It's happening again...no sleep or little sleep but it was a bit different last night. I was very tired and turned the T.V. and light off shortly after 10 P.M. I still tossed and turned for hours and, when I did fall asleep, it was not a deep sleep. I dreamed a bit but was still so close to the surface that I directed the dream. Not once did I fall into a deep sleep but awoke or slept just below the surface all night long. The dream was ridiculous, something about a Muslim wedding. I've never been to one so I have no idea why I'd dream it or direct it!
Dreams mean something to the dreamer. We can't always figure out the meaning and I'm sure I'll never figure this one out.
For years I dreamt I was flying and it felt so good. I'd fly around and even feel the air on my skin but sooner or later I'd encounter trees or telephone lines getting in my way and I'd have to land. That's an easy dream to decipher. The flying is a quest for freedom and the trees and telephone lines represent the obstacles in life that limit your freedom.
I rarely have nightmares, thank heavens, and almost all my dreams are happy ones. I'm usually in a place with lots of people so I assume that's when I'm happiest but, in real life, I do enjoy my alone time, too.
In the past I had dreams where I woke up heartbroken and it was such a relief to realize it had only been a dream. I've also had strange dreams where I saw a tragedy happen and then it actually did happen a few days later...such as fires or airplane crashes. I don't know if that counts as being forewarned because none of it happened to me or anyone I knew. Still kind of strange because the dream depicted the tragedy so clearly.
I guess I'll have to take an Advil P.M. tonight because I can't tolerate too many sleepless nights. They really do ruin my day.
And so to sleep, perchance to dream.
.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Sunday, July 30, 2017
A Little Shame, A Little Joy
So what do you do when you've been somewhere you shouldn't have been, done something you shouldn't have done, but it turned out so darned great? You can't put it on Facebook so, thankfully, you have "the blog".
Not many people read my blog but remember I went to the casino a few days ago and only lost $4.10? My reasoning is that it gives me a free pass to go again but I know my children don't approve. I went back to the casino yesterday...and I came home $431 richer! I won a huge bonus when I first got there and was able to play all day and still come home a big winner. This rarely happens and certainly never this big a winner. I'm so happy!
I had another experience, too. While having lunch, there was a young black lady sitting alone at the table next to me and I noticed she left her purse sitting on the floor when she went up to the buffet. I mention she's black only because that was something I considered before speaking to her...was she prejudiced against white people? Anyway, when she returned I motioned her over to my table and told her it wasn't safe to leave her purse alone at any time. She thanked me politely and I noticed she had a strong accent so I'm assuming she's an immigrant. I'd also thought this might be the case and that she might think safe old Canada was a whole lot safer than it is. It's a strange feeling to have to worry that someone you speak to might hate you for the color of your skin, isn't it? We white people are just becoming aware of that.
Back to my win...I don't even know how it happened. I was on a bonus which often only gives you $4-5 and all of a sudden the bells went off and the screen lit up with fireworks. Hot damn! I knew that was a good sign but didn't know just how good it was because this is the first time it ever happened to me. I'm going back to the casino on August 10th with Mary so I expect to win again. We gamblers are so gullible!
Update: 2 of my 3 daughters read the blog and let me know they are happy for me. The one who either hasn't read the blog or just isn't happy for me is the one who once dragged her boyfriend out of a casino. I think that explains very clearly her opinion of casinos. LOL!
Not many people read my blog but remember I went to the casino a few days ago and only lost $4.10? My reasoning is that it gives me a free pass to go again but I know my children don't approve. I went back to the casino yesterday...and I came home $431 richer! I won a huge bonus when I first got there and was able to play all day and still come home a big winner. This rarely happens and certainly never this big a winner. I'm so happy!
I had another experience, too. While having lunch, there was a young black lady sitting alone at the table next to me and I noticed she left her purse sitting on the floor when she went up to the buffet. I mention she's black only because that was something I considered before speaking to her...was she prejudiced against white people? Anyway, when she returned I motioned her over to my table and told her it wasn't safe to leave her purse alone at any time. She thanked me politely and I noticed she had a strong accent so I'm assuming she's an immigrant. I'd also thought this might be the case and that she might think safe old Canada was a whole lot safer than it is. It's a strange feeling to have to worry that someone you speak to might hate you for the color of your skin, isn't it? We white people are just becoming aware of that.
Back to my win...I don't even know how it happened. I was on a bonus which often only gives you $4-5 and all of a sudden the bells went off and the screen lit up with fireworks. Hot damn! I knew that was a good sign but didn't know just how good it was because this is the first time it ever happened to me. I'm going back to the casino on August 10th with Mary so I expect to win again. We gamblers are so gullible!
