The Small Stuff

Kim and I were talking yesterday and I mentioned how I've learned to not let the small, insignificant in the long run stuff get me down.  I save my fury for anyone who hurts my family.  Of course, there are incidents of child abuse that can rouse the same fury but that's partly because I can do nothing about it.  Given my choice, I'd rip the bastard to shreds so they'd never again harm a child.

I know my life is more peaceful now because I've learned the tactics of calming myself.  The choice of peace or stress lies within us and we can most often be the masters of our emotions.  I choose peace because stress turns me into someone I don't like to live with.

I long ago learned to stay away from people who are harmful to be around.  Unnecessarily dramatic, dishonest, and bad tempered people are really awful for our own peace of mind.  They drain you.  After I've spent time with the people I like, I feel happy and refreshed.

There are always going to be moments of frustration and unhappiness but we need to keep these moments in perspective.  Are they truly tragic moments that require dealing with or just blips in our lives we can easily put behind us?  Funny, but most of them really are blips and not worthy of our concentrated attention.  

One of my tricks is to freeze the moment.  Stop and take the time to assess calmly before getting all upset.  I haven't mastered the technique but I'm getting there.  Letting small frustrations rule our lives is a total waste of time and energy that we could be using to have fun.  Don't sweat the small stuff, keep your energies for tackling the bigger problems and life will be sweeter.

  

Metformin and Irritable Bladder

I learned this yesterday.  Now, I've known forever that one of the signs of Diabetes is an overactive bladder and I've had problems with this for years.  Until this spring, my blood sugar was high average so I held off on using Metformin but when I found out that the blood sugar was now way above normal, I decided to accept using a drug to combat it.  My first prescription was for 500 mg twice a day and the only side effect was 3-4 days of diarrhea which is perfectly normal.  When I saw the doctor again this month, the blood sugar count was down to 7.1, just shades higher than someone on Metformin should be.  My doctor increased the dosage to 1000 mg twice a day, I had about 7 days of diarrhea, but then everything settled down and I felt as normal as before.

This past week I realized that I was visiting the bathroom less often and that I didn't seem to be peeing as much when I did.  I described it as about a 75% improvement and that got my interest enough to do some research on the internet.  I wanted to find out if Metformin had an effect on the bladder.  Well, what I saw scared the beejeezus out of me.  One bad side effect of Metformin can cause a urinary failure which can result in death.  Holy crap!!

I immediately called my family doctor (3:04 P.M. and the office closes at 3 P.M.) but had to contact his emergency service.  I explained my concerns and told the answering service person that I had to be out of the house before 5 P.M. and would like a doctor to contact me before then if possible.  Within 10 minutes, the doctor on call phoned me and explained that the Metformin was simply rectifying the over-active bladder symptoms that I'd been experiencing for years.  It had been so long since I'd enjoyed normalcy that I didn't recognize that was what this was now.

Firstly, be careful what you research on the internet in regards to your health.  Secondly, thank you Canada for our government health care system!!!!!  

Watercolor Print

I bought this watercolor print at a yard sale for $2 and really love it.  It reminds me of Van Gogh's "Starry, Starry Night" but done in yellows.  It's difficult to make out the artist's name but it looks like Diana Hannigan or Harrigan and the print is #102.

I can't say enough good about yard sales.  They truly are treasure hunts because one man's trash can often be another man's treasure and this is a treasure for me.  It's very good for us yard sale enthusiasts that we're a throw away society with more money than brains.  It even saddens me a bit to see how much excess we accumulate and then dispose of in yard sales. Think of the impoverished in the world!

I also picked up some beautiful mini perfume bottles for $1 each and will sell them on Ebay for $10 each if I can get it.  Donna had a fit when she saw them because she said they sell for $40 each at Bombay.  Like I said...one woman's trash has become my treasure once again.

On a side note, I have been granted my out-of country health insurance so that I can spend Oct. 15th-April 15th in Florida but it came at a darned high cost because of my newly diagnosed Diabetes...$1570.  That's almost double what I paid last year and it will be the deciding factor in when I decide to leave for Florida next year.  I'm already thinking I wouldn't mind waiting until Dec. 1st.  It would be interesting to know how the insurance company justifies such a huge increase when I don't feel any different health wise than I did last year.  Newly diagnosed Diabetes is really not a big health threat.  I take Metformin twice a day but feel absolutely no different at all.  We can't fight the insurance companies, though, so I'll just spend less time in the warmth of Florida next year.

