Absentee Parents

I watched a show on T.V. this morning where a 12 year old boy confronted the mother who abandoned him 9 years ago. He was very articulate in his questions and observations of her but one thing stood out...he resented the fact that she'd abandoned him.

I didn't live with my mother for many of my formative years because she married my stepfather and left me with my grandparents. When she did live with us she was more like an older sister and there was no mother/daughter connection. I never realized until watching that young boy this morning how much I've resented her passive neglect all these years.

The love and attention of your mother and father are what aids you in forming your self worth. If your parents are absent or unattentive then you begin to feel as though you aren't worthy. My father abandoned me before birth and my mother would have allowed me to be adopted if my grandparents hadn't insisted she keep me. This explains a lot about my personality.

My grandparents did want me but they were too old to properly raise a feisty young girl and, at 15, I naturally gravitated toward the first young man who made me feel truly wanted. My guardian angel must have been standing by me because that young man became my husband and the wonderful father of our 3 daughters.

The little boy on today's T.V. show appeared to be very mature for his age and, hopefully, will gain his self respect and self assuredness from himself and not from his neglectful mother.

The secret to being well adjusted is to know that it's important to the people you love that you exist. Your childhood is spent learning your place in the world and learning where you are safe. Your parents are your first and most important teachers and I've often wondered why parenting skills aren't taught in school. After all, what is more important than raising a healthy, happy child?

Models in the Making

We're having a fashion show next month in our park and I'm one of the 7 models. The other 6 are my age and we're all varying sizes. The posters for the show have stylized pictures of young, slim girls in fancy dress so I'm worried that we'll be nailed for false advertising.

The other discrepancy is that not one of us will be wearing a dress. It's going to be clam diggers, casual pants, or shorts because that's the way we dress in our senior park.

I'm not nervous yet but the day of the show will find me barely able to function. We have to walk up the aisle, up the steps to the stage, do a little twirl and return to our fancy dressing area in the ladies bathroom.

Why am I putting myself through this nonsense? For a 25% discount on an outfit from the store we're featuring. This isn't so bad because I love to shop at this particular store. They have really nice, good quality clothing at fair prices and they're neither old lady clothes or teenager clothes.

Modeling is a brand new experience for me so it will be interesting to see if I have the nerve to follow through with the day.

Saturday Morning Coffee

A different group of people make coffee and pick up donuts for a month every Saturday in our park. My group just finished our monthly stint. We have a good, co-ordinated group. We prepare the huge coffee urns on Friday night after Bingo and a designated person will turn them on at 7 A.M. the next morning. Another designated person will go pick up the donuts at Publix. The rest of the team will arrive at the clubhouse around 7:30 A.M. and prepare all the tables with creamer, sugar, and stir sticks plus set out the bagels and fixin's.

By 8:30 A.M. the first resident appears at the door looking for a cup of coffee and someone to talk to....donuts aren't put out till 9 A.M. When we carry the huge trays of donuts out to the table we do it quickly or take the chance of getting swamped by hungry oldsters. A word to the wise...don't get in a senior's way.

It takes about half an hour for everyone to get their fill of coffee and donuts and then they're on their way to bigger and better things. The slave group left behind cleans up and puts everything back where it belongs. We count the "donations" carefully and record it for the committee treasurer. Almost everyone has dilligently put in their $1 donation and the one's who don't are gossiped about (sorry, it's a fact of life).

And now we're finished till February of next year and another group will take our place next Saturday morning.

End of Dilemma

And then there's the very best outcome of a dilemma. It's taken out of your hands and handled by someone else!

Dilemma

Many times during our lifetime we are faced with unavoidable dilemmas where we have to choose to do the right thing even if it causes pain and distress to someone else.

I read in the dictionary that a dilemma is having to make a choice between two unpleasant things...I always thought it could also apply to having to make a choice between two good things. It's much easier to go on with your pleasant little life and ignore situations that require attention but sometimes you have to take a stand.

Often, for those of us who hate dissention, the dilemmas are mild enough to ignore with a clear conscience but when there's a possibility of imminent danger we need to act quickly and hope our decision won't cause havoc.

Have you ever wished you "didn't know"? That's because once you know you have to make a decision on what to do about it. There's also the wish that you'd known sooner. Talk about a dilemma!

