Females Know!

I'd be willing to bet that every single female in this world has experienced the unwanted, unsolicited, sexual advances of a male who feels he has the right to do as he pleases.  Age is no barrier...from little girls to old women, and the abuse can come from all ages, too.  Dirty old men continue to be a threat until they die.

My first memory of sexual abuse was when I was 4 years old and my abuser was my 22 year old step father who had me touch him.  But all through my life there were moments of being grabbed or chased by many, many different males.  I was subjected to flashers, feelers and voyeurs but I was never raped, thank heavens.  Regardless, all of those moments of feeling unsafe left me with a lifelong distrust.  I don't trust easily and it takes a while for me to determine if a male is safe to be around.  My last memory of sexual abuse was just a few years ago when a long time friend shoved his hand down the back of my blouse.  

Sexual abuse has little to do with sex.  It has more to do with someone believing they have the right to overpower a weaker person and use them.  Females can be abusers also...but I've never met one, just heard about them on the news.  It's only in recent times that we've come to know how many young boys have been victimized, some by their priests or family members.  

My first incident of abuse happened 74 years ago and I will never forget it.  I was just a baby and didn't understand what was happening but I sensed something was wrong...probably my ESP kicked in.  I've been frightened all of my adult life that someone would hurt my daughters and then my grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.  Predators don't change their ways and new ones emerge from the shadows every day.  I don't think we'll ever be 100% safe from people who believe they have the right to harm and even destroy another human being.  And those of us who have been victims will never, ever forget, no matter how many years pass.

I consider myself a victim who rose above the abuse to know the incidents were not in any way caused by me.  Yes, I rose above the abuse but it did leave a mark on my psyche.  No sexual assault victim walks away unscathed.  

Exposing Sex Assault After 36 Years

Because of the scandal involving a possible future supreme court judge and an incident that supposedly happened 36 years ago, it got me thinking a lot about what happens when a sex assault becomes public.

I want to make it perfectly clear that anyone who has suffered through a sex assault or rape has the right to speak out about it no matter how long ago it happened.  But the possible effect it will have on the life of the accused absolutely has to be taken into account.  It is entirely possible for someone to falsely accuse someone so we have to have guidelines when an accusation is made public.

It should be possible for both accused and accuser to take lie detector tests if there are no credible witnesses or physical evidence of the attack.  I know these tests are not infallible but it could be a start.  

Because of the recent mess with a college professor making a claim that the man who is awaiting appointment as a supreme court judge sexually assaulted (not raped) her 36 years ago when he was a drunken 17 year old high school student, just the claim has turned his world upside down.  We have to first believe the lady but then it has to somehow be proven.  Otherwise, anyone could destroy a life and career of another person just by making a claim.  

Cindy called me the other night rather livid that I haven't immediately taken the woman's side but there is a degree of question here since it happened 36 years ago and, so far, there is no actual proof it happened.  

Again, I tend to believe her but you can't destroy a man's life without some proof.  There is also a political element to all of this.  There is a distinct possibility that, if Kavanaugh is appointed to the supreme court, he could be instrumental in overturning Roe vs Wade which gives women the freedom to choose whether or not to have an abortion.  Most women do not want this law overturned.

I will continue to believe this lady until it's proven otherwise but I certainly hope there will be definite proof one way or another.     

Angry Trump Supporters

It's really amazed me how, on Facebook, I'm constantly seeing postings by Trump supporters that are almost rabid in their hatred of Democrats...or anyone who doesn't like Trump.  Where and why is there so much venomous hatred just because someone doesn't like the president that you do???  To make things worse, most of the hatred comes from very religious Republicans.  It's difficult to make sense of this.

Is it possible that those Republicans would hate their neighbors if those neighbors happened to be Democrats?  Is it possible those religious Republicans have forgotten about "love your neighbor"?  How do they go to church and supposedly follow the ten commandments and then live their lives filled with hatred for anyone who isn't a Republican??

I've never seen the equivalent of this fanaticism in Canadian politics.  There's a bit of bad rivalry during an election (election posters destroyed or stolen) but that is nothing compared to what I'm seeing in the States.  I don't know if it's always been this way but it's absolutely terrible now.

One of my American "friends" accused me of hating everything on that side of the border.  How the hell did she ever come up with that just because I don't like Trump?  It's as though they feel under attack unless everyone has the same beliefs as they do.  There seems to be no room for variety in their very narrow world.

