R.I.P. Robin Williams

I never knew him but I wish I had.  I think he was a genius with a tortured mind...so very sad.

Every time I hear of a suicide I feel a deep sadness, knowing the despair that consumed them and which drove them to end their lives.  I've been there.  True depression can't really be understood by someone who hasn't experienced it but I can tell you the physical pain is almost as debilitating as the mental pain.  I can also say with certainty that a depressed person often has no idea why they're depressed but are always overwhelmed by it.  It's almost like being cornered by a terror you can't see or fight off, no matter how hard you try.  And sometimes you become so worn down by the constant struggle that you give up and just want out even if that means ending the life that has become unbearable for you.

If only we could see beyond the hopelessly burdened moment to the future where good things can and will happen for us.  I remember the moment I realized I couldn't handle my life any more and it chills me to think how much joy I would have missed out on if I'd been able to follow through with my own suicidal thoughts.  I wouldn't have seen my grandbabies grow up to adulthood.  I wouldn't have seen my greatgrandbabies.  I wouldn't have experienced the many, many moments of happiness and laughter that have permeated my life "after depression".

It takes good counseling for a person suffering from depression to see past the totally miserable moment to a time when life will be rosier or just plain normal.  A good counselor can teach us how to cope and how to find our way out of the depression.  I can only imagine that someone like Robin Williams would have been able to provide himself with the best counseling available but maybe his demons were too strong.  Maybe I escaped because my own demons didn't go as deep as Mr. Williams' did.  

It's so sad to think how much joy he's going to miss out on.  I wish someone would have had the ability to rescue him.