When Rights Conflict with Laws

A Sikh gentleman in Canada has enlisted the help of the human rights commission to assist him in circumventing our long existing laws which demand a motorcyclist wear a safety helmet. His problem is that he wears a turban and would have to remove it in order to wear a helmet.

This man has chosen to immigrate from India to Canada and, like every other country in the world, we have laws for our citizens. Our laws also prohibit forceful marriage which some Indians practice for their daughters. Our laws prohibit genital mutilation which is practiced by some African cultures. We also have a free vote in Canada that is not allowed in some countries.

In the end, if a person chooses to live in a country then they have also chosen to abide by the laws of that country. These laws can be changed by majority vote.

I know that thousands of Canadian tax dollars will be wasted on this man as he trudges his complaint through bureau after bureau and I also accept that he just might win his case. We are sometimes too liberal a society.

Friendships

I've come to accept that in your lifetime you have friends and you will have FRIENDS. Some will be very close friends because you can easily live with their faults and some will be casual friends because their faults you not so easily can live with.

My sister-in-law, Faye, has been a friend for more years than I can count and we've never had an argument. That's not to say that we haven't at some time or other gotten on each other's nerves or shown aspects of our personality that is better left ignored. Our faults can be tolerated by each other.

I've been trying to pinpoint why I'm not so tolerant of the faults I find in some other people and have come to the conclusion that there's no answer.

It's like love. Many of us have been madly in love with someone whom we otherwise can't stand. No-one has been able to figure that one out since the beginning of time. The truth is that we become close to someone bit by bit, testing the waters to see if the next "fault" we encounter is a deal breaker. Being in love is like being insane so it takes us much longer to reach the dealbreaker part. Friendship comes from the sanest part of our mentality so dealbreakers are easier recognized.

I told Faye that she actually has never gotten on my nerves but I'm sure I've gotten on hers. She remained quiet...like a really good friend.

Stupid Things I Did Today

First I whacked my forehead on the clothes dryer and opened a 1/2" gash in my forehead...now I'm scarred for life but what's one more scar?

Then I dumped a bottle of nailpolish remover on my camera and dock. I thought the lid was on it. My camera seemed okay but the lights on the dock were all out. I panicked and zipped up to Walmart to see if I could buy a new dock but apparently they don't sell them anymore...my camera and dock are about 4-5 years old.

I came home and tried the dock again but all lights were out and it looked dead. I decided to go on Ebay and see if I could find one there and darned if there wasn't a complete camera and dock just like mine so I bid on it and won...just $26 including shipping.

I guess this was good news but the only thing is that before the listing ended my own dock lit up like a Xmas tree and is working like a charm.

I now own 2 identical cameras and docks.

Some days should be spent in bed reading a good book and eating chocolate.

What's the Right Thing to Do?

While I'm in Florida I like to read my home newspaper online and often get ideas for blogs from them. Today is a case in point.

A judge has declared that a mentally handicapped 2 year old child should gradually be handed over to her mentally handicapped parents. Right now she is in foster care with limited access by her parents. The parents appear to love her dearly but don't seem to have the mental capacity to provide her with a safe environment.

The mother is in her 20's and pregnant with her second child. The father is much older with quite a few marriages and children behind him. He's an ex drug user and has a minor criminal record in his past. I'm assuming the parents are on welfare because there was no mention of them having jobs.

This family, like it or not, is a drain on society and probably always will be. The last thing we should do as a society is to turn our backs on the weakest of us but is there any logic in allowing people like this to continue to produce offspring they aren't capable of taking care of? Left wingers would hang me from the nearest tree for even putting a thought like that in print.

I think the judge did the right thing by attempting to integrate the child fully with her parents because this is what our society demands...a child belongs with their parents unless there is serious abuse. In this case there is more neglect than abuse and that is due to the parents' mental deficiencies. Social services can help here.

My biggest concern is that the mother is young enough to have many more children all of whom will need public assistance in one form or another. We're not at the stage in our social development where we can demand she be sterilized but circumstances such as these make me wonder why that wouldn't be a good thing.

The truth of the matter is that some people, regardless of intelligence, should never have children. Just ask the police officers who respond to calls at filthy, drug infested homes where the children sleep on the floor because money for beds and food is spent first on drugs. And don't forget the battered children, helpless at the cruel hands of parents who are supposed to love and cherish them. Maybe foster care for these children would be a godsend for them.