I can't paint all Republicans with the same brush, though, because many also dislike Trump and aren't afraid to express it.  I think that's the danger of being a registered member of any party.  We should never vote blindly for a particular party but for the man/woman who will do the best job.

The way I see it, if someone doesn't like me because I'm not of their religion, nationality, skin color, or political persuasion, it's their loss. 

Dee and Me

I met my American friend, Dee, at the casino yesterday for a day of gambling, eating, and yakking.  One of those perfectly lovely days spent with a good friend!!

We never once discussed anything about her being an American and me being a Canadian.  We sure as hell never discussed anything about tariffs...she's pretty smart and might know something about them but I don't and I don't care.

I feel blessed to have this truly wonderful lady for a friend and it matters not one teensy little bit that we were born on different sides of the man made border.

I believe anyone who has friends or family living in a different country feels exactly the same way.   

Indian Clothing

Anyone who has seen a group of Indian ladies in their colorful saris knows how beautiful that looks and I've been wanting something like it for a long time.  I don't want the sari but the pant and long tunic in the gorgeous fabric and patterns they come in.  Today I'm going to some fabric stores to choose material for a casual set and then, some time in the future, for a dressy set.  We have a store on the mountain that specializes in Indian clothing and also sells pant/top/scarf in ready-to-sew sets.  I'm mesmerized by the colors!

The lady who made Kim's outfit for the wedding did a beautiful job (too bad Kim caught the hem in her shoe and it came out) and she already sews these comfy outfits for an Indian man in the city and has offered to make mine.  I've had a couple of sets in the past but chose the wrong fabric so this time I'll be more selective.  I had chosen pure polyester and it was way too hot for me.  I'll choose linen or cotton for the casual set...maybe with a combination of polyester because I hate ironing.  I might go for silk for the dressy set.

This is another quiet morning, sunny and warm.  Our fall weather has been warmer than usual but I know the winter cold is coming soon so I'll enjoy the coatless outdoors for as long as I can.

I'm also getting ready to apply for my out-of-country health insurance so I can leave for Florida after Christmas.  Kellie will be driving Faye and me so I'm very happy that's settled.  I don't have much confidence any more that I can manage long distance driving because I tire too easily.  We'll stay at Shelley's through the new year before going to the trailer, too.

As much as I don't want to spend more than 3 months in Florida any more, I'm going to miss seeing Shelley as often as I have been through the winter.  It's been wonderful having her only an hour's drive away instead of 2 day's drive.  I'm going to put the trailer up for sale this year and maybe arrange to rent one of the new ones in the park for next year.  We'll see how that goes.  At my age it doesn't make sense to make too many plans for the future.

Well, this is a beautiful day and I'm a happy lady.  Life is good!

Update:  I was astounded how little choice of fabrics I had at Fabricland and ended up buying nothing.  Then on to the Indian clothing store where I couldn't force myself to buy something so gaudy and cheaply made.  The pure silk fabric kits cost about $120...much more than I'd remembered and I didn't much like them.  I think I'll try Len's Mill Store for some fabric before I give up.

Aeron and Jake's Wedding

Families often meet up only at weddings and funerals but our family is a bit different.  We get together in small or large groups (family reunions) quite often and that forms very strong bonds.  We've been pretty lucky in that we seem to have more weddings than funerals, too.

Aeron and Jake got married on Friday and it was a great rejoicing for both families.  We all could see that this was a special pairing between 2 unique but wonderful human beings who, I'm very sure, will survive everything that life throws at them.

Cindy found a beautiful B&B for our family to stay at in Welland (Rose Manor)...we took up every bedroom so that was nice.  The house was huge and very old but excellently kept up with lovely gardens and porches.  Our hosts, Ellie and Gary, made us all feel as though we were their own relatives who were visiting and the breakfasts (Friday and Saturday mornings) were very posh!

Don arranged for bus/van to pick us all up at the house and take us to the wedding venue in Fonthill.  It was set in the golf course clubhouse and beautifully done.  Aeron had not wanted a big wedding but we'd ended up with over 130 guests for it between lots of family and lots of friends.  Shelley, John, Lisette, Danny, Nicole and Sam came up from the States...they would travel the world to make sure they didn't miss one of our family occasions!  I love my family!

