Love Lost

On Christmas eve, one of my friends who lost her son to suicide quite a few years ago was weeping uncontrollably.  Her pain is one that will never fade enough to give her peace.  Another lady lost her son less than a month ago and appears to be calm and accepting but her eyes tell a different story.  Another lady lost her grandson just last week and I believe she's mending well.  She's older than me and has gone through hell and back with a very sick husband who did survive.  

We all handle our grief differently.  Some have it written all over their faces while others carry it deep in their hearts and not to be shared with the world.  I can't allow myself to delve too deeply into their psyche and how they're tolerating their tremendous losses because I don't think I could survive pain like that.  It has to be a pain like no other.

Donna still grieves for Jill as though her passing was just yesterday and the hope is that the grief will soften in time to include good memories.  That's the best a mother can hope for.

My prayer has always been that I die before any of my children, grandchildren, or greatgrandchildren.  I guess that's what we all pray for but it doesn't happen to some.

I remember my first Christmas after Dennis passed away and it was made a bit easier by having Joyce and Larry make the trip down to Florida to be with me.  I'll never forget that kind gesture...it meant so much to me.  It was the singing of "Silent Night" at the Christmas Eve service at the clubhouse that did me in that year.  Sometimes all it takes is a word that prompts memories or thoughts we can't yet deal with that erases our facade.

My Christmas this year was overshadowed with the sadness of these friends and knowing there is absolutely nothing on earth that will help them except maybe time.

And so my Christmas this year wasn't the happy-go-lucky one as in the past.  Maybe a little too much reality slipped in.