Maybe putting this little 2 year old girl back in her parents' home isn't a perfect solution but many children survive under worse conditions. What bothers me most is that there's no way to legally stop this family from growing.

Some Rambling Thoughts

I just packed away a whole slew of salt and pepper shakers made in Japan. I was pretty thrilled when I found them at a yard sale because you just don't find them that often. For whatever reason they didn't sell on Ebay so I've packed them in the trunk of the car to take home in April. Hopefully, the customers at my flea market stall back home will want them.

It's always been interesting to me how some things won't sell on Ebay one week but get many bids if you relist them the next week. I've chosen not to relist these, though, because I'm a little fed up with the many fees Ebay levies on us sellers. If I was doing this for a living I'd have thrown in the towel long ago but it's more of a hobby for me and I think I still come out slightly ahead of the game.

I have a few friends and relatives that sell on Ebay and we love picking each other's brains when we get together. Only another Ebayer can understand the fun of watching as an item you've listed suddenly becomes popular and you get multiple bids.

I've probably mentioned before how discovering that I could sell on Ebay with some degree of success opened up a whole new world for me. It was the first enterprise I'd ever undertaken on my own and it surprised and delighted me to have this little business as my own. Granted, it's never brought me much money but it's proven to me that I could have succeeded on a broader scale if I'd had the nerve to try earlier in my life.

We were discussing Walt Disney one day and I said that he had the open mind to think big...really big! And he had the daring spirit to bring his dreams to reality. That takes more self assurance than most of us possess. Years ago I read a notation written into a high school yearbook. It was written by a young man, maybe 18 years old. It said, "Goodbye high school, hello Stelco" and I thought even then how limited that young man's thinking was. And mine was never any better.

I've seen a difference in some of my grandchildren. One of them dreams big and has a strong determination to do great things. She's so fervent about her dreams that I know she'll have a rich and colorful life. I hope I'm around long enough to watch her soar.

I guess the moral of this long harangue is that we shouldn't settle for mediocrity but persue our interests with gusto. I wish I'd learned this a long time ago.

Ear Candling...It Actually Works!

Today Faye, Gary, Carole and I went to a pot luck at Ken and Pat's house. There were 13 of us at the dinner and the food was spectacular. After eating like pigs at the trough we carried on with much lively conversation until our hostess brought out a paper bag filled with special candles used for removing wax from your ears. Apparently this is quite an old custom and three of our group had done it before. Hearing about this a few weeks back drove me to do some research on the internet where I read many differing opinions. The theory is that the candle, which is hollow in the center, creates a vacuum when burning and draws the ear wax out of the ear and up into the candle.

Some people swear it works, some say it's dangerous, some say the only thing that ends up in the candle is candle wax. Tonight I saw the proof of whether or not ear candling works. It definitely does.

We chose the weakest one to try it out on first...he was one of the husbands who had consumed a couple more drinks than the rest of us. Our hostess provided a package of ear candles (one for each ear to be used one at a time), a lighter, a snowman paper plate with a hole in the middle, and a pan of water. I asked if this was to be poured on the victim if he caught fire but that wasn't the case. It's for dousing the candle when you're finished ear candling.

The victim, I mean Gary, lay on his side on the sofa and a bit of baby oil was dropped in his ear to loosen the wax. Then the pointed end of the candle was carefully inserted in his ear. The paper plate was set on the candle just above his head so that none of the wax would fall on him. The candle was lit and we all sat watching with rapt attention as it slowly, very slowly burned down. It doesn't drip but just turns black at the top. We'd chosen to let it burn to the half way point.

There wasn't much laughter during our experimental run because we were kind of nervous. But Gary was very much at ease and kept us informed about how he was feeling...he heard crackling once in a while but otherwise felt nothing. When the candle was removed and opened, lo and behold, there was indeed a fair amount of ear wax in it.

Now we all wanted to have it done. I was next and Faye was my candler. This is what I felt...nothing at first, then some pleasant warmth inside my ear plus slight crackling, then later a gentle feeling of something moving inside my ear. When we removed the candle and checked inside there were rather large clumps of ear wax. This was the biggest proof yet that ear candling works.

