This is the view from my computer desk at the front window through the trailer to the bedroom. What you don't see is the little livingroom I'm in or the Florida room I seldom use. I adore my little shotgun trailer and really enjoy the small space that encompasses everything I need or want. I believe we should all live as simply as this, especially single people. In a couple of years I'll sell my house back home and move into the smaller quarters of an apartment and that's something I'm just about ready for.
I'm not a housework addict and only do it because I have to and this trailer can be cleaned sufficiently in minutes as long as I clean up as I go every day. This leaves me plenty of time to play and that's what life is all about for senior's, isn't it? Play while you still can!
I don't always trust my first impressions because I've been proven wrong too many times but last night I had a truly visceral reaction to a newbie at the park. We were at the clubhouse playing cards and a couple we didn't know came in. Dee, noticing them and being nice and polite, called over and asked them if they were newcomers. They came over to us and I swear the first words out of that woman's mouth irritated the crap out of me...and it got worse for the next 15 or so minutes that she stayed there. Since I don't trust first impressions, she is either going to become a bosom buddy or a thorn in my side. I'm guessing my side will be hurting.
My grandaughter just put on Facebook that she's purchased an electric heater and won't need her "toasty duvet" anymore. Good grief!! With all the disasters causing death by leaving a heater on all night, why does anyone still do this? A friend of mine just lost his sister and niece in a fire that destroyed their winter trailer and I have to assume they were using a heater to keep warm in the northern cold.
I have a couple of small electric heaters here in the trailer in Florida and will use them in the daytime or evening when necessary but never, ever overnight. My guests sleep in the Florida room and there have been times when they might have loved me to allow them to have a heater on all night but it's never going to happen. I'm just too fearful of them. Add to that the fact that the wiring in these tin can trailers can be suspicious, it doesn't really surprise me when the use of them causes a fire. You would be much safer using an electric blanket but I'm even leery of them and don't trust their safety completely.
I don't care what promises the manufacturers of electric heaters make to their customers...they have too often been the cause of fires and death.
For the second week in a row we've had a special dinner in the clubhouse with entertainment and dancing afterward. Many of us seniors chose to eat the dinner and then leave to play cards in the library instead of staying to dance. Last week it felt kind of strange for me to prefer cards to dancing but this week I accepted that my preferences have simply changed.
When I was younger I loved to dance and couldn't wait for an opportunity to dance the night away. My husband, on the other hand, hated to dance so that alone ruined a lot of my fun but it was still exciting to feel the music in my body even when sitting out a dance. I continued going to the odd dance here in the park even when Dennis passed away but it came to feel uncomfortable for me. There are obviously many more widows here in the park than single men so the married men feel obligated to dance with us and that's not fair to their wives. I began to feel like a fifth wheel and that's not nice.
I don't know if my love of the dance would return if I had my very own dance partner but I'm inclined to think the excitement is gone for good. I do know that I enjoy card games because of the socializing but they don't thrill me the way dancing did in the old days. Sigh!
I don't know if this is every senior's worst fear but it is mine. I treasure the memories and knowledge I've accumulated over my lifetime and they are a part of me. To lose them is to lose part of one's self. It's normal to have lapses of memory at times but when it happens to a senior, we often have that little stab of fear that maybe this is the start of Alzeimers.
There are a few people here in the park that are in the early stages of Alzeimers but we don't see much of them because they don't socialize much. Their mates can usually escape for an hour or two from their caregiving duties but they can't really relax. Their minds are back with their loved one and hoping they are okay.
One of the ladies with Alzeimers is a closer friend of mine so I get to see her a bit each year and it's becoming more apparent that her disability is worsening. This year we're not sure she even knows who we are but she still participates in some of the activities where we keep an eye on her. Her husband is a great comfort to her, taking her with him wherever he goes. I'm sure life isn't easy for him but he accepts his duty as her husband to care for her as long as he can.
My biggest fear of becoming senile is that I could be a burden on my family. I've told them that when the time comes, just put me in a nice nursing home but visit me regularly so that I'll be treated well by the staff. It isn't a horror for me to think I might end up spending my last days in a nursing home but I do have a small fear of being abandoned. That happens to more seniors that we'd like to believe.
Age isn't a curse but senility is. Once a person becomes senile, the person they really are is already gone. I know how fragile life is and I'm taking every opportunity to enjoy my waning moments. With luck, I'll remember most of them.