Update: 2 of my 3 daughters read the blog and let me know they are happy for me. The one who either hasn't read the blog or just isn't happy for me is the one who once dragged her boyfriend out of a casino. I think that explains very clearly her opinion of casinos. LOL!
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Missing the Dead
It is never easy to accept that someone you love or care for is gone for good. I described it once before as feeling as though a part of your life and history has been cut away and that's exactly how I feel when someone close to me dies.
Even as a young woman when my grandfather and grandmother passed away, it didn't seem real somehow because their faces, voices, mannerisms were still vivid in my memory. How could such strong individuals just go?
I saw an old photo yesterday of a group of my 3W friends and on the far side stood a friend who passed away a year and a half ago. She looked so vibrant, just as I always saw her. It haunts me how someone so full of life can leave, almost as though they'd never existed. Jo was a winter friend of mine at 3W and seemed to have a very strong presence whenever she was around. Some people are like that...not loud or pushy but just good souls who shine. The ones who shine are the hardest to let go and that's because there are few of them.
I have my own beliefs even though they're not considered religious. I want to believe that, when we die, our essence or soul drifts away to another life somewhere. I want to believe that our life energy can't be truly destroyed and that we somehow survive death. There is no logic in complete and total death of a human being who has left an imprint on this earth, no matter how small or briefly. Of course, there's also no logic in how we happen to exist at all but that's for another blog.
I'll continue to hurt for the rest of my life the losses I've experienced. They lived and loved and mattered. They must be somewhere.
Even as a young woman when my grandfather and grandmother passed away, it didn't seem real somehow because their faces, voices, mannerisms were still vivid in my memory. How could such strong individuals just go?
I saw an old photo yesterday of a group of my 3W friends and on the far side stood a friend who passed away a year and a half ago. She looked so vibrant, just as I always saw her. It haunts me how someone so full of life can leave, almost as though they'd never existed. Jo was a winter friend of mine at 3W and seemed to have a very strong presence whenever she was around. Some people are like that...not loud or pushy but just good souls who shine. The ones who shine are the hardest to let go and that's because there are few of them.
I have my own beliefs even though they're not considered religious. I want to believe that, when we die, our essence or soul drifts away to another life somewhere. I want to believe that our life energy can't be truly destroyed and that we somehow survive death. There is no logic in complete and total death of a human being who has left an imprint on this earth, no matter how small or briefly. Of course, there's also no logic in how we happen to exist at all but that's for another blog.
I'll continue to hurt for the rest of my life the losses I've experienced. They lived and loved and mattered. They must be somewhere.
Friday, July 28, 2017
Trump and Scaramucci
I'm not sure I spelled his name right but Scaramucci won't be around long. This foul mouthed creature has been chosen by Trump to be his liaison with the press and the public (the people who voted for him and those whom he represents) but the guy is so horribly crude and almost manic in his crudeness. The only saving grace is that he wasn't chosen to have anything to do with the actual running of the government.
Trump is not a stupid man even though he does some awfully stupid things. I believe the stupid things he does is part of his normal personality and he was able to get away with them when he was a private citizen in the business world. Why he would choose a low life like Scaramucci to deal with the press is surprising, though. If Trump was still a private citizen, it would almost look like he'd hired a Mafia hit man to do his dirty work.
If anyone reading this has ever watched Trump's reality show, "The Apprentice", it's pretty apparent that he's running the country the same way he ran that show. He's hiring and firing some very important people at an awesome rate. He says he's "clearing the swamp" but Scaramucci is definitely a swamp creature. Most of the people Trump keeps close are those who bow down to him but you can bet Scaramucci won't do that. He might harm him, though, if Trump ever fires him. He's just that weird!
And so the soap opera, "Life In The White House", continues.
Update: Scaramucci was fired today (July 31). I think this whacko even shocked Trump!
Trump is not a stupid man even though he does some awfully stupid things. I believe the stupid things he does is part of his normal personality and he was able to get away with them when he was a private citizen in the business world. Why he would choose a low life like Scaramucci to deal with the press is surprising, though. If Trump was still a private citizen, it would almost look like he'd hired a Mafia hit man to do his dirty work.
If anyone reading this has ever watched Trump's reality show, "The Apprentice", it's pretty apparent that he's running the country the same way he ran that show. He's hiring and firing some very important people at an awesome rate. He says he's "clearing the swamp" but Scaramucci is definitely a swamp creature. Most of the people Trump keeps close are those who bow down to him but you can bet Scaramucci won't do that. He might harm him, though, if Trump ever fires him. He's just that weird!
And so the soap opera, "Life In The White House", continues.
Update: Scaramucci was fired today (July 31). I think this whacko even shocked Trump!
