize it fully.

Marrying young and having children before I was ready didn't help, either. It stunts your maturity when you marry too young because it usually cuts off any opportunity to experience what the world has to offer. But those were my choices and I accept responsibility for them.

I was well into my 30's when it dawned on me that I was still behaving like a child and I decided it was time to grow up. I had a severe "attitude adjustment" which sort of shocked me in it's intensity but it helped me cope with my life. For twenty years I'd lived an imaginary life which I'd created in my own mind and been constantly upset when reality didn't match my vision. We often do that...pretend our lives are something they aren't because to accept the truth is too brutal.

Therapy in my 40's helped immensely and it taught me to look at things in more than one light. Facing reality isn't easy at all and it doesn't happen overnight. Lord knows, facing full reality probably isn't even possible for us. But, as I grew up (in my 30's), I began to gain strength of mind. I'm not the person today that I was back then and I don't mean body wise! I have a strong sense of reality and where it's taking me.

My grandmother used to say, "If I knew then what I know now...", and now I know what she meant. My, how much more we could have done with our lives if we'd been wiser younger.