Those are the words the minister at my wedding asked of me and that I agreed to in 1957. Today's young woman would gasp in shock if asked to commit to obeying her husband but that was the norm when I got married. Of course, they were only words to me and the concept was just as foreign to me as to the young woman of today. There wasn't a chance in hell that I was going to "obey" my dearly loved husband but I wonder if he knew that. Maybe those words meant something to the young man of that day. After all, it was a man who included them in the marriage vows to begin with and women have been battling marriage slavery since the beginning of time.
I like what I see in modern marriages. There is more equality and the reason is that women have demanded it. Women have gone from the frilly aproned housewife to working woman bringing home a paycheck and that has promoted her equality in the relationship. She's proven she can do a decent job both inside and outside of the home, bear and raise children, and insist that her mate do his share, too. Women have always been stronger than they think but, because they're finally realizing it, they've helped make their men better, too.
Of course, this is the ideal and not all marriages reflect the new woman but I've watched the evolution over many years and it's a beautiful sight to see. What I don't like is the large numbers of young women who are alone and I think that might be because many men are rebelling at giving up some of their unfair advantages over them.
My answer is that it's better to be alone than in an unhappy, unfair relationship. A strong, secure woman could never be happy with a man they were forced to obey. A man, so insecure that he needed to exert power over his mate, would be unbearable to live with.
I like the newer phrase, "love, honor, and cherish". A marriage has a good chance of succeeding if those words are taken to heart.
Often, when having a dream I'm not comfortable with (like walking naked in the public or being frightened by something), I have usually been able to consciously change the scenario. Sometimes I'm aware that I'm sleeping in the wrong position and try desperately to awaken enough to be able to move. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Last night was a first for me, though.
It was around 1 A.M. and I was deeply asleep but dreaming that my sleeping position was uncomfortable for me. In my dream (and apparently in reality), my leg was slightly hanging over the side of the bed. I tend to sleep with my feet outside the bed covers so this was normal. In my dream I tried to awaken but couldn't so decided that I should, with great difficulty, gather the strength to shift my leg further over the side of the bed until I would fall off and be startled enough to awaken. Remember that I thought all of this was happening in my dream only.
Moments, or possibly hours later, I realized that I'd succeeded as I started to tumble from the bed...not in my dream but darned well in reality. Now I was lying on the floor all twisted in the bedding, giggling as I tried to extricate myself enough to get back on my feet. Not easy in the little space between my bed and the wall! I was pretty surprised because this was the first time I'd ever fallen out of bed but didn't notice until climbing back in (after remaking the bed) that I hurt in quite a few places. Not badly but just enough to make me feel kind of stupid.
I'll have to remember the next time I manipulate a dream or nightmare that I don't hurt myself in the process.
On a more somber note, one of our residents fainted in the clubhouse this morning and an ambulance was called. Barb and I were at my trailer talking when we heard the ambulance's siren. Being in a senior park, we always stop talking and listen to see if the siren stops at our park because that means it's one of our own. Then the ambulance slowly passed my trailer and stopped in front of my neighbor's (Chuck & Betty, who are in their 80's). I was terrified and raced outside, hoping they were okay. Luckily it wasn't for them but for another resident in the clubhouse across the road. He's been very ill but was taken to the hospital for examination and then sent home.
My intense reaction to worrying it might be my neighbors shows how much these people come to mean to us. Chuck is one of those soft spoken, true southern gentlemen we don't see much of these days and he has a tendency to climb up on his roof to do repairs so my first thought was of him. Betty isn't 100% well, either so my second thought was of her. I gave them big hugs and told Chuck to stay off the roof because I couldn't handle the stress.
Not one of my favorite days!
Years ago I informed my grandson, Kyle, that adults continue to learn all of their lives. I remember his sweet little face looking up to me in astonishment because I'm sure he thought I already knew everything. LOL!! Oh the innocence of the young!
I just read a blog written by my niece in which she mentioned a Budhist meditative activity called tonglen. The idea is that you breathe in all the pain of those you wish to help and breathe out peace and serenity for them. I hope I got that right but that's what I took from it.
I have a deep belief in faith healing, that you can heal yourself with prayer or positive thoughts. From there, my firm belief is that we can send healing thoughts to those in need and it will work for them. I guess it's all part of how I think that all humans are single components of what most call god. This is as close as I can get to even beginning to understand our existence here on earth.
