Monday, March 31, 2014

I'm Clear

Sylvia drove over to Tampa with me this morning so I could have my final checkup with the dermatologist.  He was very pleased with the outcome of the chemical peel and said I definitely didn't need another one next year.  He put liquid nitrogen on a little rough spot on my forehead that he said the peel was not meant to remove (actinic keratosis), said my slightly pink face would gradually fade, and I was done!  I'm so pleased.  The rough spots on my nose and the side of my nose are gone...I hope for good...and I am so glad I had the chemical peel, especially since it scared me to do it at first. 



We took a different route back home because there had been a huge traffic tie-up on Hwy 4 in the eastbound lanes.  Sylvia bought me lunch along the way and we were home by 1 P.M.



Isn't it nice when something works well?  I've put up with skin problems on my face for years and only kept them in check by having my dermatologist at home spray the spots ith liquid nitrogen.  I come to Florida and discover Shelley's neighbor is a dermatologist and take the chance to see him and ask him to spray me once again.  He refuses and tells me that what I need is a chemical peel.  I first choose not to have it because I was afraid my whole face would break out in blisters but Shelley and John convince me that I should go ahead and have it done.  I do, fearfully, and it turns out better than I ever could have hoped for.  Sometimes we just have to step out of our comfort zone.



Anyway, so far so good and my hope is that it lasts for a long time.

Friday, March 28, 2014

What a Nice Day!

Sometimes a day just turns out so darned great that you wonder why they can't all be this perfect.  Today was a final Friday coffee morning of the season and husbands were invited...as long as it didn't rain.  My trailer isn't very big and a large group can only be accommodated on the patio so I kept my fingers crossed that the rain forecast would hold off until after lunch.  It did and we're still waiting for rain at 4:40 P.M.



We had a nice group for coffee but just 2 husbands (1 without his wife) attended.  Mark and Char performed their "patience, jackass" skit for us and caught Leslie and Patti unawares.  The rest of us knew the punchline and roared with laughter.



For lunch, 8 of us went to "Nothing Fancy" cafe and ran into a gorgeous young man leaving as we were coming in the door.  We joked with him and invited him to join us but he didn't, of course.  But when our orders were delivered to our table, the waitress told us the man had prepaid our meals and even prepaid the tip!!!!  What a pleasant surprise at how nice some people can be with total strangers.  



When we finished eating we asked for a clean paper placemat and we all signed our names, hometowns, and thanks to our benefactor.  We asked the waitress to give it to him when he came back to the restaurant...she said his name was Steve and he's a cop who comes into the restaurant daily.  He is one very nice and generous young man and he really made our day, more so with his kindness than by saving us all some money.  It's that kindness that means the most to me and I won't forget him.



Tonight is Bingo, spent again amongst a huge group of some of the nicest people in the world.  How lucky I am.



 

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Consequences

A little 9 year old boy took his "My Little Pony" backpack to school and was teased and harrassed by the other students.  The school's response was to tell the little boy he was not to bring that backpack to school again.



This is a multi problem.  The little boy did nothing wrong and his tormentors were wrong to tease him but the fact is, if a boy wears or carries something that is primarily feminine, he will be teased.  It's not right or fair but that is the consequence of behaving out of the norm.



My greatgrandson, Nolan, got into a bit of trouble at home and his Gramma tried to explain to him that there are consequences in life if you misbehave.  Well, there are expected consequences in life no matter whether you are good or bad or indifferent.  If you choose to wander down a darkened alley in a known crime ridden area, it may not be fair or right but the consequences of that action could very well end in you being robbed, raped, or killed.  If a boy shows up at school in a pink dress...well, it won't be pleasant for him.  And no-one should be surprised.



Consequences are not necessarily fair.  Logically we all know that to live and let live is the right way but we all have deep set prejudices and beliefs that fire us up when we see something that challenges them.  My pet peeve is not a little boy with a girl's backpack but my nostrils do flare when I see a man with his pants hanging below his butt.  He has every right to do so but I immediately place him as an illiterate lowlife who is probably on welfare.  Now, logically I know that isn't necessarily the truth but just the sight of him hits all my no-no buttons.



