I don't know how to title this.  I'm feeling so bad inside that I don't know how to cope with it.  I've suffered losses all my life but this one is just too much for me.  I'm writing this so that I can try to understand and get past it.  

The feeling is of hopelessness and futility.  I've felt this before when I had depression and assume it's what's troubling me again.  Why even start a life that will end in such sadness and unfairness.  There doesn't seem to be any logic in being born only to suffer and die when you have a family that loves you and that you love.  I'm trying to make sense of something that none of us can ever understand.

This isn't helping.  She's gone and she's not coming back.  How bloody unfair and incomprehensible is this bloody life.