Sunday, November 29, 2009

What am I Missing?

I suppose I've always been an agnostic, not quite believing but continuing to have hope in a higher power. So many of my friends are true believers and I see how their faith gives them strength and I wonder why I can't somehow find that same trust and belief. It's not something that can be forced, though, so I go through life carrying my burdens alone.

Yesterday I drove into the small town near my trailer park where I watched a procession of church people (the church bus drove ahead of the procession) marching in some sort of pilgrimage. The lead person was carrying a bulky wooden cross which symbolized something significant to these people. All were solemn faced but not with stress but determination and comfort.

Almost everyone seemed to be Mexican and I know that a lot of the Mexican population in that town is very poor but they have this deep faith that helps them overcome adversity in their lives. I watched the procession, not understanding what it was actually for, and felt a sense of missing something important in my life. The quiet little parade touched my heart in a strange way.

There is so much about religion, particularly organized religion, that I can't accept for reasons of logic but I will always wonder what I'm missing.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Cindy's 50!

Today is my #2 daughter's (Cindy) 50th birthday. It really does seem like a million years ago that I gave birth to her. We do pack a lot of living into 50 years, don't we?

Cindy's birth was a hard one because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. No-one told me this until after, though, that both of our lives were in danger because of this. Those were the days when they told you nothing and wouldn't allow your husband to stay with you during labor.

Cindy was a beautiful baby...Faye said she looked like an Eskimo but she did not! She weighed 9 lbs. 7 1/2 oz at birth and had a nice head of black hair. She was a good baby, too, and seldom cried.

I can tell you that I still see ghosts of that tiny baby when I look at Cindy now...the vision seems to stay with a mother forever. She's still beautiful today and doesn't look 50 but, in my eyes, she'll always be a sweet and loving little girl.

Happy birthday, my girl!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Clearing Clutter

My trailer is 34' long with a 20'x 10' Florida room so there's no room for clutter. But I sell on Ebay and need to store stock and packaging plus I love my crafts and need room for them, too.

The other day I began to purge really unnecessary things, mainly crafts I'd never get around to doing and it's made a visual difference. There's so much more I can remove and it will be done shortly but it's already looking airier.

I brought down 5 boxloads of items to sell on Ebay and have already shrunk that volume down to 3 boxes by selling it off. It's pretty cluttered around my computer with things I'm selling but I've made the decision to take unsold items to the Salvation Army so, by the end of the winter, there shouldn't be much of any stock left in this trailer.

I've been watching "hoarders" on T.V. and I don't believe I ever got to that point but I did have a lot of stuff...you know, stuff we think we'll need one day so we hang on to it way too long. It's true that it's hard to part with some things because of an emotional or economical attachment but I found it empowering when I cleared my house of flea market stock last summer. There seems to be more air to breathe!

My sister-in-law, Faye, used to look at the masses of flea market stock I had stored in my basement at home and say, "I hope I die first so I don't have to help clear this mess up". Well, hopefully I cleared enough up last summer so we can both live to a ripe old age and not have to worry.

I'm neat and sort of organized so I do keep my clutter in it's place but any huge volume of goods is still too much for small spaces. I've gotten myself into the frame of mind that purging is euphoric so let's hope I don't go too far and start throwing out the necessary stuff. I've got a long way to go before that happens, though.




Monday, November 23, 2009

Fat & Fat

My greatgrandson, Nolan, has tree trunk fat legs and lots of cellulite and it looks fabulous on him. I have tree trunk fat legs and lots of cellulite and it looks icky on me. Why, I ask?

In my teens I was a slim little thing and always felt terribly skinny...I guess we're never happy with our image. But, between skinny and fat, there must have been a time when I was perfect and I completely missed it! I have no memory of ever being perfect. Why are we so hard on ourselves?

It's true that I'm not very body conscious these days but that must come with age. I've become such a fatalist and feel that people just have to take me as I am and that's probably a healthy attitude. I have lots of friends so I must be on the right track somehow. Of course, there's no man in my life but I'm quite happy with that.