Life is good but it's getting a little more expensive.

New Worry

Wouldn't it be nice to have days on end without a care in the world?  I haven't enjoyed that luxury since I was a child.  I'd been worried since mid August that my trip to Florida would be severely delayed due to my diabetes prescription being increased but found out the other day that I can get out-ot-country health insurance that doesn't take my diabetes into consideration.  Whoopee!  Dead on the heels of that good news came bad news that the person who powerwashed my trailer stepped on the Florida room roof and a loud crack was heard.  I've contacted the person I hired and asked them to check it out tomorrow so I'll worry about that until tomorrow and probably until I can get down there and see for myself.  It seems that the older you get the more things there are to worry about just because you've lived this long!

I went yard saleing with Cindy and Don yesterday and had a super time.  We got bargains all over the place...most of mine went to Nick's house for the little boys.  We are certainly a society where we have so much surplus in our homes that we put tons of it out to sell for peanuts at yard sales.  I often wonder how much of the stuff I see was a gift that wasn't wanted or appreciated.  One of the items I purchased yesterday was a child's beautiful set of bookends and bank that was still sealed in the box.  I bet it cost someone at least $40-50 new and I bought it for the boys for $5.00.

Yes, I'm still worried about the damned Florida room roof but life goes on and so do I. 

7 Days of Thankfulness

I've been participating in the "7 Days of Thankfulness" on Facebook and, just as I knew, we all have tons of stuff to be thankful for.  We know it, too, but a lot of people still prefer to dwell on the nasty crap in the world instead of appreciating the beautiful.  I don't mean to ignore the bad but, darn it, we'll drive ourselves crazy if we don't spend more time thinking of the good.

First and foremost for me is to be thankful for my precious family but there is so very much more, thank heavens.  I don't mean to trivialize things to be thankful for but I'm pretty darned thankful the microwave was invented.  It plays a huge part in my everyday life!  Of course, I'm thankful for the beauty of nature...flowers, trees, etc....but it just makes sense to be thankful for the electronic conveniences that make our lives easier.

I have a positive attitude so even small things please me.  Now that I think of it, I'm thankful for my positive attitude because I haven't always had it.  I believe whoever started the "7 Days of Thankfulness" wanted us to realize how much we take for granted instead of being thankful it exists.  We have so much good in our lives, even in the face of the evils we can't seem to eradicate.  

I'm thankful to have this day on earth.  

Rogue Cop?

A young man in the States is gunned down and killed by a police officer during an altercation that is reported to have ended before the shooting.  In essence, it seems the young man made some stupid choices but gave up with hands raised in the air before the cop shot him 6 times.  Sounds like murder to me.

The black citizens have been protesting in the streets ever since...some violently, some looting stores, some destroying the city they call home.  The anger is understood but not the violence and theft but those people are only using the young man's death as an excuse to commit crimes.  The true indignant protesters are the ones that the police department and all government should be paying attention to.  They know this killing was probably prompted by a rogue cop with a hatred for blacks and they know this has to stop.

We need to look beyond the violence and see the real picture here.  Don't focus on the low life black people who are using this as a reason to cause destruction, focus on the fact that an armed cop whose occupation is to protect the public opened fire on an unarmed young man who was, at the moment, no threat to anyone.  We can't allow this to be acceptable.

This might be a crime of descrimination against blacks but the real fear is that any cop could feel descrimination against any race, creed, or color.  He/she should never act on their own prejudices when upholding the law.  What if it was a black cop full of hatred for whites?  It isn't the descrimination we need to address, it's simply insistance that all police officers do their jobs legally and ethically.

I listened to a statement by the lawyer for the family of the victim and it was like a breath of fresh air to hear the grievance laid out in rational speech.  If all is as it has been reported, a terrible injustice has been done here and it should be dealt with legally.  An arrest and trial has to occur.  Not everyone will feel that justice has been done when this is all over but maybe those in power will have had their eyes opened to what will and will not be accepted by the citizens.

Maybe public outrage is necessary. 

My Treasures

You know, no matter what I decide to do, it never is easy.  Like deciding to buy my own television receivers instead of renting them from the cable company!  I didn't even try to remove the old ones and hook up the new ones myself...I asked my precious grandson, Matt, to do it for me because he's a technical genius.  He had a heck of a time doing it but he's still a genius in my eyes!