Then it was Faye's turn and I was the candler. Since one of the other men was getting his done at the same time we went into the bedroom to do Faye's. By this time we were so nonchalant about what we were doing that we got the giggles. Lying on a bed with flaming candle plugged into your ear does look silly.

Pat, our hostess, was on the phone explaining to her daughter that we were having a party and 2 of her guests were laying in different beds with burning candles in their ears. Faye called out, "Tell her this is what old people do when they give up sex!". Now the giggles were getting out of control and I worried she'd get burnt.

The wife of the man who had just finished having his ears candled came in to show us the results and we had a new winner. Never in my life did I think a day would come when I'd be examining someone else's ear wax and oohing and aahing over the amount!

In all seriousness, ear candling does work but I can see where there might be a slight cause for concern. One of the items I found on the internet stated that some people suffered burns to their eardrums when candle wax fell into the hollow candle and down into the ear. From what I saw tonight, these candles don't burn that way but maybe it's possible.

In any case, it was an new experience. It doesn't compare in the least to sex but it was fun.

Stereotypes

When I hear someone denigrate another person because of their skin color or nationality I think what a pathetic reason that is to dislike someone. It's ridiculous to judge a person unworthy when you don't even know them.

I watched a T.V. show about an Italian man who lived in the U.S. back in the 1940's and suffered the cruel name calling that often is inflicted on people of obvious ethnic background. He was called wop, dago, etc. I remember hearing those nasty words when I was a child but never used them myself. I was afraid the Italian kid might be from a mafioso family and would have me killed. Silly how we build up walls between "us" and "them".

When I became a teenager I felt differently about those Italian kids...especially the boys. Tall, dark, and handsome, who could resist? I guess hormones are the secret to breaking down the barriers.

The Italian man who was insulted by the cruel names? He was Frank Sinatra.

I'm Tired

I'm tired. There's no getting past it because I've finally gotten myself moving about in such a frenzy trying not to miss out on anything that it's worn me out.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I did many little jobs all day, groceries, haircut, bank, post office, Ebay, and then Faye and I zipped over to an Orlando hotel for the Coke auction. We met her in-laws there and wandered from room to room looking at the Coke memorabilia for sale. I bought a few things which should give me at least a 50 cent profit but Faye's brother-in-law found a real treasure. That's the way it goes!

We hung around for the silent auction and I bid on way too many things, some of which will bring me a 51 cent profit. We didn't leave the hotel until around 10 P.M. and neither of us can see to drive in the dark. Faye was driving and I was navigating so you can see this isn't a perfect plan. Faye commented that it was the blind leading the blind and I thought that was quite clever.

We dragged our little selves back to the park around 10:30 but there was no bed time for me yet. My other friend came rushing over to my trailer in desperate need of advice about her Ebay problems. By the time she left and I did my bit of work it was 12:30 A.M.

The alarm went off at 10 to 7 because our group is doing the coffee and donuts in the clubhouse this month. Faye and I both looked and felt like zombies but did we go back to our trailers and have a nap after coffee? No, we went back to the hotel for the Coke swap meet.

I finally had my much deserved nap later in the afternoon but had to go over to the clubhouse at 4 to help out with our Micky Mouse Pizza dinner. Faye and I still looked and felt like zombies but we did have the good sense to forget about card games tonight.

It's now 6:49 P.M. and my doors are locked, the blinds are closed, and I'll only answer the door if someone has been shot and is screaming for help.

More Elvis

My Florida trailer sits on a lot right by a corner where there are a few trees. The lot where the trees are used to be a separate lot as was the space right next to it but these aren't rented out to campers anymore. Fortunate for me because that gives me the equivalent of 3 lots.

We preferred to park our car on one of these lots rather than in front of the trailer so my husband asked permission to put in a bit of a parking lot there...fits 2 cars. I nailed up an Elvis parking sign to the tree this year and I guess one of our maintenance men, Joe, spotted it. He was a good friend of my husband's and has always been kind and helpful to me.

The other day he drove up in his golf cart and walked up to me. He held out his closed hand and told me to hold my hand out. Now, never in my life has anyone put a bug in my hand so why do I have this irrational fear that someone will do that?? I was afraid to put my hand out so he promised that what he had in his hand wouldn't hurt me.

