Blocking It Out

This is what I think.  People who suffer or have suffered from depression are people whose emotions are too close to the surface.  Because of this, they lose control of their emotions too easily...somehow it mostly seems to be the emotions you experience when you're hurt or sad.  I used to think it was curable but I don't think that now.  I believe that, once truly depressed, the chances of it recurring are very high.

People like me who have a history of depression probably have a flawed personality.  We think too much.  We jump to the worst conclusion.  And it debilitates us.  We suffer more than most people will ever understand.  We have trouble coping with any bad news or circumstance because it's so difficult for us to rise above it.

I've done so well since my years with depression seemed to end, thanks to antidepressants and counseling.  It didn't happen quickly but took about 16 years when I periodically needed help.  The last time I needed help was during the year Dennis was dying and that is understandable but the following year had some rough patches, too.  Then my hold on life seemed to level out and I've been quite happy and contented even though I recognized that I cried way too easily over stupid things.  Usually it was when I was trying to explain a sad or even happy moment.  Silly, but telling.

Yesterday I came to the conclusion that something was seriously going wrong with my emotional health but I knew what was causing it.  World news has become one brutal story after another with senseless killings between cops and crazies, terrorists who mindlessly murder dozens of innocent people to prove some insane point, the murder of a 5 year child, and then a man who drove a truck through crowds of people celebrating a holiday and watching fireworks...I think this incident caused the death of 80 innocent souls.

I read the newspaper reports this morning and watched a youtube video which reduced me to blubbering tears and I knew I had to close up shop and give my emotions a rest.  I cancelled the newspaper and won't watch any more of the path of destruction the human race seems to be hellbent on.  Yes, I'm going to bury my head in the sand for a while until I get a grip on myself.  How long that takes is anyone's guess but I know I can't deal with this horror right now.

I don't work so I can hibernate if I choose.  I'll stick to posting my lovely photos of flowers, laughing babies, and cute dogs and cats.  That will be my self imposed therapy for a while.  I will heal myself...and hope the damned world doesn't destroy itself while I'm not watching.