you are what you do

i'm going to paraphrase something i heard today that struck home for me.

you are part and parcel of every single deed you have done in your life.  there is no way to escape the facts of right or wrong you have committed. they exist.

i don't like looking back on my so called sins but i do acknowledge them, often with a shudder that i could actually have done or said such awful things.  the only thing we can gain from acknowledging past errors is to learn from them and search within ourselves to change the thought process that created the bad behaviour.

my personal sins are pretty mild compared to that of a serial killer but they need to be dealt with in the same way.  go deep inside to understand what drove you to them and change what you can in yourself.  my upbringing was rife with inconsistencies and that frustrated me to no end.  frustration with the illogical has been one of my crosses to bear all of my life but, once i understood that it wasn't my job to realign the world,  the inner stress and tension i carried was lifted.  in other words, i started to work on myself instead of feeling the need to fix others.

i swear that since i've begun my own self improvement i have gradually become a better person.  it doesn't delete the wrongs i've done but i think i'll be leaving this world a lot closer to the kind of person i was meant to be.  i just need about a hundred more years to complete the job.