Mother/Child Relationships

My grandson, Matt, phoned me the other day to say that he and his girlfriend would be up on Saturday morning for a visit. I don't see him as much as I'd like but it's fairly regular and I just love that he goes out of his way to spend time with me. His mother, Kim, phoned to ask how my lip was and I mentioned that Matt was coming up for a visit. She sounded kind of curt when she answered that she knew so I asked her what was wrong. She, like all mothers, was feeling a little sad that she seldom saw Matt herself and I guess she was a little jealous that he was coming to see me and not her.

I told her that I understood because I rarely see Cindy, maybe once every few months, and we don't live more than 10 minutes from each other. The crux of this problem between parents and children is that the children often put you to the back of their minds because they believe (and hope) that you'll always be there when they have the time or inclination to visit. They aren't fully aware how much their visits mean to you.

Kim does see a lot of her oldest son, Nick. Kim is my oldest daughter so maybe the oldest child feels more of an obligation to stay close to their parents. Not keeping frequent contact does not mean that the child loves you less but just that their sense of obligation might be less. We do raise our children so that the oldest has the most responsibility and that conditioning will also carry on into their adulthood.

I am happy beyond belief when my grandchildren visit me. It's as though I've been granted a gift that I can't quite grasp and keep. When my daughters visit, it's a slightly different feeling...deeper and with a stronger connection.

I never understood this when I was the daughter or granddaughter visiting my mother or grandmother. I was aware they were happy to see me but I had no idea how much it meant to them. I do now.

So children, stay in touch with your elders as much as you can because it means more to them than you know. But you'll find out later in life!