Tonglen seems to reinforce that belief, that we are capable of physically influencing the wellness of another with our thoughts. But it also must mean that we can influence either positively or negatively. Gosh, just when I thought I'd found something nice, it turns out that maybe it can be used for evil, too.
Anyway, I do know that meditation (filling your mind with kind and peaceful thoughts) will change your character for the better. The mind is a supremely powerful thing whether we use it for our own benefit or for the benefit of others.
It seems I'm living in a world where very little makes sense anymore. I just read that we're getting plastic bills in Canada and they'll share space in my purse with the loonies and twonies I hate. What the heck is wrong with paper bills that we've used for hundreds of years? Why does everything have to change and usually in ways I find are not for the better? I don't like change.
My internet server has been acting up the last few days so I phoned for tech support today. I sort of get a kick out of this because I know I'm going to make someone pull their hair out with my stupid questions...and answers. The first person I spoke to was a lady who was really nice, then she passed me on to a man who was very impatient with me (he had a foreign accent but wasn't the asian man I drove crazy the last time I called). This guy wasn't rude but close to it. He then passed me on to another man who talked to me very patiently and very, very slowly but he fixed my problem so I'm happy.
I don't understand my car, either, so I make sure I have an honest mechanic on hand. I almost got taken by an unscrupulous furnace man in the fall but was lucky enough to find an honest one. When you know as little as I do about so many things, you need to have honest people to turn to. And so I keep business cards of the ones I know won't take advantage of me and gladly pass them on to anyone in need.
As I make my way through my 72nd year, it becomes more apparent every day that I'm often just winging it, hoping to make it through another day without slamming into a problem I can't solve. And this is one of the biggest reasons I don't like change. I have enough to do just dealing with the status quo.
Well, it's late and I'm tired from another busy, fun day at my park. Let's hope there are no hurdles for me tomorrow.
There is so much news coverage these days on how Lance Armstrong just might be ready to admit to using enhancement drugs when he won all those cycling races. It's already apparent that he did and it's made a joke of the sport. By his use of these drugs, he stole the race from cyclists who were playing by the rules and he profited immensely from it. But now that he's been outed and his image has been forever tainted, he expects all to be forgiven.
Sorry, Lance. You cheated and lied to get to where you are. You ruined the careers of countless cyclists who were better than you without the drugs. You threatened and won lawsuits against critics. You're a bit of a jerk who is now paying the piper for your actions.
The news coverage of proposed gun control laws is sometimes hilarious, sometimes downright scary, and sometimes have a ring of intelligence. We hear the NRA boasting that congress will never mess with the second ammendment but they don't go as far as to say how many congressmen are under their thumb. Interviews with citizens who have in some way been victims of gun violence often seem to be the only sane ones we see.
Every single day there are news reports in the United States of murder by gun and you wonder just what it will take for the NRA to accept that there are just too many guns and assault weapons in their country and that is one damn big problem. Unfortunately, they seem to have dug in their heels and will defend their rights to own any and all weapons until doomsday.
So many innocent people have lost their lives because some gun wielding brute used it to enforce their will. How many of these weapons were stolen by criminals from homes where the guns had been legally purchased? How many of these weapons were left within reach of mentally unstable people or even children? Apparently anyone can purchase a gun at a gun show and not even have to submit to a background check. There's no question that the laws need to change but the NRA might be right...congress might be too corrupted to do the right thing for the citizens of this country.
I have faith that President Obama will do what he can but he can't do it alone. Many of those politicians representing the American people have to join with him. We'll just have to wait and see if they will.
After the potato bar at the clubhouse last night we were treated to an information session with a local cardiologist. I was thoroughly enjoying it until he began telling someone asking about Obamacare that the Canadian health care system resulted in the Canadian government forcing severely ill people to return home for treatment instead of having it done in the United States. This was such distorted information that I had to speak up and inform him that it would not be the Canadian government forcing them home but their private insurance companies. If a Canadian leaves the country without buying the proper out-of-country health insurance, then they are responsible for paying any bills they incur in a foreign country. This doctor went on to insinuate that elderly people would not be given the same health care coverage under Obamacare as younger ones and could possibly be just left to die instead of given life saving treatment. It was a case of scaring the elderly into refusing socialized medicine in the United States by a doctor who stood to lose a bit of his enormous income if Obamacare is installed.
