Christmases Past

Not being a true Christian, Christmas holds a different meaning in my heart but it has always been a special time of the year every year of my life.  As a child, it meant mainly new toys and a lovely turkey dinner prepared by my grandmother.  She'd start making the Christmas cake some time in the fall and it would be ready for Christmas day.  One of the things I regret is that I didn't pay too much attention to exactly how she made it because it was the best fruit cake I've ever tasted.

I was married very young (at 17) and had to begin designing my own Christmas rituals but Nan still made her famous Christmas cake and fabulous turkey dinners right up until she passed away.  I was 28 years old when she died and the mother of 3 sweet little girls so the yearly ritual was then up to me.

It has always felt that the Christmas tree must be up and decorated by December 1st and we always bought real trees in the old days.  I don't think the artificial ones existed until much later so our real trees brought the most beautiful pine smell into the house.  Nan gave me a lot of her old bulbs, so fragile that many have broken over the years.  I gave the last of them to my own girls when I started going to Florida for the winter and having Christmas down there.  I don't know if they have any left now.  I just told Kim that I'd let her, Cindy, and Shelley help with decorating when they were little but redo a lot when they went to bed.  Their idea of symmetry and mine were not even close.

Dennis and I had very little money for most of our Christmases but we did our best to provide nice presents for the girls.  Seeing them happy was our greatest reward.  Dennis and I gave each other quite practical gifts, even ended up buying a new T.V. once.  I'd advise against doing that.  Better a simple loving gift than something practical.

By the time we bought our house, Christmas became a marathon for me.  I worked long hours all through December, did all the planning and work for our whole family open house on Christmas Eve, did all the cooking and cleaning on Christmas Day, and then woke up worn out and sick on Boxing Day.  I'm not complaining because I loved every moment and wouldn't have given any of it up.  In the last few years before we gave all this up and started spending our winters in Florida, I did smarten up and asked each family to bring part of the Christmas dinner so I didn't have to cook everything.  I should have done that sooner because no-one minded at all.

Once we started spending Christmas in Florida, I decorated the trailer a bit but never did have anything but a little artificial tree for the table.  Then even gave that up.  It bothered me a lot but I kept telling myself it wasn't necessary any more.

This year is the first in many that I'm spending Christmas at home and going to Florida after it.  I bought a 6 1/2' artificial tree, some decorations from the dollar store, and it sits beautifully right against the balcony doors.  It is one of those trees that comes with lights attached and not as full branched as I'd prefer but it soothes my soul, especially to watch it all lit up in the evening.  Having a tree makes it more Christmasy for me and makes me smile every time I look at it.

It does remind me of Christmases past when my babies were little and all the joy of Christmas shone in their eyes.  It reminds me of what Christmas means...the giving and the happy spirit of being alive.  I love the Christmas songs and now the Hallmark Christmas movies on T.V..  I believe that having the tree will make Christmas more special to me than it has become.  I believe I need that lovely tree to fill my soul with contentment this Christmas.

Funny how important a Christmas tree is in December.  It's the forerunner of the joy and happiness to come on Christmas Day spent with my precious family.  It represents all that is good and I won't ever have another Christmas without one.