It's very disconcerting to watch many celebrity women age so gracelessly. Boob jobs, face lifts, tummy tucks and butt lifts help for a short while but soon the women begin to look like aliens. It's no secret that the world favors the young and it must be very difficult for beautiful women to let it go. Not ever having been a celebrity myself, it really wasn't hard for me to see the wrinkles and grey hair emerge. Maybe I've always had the attitude that what you see is what you get, like it or not.

I'm just curious about that fat and cellulite, though.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

One Law For All

The following is a newspaper article on events involving the invasion and destruction of a Caledonia home.

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OPP initially suspected couple after their home was ransacked
November 20, 2009 Barbara Brown(Nov 20, 2009)
OPP Commissioner Julian Fantino acknowledges a Caledonia couple are no longer suspected by police of ransacking their own home and spraypainting their walls with vile epithets and racial slurs.
David Brown, 42, and Dana Chatwell, 45, returned to their Argyle Street South home in the early hours on Dec. 17, 2006, to find their furniture overturned and electronics and computer equipment smashed. Even their teenage son's cherished guitar and amplifier were trashed.
During testimony earlier this week, Brown, whose home borders the former Douglas Creek Estates site that was occupied by native protesters in February that year, described being stunned by the destruction and hatred levelled at him and his wife.
He said their walls were covered with obscene graffiti, the mildest of which stated, "go home," and other slurs calling the homeowners "Pigs," "White Trash" and "Racists."
"I was scared to death," Brown said. "I walked in and everything we owned was just demolished."
The couple has filed a $7-million lawsuit against the Ontario government and OPP, claiming the province and its agents have a hands-off policy when it comes to native protesters and ignored even serious unlawful conduct because of the political sensitivities surrounding aboriginal land claims.
The plaintiffs claim they lived under siege for more than a month in April 2006, trapped inside a lawless zone between the occupied land and the native barricades on Argyle Street.
Since the barricades came down on May 23, 2006, they claim the police have continued to ignore acts of harassment, intimidation, threats to burn down their house and nuisances and trespasses on their property committed by the protesters.
After their home was ransacked, police came and took photos of the damage, but it soon became clear to Brown and Chatwell that the OPP considered them suspects.
Brown developed a stomach bug Wednesday and is under doctor's instructions to rest in bed. His cross-examination by Crown counsel David Feliciant is not expected to resume until Monday at the earliest.
The trial continued yesterday with a lawyer for the plaintiffs, Michael Bordin, reading into the record testimony from earlier pre-trial proceedings from Fantino and the OPP's regional director of operations, Superintendent John Cain.
In examination for discovery, Cain acknowledged the OPP actively investigated Brown and Chatwell for the vandalism after receiving information from an OPP Aboriginal Relations Team member that pointed to them as possible suspects.
The couple's lawyer, John Evans, asked the officer, "Did any interviews of any First Nations people take place with respect to the break-in and vandalism?"
Cain replied, "I'm not aware of any First Nations people being interviewed as suspects."
In January, Fantino acknowledged the OPP no longer consider Brown and Chatwell to be suspects.
"I believe that was the outcome of the investigation," Fantino said.
The commissioner said the matter remains under investigation and no other suspects have been questioned or apprehended.
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I can only hope this couple wins a huge lawsuit against the OPP, the Ontario government, and the Canadian government. Maybe this will spur the leaders of our country to have the decency to govern ALL of it's citizens with one law.

This couple was treated so shamelessly by their own country's officials. Where is the fairness in allowing natives to commit crimes without punishment simply because they are "natives"? The way our governments are handling situations like this is making a mockery of the laws of the land and, sorely, making natives an abomination to the rest of us.