Quite often, the people who go against the norm and display themselves in what we consider outrageous form are looking for attention.  They don't even mind negative attention just as long as they are noticed.  I know that keeping the status quo is considered behaving like sheep but it's somehow calmer on the nerves.  It doesn't take much to step outside the borders of what is "normal" and those that do make us uncomfortable.



Adults handle those differences better than children do so it's the children who take the brunt of harrassment if they do anything that is out of the norm.  The mother of the little 9 year old boy who did nothing more than use a packpack that was meant for a little girl chose to remove him from the school rather than give in to unfair demands.  She taught her child not to crumble to a black and white society but to stand up for himself.  But, by doing so, she's removed her little boy from a society he needs to live in.  By making a fuss like this over such a small incident, fair or not, she's drawn more unfavorable attention to her child.  The consequences might prove to draw more teasing and harrassment than ever.



I think that mother was put into a situation of what my mother used to call "hell or high water" and, no matter what she chose to do, it would have had consequences.  



I hope the school officials are able to keep control of bullying if and when that little boy goes back to school.  Life should be easier than this for a 9 year old child.     



Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Nice Hair Cut

So far this has been a great day.  My one pound weight loss has remained for 2 days.  My face continues to clear up.  And I got a really nice hair cut this afternoon.  I'm feeling a little euphoric!



Life is damned good!

Today's Thoughts

The missing Malaysia FLT 370 is prevalent in the news for good reason.  It's devastating enough to know you've lost a loved one due to an accident but how unbelievably painful to be waiting 11 days now hoping that the passengers in that plane might still be alive.  It's the not knowing that is prolonging searing grief for the friends and family of those passengers.  It must be unbearable for them.  We all put ourselves in their shoes and our hearts go out to them.



Why this airplane went missing is almost not an issue any more because everyone keeps a tiny hope that, no matter why it's gone, it only matters where the passengers are.  It's strange that in this day and age of electronic genius no-one can detect the existence of either the plane or it's wreckage.  That is what I find strangest of all in this whole story.  I hope it all ends well but I doubt it will.



On another story, my face has healed very well and is mainly smooth as a baby's butt.  It's still a wrinkled old 73 1/2 year old face but the damaged skin looks better than it has in more years than I can remember.  It's still a little pink but I've decided to stop using the steroid gel and let it settle down on it's own.  I really hate chemicals and drugs unless they're absolutely necessary.  I see the dermatologist again on the 31st and will ask him if he thinks I should undergo the treatment again next fall when I come back to Florida.  Now, it wasn't an easy process but the results are so darned good that I would undergo it again if necessary.  But, for now, I'm a happy old gal and thankful to Shelley for talking me into doing it.



My Florida time is fast coming to a close but the final month is really full of activity.  Best of all will be when Mary arrives and we get to see many of the relatives at Shelley's party on April 11th.  Kim, Matt, Cindy, Don, Faye, Marilee, Val (maybe one or more of Val's girls), Tammy, Larry, and Rochelle will be there!!  Those people know how to party and I love them all!!



Tonight is our card game at the clubhouse.  I feel so blessed to have these wonderful people as my friends.  I try not to think about the day I'll leave here for good and never see most of them again.  Dee is a good friend who lives close enough to me in Canada that we can get together during the summer and we'll do that this year.  We both love to gamble and can meet at Fallsview.  Sylvia talks about flying from Nova Scotia to visit me one summer, too, and I hope that happens.



Now I'm off to have my hair cut and I'm traumatized already...always am before a haircut because I always worry it will look awful and I'll have to live with it for 5-6 weeks.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Oh yes, I finally broke through the plateau of my diet and lost the 13th pound.  I'd been stuck on the 12 pound loss for about 6 weeks and worried that no more would drop off but I gave up fries for 6 days of the week and that seems to have done the trick.  I allow myself fries just one day a week now so that I won't crave them and go off the diet altogether.  Terrible how we have to twist our minds like this but, if it works, do it.   