Matt came over yesterday afternoon and spent HOURS trying to get one of the receivers to work.  He spoke some strange technical language to the Cogeco tech guy on the phone and that went on for hours, too.  He finally went up to his own house and got a different cable (I have no idea why it was needed) and my T.V. now works.  All of this took about 5-6 hours of his day and I'm so incredibly grateful to him for helping me out like this.

I often think of the seniors who have no-one willing to give of their time and energy to help them when they're in need and I just don't know how anyone gets by without this kind of help.  Matt even came back this morning to put air in my car tires!  I didn't even ask him to do this!  I love this young man to death but people don't necessarily help you out just because you love them.  They are usually sweet and kind souls like my Matthew who would help anyone in need.  

Matt brought his girlfriend, Kelly, back with him last evening and I got to have a nice, long talk with her for the first time.  She's an impressive young lady and I'm very happy she and Matt have found each other.  Good people deserve the best!

Out of Nowhere

My friends, Sylvia and Mickey, were in a car accident the other day and were thankfully not killed.  Mickey is hurting but Sylvia is in the hospital with 11 broken ribs.  She said it all happened so fast...a 93 year old man drove right through a stop sign and hit them.  I don't care what some seniors say, a 93 year old should not be driving and that's that.  Our reflexes deteriorate as we age and a car is a deadly missile when not in complete control of the driver.

Every day that I'm out and about in the car I see careless drivers who are a lot younger than 93, though.  They swerve madly in and out of traffic as though they are impervious to injury or accident.  They are stupid.  Just one swerve in the wrong direction or as another driver is legitimately moving in the same direction can cause an accident or death.  It's not worth it, is it?

I'm 74 and consider myself a careful driver but I know my driving days are numbered because I couldn't live with myself if I drove through a stop sign and put an innocent person in the hospital.  There was a story a while ago of an elderly lady whose dangerous driving caused a death but she still plans to keep on driving.  I sincerely hope we have laws in effect to stop her dead in her tracks!

Sylvia is 71 (?) and will be in the hospital till next week to make sure her broken ribs don't cause any other problems.  She'll then have months of healing and her normal activities will be curtailed.  She's an avid golfer but won't be able to golf for quite a while.  How unfair that she has to suffer like this because some old fart felt his right to drive far overroad another's right to their life and liberty.

I am so very thankful that my friends are still here with us, no thanks to the 93 year old!  

R.I.P. Robin Williams

I never knew him but I wish I had.  I think he was a genius with a tortured mind...so very sad.

Every time I hear of a suicide I feel a deep sadness, knowing the despair that consumed them and which drove them to end their lives.  I've been there.  True depression can't really be understood by someone who hasn't experienced it but I can tell you the physical pain is almost as debilitating as the mental pain.  I can also say with certainty that a depressed person often has no idea why they're depressed but are always overwhelmed by it.  It's almost like being cornered by a terror you can't see or fight off, no matter how hard you try.  And sometimes you become so worn down by the constant struggle that you give up and just want out even if that means ending the life that has become unbearable for you.

If only we could see beyond the hopelessly burdened moment to the future where good things can and will happen for us.  I remember the moment I realized I couldn't handle my life any more and it chills me to think how much joy I would have missed out on if I'd been able to follow through with my own suicidal thoughts.  I wouldn't have seen my grandbabies grow up to adulthood.  I wouldn't have seen my greatgrandbabies.  I wouldn't have experienced the many, many moments of happiness and laughter that have permeated my life "after depression".

It takes good counseling for a person suffering from depression to see past the totally miserable moment to a time when life will be rosier or just plain normal.  A good counselor can teach us how to cope and how to find our way out of the depression.  I can only imagine that someone like Robin Williams would have been able to provide himself with the best counseling available but maybe his demons were too strong.  Maybe I escaped because my own demons didn't go as deep as Mr. Williams' did.  

It's so sad to think how much joy he's going to miss out on.  I wish someone would have had the ability to rescue him.

Gary

My brother-in-law, Gary, is Faye's husband and he's had more than his fair share of health problems in the past few years.  But he's persevered and carried on enjoying his life as though he hadn't a care in the world...been an excellent husband, father, and grandfather.  Leukemia was treated, remissioned and returned, and then bladder cancer reared it's ugly head.  I was so fearful when he had bladder surgery last month and thought it just didn't look promising for him.  I was wrong.

Gary has been playing baseball for a senior team for a few years now and, darn it, he went back to play last week.  I can't express how amazed I am and how much I admire that man for what he has overcome and is continuing to overcome.

People like Gary don't just lie down and give up when they're facing a life threatening disease.  They carry on.  There are many of us who could learn a thing or two from this kind of person!