We need to find out who issues the "hands off natives" orders and throw them in jail or throw them out of the country.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This and That

I've been mainly busy listing stuff on Ebay since I got back to the trailer. It seems to take hours to do the simplest thing on this slow dial up internet and it wears my patience. It actually took me 5 hours to list 12 items today...most of it waiting for a page to load. I use the wait time to go to the bathroom, eat, drink, watch T.V., do some housework, etc. I can't use the telephone, though, because it's dial up!

My friend, Sheila, had to drive her niece to the airport this morning so Sylvia and I went with her...5:45 A.M...and we stopped for breakfast on the way home. We never let one of our friends go to the airport in the dark alone so that's why Sylvia and I went along. We're retired...we can sleep anytime.

We played Bingo tonight and 2 new friends sat with us. They are two ladies who live in Sun City on the gulf side full time but they came over to our park for a little getaway. They'd heard how many activities we have in the park and decided to give us a try. They've had a great time and will come back, I'm sure.

We tried all our good luck rituals...rubbing Donnie's belly, setting our own good luck charms in place, etc. Arlene came over and molested my little Buddha in order for her to win a game and it worked. She came back for more rubbing later on.

We have fun at Bingo. The good luck rituals are just to give us a laugh and no-one takes them seriously. And Donnie likes his belly rubbed! I'll bet our new ladies wondered what kind of people we were when we called Donnie over and he obediently came and stuck out his belly for us. I think the rest of the Bingo players know us well enough to know we're really nice, honorable people. At least, I hope so.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Back From Miami

Here I am, back from a week in Miami looking after my daughter, Shelley, who had to fly to the States from Bolivia for treatment for severe back pain. It was a wonderful trip in that I got to spend more time with my youngest daughter than I've had in a long, long time. It was a sad trip in that she was mostly in severe pain from deteriorating discs and we're hoping the doctors can help her.

Shelley's pain was so severe that she had to be heavily medicated and wasn't able to drive for the first few days. New medication cleared her mind but she's still never completely out of pain. Treatment starts tomorrow when she'll receive the first of 3 cortizone shots to her spine, each spaced approximately 3 weeks apart. I'll return to Miami when she receives the next 2 shots but John is with her for this first one.

Miami is beautiful but the drivers are the most aggressive I've ever come across. No-one stops for red lights until the cross traffic gets close. I was always worried about being rear ended when I stopped for a red light because tail gating is an art in Miami. So is speeding like race car drivers.

We stayed at Shelley's inlaws' home while they were out of the country but they're due back in tomorrow so that's why I thought it best to come back to my trailer. They're lovely people who treat their guests like royalty but I didn't want to be a house guest for the next 6-7 weeks. It's a 5 hour drive for me to Miami and I can do it with my eyes closed so it's best for me to make the trip a few times instead of hanging around there doing not much of anything.

We shopped a bit while I was there but Shelley can't stay on her feet for long without discomfort. I feel so bad for her because she must be getting bored. The computer and T.V. are her main activities but the constant pain just wears her down so she naps often. The new meds allow her to drive but I'll still need to be there for her injections because she'll be sedated and unable to drive when she gets them. I'm assuming they're not pleasant to receive.

Shelley is quite worried that her insurance provider will insist she return to Bolivia between shots and that would be very inconvenient. It's an 8 hour flight that anyone with back pain wouldn't want to experience if they could avoid it.

I always thought that it would be me that my girls had to take care of so it's a little disconcerting to find my youngest daughter having health problems that won't be eliminated in the near future. A friend of mine just told me about her own daughter's extremely serious health problems so a bad back isn't the worst thing to happen. It's all relative, isn't it?

I'm glad to be back at the park and into my regular activities but a part of my heart is still in Miami with my baby girl. The love of her life flies in to be with her today, though, so I know she's in good hands.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Can American Muslims Be Trusted?

Any trust the moderate Muslims living in America have garnered over the years has taken a beating because of the massacre yesterday at Fort Hood. If a well educated Muslim military psychiatrist can go berserk and cruelly murder 13 innocent American soldiers, his fellow soldiers, then how can we ever trust the Muslims?