 

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Healing Slowly

I started the cool down gel last Sunday to take the redness from the chemical peel away and it's working...slowly.  There's definite improvement but I still look like I was in a serious accident and landed on my face.  I used the internet to look up comments from other users of fluorouracil and they've all had the identical experience and are very happy they went through the process.  I'm hoping I'll be a success, too.



I had an interesting experience last week but can't remember if I wrote in the blog about it so I'll do it today, anyway.  Joann and I were at one of our game rooms and I was playing at a machine when a lady came up to me and quietly asked what had happened to my face (so many people have asked but always people I know).  I answered her truthfully and she then asked me if she could say a prayer over me to help with the healing.  She was so kind and sweet that, even though I'm not religious, I told her to go ahead.  She put her hand on my shoulder and said a heartfelt prayer to heal me.  I was very moved by her kindness.  I'm always moved by how often strangers seem to come out of nowhere and offer a kind and helping hand.  It never goes unappreciated or forgotten.  In fact, it spurs me to be a better and kinder person.



I don't know if it's because of my ever advancing age but I really do come across more kind strangers than I did when I was younger.  I guess chivalry and respect for elders is far from dead.  Thank heavens!




Sunday, March 09, 2014

Anger and Depression

Something that continues to surprise and confound me is how much the anger inside me has almost disappeared.  Back in the depression days, I seemed to be angry all the time or else it simmered just under the surface of my emotions.  It was probably frustration that my circumstances were beyond my control or understanding but no-one is ever in complete control of these things so, who knows why I was so angry.



Any way, I'm seemingly at peace with my life these days and maybe that's why I'm not an angry lady.  Each of my days begin with quiet and are stress free for the most part but I had no hand in making it this way...it's just evolved.  Even with the mess on my face I don't feel too much apprehension or stress, just a little concern that the end result won't be as good as I hope.



So, how do we become at peace?  I believe it's filling our hours and moments with as much happiness as we can create.  If we choose to set any problems far aside and deal with them in small increments, then we have more time to lessen our stress and to promote happiness and peace in our lives.  Maybe I didn't have the tools to do this in my earlier life but counseling provided me with the tools to use as I was able.  Time has sharpened my skills in this area and it's easier to let the "small" things slide away into nothingness instead of dwelling on them and making them into an open sore.  Oh, how I wish I'd learned these skills many moons ago!



Of course, I still get angry about the injustices in this world and can get manic when it comes to anyone doing harm to a child but those angers are relatively short lived and don't consume me.  Anger solves nothing.  It only makes our lives miserable unless we're able to get beyond the moment and, either do something about it or accept the inevibility of whatever disturbs us.  No-one's life is perfect.



Instead of wasting precious moments on what is wrong in my life, I choose to gather in the good times.  I choose to accept my place in time and let unrealistic dreams remain as dreams and not regrets.  We can choose to let anger and frustration drain away because this will allow peace to settle in.  It took me a very long time to learn this but better late than never.



Life is, or can be, good.  

Saturday, March 08, 2014

Upskirting

Does anyone besides me think it's absolutely ridiculous that Massachusetts required a distinct law banning anyone from slipping a camera underneath a woman's skirt to take photos?  Some pervert walked free last week because the courts decided that a woman's privacy wasn't being invaded when he put a camera underneath her skirt to take a picture of her undies.  This week they made the law clearer for those judges who had felt it perfectly legal for the pervert to practice his hobby.



This is a case where common sense was lost on those who uphold our laws.  One lady said that if she wanted her undies displayed for public view, she wouldn't have worn a skirt.  I'm wondering if the current fad where young men wear their pants under their undies has made the courts falsely believe that all of us don't mind showing our undies to whoever chooses to look at them.



Personal privacy is a very important thing to preserve because there is very little of it any more.  We all use credit cards that carry vital information about us.  The internet is rife with theft of our information, photos, etc. so we need to protect what we have left.  My undies are my business and no-one else's.



Speaking of which, when I was a little girl my grandmother used to tell me to always wear clean undies in case I was in an accident and taken to the hospital.  Funny, because she really should have been telling me to wear clean undies because it's sanitary.



Anyway, it's now safe to walk the streets in Massachusetts because the powerful people who create and uphold the laws now understand that our undies are private.  