Faye and I left early...too old and too tired to party long...and I decided to sleep in the maid's quarters instead of in the room I'd shared with Kim the night before.  She snores tooooo loud!

We'd been told an interesting story about how the original owner of the house had an affair with the maid that ended in a pregnancy.  These old houses must have a million stories behind them.

We all headed home on Saturday where most of us napped and then joined up again at Cindy's for a barbecue in the evening.  Matt picked me up because it would be too dark to drive home.  Aeron and Jake joined our group later in the evening and they're the ones who drove me home.  They're not leaving for their honeymoon for a couple of weeks and it will be to South Africa.  

In all, it was a glorious family occasion that every one of us could celebrate. 

Welcome to the Family

Jake's family treated us to a dinner and rehearsal party last night at their home.  First...Carm has a garden that is out of this world gorgeous!  It was one of those beautiful early fall/late summer evenings that is just perfect for spending outside and it all couldn't have been more beautiful.  One of Jake and Aeron's friends prepared the buffet dinner and it, too, was just perfect.

I had already met some of Jake's family and knew they were very close and lots of fun.  I thought how important it is to have her marry into a family as close as her own.  She's one lucky lady!

I liked Jake from the start but, getting to know the family he comes from, makes him even better to understand.  They believe, as I and my daughters do, that a close and loving family is some of the best support a couple can have to create a good marriage of their own.  Jake's parents have been married for 38 (?) years.  Cindy and Dennis, though divorced, are still good friends and right there for their daughter.  This all matters because it represents continuity and good family values.

Jake's uncle bet me that there would be a little baby in the family by Christmas 2019.  I'm hoping for summer 2019.

And life and love go on!

Trump

I continue to be amazed and disappointed at how many Americans still support Trump after all the lies, inefficiency, infidelity, white supremacist sympathizing, and white house chaos.  They seem willing to put up with a monster for president as long as the economy appears to be thriving.  They choose to believe nothing negative about him and that is beyond understanding.

I think we're seeing how a dictator is born.  The people are fooled into trusting him because they choose to be blinded to his faults.  

I watched a video of North Korea's army parading mindlessly in nazi goose step in front of their dictator leader and was heartbroken to see how one fat little despot can control a whole country.  I see the same mindless support of Trump by his followers and I'm grateful that the U.S. is so large that enough of the people will keep him from becoming the dictator he so wants to be.

The past two years of his presidency have been both chaotic and ridiculous.  Whoever would have thought the great United States would have chosen a monster like Trump as their leader?  It's frightening.  

Summer of Doctor Appointments

I am thankful that nothing much is wrong with me but this has been a terrible summer of one doctor appointment after another and 2 trips to the ER.  I had my appointment with the hematologist yesterday to have bloodwork done and to find out if my anemia is getting better.  Well, I'm no longer anemic and the rest of the bloodwork was even an improvement over the last one.  I have been freed from the hematologist!

Since all the tests I've had with various doctors seem to have been distributed among them, I asked if they possibly had the results of my colonoscopy and, much to my surprise, they did.  Our health system may not be perfect but it is very efficient an more areas than I'd thought.

I knew the endoscopy had been clear but still didn't know what the twisted bowel and small polyp meant so I asked.  Apparently the doctor who did the colonoscopy shouldn't have referred to the bowel as "twisted" because it has only a little kink that prevented a full scope.  The kink is not dangerous at all and doesn't require surgery to fix.  The polyp is so tiny (.5mm) that it, too, isn't a problem.  It might need another colonoscopy in the future just to check on it, though.

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better result from all these damned tests I've had over the summer and I really am grateful that I dodged another bullet.  I feel like a survivor!  I've had so many health scares these last few years that proved to be nothing and I'm wondering just how long my luck can last.  But today it's all good and I'm a happy lady who just might make it to Florida this winter after all!

Getting On With Life

I've allowed myself to dwell too much on this darned twisted bowel and I've decided there's absolutely nothing I can do about it right now so I'm going to just get on with my life and leave it up to the doctors what will be done.  Who knows, maybe nothing and all and these wasted moments will be for nothing.

I'm pretty good at deciding when there's nothing I can do about any situation and not letting it ruin my day.  We really do have little control over our lives when you think about it.  Every day is a crap shoot!  And so I'm going to just live each day at a time but not make any long term plans until I know if surgery is needed.  I feel just fine and my life is good.  You can't ask for more than that.