Struggling

Kim called me this morning to say she thinks I should still go to Florida for John's award.  I tried to explain to her that I'm in a delicate spot right now, struggling by the day to not let myself fall into depression over this skin cancer trouble.  I feel overwhelmed just making it though the day and pushing myself to go to Florida right now is too much for me.  I'm not in a good spot and I'm not sure what mental condition I'll be in by Dec. 3rd when I find out the results of the biopsy.  It's so easy to say not to worry about it but the worry and dread are already firmly entrenched and I'm not sure I can handle it.

I hate feeling like this.

Update:  My mood deteriorated all day and, when I'm upset like this, I can't think straight so I neglected to do what I should have done...call my doctor.  Shelley called this afternoon and suggested I do this but, somehow, I couldn't get a call through to him.  I think there was a problem with his phones.  Then Cindy called me and suggested I renew a prescription I had of Imipramine and just start taking a low dosage until I could reach my doctor.  I never thought of this...I had been using the Imipramine to help with bladder urgencies but had discontinued taking it.  Imipramine is what I took years ago for depression and I know I tolerate it well.  Anyway, still unable to get through to my doctor or his afterhour service, I checked on the internet to find out what a safe dosage would be for me to take and saw that 30-60 mg was suggested.  I took 15 mg and will take another 15 mg later tonight.  I also called the pharmacy to renew the prescription.  I think this will get me through until I see my family doctor for a regular visit this coming Wednesday.  All I know right now is that I need help.

Whoops!  I actuallly took 75 mg...I thought the pills were each 5 mg but they're 25 mg.  No problem, though, but it could explain why I'm feeling relaxed.  LOL!  I won't take any tonight.