Friday, March 07, 2014

Me

This is what a chemical peel looks like during the process.  It's embarrassing to go out in public but it really only looks this way for a few weeks so, if it clears up my damaged skin, it's well worth it.  I've been applying the fluorouricil for 2 1/2 weeks with 1/2 week to go and then I'll be applying a steroid gel ($200)for 2 weeks to remove the redness.  I'm hoping for nice clear skin by the time I see the dermatologist again on the 31st.



When I saw the dermatologist on Tuesday, he was very pleased with the way it looked and said that was the way it was supposed to look.  I have to trust him!



Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Music and Rhythm

Music and rhythm are an integral part of us.  I don't mean as a social phenomena but really and truly a part of our soul.  Some of us can't keep still when we hear a song or a beat but begin to sway our bodies or, if terribly inhibited, in our minds.  Music affects us strongly.  People who intensely dislike a certain type of music usually dislike the content for personal reasons, not because of it's rhythm.  I can't stand rap because I don't think it's music and that goes against the grain of my personal beliefs.



I was once on a casino cruise where, when the ship is heading back to shore and the machines are shut down, everyone sits around the dance floor and either participates in dancing or just watches the participants.  There was a lady there who got up to dance with her whole body enjoying the music.  She was a joy to watch but a few people began to laugh at her so she left the dance floor and just stood there watching.  Slowly but insistently, her body began to sway with the music and she couldn't hold back any longer and stepped back out on the dance floor.  I loved her enthusiasm and recognized the call of the music she couldn't resist.



For whatever reason, music and rhythm are an important part of our psyche and it makes us happy to allow ourselves to become one with the music.  There's part of a saying that tells us, "dance like no-one is watching", and I think that's most certainly a pathway to happiness in this life. 

Sunday, March 02, 2014

Another Day

Bad news seems to be coming too often these days...illness of friends and family being the most prominent.  There are people in my life that I want to keep forever but fate and age sees things differently and obstinately changes my life plan.  I hate it.  I hate it.



Today I did laundry and washed floors.  Not a huge job when you consider one person in a trailer but still nice to have accomplished.  I dried sheets and throw rugs on the line, after all this is Florida!  I'd judge that the weather today is about as perfect as it can get...sunny, warm, soft breeze.  Then why do I feel out of sorts?  It's the bad news that keeps coming out and it scares me.



When my little world changes it's as though the planet has tilted a bit and nothing is the same any more.  I'm continually grateful for what is good but angry that, for some of my loved ones, it's not so good. 



I talked to Mary today and we discussed quite a lot of the life changes that come to us seniors.  We can laugh about them until they become serious and then it's no damned laughing matter.  Wrinkles, grey hair, and the odd pain is to be expected but deep in our hearts we still believe we have many years left to play but we don't like to consider that we'll gradually be playing with fewer playmates.



Well, today is the first day of a different life.  We will just have to cope.  

Saturday, March 01, 2014

Life Today

Well, my face looks like hell, all red, blotchy, and peeling in places thanks to the chemical peel I'm doing.  I better look damned good when this is all over!  It's interesting, though, that the worst spots are the original bad spots on my face but a lot of dark spots seem to have risen to the surface.  I'm assuming they were just under the top layer of skin and would have surfaced at some time in the future.  The few places where a tiny bit of skin has peeled off look really good...I referred to it as looking like a baby's butt.  I honestly look so awful right now, though, that it's kind of embarrassing to go out in public but there's still 4-6 weeks to go with the peel.  I wonder what's ahead for me.



I had a houseful yesterday for coffee even though many of the regulars are on a cruise (my "cruise" is a blotchy, peeling face).  No-one seems to be bothered by the tiny space we occupy in this trailer and we all have a good time so I don't worry about it.  We are so blessed with the wonderful people here in the park...so many truly great people.



Sylvia, Jo, Carol, and I went off looking to have a pedicure after coffee and it took us 5 shops to find one where we wouldn't have to wait an hour or more.  We finally got our pedicures, all with flowers on our big toes!  I love this life!



Bingo at night where I won $12, too!  Life is, indeed, good!