Thursday, July 27, 2017
Win (?) at the Casino
I've said before that I'm not a winner at the casino but I do feel like one if I come home with at least most of the money I went with. That happened yesterday when I took an impromptu trip to Fallsview and only lost $4.10. It's actually less than that because I had 2 Diet Cokes and one bottle of water.
I was on my last $20 and knew I had to leave shortly for Nolan and Nash's t-ball game so I set myself down at one of my favorite machines and planned to play out the whole $20. I usually only put $5 or $10 tops in a machine before moving on but I had given up hopes of winning anything.
Bells started going off and bonus after bonus started adding up on my machine. In the end I was that $4.10 short of what I'd started with many hours before.
I know me and my love of gambling and I know I would have continued if I didn't have get home to the game. I probably would have lost it all again but fate made me a winner...somewhat.
I got home in time to see most of the boys' game (traffic was wicked and held me up). Life is good!
I was on my last $20 and knew I had to leave shortly for Nolan and Nash's t-ball game so I set myself down at one of my favorite machines and planned to play out the whole $20. I usually only put $5 or $10 tops in a machine before moving on but I had given up hopes of winning anything.
Bells started going off and bonus after bonus started adding up on my machine. In the end I was that $4.10 short of what I'd started with many hours before.
I know me and my love of gambling and I know I would have continued if I didn't have get home to the game. I probably would have lost it all again but fate made me a winner...somewhat.
I got home in time to see most of the boys' game (traffic was wicked and held me up). Life is good!
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Opinionated
I don't know why this hasn't occurred to me before but I am becoming more opinionated with age. That is not a pretty thing to be. Of course I analyzed it and I think it might have something to do with knowing we don't have a lot of time left to express ourselves and we're trying to get it all out there before it's too late. How egotistical of us!
So I'm going to try to rein myself in using the logic that very few people give a rat's behind what I think anyway. The only opinions we should really care about are those of people who have the power to make the changes needed.
I'll take a page from Kim's book where she used the mantra, "hunger is my friend". I'll silently repeat, "no-one really cares what you think, big mouth".
So I'm going to try to rein myself in using the logic that very few people give a rat's behind what I think anyway. The only opinions we should really care about are those of people who have the power to make the changes needed.
I'll take a page from Kim's book where she used the mantra, "hunger is my friend". I'll silently repeat, "no-one really cares what you think, big mouth".
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Tub Grab Bars
The frailties of old age have come as sort of a surprise to me and I find myself being extra careful in everything I do. I have a strong fear of falling and breaking a hip because old age also means more brittle bones.
It's funny how the natural strength of youth means you don't have to worry about such things because, if you fall, it's easy to get back up and without serious damage. Not so in old age. At least mine because I never was physically strong and now I'm pretty darned weak.
Maybe I've become more careful because I live alone, too. If I fell and seriously hurt myself, I could lay there for a long time before anyone knew I was hurt. That really is scary for me. And so I'm more careful!
In old age our balance is also a problem...that could come from lessening body strength. My friends and I laugh as we toddle along and keep bumping into each other. At least we're still laughing and not fretting about it! Getting old has it's plus and minuses and so far I think I'm on the plus side. I'll be 77 years old in a couple of weeks and only really notice it when I look in the mirror or exit the car.
My daughters are all in their 50's now and I hope the fact that their mother is still having a fun and comfortable life will influence them when they become seniors.
Monday, July 24, 2017
I Love You
We never said "I love you" in my family so it didn't come naturally to me until I had children. Apparently the urge to say "I love you" multiplies with age because I say it a lot now...and I mean it!
It's very important to me that my children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren know how very much they were loved by their Momma/Gramma/GG when I'm gone. I know it's not the words that prove it but those words are part of healing and building a person's self esteem and that's one of the reasons they're said.
My grandmother never once told me she loved me but I knew she did. My mother never said it, either, and I'm not sure she did. I don't want to leave any doubt in my babies' minds that they were the best things that ever happened to me in my lifetime.
Anyway, those I love will know it because I'm quite vocal!
It's very important to me that my children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren know how very much they were loved by their Momma/Gramma/GG when I'm gone. I know it's not the words that prove it but those words are part of healing and building a person's self esteem and that's one of the reasons they're said.
My grandmother never once told me she loved me but I knew she did. My mother never said it, either, and I'm not sure she did. I don't want to leave any doubt in my babies' minds that they were the best things that ever happened to me in my lifetime.
Anyway, those I love will know it because I'm quite vocal!
Sunday, July 23, 2017
The Fun Pictures!
What can I say about this marvelous wedding...it was the culmination of a lot of coincidences, chance, obstacles, but you can't stop what is meant to happen. Nick and Bev are now married and ready to spend the rest of their lives together. These two strong and decent individuals will be even stronger as a committed couple, deeply in love and ready to move forward. Like I said, it was meant to be!
More Wedding Pictures
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)