Widow's/Widower's First Christmas

I remember hearing long ago that the hardest times for a widow or widower were the first holidays of the year following the death of their loved one.  I believe that Christmas has to be the hardest one of all, though.

It's such a joyous time for families.  We decorate, have family get-togethers, friend get-gethers, special Christmas dinners, etc.  When you're used to celebrating so many facets of the holiday with your spouse, the absence of them can carry a heavy weight on your shoulders.  Other holidays, even birthdays, are over in 1 day but not Christmas.

We have a few recent widows in the park this year and I know how difficult this season will be for them.  I read all the suggestions on Facebook to help them survive it and the best of all tell them to stay in constant touch with family and friends and not to isolate themselves.  Grief is such a debilitating emotion and often requires the person to stay alone occasionally just to deal with it.  Staying alone too much is not good for the soul, though.

People will tell you that your lost loved one wouldn't want you to be unhappy and that's probably true but no-one can erase all of the grieving for what is lost.  We all handle it in our own way and in our own time.  Some loss is greater than others and some easier or more difficult to tolerate.  

My first Christmas after Dennis passed away was strange for me because our marriage had not been a happy one, especially in the latter years.  I definitely felt a sense of loss and hated what he'd had to go through but I'd long begun building my own life so there didn't seem to be a huge disruption being on my own.  Or, so I thought.

You can't live so many years with a partner and not be deeply affected by their passing.  If nothing else, memories will haunt you for the rest of your life.  Mine still do after 13 1/2 years, the good and the bad.

That first year I cried easily, sometimes out of nowhere or over 1 word spoken that seemed to hit a nerve with me.  I can't even imagine how hard it must be for those widows or widowers who lost their soul mates.  My grief was more for what could have been.  Maybe that's the worst kind of loss.

Anyway, I know that keeping busy, interacting with family and friends, and knowing in your heart that your life will go on is the only way to ease your way through these tough days.  Accept the grief but don't allow yourself to drown in it.  Time may not heal all your wounds but the scar tissue will make you forget them for a while.