That's what they used to call us...bastards/illegitimate. How could anyone look at an innocent baby and call one those words? I watched a T.V. movie where an 11 year old girl discovered she was adopted and how it messed with her head. Well, I was 12 years old when my grandmother angrily called me a little bastard and explained why I was. I'd probably acted badly and that's how she responded. I remember being in a state of shock because I'd lost my identity.
Everything we experience or know of ourselves forms our identity in our minds. I thought my father had been killed in the war so that was part of my identity. To find out he was a jerk who walked out on my mother when he found out she was pregnant gave me a whole new identity in my mind and it took a while to accept it.
It's a good thing I never felt ashamed of not having a legal father. I seemed to understand quickly that my existence was as a result of the actions of my mother and father so, if any blame or shame was attached, it was attached to them and not me. I did feel a slight resentment for my father who abandoned me, though, but he was one of many men who do the same thing. How can you just walk away from a child that is part of you??
Anyway, it was his loss. He's missed out on my progeny who are all super people!
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