This man earned his living working for the U.S. military but strenuously objected to their presence in Muslim countries. Why didn't he just quit and work somewhere else? And why consider the senseless murder of his fellow soldiers acceptable?

What, in the Muslim religion, pushes their followers to kill their own countrymen? It seems their commitment to their religion is vastly stronger than their commitment to their home country. Even diehard anti-government fanatics don't commit mass murder of innocents like this because they have the decency to honor human life over whatever religion they happen to follow.

The actions of this man will have a dire effect on the lives of moderate Muslims no matter what their occupation. They will be less trusted through no fault of their own simply because of the questionable reputation of their religion.

Someone at the military base where he worked must have seen signs that this man was irrational and dangerous. Was it "political correctness" that caused them to ignore the signs?

One more instance of the devastation caused by religion.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Park Activities

This is Audrey. She's one of the ladies who came to my first coffee morning of the season and she's wearing a hat she made for her granddaughter. It was one of the things we had a good laugh over on Monday morning because the hat didn't turn out to be sized properly.

We won't tell the rest of our coffee attendees but we did a lot of bitching that morning. The only rule for our Monday mornings is that there is no bitching allowed and we all broke the rule. We bitched about park policy. We bitched about government health care. We bitched about illegal aliens. And we bitched about Audrey's hat. She's made 2 of them and the first one actually looks like a pot holder.

Along with the bitching was a whole lot of laughter (much of it thanks to the hats) so the morning was still a success.

Today I worked the sausage lunch at the clubhouse but the attendees to that was very small because it's so early in the season. Donnie still provided an excellent lunch, though...roast chicken dinner, salads, sandwiches, pies, etc., just as usual. When you think of us oldsters living in a trailer park, you might think we're underprivileged but you'd really be wrong.

Tonight I'm playing card games with Sylvia and Joann. Life is almost back to normal here in the park.

Please Worry Me

How many times have I told my family to keep me informed even about the bad things that happen? I don't want anything kept from me because it makes me worry unnecessarily. I am a Mom, a Gramma, and a Greatgramma so I have a right to worry about my loved ones.

Yesterday I discovered that my youngest daughter is coming back to the States from Bolivia because she needs some sort of treatment for the dislocated ribs she's had for 5 years. No-one ever told me she'd had dislocated ribs and this isn't right.

I sort of remember her giving me hell for not telling her quickly enough about her sister's car accident. Hmmm!

Families are supposed to know the good and bad of whatever is going on in the family. That's how we are able to take care of each other and send loving thoughts. It's not right to shock me with the news that my precious youngest daughter suffered dislocated ribs 5 years ago and never told me until now.

When I say, "Keep me informed!", I mean it!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Hard Time Acclimatizing

I don't know why but I'm having a difficult time getting used to Florida weather this year. It was unbelievably hot and humid when I arrived and it was in that weather that I weeded and cleaned the yard so maybe I overdid it. In any case, I can't stand being out in the heat and sunshine for long right now.

This morning I went out for breakfast with a couple of friends and then we hit Walmart and Target for a short shopping trip. I had almost zero interest in going to these stores but still bought a few things. Where has my shopping zeal gone??

When we got back to the park I sat out on the patio reading for a while but, again, the heat finally drove me back inside the trailer. The humidity is much less and the temps have dropped to 89 degrees today but tomorrow or Tuesday we should begin to have excellent Florida weather in the low 80's. If I can't tolerate that then I'll begin to worry about myself.

Usually on Sunday evenings we have an ice cream social but the people who run it won't arrive until Tuesday so no ice cream tonight! My favorite show "Cops" will be on for 2 hours tonight so I guess I'll just settle my butt on the sofa for the evening.

I really think I worked too hard in terrible heat the first few days I got here and that's what's bothering me. I came here for a rest and I'm determined to do just that...after I get everything settled in my little Florida home, of course, but now I'll do it at a more leisurely pace.