I've heard so many people here very confused about what Obamacare will take away from them and I've also heard the politicians (bought and paid for by insurance companies) rave about the horrors to come with Obamacare. This is the first time I've seen firsthand a doctor go out of his way to further frighten an already unsure group of seniors. It was a travesty.
All we can do as Canadians is assure them our own socialized medicine has been a success in Canada compared to what we had before it came to be.
I got to spend the last 3 days with Jake while his parents went on a cruise. It makes me feel so good that I can finally help them out a bit because for most of Jake's life, they lived too far away for me to babysit. Now Jake isn't a baby anymore but that just makes it easier for me. He's interesting, very bright, polite, and cute as a bug's ear and he seems to not mind my company so all is good.
Shelley is an excellent cook and mine is sub par but Jake was a trouper and ate most of what I prepared for him. Of course, he was supposed to cook and I was supposed to clean up but he had loads of homework so it ended up with me doing both cooking and clean-up. No problem!
Shelley and John got home earlier today than I'd expected so I packed up and headed back to the park with plenty of sunlight left to see me home. A quick supper and then I went over to the clubhouse to play cards.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Jake but it's always nice to sleep in your own bed, isn't it? I'll sleep well tonight!
Tank is a huge yellow Lab puppy that belongs to Shelley and he just might be the smartest puppy around. He's about 8 months old, weighs approximately 85 pounds, and is trained well. It's a good thing because you wouldn't want this puppy jumping up on you! Nicole showed me a new trick that Lisette had taught Tank. He obediently sits when told and allows you to place a dog biscuit on his nose. Then he calmly waits until you tell him it's okay to eat it. I could never have taught my smart and obedient black Lab, Corky, to do this so I'm very impressed with how well Tank behaves.
I believe he is promising to become a super adult dog.
All of my life I've had trouble accepting compliments, no matter how small, and that's because I don't feel deserving. Sad fact but true. I'll point out all the flaws in whatever is being complimented and ruin the moment. Faye often tells me to accept compliments graciously...and I try but it's a battle for me.
Today I received a compliment that wasn't directed at me but was for me nonetheless. It was our coffee morning at my trailer and it was filled to the brim with ladies. It was one of those days when so many arrived that some were forced to sit very close to the bathroom (my trailer is like a shotgun house...livingroom right into kitchen right into bathroom right into bedroom). Someone mentioned how much they enjoy our coffee morning and Jo replied that it was her favorite day of the week. I felt so good hearing that and I didn't even have to be gracious. I just had to sit quietly and let the good feeling settle around me.
I'm always saying how many good, good people stay in this park and we seem to have gathered a lot of them around us. Coffee morning is always filled with laughter and sometimes even useful information but it's the laughter that's the draw.
Kathleen said that a day with laughter means one more day added to the end of our lives. If that's the case, I'm adding at least 6 months to my life every single year.
Well, it's been an interesting year full of the good, bad, and ugly but most of us made it through. Just a sidenote...an employee from the propane shop has just arrived to fill my tank!! On New Year's Day!!! I'm not sure if any stores are open today so I'm surprised that this man is working on what we consider a holiday for most people.
Back to 2012...so many life experiences occur every year that we sometimes wonder how it all fit into a mere 365 days. There were good times and bad times for our family but nothing that we can't handle. I always think how long Dennis has been gone and what he has missed...7 1/2 years now.
Yes, life goes on, ticking away every moment and we're bound to waste some of it. But if we managed to fill part of that time with pleasant memories and laughter then we've accomplished a lot. There can be beauty even in the worst of storms if we care to look for it.
Last night a large group of seniors here in the park rang in the new year by partying at the clubhouse but a slightly smaller group of seniors chose to spend our New Year's eve playing cards in our library (the old clubhouse). It wasn't a raucus evening but we enjoyed the company of friends and even had our own party food and drink. The success of your partying isn't measured by how wild and crazy you can get but by accepting that "wild and crazy" isn't for you at this moment in time. When I was younger, the wilder and crazier the atmosphere on New Year's eve, the happier I was. Nowadays, I honestly prefer my festivities to be more toned down. It's the result of age as far as I can see but I do know seniors who still party hardy.
My hope for the new year is that my family prospers in every way they choose and that world leaders remember that the lives they lose in wars are precious. I'd also like to win a few million dollars in the lottery, please.
