Today Is The Day

Today is Turd Toss Day, the day I've been waiting for all season. Today is the day I hope to become the Turd Toss Queen!

Every year we have Turd Toss Day and every year I fail to reach my goal...2 years ago the queen was my friend, Sheila, and last year it was my friend, Joann. Close but no cigars!

The game goes like this...2 toilets are placed in the middle of the street about 30 (?) feet apart and each contestant is given a turd made out of pantyhose filled with wet speghetti. Each contestant stands next to one toilet and hurls the turd hopefully into the distant toilet. The ones who succeed are entered into the turd toss off (unless only one succeeds and then they are crowned Turd Queen or Turd King). It's like sudden death in hockey...the tosses continue until each contestant has an equal shot at the toilet and one who gets the most in wins. All of this is done to wild cheers from the audience which amounts to half the park. Everyone lines the street, sitting in their lawn chairs or golf carts and cheers for every single contestant, maybe louder for their best friends. I booed Sheila and Joann until I was definitely out of the running and then became one of their loudest supporters.

This year I hope to add a new rule to the toss. It's really dumb but we're not given a practice toss before we do one that counts. I want a practice toss so I'll submit the request to our Turd Captain, Mark. He runs the contest and owns the toilets.

A few years ago, I wrote a story about our annual Turd Toss, which I think is hilarious, and submitted it to Reader's Digest. Never heard back from them!

Anyway, I'll post the winner's names later on today or tomorrow and hope that mine is one of them.