I put out my hand and he dropped a small fridge magnet into it. On the front of the magnet was a picture of Elvis looking very young and tender. I was so touched by Joe's gift and promised him I'd never "sell it on Ebay". It will have a place of honor on my fridge forever.

Small kindnesses add so much to our lives and I'm sure Joe has no idea that his little gift gives me happiness every time I look at it. The picture of Elvis looking so darned cute and lovable reminds me over and over why I fell in love with him way back in 1956.

Sex Offenders...Unwanted in any Community

I read that there's a group of 19 sex offenders who have set up camp near Miami. They've furnished their new home with furniture, a T.V. operated by a generator, and even have a gym set up. These sad souls bemoan the fact that decent people are demanding stronger and stronger laws to keep them out of their neighborhoods.

The very thought of 19 sex offenders grouped together and living in a camp anywhere near my neighborhood gives me chills. Sorry, but criminals like this, whether they've served their time and their paroles, don't deserve to be integrated into family neighborhoods.

I understand that there are different levels of sex offences but anyone who commits these offences has a long way to go to prove they can be trusted again. Child predators should never be trusted alone around children again for the rest of their lives. A 19 year old man convicted of raping a 16 year old girl under consenting conditions shouldn't have to pay for that crime forever.

If our existing laws protected the general public properly we wouldn't have to come down so hard on "minor" sex offenders and they would be able to gradually be assimilated into society much easier. At this point not many of us trust that our precious children and grandchildren won't somehow be at the mercy of a child molester who has been allowed by the courts renewed access to children.

I can't find it in my heart to feel too much sympathy for the 19 in that camp. If they committed the crimes they were convicted of then they should expect to be shunned by society. If the offense was against a young child then they should consider themselves lucky they're not spending the rest of their miserable lives behind bars.

Noisy Seniors

A gang of us played a horse race game the other night and people from the far ends of the park could hear us laughing and roaring. Tonight a gang of us ladies played Rummoli in the clubhouse (which was filled with lots of other people playing different games) and the noise we made drowned out everyone else.

I'm starting to develop a guilty conscience about the noisy group I hang out with. There's almost never any alcohol involved and the noise is almost always the result of laughter but the fact remains, we are terribly noisy.

I haven't noticed anyone giving me the cold shoulder so maybe the quieter ones have a forgiving heart. Either that or they're waiting for me and my noisy friends to grow up.

With any luck, it will never happen.

A Matter of Importance

I've noticed over my lifetime that too many people make the mistake of dismissing another's pleasures or interests as of no importance. My husband was one of the worst. He couldn't understand why the whole world wasn't intensely interested in sailing and Formula 1 car racing. And he couldn't understand why anyone in the world was interested in something he wasn't.

I've mentioned my Monday morning coffee group as something we enjoy a lot here at the trailer park and I try hard not to schedule another activity during coffee time. It does happen occasionally as it did this month. We had to drop coffee morning two weeks in a row which I wasn't one bit happy with but it had become necessary.

One of my friends was intent on planning an outing for the third Monday but I told her I couldn't drop my coffee morning 3 weeks in a row. She looked rather disdainful and said, "It's only coffee".

Well, it isn't only coffee. There is a large group of ladies who come and drink coffee here on Monday mornings but the most important part of our meeting is the comraderie and laughter we enjoy. It's almost a ritual for starting out the week right.

Rituals like this fall easily to the wayside if taken too casually. Our outing for this morning fell through so I was able to have the coffee group over after all and we had such a terrific time. Why would I not make an effort to keep this going?

I guess what is important to some will never be important to all but it wouldn't hurt to practice tolerance and understanding of what is meaningful in another's life.

Me and my Computer

If I had a nickle for every time someone said to me, "Were/Are you on that computer again???", I'd be a millionaire. Of course I'm often on the computer because I work/sell/buy on it. I do research for any number of things on it. I blog on it and I write e-mails on it.

Yes, I am on the damn computer again!

Playing and working on the computer is a hobby for me. Just as some people look forward to chasing a ball around the golf course or putting stamps in a book I look forward to my computer time. The slight difference is that I make a couple of bucks with my hobby.

My advice to anyone is...don't apologize for doing what you like as long as it hurts no-one else. My computer time only interferes with incoming telephone calls because I'm back on AOL dial up. Tough!