Not many people are heroes in our eyes because we're way too critical at times but maybe there's a trace of hero in every one of us if we would only draw up the gumption Gary has throughout his illnesses.

"Opening Heaven's Door"

If just about anyone else had given me this book for my 74th birthday I'd have thought they were a little insensitive but it was Faye.  I know she's not insensitive or religious so I eagerly looked forward to reading it.  Once I began, I couldn't put it down except to fall asleep which is what happens to me when I read.  It is one of the most fascinating books I've read in years.

Patricia Pearson wrote the book because of family experiences when her father died.  It caught her interest enough for her to follow up with research into what the patient sees, feels, relates to us when they are near death.  We simply need to listen.

I've written before about what I saw the moment after Dennis passed away...the near invisible mist that shot from his body and enveloped the room...but now, after reading part of this book, I remember other events just days before his death that had meaning I didn't understand at the time.

Pearson has discovered that many of the dying seem to know they're going within 72 hours of their death.  Many even mention seeing dead family or talk about preparing to leave for somewhere unspecific.  Dennis was within that 72 hour period (I believe it was two days before he died) when he told me, "I'm ready to go", but I took that to mean he was tired of his illness and ready to die.  Many of the patients or patients' families that Pearson interviewed said that the patient talked of buying tickets or packing suitcases to prepare for leaving and I'm sure everyone thought they were halucinating.  Nurses and doctors are very familiar with this process and understand that, when their patient talks like this, it is just before they pass away.

In any case, my beliefs are being confirmed with every page I read.  Thank you, Faye.

    

Being 74

I guess that part of my reasoning for writing this blog is to pave the way for my children and grandchildren to understand seniors.  My 74th birthday was yesterday and it was the first time I'd really felt old.  I've joked about it before but still felt comfortable with my age.  I'm not quite as comfortable about 74 for some reason.  It seems way older than 73 and I can't figure out why I feel that way.

My grandaughter asked how old I felt and I thought very seriously about it before answering, "50", and that's the truth.  I still feel imbued with vitality and strength of mind if not body.  I've never had body strength so it doesn't surprise me that my muscles are weaker now.

Maybe youth is more important in the mind than in the body and I've gained knowledge and intelligence as I've aged.  This is something I'm very aware of and thankful for.  Especially the knowledge.  I care more about the important things than the unimportant ones and I've learned to be humble.  Being humble is not a weakness but a great strength for us.  Not one of us is the center of the earth but we're all part of a magnificent whole.

Back to being 74...I'm going to have to work on my attitude about this number and not let it spoil my fun.  

My Drug of Choice...Fries.

I've had a weight problem for a lot of years, tried many different diets and now currently use Sensa (when I remember).  The Sensa diet has probably helped the most, giving me time to change most of my bad eating habits but I can't seem to kick fries.  If they became illegal I'd have to go out at night and find them being sold on the black market.  If I was on death row my final meal would be a lovely plate of Five Guy fries.

There were months that I did give up fries but when I gave in and started eating them again I went in whole hog, so to speak.  I've tried limiting my fry intake to once a week but lose will power after just a few days.

I know fries are not good for me but they just taste so darned good that I can't resist.  Fries just might be the death of me...but what a way to go!  

The Value of Laughter

Genuine laughter is better for us than any medication.  I honestly believe that laughter can heal us, too.  It definitely can heal a troubled mind and bring it back into sinc with what it should be.  Good memories that bring a smile to our faces are the next best thing.

I don't know when I turned my back on the unnecessary dramas of life but it was a smart move.  It's always amazed me how some people can carry grudges which drag their inner peace down.  It's much wiser to let those old grudges slip off and become a distant past instead of carrying them heavily through the whole of our lives.

Mary was here for a couple of days and Faye joined us for an overnight.  We did a lot of laughing...even at ourselves.  It felt good and that nice feeling will last me for a while yet.  

It drains your mental resources to dwell on unhappy events in your life so why do it?  We all have past and present of episodes we could have done without but that's life.  How we deal with it is our choice, though.  You can choose to let it fester in your system or you can choose to let it go and then get on with your life.

I love to laugh and, darn it, there's more to laugh about in this silly world than to be depressed about.  Just listen to a little child giggle and you'll know how much we have to be thankful for.  And I don't mean to ignore the sadness in the world but we shouldn't let it take the joy out of life.  When you're truly happy, you can do no wrong to anyone.  It's the angry, hateful people who cause all the trouble.  Poor them.